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Your Actions Speak Louder Than Your Words

Discussion in 'Trauma, PTSD & Dissociation' started by waves, May 14, 2019.

  1. waves

    waves not so new

    I have come on this forum several times finding myself repeating the same thing. I am not comfortable with you and by former best friend have any relationship, friendship. whatsoever you want to call it. I cannot have any relationship with you, nothing, when you are still hanging on to my former best friend, like you can't do without her. I can't do this any more. It is not right and it is not fair to me.

    Jesus Christ gave me a few dreams between last night and this morning. In one of them I was quiet happy and peaceful, singing and entered into a classroom. Everything was okay until I saw my former best friend, a guy in the middle, and you sitting beside that guy, when I started getting angry for hanging around her you got angry at me getting angry. You were willing to use someone to sit between you and my former best friend just to have her around you to speak to her. This is despite all of what I have said here.

    Seeing you and my former best friend is affecting me psychologically. This is a woman who was my best friend. This is a woman you were going to have a physical relationship with if God himself did not intervene by way of dreams warning me of what was about to happen. This is a woman that you keep consistently bucking up into all the time, like it is planned in advanced.

    Suppose I did to you what you are doing to me? For example, I call your male best friend all the time, I text him, I hang out with him frequently. I am always turning up where he is, I also look at me smiling always happy to see him. On many occasions we stop and stare and smile at each other. In contrast I get treated the opposite way. How would you feel? How would this affect you psychologically? Would you be very sad, angry? How would this affect you.

    Another dream I had a few weeks ago was where I saw you and a particular female smiling and looking at each other. Coincidentally there were two empty seats beside each other and you both sat down, smiling with each other. Then one of my children sat in front of you and was staring at you, and your face suddenly fell.

    Jesus Christ knows I am trying. I know I am more interested in our relationship than you are clearly, I make way more efforts more than you to try and fix what is wrong. As a result of this, you feel happy when I am angry about you and my former best friend, it makes you feel great to know that this friendship bothers me. While I am constantly in an emotional roller coaster, struggling, trying to be calm, trying to be okay.

    I am not okay, things are not okay. I know if given the choice you would choose her over me because she seems so calm, nice, friendly, happy etc while I am overwhelmed with serious problems which have taken its toll on me affecting me emotionally, physically, and psychologically. Every time I see you both together it is clear to me that you have chose her over me.

    The one comfort is that I have Jesus Christ who I know will not leave me, that some day the complete truth about what is going on will come out, and that you will see my former best friend for who she really is. You have seen it already, like when she has teased me in front of others making me feel bad about myself but guess what you ignore it.

    I remember saying to God many times why doesn't he show you who she really is? But guess what, no matter how Jesus Christ shows you the truth it makes no different to you. Jesus Christ cannot force you to accept the truth, if you yourself are not willing to accept what God is saying and showing.

    I am trying to be obedient to Jesus Christ, but I cannot allow you or anyone else to continue to destroy me, because that is what you both are doing and have done.

    It is best for me to move on with my life, accepting the fact I will never get answers to my questions, and that you have chosen her over me. I do not want to get in the way of "true love", because I feel guilty all the time, that you really want to be with her, but I am forcing you to be with me. This is not a guilt I should have in the first place.

    I am always left feeling guilty by people. They can say anything bad to me, and when I get angry, I am made to feel that I am the one causing the problem in the first place.

    May Jesus Christ help me through this because I can't on my own.
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  2. Deborah D

    Deborah D Prayer Warrior Supporter

    United States
    I pray that Jesus will help you! He wants to be the love of your life. Turn to Him and His perfect love for you. Read the Gospel of John. Jesus loves you so much!!!
  3. brinny

    brinny everlovin' shiner of light in dark places Supporter

    :heart: (((hug)))
  4. Kareen Daley

    Kareen Daley Peace

    United Kingdom
    Christian Seeker
    you are an inspiration to others.