Youngens and sex before marriage

[KarrieTex]

I am sure this has been covered numerous times but I want to go at it from a different angle.

One) Have you noticed the justification from the younger generations to engage in sex before marriage? The manner in which they twist the Word to fit their wants?

Two) How do we feel about this having faced life a lot longer and having exeperiencd it more so than they have as 30+.

Three) What are we doing wrong in the sense that we as the elders are supposed to mentor these young Christians in the way of God which they are ignoring?

 

[overit]

Well, being that I'm sure some mature adults may not also believe all premarital sex is sin, I don't see it as young ones justifying it only.

I just don't see it as justifying-some might-some have researched, studied and come to a different conclusion or have different beliefs about this topic. There are many different translations, beliefs and points of view-it's actually a very grey area, a lot more then we make it to be (which has been black or white).

SO I wouldn't judge, condemn or feel a need to mentor anyone because it is a personal choice and belief and one that hopefully they have looked into before making that decision.

Oh, btw where I stand is that I dont' believe it is all sin.

 

[KarrieTex]

I have come to the conclusion that most are not looking at the entire meaning behind the NT's admonishment's about sex. For instance, sexual immorality has different meanings in different versus depending on the content of the chapter. In I Cornithians there are several verses that focuses on sexual immorality. However each has a bit of a different meaning. In I Corinthians 6:3, the verse's meaning of sexual immorality actually means several things; fornication, adultery, beastility and so forth. I also have done a study on the word fornication and it does mean sex outside of the marriage bed, which of course means before marriage and adultery. Now if you look at I Corinthians 6:18 sexual immorality means not to have sex with a prostitute. Vastly different meanings for the word sexual immorality. These are a few examples, but it all boils down to God's Word on it is to maintain a purity so the marriage bed can be pure (Hebrews 13:4). In other words no sex outside of marriage on any level.

The other point I have brought up is found in Titus 2. We, who are older and more mature in Christ, are called in the Body, which we are all members of, to mentor and teach the younger ones in both age and maturity in the ways of God. We are all lacking in this because we are not perfect. However, it is becoming more apparent that those of us who are more mature and older need to get into the trenches and teach His Word again.

 

[yourinnervoice]

You both bring up some good points.
Another angle is when you have people of status (i.e. Bill Clinton) saying that he did not consider what he did with Monica Lewinsky "sex".

 

[KarrieTex]

Unfortunately, too many men and women use that excuse to justify their actions that are sinful.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

It's not just the young ones. My ex-bf who is 10 years older than me changed his stance shortly after the kissing started. I wasn't sure if he was just kidding at first because he just didn't want to wait; but now I'm thinking he just lied when we discussed this because he probably guessed he wasn't going to get to kiss me unless he answered my questions the right way.

My friend's 46 yr old ex-bf was the same way.

I believe that these folks are struggling with hormones like a lot of us and are desparate to justify their actions somehow. Therefore; they can isolate a few words and they ignore the whole message. Even if you just used this world as an example, it's quite obvious that pre-marital sex comes with a lot of problems.

 

[KarrieTex]

True, I have just been seeing it more and more in the younger crew than my peers.

Those who I know are trying or having sex before marriage own up to the fact it's wrong. Their justification...I love them and I want it.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

I'm perplexed sometimes at their unwillingness to acknowledge that having sex with someone DOES create a stronger bond and commitment to that person. God created it to be a LIFELONG commitment...and yet they will argue that isn't so...that they can deal with it and that there aren't any great circumstances to having sex before marriage if you are committed to that person in your heart.

I think what they fail to understand is that there is a much deeper tearing away and tearing apart if you have sex and the relationship doesn't work out.

I'm not so sure that the act of having sex is what God is trying to protect us from or is what the "sin" is really all about. I believe that it has more to do with the fact that God is trying to protect us from the emotional hurt that comes from being joined as one with someone and then having that torn apart. I've posted my thoughts a few times about the subject in several of their threads however, they never acknowledge the scriptures that I provided about "two shall become one" and the consequence that comes along with that when it is done outside of the commitment of marriage.

Just my .02

 

[KarrieTex]

I agree with you.

How to say this? They are bit too immature (?) to want to understand that marriage is a mirror of the relationship we are to have with Christ.

It is not by error that Christ is the Bridegroom and we are the Bride.

 

[Princess Pea]

1. Hmmm, I'm not sure it's just the younger generation - or if it were, that the over-35s weren't the same way when we were younger. And some of us are still the same way, when it comes right down to it. I don't usually participate in those kinds of threads because they never go anywhere productive. If two people of any age want to have sex, they're gonna do it. If they feel guilty doing it without Biblical justification, they're gonna dig up some Biblical justification. If they value the Bible highly enough, they won't try to use it to justify their behavior. And then there are those who value the Bible, but somehow give in to temptation, mess up, and then feel genuine guilt. This is the much more honest approach.

2. Wisdom generally comes with years of experience. Oh, I know - there are plenty of younger folks who describe themselves as "unusually mature for my age" and some of them are right. And there are plenty of older folks who make poor decisions. But as a general rule, wisdom comes with experience - which would include having made mistakes over the years, and learned from them. I've discovered over time (and from years on this forum ) that people really do learn best from their own mistakes, and tend to think "Oh, but that won't happen to me" when presented with the stories of others. Sad, but true, and I'm unfortunately no exception.

3. What should we do differently? That's a huge question. Set better examples of mature Christian behavior in our own lives, I suppose. Try to remember what it was like to be where they are now. Remember how much we hated to hear "You'll understand when you're older" at younger ages, even if we can see the truth of it now. Advise sincerely when asked, and then stop talking and let them make their own decisions and live with the consequences. I guess we could ask the younger folks that question what we could do to be more helpfu, but then we'd have to take the discussion off the over-35 portion of the board and into the main forum ... unless any of them wander in here to toss in their two cents ...

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I agree with you.

How to say this? They are bit too immature (?) to want to understand that marriage is a mirror of the relationship we are to have with Christ.

It is not by error that Christ is the Bridegroom and we are the Bride.

I have to reiterate that maturity doesn't always come with age. There are lots of 40+ Christian men having sex and expecting it from their Christian dates. And apparently there has to be some women on the other side. I've been very encouraged to see all of the posts from guys in their 20s who are virgins and planning on staying that way. Let's give the youngens some credit.

And in youth sometimes you think you're the very first person to go through what you're going through; so that is proabably why they're posting about it. You would think that men who have been divorced or had more dating experience and have taken classes and read about women would understand why it hurts so many women when things don't work out after physical activity has gone too far.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I don't think it necessarily has to do with "young people". I also don't think you can mentor someone that doesn't want to be mentored. Living your life the way you believe the Bible means for us to live, will outweigh ANY conversation about pre-marital sex or any other kind of sin. Of course we can't display that very well on the net, but instead of trying to "preach" to them, just stating our opinions and reasons for them without attacking them or saying they aren't really christians would be better served. Alot of people have to grow through things themselves....it's unfortunate, but unless society as a whole changed back to the 50's or something like that (which won't happen) we are just re-hashing on deaf ears. No wonder they don't want to listen to us. They have to be ready and willing to receive any instruction for it to have a positive effect on them.

 

[mina]

I don't think it's my generations out of control problem or a younger generation's out of control problem. I think it's a sin problem and a culture problem and that it affects every age group. If you are dating no matter your age; the temptation is likely to be there; it's a human thing. There are lots of younger people out there that value purity in a premarital relationship and who are waiting until marriage to have sex with their spouse. We may not be the majority; but older people who are waiting aren't in the majority either.

 

[KarrieTex]

I don't think it is being out of control but a selfish issue.

I want to do it therefore I am.

In my experience it has been the younger crew that are deep into justifing it and not excepting it. My peer group is a different story. They try very hard not to have the temptation and understand more what the implications and consequences of sex outside of marriage.

Those that I do know who are having a sexual reltionship don't try and justify it. Again, it's I want to and therefore I am.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Most sins of this nature are selfish sins. It's not limited to pre-marital sex alone.And it's not age specific either. There are alot of "older" people who, since they have already had sex, don't feel it's important to wait until marriage. This makes it difficult for those that do wish to wait. But.... If more people were more concerned about pleasing God than pleasing theirselves....well maybe then we'd be ready for eternity

 

[KarrieTex]

I believe this has gone down a path I didn't want it to go. I didn't ask if this is a sin or not for it is.

It's the whole justification issue and how as the Body do we react to it? There is a bigger picture going on here beyond it's a sin the are doing.

There is a twisting and denying of God's word about any subject that is very very obvisous with the younger generations coming up behind us.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Well that's your opinion and you're entitled to it. I just don't happen to agree with you that it's mainly the younger crowd, but if you really think that, then I would say where did they learn it from?

 

[KarrieTex]

SIGH...you know I give up. I am in no mood to fight about this.

I didn't express what I really wanted to mean about this. For that I apologize. However, I am not going to have people rip me apart when I am not attacking anyone. By the tone, it's about to go that way.

No worries. This will be removed if I can get it removed.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

SIGH...you know I give up. I am in no mood to fight about this.

I didn't express what I really wanted to mean about this. For that I apologize. However, I am not going to have people rip me apart when I am not attacking anyone. By the tone, it's about to go that way.

No worries. This will be removed if I can get it removed.

Sorry you feel that way....I said you are entitled to your opinion. I hardly feel that is "attacking" but all I can say is sorry you feel attacked.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Hmm. Maybe the older ones aren't trying to justify their actions because they're thinking about others who might be misled. That's a total guess, but it would speak well of the older ones.

I have a real problem with the threads going on over in the singles where people post their new beliefs as fact and don't even admit that they could be wrong. Especially when one has posts from a year ago saying that pre-marital sex is wrong. I think even 20 yr olds should recognize that they could lead someone else astray be giving them enough doubt to cross the line. Frankly, it makes me near to furious because there are many struggling in this area and even though it's just a sin like the others; for many it has far-reaching ramifications that can affect more than just that person. Oh, and the new belief is based on the translation of one word and they won't even address what "becoming one" might mean, or answer specifics of when would it be right if it isn't always right, pregnancy, STIs, etc. OK. I'm getting riled up again.