Your thoughts on my marriage...

[NerdGirl]

If you're committed to remaining married, then I do hope you look for some helpful resources, like what Endeavourer mentions. If you're going to be in this marriage for the rest of your life, you should work to make it as blessed and fulfilling and mutual as possible. You don't have to be condemned to a life of unhappiness and rejection, my sister. <3

 

[RedPonyDriver]

5' 10" and 185? That's NOT fat! I'm 5'5" and right at 185 right now and considering what size clothes I wear, I don't think I'm fat at all.
If your husband has an issue then that's HIS problem not yours.

"Love & Respect" is a horrible book. The "one size fits all problems" idea does not work at all.

 

[mkgal1]

Good to see you, @RedPonyDriver !

 

[Mrs H]

I wish my hubby felt that way. I’m 40+ so it getting harder to lose weight. I realize that it’s his issue but he’s made it clear that I NEED to be thinner. It probably doesn’t help that we live in Asia where’s everyone is stick skinny.

I have looked into the marriage builders. Not going to work for us. My hubby won’t put in that kind of effort. Anything I say will mostly be ignored until I’m thin enough.

C’est la vie I guess.

5' 10" and 185? That's NOT fat! I'm 5'5" and right at 185 right now and considering what size clothes I wear, I don't think I'm fat at all.
If your husband has an issue then that's HIS problem not yours.

"Love & Respect" is a horrible book. The "one size fits all problems" idea does not work at all.

 

[mama2one]

You moved from Toronto to Asia?

Is this when he started commenting on your weight & comparing you to others?

Did it happen in Canada, also?

 

[Mrs H]

Yes, we moved for work.

He has always disliked my weight and I have always struggled with losing it. Didn’t matter where we lived but especially hard here with so many thin women.

I have asked him why he married me if I was too fat. His reply was that he thought I would lose it. I am 10lbs lighter now than I was back then.

Like many women i have yoyoed trying to lose weight. Down to 165lbs. Up to 190. 175....200.

It’s a cycle. I lose weight to make him happy but I’m not ever happy so I go back to food for comfort.

I have suggested we talk to someone but he’s not interested. Says we should be able to pray through this. Hasn’t worked for 15 years but he won’t do anything else.

I’m at a loss of what to do. Guess I’ll just keep trying to lose the weight and keep it off.

You moved from Toronto to Asia?

Is this when he started commenting on your weight & comparing you to others?

Did it happen in Canada, also?

 

[mama2one]

I cut out one meal/day
it's a slow method but not too bad once you get used to eating two meals

 

[Mrs H]

It sure is a great way. I’ve s done IF for a couple of years off and on. 16:8 worked for a while. Now I have started 20/4 most days but also alternate day added in there. I’m still trying to figure out which lifestyle change i can keep so don’t yo-yo again.

 

[NerdGirl]

Yes, we moved for work.

He has always disliked my weight and I have always struggled with losing it. Didn’t matter where we lived but especially hard here with so many thin women.

I have asked him why he married me if I was too fat. His reply was that he thought I would lose it. I am 10lbs lighter now than I was back then.

Like many women i have yoyoed trying to lose weight. Down to 165lbs. Up to 190. 175....200.

It’s a cycle. I lose weight to make him happy but I’m not ever happy so I go back to food for comfort.

I have suggested we talk to someone but he’s not interested. Says we should be able to pray through this. Hasn’t worked for 15 years but he won’t do anything else.

I’m at a loss of what to do. Guess I’ll just keep trying to lose the weight and keep it off.

This is heartbreaking. He's being completely unfair. You sound like you've been largely unhappy for 15 years. Is this how you want the rest of your life to go? If not, do something about it. He hasn't accepted you for YOU since the day he married you. That's not likely to change, no matter how much weight you lose

 

[NerdGirl]

I have suggested we talk to someone but he’s not interested. Says we should be able to pray through this. Hasn’t worked for 15 years but he won’t do anything else.

Tell him he should go pray himself into accepting you at whatever weight you're at, if he's so freaking sure that prayer can change people's minds.