Your opinion on Prenuptial Agreement?

[CCHIPSS]

In short a Prenuptial Agreement is a law-bounding agreement where if the couple divorces, each person would only get the portion as listed in the agreement. So there will not be a 50/50 split of the properties and assets.

What is your opinion on Prenuptial Agreements for Christians?

I did some online research and generally in the "no" camp, they said Christians shouldn't expect a divorce so there is no need to plan for a divorce.

However fact is Christians do divorce, for a large variety of different reasons.

For the "yes" camp, Christians should marry purely out of love. As such it is good to prove to their partner that money wasn't even in the consideration. And so it is good to sign a prenup.

Discuss. =)

 

[Hetta]

Unless one of you has a great deal of money, I don't see the point.

 

[coloradoguy]

Unless one of you has a great deal of money, I don't see the point.

Exactly. Unless there's an estate to be inherited or something, there's really no good reason to get a prenup. I would say that's situation, but it has nothing to do with the faith of the couple, just perhaps their socioeconomic status.

 

[blessedwife318]

No, a prenup is just showing upfront that you think there should be an exit plan from their marriage.

 

[Thunder Peel]

It's up to each couple but personally I think you're already setting yourself up for failure. If you give each other a way out, no matter how vague it may be, you'll open that door.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

To me they should really rename Prenup to "I don't trust you!". Because thats all it is. I seen someone tell a woman he would not marry her unless she signed a prenup. Why? Because his ex wife left him and took everything he had. Well for starters don't carry your baggage from your ex. You new/future wife is not your ex. If you think she may leave you because you were left once already then stay single, don't torture a woman into signing something because of your worries.

Second no matter what argument someone has about why a prenup is ok, it does not change the fact your are essentially saying "Honey, I love you with ALL my heart.... BUT... since I have some fears sign this paper saying your on your own if you leave me!". Aka no trust. Fact is if you go into marriage with even 0.0001% of worry about a divorce, then you already set yourself up to fail. Once a seed is planted it will grow and grow. After you have the person sign the prenup you will find yourself checking their emails, phone records...etc out of some deep down worry they may cheat/leave you. Hence when they find out they may REALLY leave you because you are paranoid and driving them nuts.

Now, what if the person you are marrying is mentally ill? Or what if they were married before? Well no matter the case if you have any worries then best thing to do is talk to them more before getting married. Or just find someone else. I wouldn't have worries about a wife then decide to marry them anyways.

Of course this doesn't mean someone won't leave you even in a perfect marriage. People can change of course. But even so it doesn't mean make a prenup. I've over time realized fear is something the devil loves when we do it. Because it distracts us from everything else.

 

[ValleyGal]

I am sure learning lately that there is a lot of misinformation out there about some really key topics in marriage. Prenups are methods of protection for those who have a lot of money, for people who get child support for their own children (this could be an issue in divorce), for those who are expecting an inheritance or have a lot to give their adult children, etc. Truly, no one gets married with the intent of divorcing some day, and they don't realize how nasty divorces can get. With the divorce rate the way it is, imo, people who have a prenup can figure all that out while they still like each other instead of chancing fighting it out if they are one of the approximately 50% (stats lie, but that's not the point) who divorce.

 

[Lulav]

Just a Notification that this was moved
From Married Couples to
This forum where Singles can
ask questions of Married Members.

Carry ON! ​

 

[HannahT]

(shrugs) I have heard of it being done due to one marriage partner having a family owned business. It's normally the family that insists, because they aren't going to marry the person. It's for the protection of the business - whereas - the spouse agrees the business ownership stays 'as is' and can't claim it in the proceedings of separation/divorce. They just get to fight over the rest of it.

I have also heard about ones in which the former spouse died, and left trusts for the children. They must agree in a prenup that is hands off material. Again the children aren't marrying them.

My FIL had us sign an agreement prior to marriage, because I saved a hunk of money that we used for a our first home. In order to take advantage of the interest rate promotion? We purchased it a couple months prior to marriage. He lived there while I was still in college. I moved in after we got married. FIL wanted an agreement that if anything happened prior to our marriage - the home would be mine only. He didn't feel the H should be able to claim any of it until we followed through on the wedding. I doubt we would have done it otherwise, because it never really entered our minds. The lawyer drew up the papers - H signed them - and FIL was relieved. lol! FIL felt it was only right. (shrugs)

 

[katerinah1947]

In short a Prenuptial Agreement is a law-bounding agreement where if the couple divorces, each person would only get the portion as listed in the agreement. So there will not be a 50/50 split of the properties and assets.

What is your opinion on Prenuptial Agreements for Christians?

I did some online research and generally in the "no" camp, they said Christians shouldn't expect a divorce so there is no need to plan for a divorce.

However fact is Christians do divorce, for a large variety of different reasons.

For the "yes" camp, Christians should marry purely out of love. As such it is good to prove to their partner that money wasn't even in the consideration. And so it is good to sign a prenup.

Discuss. =)

Hi,

A cold hard fact of life is Predators, both male and female ones, use marriage to prey on their mates.

There is a book, on pre, and mid nups. The title is telling.

Their point is, mid nups save many marriages.

I think pre nups may also do that.

Historically, I am told that what each of us calls a marriage, may not be one in God's eyes.

From my research, 50% of all marriages are PERFECT.

It's the other 50%, that is not.

That research was from a church meeting one night. And also, some civilian logic., as some people I know get married and divorced so much, that in Eddy's case, and maybe one other, I did or wanted to ask them to change their dating lines.

I suggested that rather than asking a girl to date, by saying "Will you marry me?", they could change their request to "Will you go out with me?"

Other people marry the same Predator type, more than once. I know three people like that. Two remarried, and the third one did not because her family and friends freaked and got involved. She has since thanked them all, her next spouse to be, was finally found out, and yes, a proven predator, just like her first Spouse.

Very nice men and women, are targets.

LOVE,

 

[Odetta]

I'm a financial planner at a wealth management firm, and in cases of second (or third, etc.) marriages where there are assets and children/stepchildren involved, we recommend a pre-nup/post-nup, whichever fits, for the protection of assets for the children. We run our company on christian values, and have a fiduciary (legal) duty to work in the best interest of our clients. And sometimes that means recommending something that protects people if the worst case scenario happens. Almost nobody gets married with the intention of getting a divorce later, yet it still happens quite frequently. A young couple just starting out, building a life together, sure if they divorce it's fair to make an equitable split because what they have they built together. However, for older folks who've already built a life separately before merging it with another, the people who are a result of the previously built life need to be protected.

 

[dayhiker]

I once dated a lady for 4 months. As I got to know her kids she had one son who was very aggressive and knowledgeable financially. I would have had a pre-nup if we had got married so that not ony would our wills but the pre-nup said where our money went to prevent my children from having to fight her son for the money. I wouldn't want to put my sons thru that.

 

[Dave-W]

IMO there are some situations like shared ownership in a family industry that should be covered by a pre-nup. Especially if the rest of the family does not want non-family partners (which would happen if you die, your spouse gets your share and then re-marries; bringing in a non-related partner)

Beyond a few rare instances like that, NO.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I know my wife is from overseas and ALOT of the women marry men who are older. Much older. Like 20 year olds marrying 65 year olds. Some of them want a prenup. But The girl is sometimes there for the money and the guy is there for the sex drive of a young woman. So if they divorce then its their fault for marrying for the wrong reasons.

 

[citizenthom]

Lawyer here. Prenups take the secular government out of the question and, if properly discussed, can provide a good foundation for a Biblical marriage in a secular world.

The foundations of the prenup are in the "Get," a Jewish document specifying the property the wife brought into the marriage and ensuring the husband could not deprive her of the same. Think of that as the starting point. No one should materially "lose" a divorce, and the more you can agree on at the beginning and put into writing, the better.

 

[HerCrazierHalf]

I did not get a prenup and even though the marriage is great it does bother me. My Wife's church views prenups as leaving the intention of a lifelong marriage but obviously I disagree.

IMO a prenup isn't a lack of trust but simply a precaution that is intended to become a moot point. I don't intend to crash my car but I wear a seatbelt. Likewise I don't intend a divorce which carries life destroying consequences.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

IMO a prenup isn't a lack of trust but simply a precaution that is intended to become a moot point. I don't intend to crash my car but I wear a seatbelt. Likewise I don't intend a divorce which carries life destroying consequences.

In that case do you never leave your home because going outside might kill you? Even sitting in your house there are thousands of ways to die or for something go wrong. Still to each their own. If someone wants a prenup then it just shows they already have a seed planted in their head about worry/fear of divorce. And that seed WILL grow into a plant eventually. Even if you don't intend on divorce, with the prenup in mind you may consider divorce. Dangerous all around.

 

[HerCrazierHalf]

In that case do you never leave your home because going outside might kill you? Even sitting in your house there are thousands of ways to die or for something go wrong. Still to each their own.

I take reasonable precautions in life to mitigate the risks presented by the outside world.

If someone wants a prenup then it just shows they already have a seed planted in their head about worry/fear of divorce. And that seed WILL grow into a plant eventually. Even if you don't intend on divorce, with the prenup in mind you may consider divorce. Dangerous all around.

Consider this. Do you think most divorced persons started the marriage with the intent to divorce? I believe that pretending failure is impossible is a way to invite failure, in virtually anything we do. Acknowledging the existence of particular failure modes is the beginnings of recognizing and resolving them in time. Especially for something that 40% of the participants fail at within a few years.

Using your logic, no one should wear seatbelts because it plants the seed of a deadly crash. (Respectfully)

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Well I don't think most started it that way. But some go into a marriage with a fantasy view on what marriage is. Which spells disaster. I've seen so many young couples marry and divorce because silly things like love novels, love movies...etc teach them everything is perfect once you marry. Happily ever after. That and they tend to have impossible expectations of what marriage is.

 

[heliumskylark]

I voted "no" in the poll, then came to the comments to say that I wouldn't have married someone who wanted a prenup - to me it would have said, "I already have a plan B in mind for when our marriage fails".
BUT reading through the other comments I've learned a whole lot! Still don't know if I would have gone down that road personally, but there are some really good, thought-provoking posts here. It's clearly not as black and white as I'd previously thought.
Thanks, fellow CFers!