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yOung and ready to date

Discussion in 'Young Adults' started by TailTactics, Mar 27, 2012.

  1. TailTactics

    TailTactics Love the Lord with all your heart, soul, and mind

    +26
    Christian
    Private
    US-Green
    Im 23 ready to get into a relationship but the thing is I go to a secular college. Should I pray God's will before asking a girl out b/c I want a Christian woman but also wouldn't mind converting her. Or should I just go up to an attractive woman and ask her out? Perhaps I'll find a christian girl at a secular college. IDK but I'm honestly a bit lonely, hardly have friends (b/c don't want to fellowship with non-christians) but thinking of rethinking that. I want to get more involved in the church and probably thats the source of my lonliness. I am what God says I am and I don't care what anyone thinks. I'm a winner. Jesus was a friend to sinners. How much more I without mixing light with darkness? Thats something I need discernment with. In any case thoughts , opinions?
     
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  2. NiobiumTragedy

    NiobiumTragedy Glorious Tragedy

    +55
    Christian
    Married
    US-Others
    I'm not going to beat around the bush on this one.
    If you go into a relationship with the intentions of converting someone, then you're a fool.
     
  3. TailTactics

    TailTactics Love the Lord with all your heart, soul, and mind

    +26
    Christian
    Private
    US-Green
    We'll theyll have no choice if they are not Christian and want to be with me.:thumbsup: ANYWAY, other advice / opinions?
     
  4. svitkona

    svitkona Newbie

    17
    +0
    Mormon
    Single
    US-Others
    Go out and meet people. I see nothing wrong with hanging out with people who believe differently than you do, and in the process of meeting people you could well find people who do believe like you do.
    As for the dating thing, don't go out with a nonbeliever with the intent to convert her. That's likely to end up hurting all around. Whoever you date, date them the way they are. I think it'd be best to find someone who does believe like you do, and ask her out. It's possible, even at a secular college.
     
  5. William II

    William II Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job.

    681
    +25
    Presbyterian
    In Relationship
    US-Republican
    A secular college doesn't mean that all women there are atheists/Christian-haters. All of the girls I've been with at my college have been Christians, my current girlfriend and I attend Church regularly.

    I don't think it's smart to get into a relationship for it's own sake, it's important to find someone you like spending time with and all that before you even consider a relationship. Being friends first is super important.
     
  6. AndrewZinc

    AndrewZinc Newbie

    312
    +13
    Presbyterian
    Single
    I think the above by William II is good advice.

    Nothing wrong with converting someone, but I would wait until after that before getting into a relationship. The man who started my denomination (in 1560), his first two converts were a woman and her daughter who later became his wife.

    Pretty much all universities in my country are secular, but they all have Christian groups within them (Christian Unions) and I found that God really used that to bring me forward in my faith.

    Many of them paired up and are now married. That part didn't work for me though!
     
  7. Aino

    Aino God's own

    +633
    Christian
    Married
    Get involved in your church before thinking of dating. It will save you a lot of trouble in the relationship - if you have a community and clearly commit to it's morals you won't need to think that much about unnecessary things... And there'll be trustworthy older christians you can always ask when trouble comes. At least it would have helped us.

    Also, you might get some more friends and you might be more confident with yourself. then you won't need a relationship but you might start one when you've found a good person you could think of marrying. I'd be aware of just asking people on dates randomly without a real intention to be with them and knowledge of who they are. A lot of people will just see people and then ponder for years whether they should stay together or not and that most likely just won't go anywhere.
     
  8. Sharon10

    Sharon10 Newbie

    109
    +4
    Non-Denom
    Single
    Do not date an unbeliever, that is being unequally yoked with an unbeliever. For a Christian to marry/date an unbeliever is equal to denying Jesus Christ. The way to life is narrow and there are few who find it. More important than having a date/girl friend is - loving Jesus supremely, seek Gods will in every area of your life. God would have planned a life partner for you, so seek Gods will.
     
  9. Sharon10

    Sharon10 Newbie

    109
    +4
    Non-Denom
    Single
    Do not do dating evangelism. That does not work. You will come down spiritually if your life partner is not a believer. Life is tough as it is, pl don't make things worse by getting involved with children of darkness.
     
  10. Boss_BlueAngels

    Boss_BlueAngels Life is better when you're flying upside down.

    +127
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    What does being at a secular college have to do with anything at all? You know they do naked cartwheels down dorm hallways at "Christian" schools too, right?

    And don't let Sharon make you think you're going to hell if you date an unbeliever. Salvation is based on accepting Jesus Christ into your heart... not who you date/marry.
     
  11. Alexl

    Alexl Fisherman for life

    71
    +3
    Non-Denom
    Single
    Ya but she has an awesome point and I want a wife someday that loves Jesus more then me! And can hold me accountable and can ask me everyday.how im going spiritually... Also believes it our.not.non-believers are destined to an eternity in hell and why in the world would I ever be happy knowing I was going to heaven and my.wife was going to hell?
     
  12. Sharon10

    Sharon10 Newbie

    109
    +4
    Non-Denom
    Single
    Hi tail tactics,
    Please do not get misled by boss blue angels who lead you in the wrong way. You can't worship Jesus Christ and at the same time marry/date an unbeliever. You can't worship Jesus Christ and Satan at the same time. Either follow Jesus OR follow Satan. All unbelievers do not belong to Jesus Christ. What has light with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14- Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God said: "I will dwell in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they shall be My people." Therefore "come out from among them and be separate says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, and I will receive you." and you shall be My sons and daughters, Says the LORD Almighty."
     
  13. Sharon10

    Sharon10 Newbie

    109
    +4
    Non-Denom
    Single
    Praise God for your faith! God honors those who honor him.
     
  14. Alexl

    Alexl Fisherman for life

    71
    +3
    Non-Denom
    Single
    Thanks a lot.. Means a lot hearing someone say that especially a female lol thanks
     
  15. CutiePi

    CutiePi Nooblett

    22
    +2
    Christian
    In Relationship
    I just wanted to say that while perhaps "dating" an 'unbeliever' may not be terribly wise, befriending them is always good. Unless you are a friend to them you have no right to speak into someone else's life.

    Just a personal example:
    I was a complete 'christian-hater' before I met my boyfriend. We first started talking because I peppered him with q's about why he is christian. I suppose we didnt actually start dating until I was at the very least able to understand why he did/acted the way he did, but it was not until a few months after we started dating that I even began to read the bible and longer until I decided that I wanted come to church with him. Now (almost 1.5 years later) I'm planning to be baptized. I would not be at this point today if he hadn't taken the time (and risk?) to develop a friendship and later, closer relationship with me.
    Obviously, this is not to say that dating/befriending a curious non-believer will always lead them to God. Talking from where I'm standing now, I fully believe that a relationship between a 'believer' and 'non-believer' will be rocky, and difficult if it does work at all. If we could not both turn to God, both within the context of our relationship, and outside of it, We (mostly me probably...) would be venting a lot of stress and frustration on each other - And that would be detrimental for a long-term relationship.

    So basically with regards to both Sharon and the OP, definitely don't date with the intent to convert, but if you are attracted to someone, are friends with them, and they at least show a tiny bit of interest/curiosity in christianity, dont dismiss a relationship with them out of hand. They may not be christian to begin with, but it could be that having someone that they are close to and can talk to guide them along the path to faith is exactly what they need.

    In terms of friendship though, while similarly believing friends are awesome to have around, friendship with non-Christians is how faith is shared and spread is it not? In addition, you might only find out that someone actually IS christian after you have been friends for a while.

    I would also advise that you don't just find a random pretty girl to date. If you enter a dating relationship without having a friendship first, then you will be working on building two relationships at one time - both a friendship and the more intimate dating relationship. Build a solid friendship based on trust and honesty first (or at the very least get to know them a bit). Then go for a dating relationship. And let things grow naturally too. If a friendship is becoming more than that... let it. It might be amazing. :)

    One other thing - although this may just be me, but speaking as a girl - if a random guy were to come up and ask me out, it would make me think that he must be incredibly shallow. That he wanted to get to know me better/date, purely because of how I look.
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2012
  16. Boss_BlueAngels

    Boss_BlueAngels Life is better when you're flying upside down.

    +127
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Sharon - I recommend you read the following, since you seem to be confused: “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." and [bless and do not curse]"Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.” and All the prophets testify about him that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name.”

    Just some minor details about the road to salvation.

    I suggest you actually read and understand what I wrote in the original response I gave. You don't need to use scare tactics to convince people you're right. Nobody (including myself) is denying that God does not want us to be unequally yoked. He also doesn't want us cursing, coveting, lusting, stealing, hurting, etc. do you, then believe these will send you to hell?
     
  17. lostandfound2008

    lostandfound2008 Newbie

    1
    +0
    Non-Denom
    Single
    Hey man,

    I am in a similar situation to you. I am young, a christian, and also attend a secular college.

    For the past year or so, I have desired to enter into a dating relationship with a woman. Yet, each time i begin to consider seeking a woman to date, the same old wisdom comes to my mind: "Lance, why are you pursuing a relationship right now? What is your motivation? Is it to entertain you and give you a reason to feel good about yourself?"

    Inevitably, the answer continues to be yes.

    I am not saying this is the issue with you particularly. I am just saying that I think many young Christian men like myself tend to believe the lies of the world that say we need a beautiful woman by our side to make us.

    Interestingly, to go along with my desire to be with a woman, I also struggle at times with poor self-image, confidence, and faith. I know that when I am with a woman, she becomes a source of these things for me, when in Truth, the only healthy source of identity, confidence, and faith is God.

    I do not like giving this answer anymore than I like hearing it...I truly want a wife someday! However, I believe that at this point, all i would be bringing into the relationship is a self-seeking motive.

    Instead, what I am learning is that in Christ, I am already accepted, loved, and significant. In Christ alone, we have all that we need for life and Godliness. 2 Peter 1:2+3

    Believing that we need girlfriends to be at peace with ourselves is a lie that robs us of the very joy and peace that we are seeking.

    Blessings in Christ,
    Lance

    btw- I might have been totally off in my response, these are just the meditations I have regarding my particular situation.

    ps. So far as dating non-believers goes, bad company ruins good character. 2 years ago i tried this, and i ended up conforming rather than the other way around. :(
     
  18. Sharon10

    Sharon10 Newbie

    109
    +4
    Non-Denom
    Single
    So u mean to say u can accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour of your life, marry an unbeliever and still think your fine? That's totally wrong. When you get married to someone, the two become one. How can a child of God and a child of the devil become one? Do you think Jesus would be pleased with a believer if he went and married an unbeliever? I don't think so. God has a plan for each of our lives, and Jesus plans who we should get married to. Seek Gods will in marriage, not your own will. I'm saved and Jesus has given me that assurance. I don't need the assurance from a human being about my salvation, that's because I have a personal relationship with Our Lord Jesus Christ. When you get to know God, His Holy Spirit will lead you in the right way. During my unconverted days, I had crushes or felt attracted to unbelievers. But that was not the case when I came to know Jesus as my Lord and Saviour. Today by the grace of God, and through Jesus work in my life, I do not feel that I should ever marry an unbeliever. It is WRONG for a believer who is saved to marry an unbeliever.
     
  19. Sharon10

    Sharon10 Newbie

    109
    +4
    Non-Denom
    Single
    Your welcome!! When you wait on the Lord, He will give you the very best! God has the best plan for your life. God bless you!
     
  20. Boss_BlueAngels

    Boss_BlueAngels Life is better when you're flying upside down.

    +127
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    I see you chose not to respond to my previous post which included verses that proved my point. Why is that? Do they not apply? If you have an issue with salvation by FAITH not by WORKS then I suggest you take it up with the one who said it originally, Jesus Christ. I'm just quoting.

    Also, you fail to realize I agree and, since I can read, that God does not want us married with an unbeliever. I challenge you to find me a single passage that says that person is going to hell.

    If I recall, Jesus did something just for those times we do something really stupid, so we can ask for forgiveness... I think maybe we celebrated it recently... Humm... If He did that and we STILL go to hell because of a sin.... You tell me what the point was. And if this sin is so bad, can you give me a ranked list of the worst sins? I think I recall Jesus saying something specific about that, too.

    Anyway, take a breath, and stop telling people they're going to hell. It's not your business, and "judge" isn't your (or anyone's!) title.
     
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