Young married man in need of serious marital advice!!!

[Nsummer12]

Hello, for starters I will tell you a little bit about me and my wife. We are 21 almost 22 years old. We met almost 9 years ago at a public pool. I have wanted to be with her since I was 13 years old. Right before I decided to enlist in the military we began to talk. I decided it wasn't best for us to be together due to me being in the military. After I left basic training me and her began to talk every night and I decided we should be together. Granted I was 1000+ miles away. After talking to my First Seargent he had told me that I needed to either marry her or leave her, because there would be no way for the relationship to work. I would like to say that he was wrong it was very possible. However, I do not to this day regret my decision. I love my wife with all of my heart. God brought us together for a reason and I truly believe we were meant to be. Well we are now about 3 years into the marriage and have a beautiful little son who is the most amazing thing in the world.

Ok so now for the bad. My wife has had a history of infidelity. She has never physically had relations with another man, but has on 5 seperated occasions(to my knowledge) discussed meeting other men and having sexual relations or leaving me for them. Well Back in Novemember I discovered yet another man that she had discussed this with. To my surprise this was a man she had claimed raped her when she was 14. I had found out later that was not the case. She had willingly had sex with this gentleman. Well during our separation I found out that 4 days after separating with me she was sleeping with another man. While discussing it with 3 others. During this she had told me it was over there was no chance of recounsilation. So I had made the attempt to see another woman. That went on for a week and I couldn't do it. I then found out she stopped sleeping with the other man to "talk" with a different man so she could be with him. She had discussed moving to where he is currently stationed. Talked about having a family and they discussed having sex daily. They also sent each other dirty pictures. The significance of this of that is that she never did that for me, but once. She told me it was disgusting and no woman should do it. They did it on a daily basis. During this time she was also sleeping with 3 other men. While watching inappropriate contentography and masturbating. Reason that is such an issue is because I had watched inappropriate content during our "first go around" due to being sexually frustrated. We were only having sex once every 3 weeks of not less than that. During sex with those men she was also giving them oral sex, which she claimed she thought was foul and she would never do.

Well about 2 weeks ago my wife called off the divorce and told me about one of them men she slept with. Then asked me to take her back. Well I love her so much I couldn't help, but take her back. In the past two weeks we've had multiple talks. During these talks I have asked questions about what happened during the separation. Finding out more and more of the men she slept with and what she had done. During each of these talks she had told me "... I swear on the Holy Bible and our sons soul that is it. Nothing else happened." Well then later that day or maybe the next day I find out that she had done more than she said. Which really hurts me, because I forgave her for the other and more than that she swore it on the Word and on our son. Then I find out she lied to me again. It bothers me because I have very little trust and I am trying to work on that with her, but she is still lying even when at this point I'm willing to move on if she's willing to be honest with me. The other issue I am having is that we still don't have sex. During the separation sex was literally a daily chore for her. She either masturbated or had sex with someone. Since being back together she doesn't really try to have sex and when we do she still isn't really into it. I have asked for oral sex just to see if she's willing and she doesn't. She still claims that she doesn't like it and doesn't feel like it's right. Which obviously was not true, because she did it with every other man.

Where I need my help is I don't know how to trust her right now. I constantly find myself going through her phone while she sleeps. Constantly questioning her. I also need help with the sex. It really hurts my self-esteem as well as making me feel less and less like a man. I question myself and ask myself all the time why I can't bring out that side of her. Why she would seek out sexual relations with the other men, but when I am here willing to do it she won't. Also on the same note when we do have sex she won't do the same things that she did for them and with them.

If anyone has anything that could help me trough this please tell me. I'm at a loss. I want to be with her and her alone. I don't wish to divorce my wife and I want to truly forgive her and move on. I am just struggling to do so.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

Sounds like she was/is not mature enough to be a military wife. This happened to my nephew...they were young, he got deployed and she had a really good time.

 

[johndoo]

Nsummer12,
I'm sorry for your struggle.
Trust is an important component to relationships so it is easy to see why you are struggling here.
I think you need outside help.
Going to your pastor is one option if you have a local church, but you are going to need ongoing help to repair this, so a professional marriage counselor would be preferred.
Have you asked her how you can make your sex life better?

 

[Dave-W]

Find a professional CHRISTIAN marriage counselor NOW.

 

[Nsummer12]

Nsummer12,
I'm sorry for your struggle.
Trust is an important component to relationships so it is easy to see why you are struggling here.
I think you need outside help.
Going to your pastor is one option if you have a local church, but you are going to need ongoing help to repair this, so a professional marriage counselor would be preferred.
Have you asked her how you can make your sex life better?

Yes I have. She says it fine. She said she loves it and it's great. Yet if it was so great why does she not want to do it?

 

[Nsummer12]

Sounds like she was/is not mature enough to be a military wife. This happened to my nephew...they were young, he got deployed and she had a really good time.

One thing I forgot to mention in my post was I was relieved of duty for medical reasons about 2 years ago.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

For starters I'd say this is why I tell people don't marry at that age. Neither person is ready yet. Next issue is even if she didn't have sex early on with anyone, the fact she talked to other men should have been a red flag. To be fair military spouses sometimes have these issues. Its not an easy life for the spouse stuck at home. But you are married now so of course I will say work it out. I believe nothing is impossible with God. Counselling is VERY much needed though. And the issue of sex needs to be addressed with the counselor. Unless theres a medical reason someone can't have sex, sex is important in a christian marriage.

Until you see one when did your sex life change? Once you were deployed? Was there another reason. Such as weight gain, habit...etc that may of effected her view of you? I ask because often sex becomes an issue in marriage due to any number of factors. Sometimes men can be the issue because we for lack of better words "wam, bam, thank you mam!" without thinking about if her needs were met during sex. Obviously I don't know you so I don't know what the cause is. Of course the sex issue could also stem from another marriage issue lack you being deployed for awhile.

I was with a woman (before meeting my wife) and I was living in sin with her. Little did I know she was dating others guy and having sex with them also. It was so disgusting. Turns out she was just a sex addict.

 

[Nsummer12]

For starters I'd say this is why I tell people don't marry at that age. Neither person is ready yet. Next issue is even if she didn't have sex early on with anyone, the fact she talked to other men should have been a red flag. To be fair military spouses sometimes have these issues. Its not an easy life for the spouse stuck at home. But you are married now so of course I will say work it out. I believe nothing is impossible with God. Counselling is VERY much needed though. And the issue of sex needs to be addressed with the counselor. Unless theres a medical reason someone can't have sex, sex is important in a christian marriage.

Until you see one when did your sex life change? Once you were deployed? Was there another reason. Such as weight gain, habit...etc that may of effected her view of you? I ask because often sex becomes an issue in marriage due to any number of factors. Sometimes men can be the issue because we for lack of better words "wam, bam, thank you mam!" without thinking about if her needs were met during sex. Obviously I don't know you so I don't know what the cause is. Of course the sex issue could also stem from another marriage issue lack you being deployed for awhile.

I was with a woman (before meeting my wife) and I was living in sin with her. Little did I know she was dating others guy and having sex with them also. It was so disgusting. Turns out she was just a sex addict.

That actually was a fantastic reply. For starters I am unfortunately no longer in the service. They discovered scoliosis in my back so I was discharged at 19 years old. Our sex life changed drastically literally over night. The change started when an ex boyfriend messaged her and asked her to leave me for him. Even after choosing me over him. The next incident with a man didn't occur for another year yet our sex life has continued to be this way thoughout. She told me that one of the reasons she left was my major weight loss, me being easily agitated, my recent addiction to video games, and my "lack of interest" in her. After she left I insisted on getting myself checked out. So I did and I found out I was depressed. After coming to that realization I finally started gaining weight and I've been doing much better. I am getting back in shape and have gained 15 pounds in 3 weeks. I will admit I sometimes finish my "business" before she does, but I ALWAYS make sure she gets hers done multiple times. I am just confused, because everything she claimed was an issue before I have addressed and fixed in the 3 months we were seperated. Still we are running into this issue.

 

[Dave-W]

I am just confused, because everything she claimed was an issue before I have addressed and fixed in the 3 months we were seperated. Still we are running into this issue.

That means the issue is deeper than any of the stuff that has been laid out on the table. Maybe she does not even understand it.

 

[98cwitr]

Sounds to me that she is using sex as an outlet for something. I'd get into couseling NOW

 

[Lygimom]

Hello, for starters I will tell you a little bit about me and my wife. We are 21 almost 22 years old. We met almost 9 years ago at a public pool. I have wanted to be with her since I was 13 years old. Right before I decided to enlist in the military we began to talk. I decided it wasn't best for us to be together due to me being in the military. After I left basic training me and her began to talk every night and I decided we should be together. Granted I was 1000+ miles away. After talking to my First Seargent he had told me that I needed to either marry her or leave her, because there would be no way for the relationship to work. I would like to say that he was wrong it was very possible. However, I do not to this day regret my decision. I love my wife with all of my heart. God brought us together for a reason and I truly believe we were meant to be. Well we are now about 3 years into the marriage and have a beautiful little son who is the most amazing thing in the world.

Ok so now for the bad. My wife has had a history of infidelity. She has never physically had relations with another man, but has on 5 seperated occasions(to my knowledge) discussed meeting other men and having sexual relations or leaving me for them. Well Back in Novemember I discovered yet another man that she had discussed this with. To my surprise this was a man she had claimed raped her when she was 14. I had found out later that was not the case. She had willingly had sex with this gentleman. Well during our separation I found out that 4 days after separating with me she was sleeping with another man. While discussing it with 3 others. During this she had told me it was over there was no chance of recounsilation. So I had made the attempt to see another woman. That went on for a week and I couldn't do it. I then found out she stopped sleeping with the other man to "talk" with a different man so she could be with him. She had discussed moving to where he is currently stationed. Talked about having a family and they discussed having sex daily. They also sent each other dirty pictures. The significance of this of that is that she never did that for me, but once. She told me it was disgusting and no woman should do it. They did it on a daily basis. During this time she was also sleeping with 3 other men. While watching inappropriate contentography and masturbating. Reason that is such an issue is because I had watched inappropriate content during our "first go around" due to being sexually frustrated. We were only having sex once every 3 weeks of not less than that. During sex with those men she was also giving them oral sex, which she claimed she thought was foul and she would never do.

Well about 2 weeks ago my wife called off the divorce and told me about one of them men she slept with. Then asked me to take her back. Well I love her so much I couldn't help, but take her back. In the past two weeks we've had multiple talks. During these talks I have asked questions about what happened during the separation. Finding out more and more of the men she slept with and what she had done. During each of these talks she had told me "... I swear on the Holy Bible and our sons soul that is it. Nothing else happened." Well then later that day or maybe the next day I find out that she had done more than she said. Which really hurts me, because I forgave her for the other and more than that she swore it on the Word and on our son. Then I find out she lied to me again. It bothers me because I have very little trust and I am trying to work on that with her, but she is still lying even when at this point I'm willing to move on if she's willing to be honest with me. The other issue I am having is that we still don't have sex. During the separation sex was literally a daily chore for her. She either masturbated or had sex with someone. Since being back together she doesn't really try to have sex and when we do she still isn't really into it. I have asked for oral sex just to see if she's willing and she doesn't. She still claims that she doesn't like it and doesn't feel like it's right. Which obviously was not true, because she did it with every other man.

Where I need my help is I don't know how to trust her right now. I constantly find myself going through her phone while she sleeps. Constantly questioning her. I also need help with the sex. It really hurts my self-esteem as well as making me feel less and less like a man. I question myself and ask myself all the time why I can't bring out that side of her. Why she would seek out sexual relations with the other men, but when I am here willing to do it she won't. Also on the same note when we do have sex she won't do the same things that she did for them and with them.

If anyone has anything that could help me trough this please tell me. I'm at a loss. I want to be with her and her alone. I don't wish to divorce my wife and I want to truly forgive her and move on. I am just struggling to do so.

 

[Lygimom]

I believe you need to look at your situation very closely, clearly, and be truthful regarding your wife's behavior. From what you described, this was not a one time mistake. To me it sounds like your wife may have a sex addiction. I would like to attach an article you can read. It will lead you through information and steps to determine where you and your wife are in your marriage. It will give guidelines for determining the best way to move forward.
I am praying this will be helpful for you both as you work through this very difficult situation.http://family.custhelp.com/app/answ...utm_medium=radian6&utm_campaign=RS&nosplash=1

 

[warrenv]

I went through the same thing; twice; similarly, I was also in the service.

I had a wife tell it to my face: you call yourself a man?

She didn't have any way to make money so she committed herself to stripping, and worse. One time, I was on a delivery on my second job, and saw her inside a car with 3 other guys. This almost got me to commit "self-harm" by "deadly force."

If you open your Bible and read Hosea, God shows us that He went through the same thing; He fell in love with people called Israel, whom He rescued multiple times but turned to idol worship, which He considered harlotry─compared them to a prostitute.

My wife went out again with a stranger, has a number from the strip club owner with text messages, etc. I later found her in another car which I rammed with mine; I lost everything─my job, my car, and all the money I had given hers which she was using to buy drugs.

She's currently in jail.

True love only comes from God; you have to get in tune with it; because everyone else will betray you. Before you lose anymore, you have to fully trust God, because He is in control and He can give life to any stones beneath.


1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

My wife has been sending me letters; I constantly send her messages of Christ, the kingdom of heaven; she now sends me real love letters; true love, even mentioned Abraham.

We need God in our relationship, and if she does not believe and cast aside that responsibility, to have faith, hope, love; the greatest of these is love; then she is not a good wife.


Proverbs 12:4 A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

In conclusion, build that love relationship with God foremost, above everyone else; because He loved us first by His son Jesus. John 4:19.

He has the power to lift these rocks beneath, and bring to us the loving wife.

1 Corinthians 13:8 Love Never Fails.

Without God's love, I would not be here to write these answers to your question. I almost jumped off a bridge with bottles of alcohol; infidelity is so harmful to the mind, body, and soul; I still have those painful memories because of my wife...and because of what I did; only by grace was it wiped away.

I am facing multiple charges, no job, living off only GI bill, living in a basement with a married couple full of strife, no car, $ 50,000 in debt... Jesus taught us, no one can serve two masters; either you will hate the one and love the other...you can't serve God and Money.

Truth of the matter fact is:

Psalms 24:1 The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it.

So, if you want to truly feel love, to feel satisfied, to have peace of mind, to be happy, to be content, to live the true life you never had...turn to God.

 

[sparkle123]

It sounds like your wife has problems with sex addiction. If things can get better it will only happen when she is able to be honest with herself and you about her problems--and then takes measures to change. Is she really doing those things? I would also read warrenv's post because there is a wisdom borne of experience there. I know you are suffering, but you can't control her. The snooping, wondering about the other guys, etc is just hurting you. Give it to God as much as possible and please consider counseling, with her but without if she won't go. It really sounds like you two need an outside party to help sort this out. I will pray for you.

 

[Nsummer12]

I went through the same thing; twice; similarly, I was also in the service.

I had a wife tell it to my face: you call yourself a man?

She didn't have any way to make money so she committed herself to stripping, and worse. One time, I was on a delivery on my second job, and saw her inside a car with 3 other guys. This almost got me to commit "self-harm" by "deadly force."

If you open your Bible and read Hosea, God shows us that He went through the same thing; He fell in love with people called Israel, whom He rescued multiple times but turned to idol worship, which He considered harlotry─compared them to a prostitute.

My wife went out again with a stranger, has a number from the strip club owner with text messages, etc. I later found her in another car which I rammed with mine; I lost everything─my job, my car, and all the money I had given hers which she was using to buy drugs.

She's currently in jail.

True love only comes from God; you have to get in tune with it; because everyone else will betray you. Before you lose anymore, you have to fully trust God, because He is in control and He can give life to any stones beneath.


1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

My wife has been sending me letters; I constantly send her messages of Christ, the kingdom of heaven; she now sends me real love letters; true love, even mentioned Abraham.

We need God in our relationship, and if she does not believe and cast aside that responsibility, to have faith, hope, love; the greatest of these is love; then she is not a good wife.


Proverbs 12:4 A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

In conclusion, build that love relationship with God foremost, above everyone else; because He loved us first by His son Jesus. John 4:19.

He has the power to lift these rocks beneath, and bring to us the loving wife.

1 Corinthians 13:8 Love Never Fails.

Without God's love, I would not be here to write these answers to your question. I almost jumped off a bridge with bottles of alcohol; infidelity is so harmful to the mind, body, and soul; I still have those painful memories because of my wife...and because of what I did; only by grace was it wiped away.

I am facing multiple charges, no job, living off only GI bill, living in a basement with a married couple full of strife, no car, $ 50,000 in debt... Jesus taught us, no one can serve two masters; either you will hate the one and love the other...you can't serve God and Money.

Truth of the matter fact is:

Psalms 24:1 The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it.

So, if you want to truly feel love, to feel satisfied, to have peace of mind, to be happy, to be content, to live the true life you never had...turn to God.

This was very moving. Truthfully I learned to leave it in gods hands during this whole seperation. I tried and tried and fought and fought by myself and she never came home. After leaving God to sort it all out she had an apifiany and asked if she could come home. So I'm doing my best to leave it in his hands. My biggest things I am having problems with are with myself. My trust issue I am having. I don't want them, but I can't help but have them. Then I can't help but remember the other men. I hate that I can't let it go and fully forgive her.

 

[warrenv]

This was very moving. Truthfully I learned to leave it in gods hands during this whole seperation. I tried and tried and fought and fought by myself and she never came home. After leaving God to sort it all out she had an apifiany and asked if she could come home. So I'm doing my best to leave it in his hands. My biggest things I am having problems with are with myself. My trust issue I am having. I don't want them, but I can't help but have them. Then I can't help but remember the other men. I hate that I can't let it go and fully forgive her.

I feel you. Last time I visited my wife in jail, she talked about working for one of the officers in his office; just imagine how the memories shake me off my feet, barely can look at her, losing trust, faith, and hope; she seem to speak to these officers in jail which concerns me.

So I am going through the same. If she truly loves you she will make it known in various ways; that true love will wipe away your doubt and your trust; but whatever happens, I hope it works out for you;

I have fears my wife might return to that evil lifestyle, but if God's love touch her heart; I am sure she will never return to that despicable, dirty streets... at the end of the day, she will either choose the path that is good...or that which will end up in misery.

 

[farout]

Hello, for starters I will tell you a little bit about me and my wife. We are 21 almost 22 years old. We met almost 9 years ago at a public pool. I have wanted to be with her since I was 13 years old. Right before I decided to enlist in the military we began to talk. I decided it wasn't best for us to be together due to me being in the military. After I left basic training me and her began to talk every night and I decided we should be together. Granted I was 1000+ miles away. After talking to my First Seargent he had told me that I needed to either marry her or leave her, because there would be no way for the relationship to work. I would like to say that he was wrong it was very possible. However, I do not to this day regret my decision. I love my wife with all of my heart. God brought us together for a reason and I truly believe we were meant to be. Well we are now about 3 years into the marriage and have a beautiful little son who is the most amazing thing in the world.

Ok so now for the bad. My wife has had a history of infidelity. She has never physically had relations with another man, but has on 5 seperated occasions(to my knowledge) discussed meeting other men and having sexual relations or leaving me for them. Well Back in Novemember I discovered yet another man that she had discussed this with. To my surprise this was a man she had claimed raped her when she was 14. I had found out later that was not the case. She had willingly had sex with this gentleman. Well during our separation I found out that 4 days after separating with me she was sleeping with another man. While discussing it with 3 others. During this she had told me it was over there was no chance of recounsilation. So I had made the attempt to see another woman. That went on for a week and I couldn't do it. I then found out she stopped sleeping with the other man to "talk" with a different man so she could be with him. She had discussed moving to where he is currently stationed. Talked about having a family and they discussed having sex daily. They also sent each other dirty pictures. The significance of this of that is that she never did that for me, but once. She told me it was disgusting and no woman should do it. They did it on a daily basis. During this time she was also sleeping with 3 other men. While watching inappropriate contentography and masturbating. Reason that is such an issue is because I had watched inappropriate content during our "first go around" due to being sexually frustrated. We were only having sex once every 3 weeks of not less than that. During sex with those men she was also giving them oral sex, which she claimed she thought was foul and she would never do.

Well about 2 weeks ago my wife called off the divorce and told me about one of them men she slept with. Then asked me to take her back. Well I love her so much I couldn't help, but take her back. In the past two weeks we've had multiple talks. During these talks I have asked questions about what happened during the separation. Finding out more and more of the men she slept with and what she had done. During each of these talks she had told me "... I swear on the Holy Bible and our sons soul that is it. Nothing else happened." Well then later that day or maybe the next day I find out that she had done more than she said. Which really hurts me, because I forgave her for the other and more than that she swore it on the Word and on our son. Then I find out she lied to me again. It bothers me because I have very little trust and I am trying to work on that with her, but she is still lying even when at this point I'm willing to move on if she's willing to be honest with me. The other issue I am having is that we still don't have sex. During the separation sex was literally a daily chore for her. She either masturbated or had sex with someone. Since being back together she doesn't really try to have sex and when we do she still isn't really into it. I have asked for oral sex just to see if she's willing and she doesn't. She still claims that she doesn't like it and doesn't feel like it's right. Which obviously was not true, because she did it with every other man.

Where I need my help is I don't know how to trust her right now. I constantly find myself going through her phone while she sleeps. Constantly questioning her. I also need help with the sex. It really hurts my self-esteem as well as making me feel less and less like a man. I question myself and ask myself all the time why I can't bring out that side of her. Why she would seek out sexual relations with the other men, but when I am here willing to do it she won't. Also on the same note when we do have sex she won't do the same things that she did for them and with them.

If anyone has anything that could help me trough this please tell me. I'm at a loss. I want to be with her and her alone. I don't wish to divorce my wife and I want to truly forgive her and move on. I am just struggling to do so.

Matthew 5:31-32. I would devote huge amounts of prayer about this woman. I would seek my pastor for advice. I would ask my wife to go to a Christian counselor ASAP. If she balked in anyway what so ever, I would deal with heart broken tough love. I would wonder if my wife had some very serious mental health issues. I would not have sexual relations until I was sure my wife was not infected with some problems. If my was not seriously repentant I would pray for directions id I should seek a divorce. I would have problems forgiving her, and trusting her to be faithful. If my wife was unfaithful so many times I would wonder if she was capable of being a wife and mother. If my wife was unwilling to go with me to my pastor for spiritual help for our marriage I most likely after prayer and advice from my pastor I would divorce her, with deep pain and hurt I would believe the verses I presented at the first. If my wife were not totally ashamed of her conduct I would divorce her. If my wife was unfaithful many times I would get her help even if I had to divorce her, as my love would never die, I would most like die from the pain, as we have been married almost 47 years.

 

[Nsummer12]

I feel you. Last time I visited my wife in jail, she talked about working for one of the officers in his office; just imagine how the memories shake me off my feet, barely can look at her, losing trust, faith, and hope; she seem to speak to these officers in jail which concerns me.

So I am going through the same. If she truly loves you she will make it known in various ways; that true love will wipe away your doubt and your trust; but whatever happens, I hope it works out for you;

I have fears my wife might return to that evil lifestyle, but if God's love touch her heart; I am sure she will never return to that despicable, dirty streets... at the end of the day, she will either choose the path that is good...or that which will end up in misery.

You are in my prayers my friend. I thank you for sharing your story and giving me such wise words. It truly gave me a new insight on my relationship and on ways to help. God bless you and your wife.

 

[sdmsanjose]

From First Corinthians 13

(5) It does not dishonor other people. It does not look out for its own interests.

(7) It always protects. It always trusts


Your wife has proven that she will use her free will to violate God’s definition of love many times.

Your wife has seriously damaged herself and has probably has her self-esteem at a very dangerous low point. In fact she is in sin bondage. If she continues doing what her history shows then she will probably ruin you and drive you to be a door mat. At the present time you have a choice of saving you and your child from a very destructive troubled woman that is deep into her bondage. This site does not allow a suggestion of divorce so I will just say that you should take a very strong stance for you and your son to follow God's ways. I know that God can do all things but remember it almost always takes the person in sin to turn to God and accept His ways.

You also need a LOT of counselling and other helps. You are willing to let a person ravage your emotions and life time and time again. At this point you have the possibility to raise your child and present him with a good positive role model. Unless you wife changes drastically, she will give your son some very negative examples.

Unless God has called you to be the next Hosea, you are on a destruction path by allowing yourself to be so abused.

 

[coloradoguy]

I have two questions: 1) Why did she marry you in the first place, and 2) Why did she call off the divorce? From what I have read, this doesn't sound like a woman who is interested in marriage at all....and probably has a sex addiction.