your standpoint on smacking children?

[mandelduke]

I have wanted to smack a few children in my life; but never my own.

 

[Hetta]

Guess that's the downside of having kids late in life...may never know how grandkids turn out
So far, though, I'm blessed with great kidd.

Amen.

People like to move the goalposts - oh no, it's not good enough that the kids raised without being smacked are good kids, you have to wait for grandkids, great grandkids etc. Perhaps the goalposts should be switched around. You can't say that hitting a kid works until you see from the grandkids how that works out ..

 

[Alithis]

this has been a difficult thread for some -sometimes folks are so defensive of their children being lil angels they aren't honest on the over all topic - i will speak candidly again .. at times ..my children were horrific HAHA though they are so wonderful now my heart aches with how much i love them .

i still see both sides -but maintain that LOVE is the better way.

but we are not perfect in such things and neither are children lol

I guess at present i maintain also that there may be "a time" for smacking ..but it is far more rare then folks think ..

i will ,theorize , that if you have to physically smack your kids more then twice before 7 yrs old and more then thrice before 14 years old -
that the problem may not be with your children but with your own level of patience love and understanding .

perhaps you smack a child for say - interrupting an adult conversation... but then you expect your child to pay attention to YOU the instant you speak to them .. giving a double and fully contradictory message and causing them to become frustrated -which then causes them to behave in a manner required to get your attention ... which you then smack them for ! see a pattern .

before you let smacking become a "habit " search your own heart and life to see what is the TRUE reason you do it - BE HONEST.

as for "a time" to do so .. for me it was when my 15 yr old son who stood taller then his mum -lost his teen temper one day and shoved her across the room ..for this i stepped in and showed him this line will never be crossed again .... the next few weeks he was a bundle of joy in the security of knowing the boundaries were still safely in place -

all food for consideration thats all
but note : he was a 5ft6 lad .. not a 3 year old

 

[Alithis]

.

BY -Simply Put

1.Belligerence and defiance.

2. Doing what you know is wrong.

3. Lying.

nice balanced reasons for differing levels of discipline

1.Belligerence and defiance. = doing what you know is wrong


2. Doing what you know is wrong.= belligerent defiance

3. Lying.= both of the above .... haha

God bless

by the way that encouraged me - i am dealing with a 17 yr old in my house and i was feeling bad about confiscating cell phone and laptop for his embarrassing sulking at the dinner table last night . i feel great about it now lol

 

[hislegacy]

.

nice balanced reasons for differing levels of discipline

1.Belligerence and defiance. = doing what you know is wrong


2. Doing what you know is wrong.= belligerent defiance

3. Lying.= both of the above .... haha

God bless

by the way that encouraged me - i am dealing with a 17 yr old in my house and i was feeling bad about confiscating cell phone and laptop for his embarrassing sulking at the dinner table last night . i feel great about it now lol

Perhaps some definitions would be helpful.

bel·lig·er·ence
noun
1. a warlike or aggressively hostile nature, condition, or attitude.

An aggressively hostile condition in a child is called a temper tantrum. It's when the child makes the decision to loose control thinking that yelling and screaming will get them what they want.​

de·fi·ance
noun
1. a daring or bold resistance to authority

2. open disregard; contempt

This is more than a child ignoring an adult, or saying I don't want to. This is when a clear instruction has been given and the child refuses and demonstrates contempt. "I'm not going to, and you can't make me."​

Doing what you know is wrong.

Theft, comes to mind. When a child know an action is wrong and chooses to commit the act any way.​

You really don't need a definition for lying.

Each of these is the measuring line between good character and bad.

Ever watch a parent enduring a three year old screaming in a store? I want that........ Our children learned quickly that type of behavior was unacceptable. They would start to throw a fit, receive one reminder of how they should behave. If they did not correct themselves, they were taken home immediately.

We missed a lot of dinners, had interrupted shopping trips and walked out on parties.

By the third or fourth time, they would change their behavior after the reminder.

Hope that helps.

 

[hislegacy]

.

by the way that encouraged me - i am dealing with a 17 yr old in my house and i was feeling bad about confiscating cell phone and laptop for his embarrassing sulking at the dinner table last night . i feel great about it now lol

See there is the difference, what was happening in his life that made him sulk? Sounds like he had a rough day. Did you talk to him? Offer help? Pray for and with him?

How is taking things from him ministering to his heart and needs.

Sometimes we just have a bad day. At our dinner table we talk about our day, if your happy, that's great, if your sad, we love on you.

I feel sorry for your son.

 

[Alithis]

See there is the difference, what was happening in his life that made him sulk? Sounds like he had a rough day. Did you talk to him? Offer help? Pray for and with him?

How is taking things from him ministering to his heart and needs.

Sometimes we just have a bad day. At our dinner table we talk about our day, if your happy, that's great, if your sad, we love on you.

I feel sorry for your son.

you upset me - so i will air it out

you assume too much - i asked the person who upset him to find out - by talking with him - what had triggered the sulking.

the punishment was for the fact he sat refusing to eat or speak and when confronted took his meal to the kitchen bench, turned his back on every one in full rebellion to what had been asked and ate there

belligerently refusing all communication - don't feel too sorry for him .hes an awesome kid and has had no call to be disciplined for anything in what must almost be 2 years

be assured -having his laptop removed for a day is not going to kill him .


My father lifted me from my seat by the ear (feet off the ground) and thrashed me with a leather belt for just such behavior -- i felt no need for such extreme and unjustifiable measures.
His mother- for the same behavior- was hung by a rope round the neck so her toes barely touched the ground for an hour ...

so again -do not feel too sorry because a 17 old ,much loved boy, had a laptop removed for a day - I assure you - he did not die. hes fine.and we have spoken about what triggered it and reestablished peace between us all

and he's not my son as such - hes my brother in law that my wife and I brought over and took on board because no one else seemed to care much for him - they fed him junk, sent him to school and sat him in the corner with a PC and otherwise ignored him.
Now he feels like a son to me

 

[hislegacy]

My father lifted me from my seat by the ear (feet off the ground) and thrashed me with a leather belt for just such behavior -- i felt no need for such extreme and unjustifiable measures.

His mother- for the same behavior- was hung by a rope round the neck so her toes barely touched the ground for an hour ...

That is the most horrific thing I have ever heard. I have no idea how someone could be hung by the neck for an hour and survive, but I certainly hope the person who did it is in jail for the rest of their lives.

Both instances are abuse and no one, but no one deserves such. But that is a far cry from discipline.

 

[Alithis]

That is the most horrific thing I have ever heard. I have no idea how someone could be hung by the neck for an hour and survive, but I certainly hope the person who did it is in jail for the rest of their lives.

Both instances are abuse and no one, but no one deserves such. But that is a far cry from discipline.

hi again .. just clarification .. her toes were allowed to touch the ground but the experience she said was indeed horrific - and only one of the forms of punishment she received.. being beaten with a 2 inch thick bamboo pipe .. being dunked head first in a water barrel .. they were different and hard time in poor nations .
If you start Older folks talking about their childhood you will be amazed (in a bad way) what tales will come forth . in her case her father has since passed away - he was in an Asian military and treated his children with military justice .insane , i know .

in the US canada australia NZ Britain etc they make such a huge deal about a spank on the leg ... while in Indonesia , Malaysia etc over 60 thousand people received lashings with the bamboo cane for all manner of minor legal offensives .and as most have heard ,in Iran they hung a 16 year old girl for "talking back out of place "

this punishment of caining is administered by having the victim bent slightly forward and then the cane is applied lengthwise up the sides of the back .. not across the back as some think . this is to avoid spinal damage ... so considerate of them ... !

 

[lenamuo]

hi again .. just clarification .. her toes were allowed to touch the ground but the experience she said was indeed horrific - and only one of the forms of punishment she received.. being beaten with a 2 inch thick bamboo pipe .. being dunked head first in a water barrel .. they were different and hard time in poor nations .
If you start Older folks talking about their childhood you will be amazed (in a bad way) what tales will come forth . in her case her father has since passed away - he was in an Asian military and treated his children with military justice .insane , i know .

in the US canada australia NZ Britain etc they make such a huge deal about a spank on the leg ... while in Indonesia , Malaysia etc over 60 thousand people received lashings with the bamboo cane for all manner of minor legal offensives .and as most have heard ,in Iran they hung a 16 year old girl for "talking back out of place "

this punishment of caining is administered by having the victim bent slightly forward and then the cane is applied lengthwise up the sides of the back .. not across the back as some think . this is to avoid spinal damage ... so considerate of them ... !

That is disgusting behaviour. I feel sorry for those people especially children who suffer from this kind of abuse. should not be tolerated at all.

 

[Alithis]

.....................

 

[FreeinChrist]

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