Your parents

Goodbook

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Just wondering about your own parents - are they still together, married, or are they divorced, separated or widowed. Or maybe you are an orphan.

When you look at your parents, can you follow their example or are they not christians?
If they are christians how long have they or were they married?
 

BadHabit

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My Mom is passed away since 2012. She was a raging alcoholic in her last years and drank herself to death with multiple organ failure. My Dad is still alive, but dying of COPD and getting worse every month. I have no siblings.

My Dad was a Catholic until Vatican II, and then he left the Church. My Mom was raised as a Lutheran but grew to hate God. I grew up in a very secular, very anti-religion household. My folks were married 36 years before my Mom passed away, and they had a quiet loathing for each other. Their dysfunctional relationship served as the only example I had to base my own relationships from, which is part of the reason I cannot have a relationship with women, and part of the reason I am so hard to get along with to other people in general.
 
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Goodbook

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Sorry what is COPD?
Thanks for sharing.
Well, my parents are not christians (yet, there's always hope) mum is athiest and dad is more agnostic. When I think on their marriage it seems like they married for convenience, so it's of course not a christian marriage even though they got married in a church, they not believers.

I can't follow their example if I did get married because I think that kind of marriage isn't truly a marriage like the Bible describes. I think if they separated, they wouldn't really miss anything, as mum and dad are quite different and mum gets on my dads nerves a lot, whereas Dad tries to avoid mum's contentions.

I started to realise this years ago when I noticed that, they didn't show much affection to each other and mum complained a lot about dad when Dad was doing his best anyway. They've been married 40 years. They stuck with each other lol. So in some ways its good in that my parents aren't like others who go off an have affairs all the time, they actually are faithful in that respect and many ways I think, well, they are missing something and that's Jesus.
 
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Goodbook

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thats sad how they grew to hate God. I think some denominations present a distorted picture of Him through their teachings. Sometimes you find that the most anti-christ people are the ones raised in churches.

I was reading a book about Sylvia Plath, who grew up Unitarian. When her dad died, she lost faith and ended up hating God. It ended terribly for her. Her marriage was basically a disaster, she ended up marrying in order to make another bf jealous.

I had no idea Unitarians didn't actually believe in the Holy Spirit. But they don't because they dismiss the trinity.
 
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Goodbook

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No, she wasn't bipolar, her symptoms were more borderline personality with narcissitic traits. Theres a BIG difference. I know, because I experienced bipolar and it wasn't like what Plath went through, though there are some superficial similarities.
They did not have meds back then and there are no meds you can take for borderline personality anyway.

Jesus set me free, so, meds are not the issue. it was what she believed and her lack of faith that sent her astray.
 
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Goodbook

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bit hard to forgive a dead person...but, it seems the mormons do.

Anyway, stick to topic please. Your parents.
I think the way our parents modelled marriage does influence us for both good and bad.
It seems its less likely that we are blessed if our parents aren't christians. I think a parents blessing is one of the most highest things they can give us, but if we never had that and had curses instead, our lives subsequently turn out more difficult.

In that case, we need to seek blessing from our Heavenly Father. And not let go until He blesses us.
 
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blessedbethyname101

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http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC539515/

She had major recurrent major depression in the background of borderline personality disorder according to this paper.

She had a severe mental illness. I don't think lack of faith had anything to do with her behaviour. She was mentally ill.

I also have schizoaffective disorder and when off meds despite being a believing Christian, I exhibit erratic behaviour.

When I am off meds, I say things and do things that don't make sense. Is this due to lack of faith?

I don't think so. It stems from mental illness and has absolutely nothing do with faith.

Sorry to go off on a tangent. Yes, please go back to the original post.
 
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Goodbook

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I do think it was triggered by her dads death trauma and her being angry at God (whom she said she wouldnt speak to again) so IMHO it did affect her. Im not saying it caused mental illness but lack of faith meant she didnt cope with issues in a healthy way or have the ability to overcome.

When the bible says, we are not given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind..that was a compete revelation to me. GOds promise to me was that my fear would be cast out, fear being the root cause of what we can see as mental illness. Fear of the unknown, fear of death.

Anyway, in my case, I think the good thing is my parents are still alive and together, as I know many people who lost a parent when they were young and it profoundly affected their outlook and their faith. I seemed to always end up going out with boys who had lost a parent..seemed like a pattern for me.
 
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blessedbethyname101

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"Fear being the root cause of what we can see as mental illness." ?????

Well, you have a right to your own opinion.

God gives us a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind as the bible states?

Hallelujah! I am happy to have been cured of my mental illness by just being a Christian. Jokingly, of course.

God has given me a sound mind (well, may be, a sort of a sound mind) through the availability of medications, yes.

Although I am truly happy for you that you believe God has helped you with your so-called bipolar condition, I would be cautious about stating that by faith in God alone cured you of your illness even though it may be true for you, since many others are NOT as BLESSED and may think that God alone will cure them also.

Back to the original post, my parents are not Christian. They have been married over 50 years. They are still going strong. Their marriage did not help me though since I am divorced. I have a mental illness that at times impairs my judgment, and I married too hastily with repercussions that led to my divorce. My ex-husband a non-believer wanted the divorce after I ran away from him. He started the proceedings, not I. If I had followed my parents' model of marriage, I would have never married my ex. At least, my parents share the same culture, language, and values, whereas my ex and I did not. My parents are a good couple even though they are not Christian. They care for each other in a way that is not as obvious by their statements, but through their interactions with each other and what they do for each other. I wish I could have had a marriage like my parents. But, I am happy with what I have now and am not expecting to marry again.
 
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Goodbook

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Just be happy for me. Some people are healed and some arent, but when you are healed all praise glory goes to God, nothing will stop me from praising Him and encouraging others to seek their healing.

Without faith, it is impossible to please God. JEsus has always said that faith in Him is key to the kingdom.

You do know we have authority in His name to bind and loose?
 
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Goodbook

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I am not sure why so many christians I talk to marry unbelievers. Its never good. It is true that marrying in haste, you repent at leisure.

I do think cultural smilarities are important, if both are different, find the things in common. This may not show up when you are courting but definitely shows up years down the track when your children end up confused...because parents are so different in their outlook. One says this and the other says that and you dont know who to follow.
 
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keith99

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I am not sure why so many christians I talk to marry unbelievers. Its never good. It is true that marrying in haste, you repent at leisure.

I do think cultural smilarities are important, if both are different, find the things in common. This may not show up when you are courting but definitely shows up years down the track when your children end up confused...because parents are so different in their outlook. One says this and the other says that and you dont know who to follow.

Glad to know you think my parents' marriage was not good. They were married for over 50 years and it ended only with dad's death. There is little confusion when you have 2 parents who care about their children. Differences between Christian and Atheist or even U.S.C. vrs U.C.L.A. mean little.
 
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Citanul

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My parents have been married for 38 years, and thinking about it, one thing that occurs to me is that I can't remember them ever having a serious disagreement. I don't know if that means that they've never argued about anything, but if they have then they kept it away from me and my siblings. So even though right now the chances of me having children don't seem all that great, if I ever do then I'd like to try to do something similar and not let any issues spill over into my kids' lives as I don't want the memories of their childhood to include their parents fighting.
 
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Citanul

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I am not sure why so many christians I talk to marry unbelievers. Its never good.

Saying that it's never good is too much of a definitive statement as Christians and non-Christians can have successful marriages. It has the potential to cause problems, so whether it's that good an idea for the two to get involved is definitely a question that needs to be asked, but as long as they can come to some sort of accommodation around their differing beliefs then it's possible that it can work.

But I'd say the issue isn't that they're marrying non-believers, instead it's that they're not marrying Christians. So what is it that the non-Christians are offering that the Christians aren't?
 
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keith99

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Saying that it's never good is too much of a definitive statement as Christians and non-Christians can have successful marriages. It has the potential to cause problems, so whether it's that good an idea for the two to get involved is definitely a question that needs to be asked, but as long as they can come to some sort of accommodation around their differing beliefs then it's possible that it can work.

But I'd say the issue isn't that they're marrying non-believers, instead it's that they're not marrying Christians. So what is it that the non-Christians are offering that the Christians aren't?

Love. Specifically accepting them as they are.
 
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Goodbook

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The interesting thing with Jesus own earthly parents is that he didnt automatically worship them. They werent born again either till after his resurrection.

So he had an interesting interaction with them.
At age 12 he went missing and was found at the temple going about his Fathers business (not Josephs)
When he did his first miracle at 30 it was his mother that put him up to it, but she kind of bullied him into it.
When told his mother and brothers and sisters were standing there, he dismissed them and said who is my mother, brother and sister? Those that keep the word of God and do it.
When some people cried out that his mum was blessed above all mothers because she bore him he answered the same.
Yet Jesus made provision for his mother before he died that she would be looked after.

Its never said what happens to joseph in the gospels, but It would seem he passed away before Jesus started his ministry. So Jesus being the eldest and first born must have had responisbilty from an earlier age and known grief and sorrow.
 
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dayhiker

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My mom passed away 2 yrs ago. My parents were marred for over 60 yrs.
My mom went to church and loved Jesus all her life. Dad went to church as a youth, but for some reason made a decision to not go to church in college and not to tell anyone. So I don't know what happened there. It has been a good man all his life and not that he is in his late 80's and doing well still, he often looks after other elderly people in the town by keeping in touch with them, sometimes gives them rides to the doctors office.

I had parents as good as they come. When I see friends struggling around because of issue they had with their parents, I know how blessed I've been.
 
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