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Featured You tried. You prayed. God answered: Divorce.

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Healing with Jesus, Jul 4, 2019.

  1. Healing with Jesus

    Healing with Jesus merciful listener

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    You prayed about it ceaselessly. You cried out to Abba with every ounce of your being. You pled in the name of Jesus. You are sanctified by the Spirit and you're confident you heard His voice right. You searched His Word for answers, you set your heart and mind right before Him. You denied your flesh and picked up your cross.

    You tried and tried and tried. You did your absolute best, yielding to the Spirit as much as possible. You did not want divorce.

    When you prayed, the Lord himself in His still small voice led you to separation. (And perhaps eventually divorce.)

    Does this ever happen? Would God, the Lord of Heavenly hosts who sits upon His throne, the Holy One of Israel, ever tell one of His beloved children to choose divorce?

    please, tell me your story...
     
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  2. Jonaitis

    Jonaitis Well-Known Member

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    "For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel - Malachi 2:16

    "And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” - Matthew 19:9

    Clearly, God does not approve of divorce as a choice for us. Jesus said that he allowed it on account of man's hardness of heart, but in the beginning he created marriage to be an unbreakable union of two persons until death parts them from that human covenant and divine institution. Even if you legally file for divorce, before God you remain married by covenant to that individual until you/them die, for Jesus said above in the quotation that if we divorced and married another it would be considered an act of adultery, since both persons are joined before God regardless of the changed legal status.
     
  3. section9+1

    section9+1 Well-Known Member

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    I think divorce is a serious failure overall, yet I'd say divorce sometimes is the only way to handle a broken relationship. So a hesitant yes is my answer.
     
  4. David Cabrera

    David Cabrera Well-Known Member

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    What God puts together neither man shall separate.
     
  5. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

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    I don't see divorce as God-led, but as human failure. God's will is forgiveness, reconciliation, and repentance from treating each other poorly.

    Separation may be needed to get someone to safety. That is not sin. God may sanction that. But that's different from divorce.
     
  6. Blade

    Blade Veteran Supporter

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    No.. He never would. There are reasons why we can. It as far as I have read not ever His will. I am married.. never divorced. This road.. at times can only fall on my face and thank Him. There is no other reason. What I have no power over..is her or the spouse. They are free to do what ever they want. As much one can pray seek fast you name it.. not even GOD will change anyone.
     
  7. ajcarey

    ajcarey New Member

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    There are times when divorce is inevitable despite one of the parties being a faithful spouse who is blameless in the matter. If someone leaves or is hell-bent on opposing their spouse's faithful Christianity or on being abusive for other reasons then there is no other option besides divorce for the faithful one (other than compromising their faith or exposing themselves to terrible danger or waiting an unrealistic amount time for someone to return). And then of course there is the matter of adultery and sexual perversion which might make a divorce necessary for the innocent party to not be corrupted and not have their home corrupted.

    People will usually cite Jesus' words in the gospels and cite where it says in Malachi that God hates divorce to try to say that divorce is never an option. Clearly though the context in both of those cases is rebuke of people who are dealing treacherously against their spouse and forsaking their marriage covenant for wicked reasons. Jesus in the gospels wasn't saying that the innocent party doesn't have a lawful recourse when there is adultery, abandonment, or serious abuse on the part of their spouse. He was saying that a man is still an adulterer even though he gets the paperwork done in divorcing his wife so he can leave her to marry another woman. Just having the divorce paperwork done before the second marriage doesn't mean he's not guilty of adultery in initiating the second marriage. The Jews of His time were abusing the provision the law of God made for divorce in Deuteronomy chapter 24 to allow divorce for any cause at all. Jesus NEVER broke or spoke against the law of God (Matthew 5:17-20, Matthew 7:12, Matthew 15:1-9, Matthew 23:1-3 etc) so Jesus was clearly rebuking the abuse of God's provision for divorce in the law, not the righteous application of it. The law of God provides a narrow provision for divorce, not a broad one. But it is still wrong to deny that there is indeed a narrow provision that must be applied sometimes. And then you read 1 Corinthians chapter 7 as the Apostle of Christ taught on the subject and you see that divorce is never an option when there are two faithful Christians in the marriage. But then there are also cases where an unbeliever is present (which includes those who call Jesus Lord but do not do what His Word says)- you see in 1 Corinthians 7 there how there is a time to let such an one depart if they aren't pleased to dwell with the believer peaceably. And you also see there how they aren't bound to the marriage in that case.

    God hates divorce, but that doesn't mean it's never necessary and it doesn't mean there isn't such a thing as an innocent party who is blameless in the divorce. I know a woman who put herself through years and years of constant abuse at the hands of a madman (who was also a professing Christian). His presence literally drove her to the brink of insanity and she ended up in a psychiatric hospital for many years. Her children also suffered much emotional abuse and even some physical abuse at his hands. She had also had to endure years of conflicted counsel about whether she was obligated to stay in the marriage. She finally came to understand well enough that this guy wasn't going to change and that she was actually sinning by enabling him and exposing herself and her children to danger by being around him. She finally agreed to divorce him and she has recovered a great deal since. I wouldn't advise someone to go through a divorce without much prayer and showing as much patience as was reasonable. There still might come a time though when it is absolutely necessary; and we can't try to exercise an unreasonable degree of patience that even God's Word rightly divided doesn't warrant. God Himself doesn't show unlimited patience and will cast people out of His covenant eventually who provoke Him and resist correction in spite of good will and much merciful patience exercised on HIs part.
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2019
  8. Healing with Jesus

    Healing with Jesus merciful listener

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    Just to be clear, I'm not talking about getting remarried. I'm talking about fervently praying and seeking the Lord's will through a desperate situation. Remarriage, if it were to ever happen, wouldn't be a consideration in this decision.

    What about in marriages where there is unrepentant abuse? For example, I believe my mother was right to divorce my father. He constantly abused us without an iota of guilt. Not to mention the pervasive sense of fear we had just walking in the house. Or hearing his car pull up. Like we were going to die. Got the school, social services, cops involved. Years of court. The church wouldn't help my abused mother or her three battered kids. They had no idea how to. What kind of fruit is that?

    By the way, my mom is not a believer anymore. Neither are my brother and sister. My dad claims to be a Christian (maybe he is, but is truly mentally deranged) and that messes with everyone. I hope they all believe in Jesus.

    I can't blame the church entirely. I was young at the time and I don't know all the details. But they were her only support network and they knew what was going on. She went to them for help. They quoted all the applicable scriptures but showed her no grace or love. Again, what's up with that fruit?
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2019
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  9. David Cabrera

    David Cabrera Well-Known Member

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    Your church should have helped you more.
     
  10. Healing with Jesus

    Healing with Jesus merciful listener

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    They should've, but they couldn't see past their legalism. To put it bluntly, their response was much like what you wrote here:
    I guess they were convinced that my dad would eventually change... and in the meantime, that the four of us would go through daily abuse and be unscathed.

    Really illogical. Absolutely asinine. Many of the children of this world are more loving than that. The old crafty pervert really has his foot in the door here.

    Not only should they have told her to RUN AWAY NOW, they should have provided us immediately with a safe place to stay. They should have come with us to court and supported us during the many difficult years. That is what the church should have done. But instead they said, don't get a divorce because God would not want that.

    Should we be surprised that my mom hasn't been back to church since then? Nor should we be surprised how she took it when I told her: I'm a born-again Christian now.

    Jesus, deliver Your Church from this misery! Rescue those who have been corrupted by this abominable teaching. Give hope to the oppressed, and let Your Church be the light and warmth in this dark, cold world. Help us know how to help those in need. And help us do it. In Your Name, Jesus, Amen.
     
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  11. bmjackson

    bmjackson Newbie

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    I made a very bad marriage choice because of the abuse from my childhood which was due to my mother having all of the signs of being narcissistic. The abuse was psychological and left me incapable of recognising this abuse and protecting myself.

    The man l married also had a personality disorder and hid from the fact that he had a serious addiction to gambling. His family did not tell me he had this problem either and l spent 5 years with him, constantly having to move the children and myself to his parents to get something to eat before the next benefit payment was made.

    We basically were left starving on a regular basis. I left him eventually and provided a home for the children and myself.

    I had become a Christian in the middle of all of this. My husband had been thieving to provide money for his addiction and ended up in jail where l consulted with the chaplain about what l should do as l felt l could no longer live with him. He said that my husband had broken his wedding vows and l did not have to stay with him, but later lfelt the Lord say that l could not be held to the marriage as it was not actually a marriage due to me not knowing the full facts about the person l was making a marriage covenant with so it was therefore null and void. I divorced him and absolutely feel it was the right thing.
     
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  12. David Cabrera

    David Cabrera Well-Known Member

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    What was supposed to happen was more compassion from your church. Divorce never fixes things.
     
  13. Gracia Singh

    Gracia Singh Newbie Supporter

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    It is tough. To hang in there.

    I speak as someone hanging in there.

    Follow Christ. Obey Him. Love Him. Keep His commandments. If your husband leaves, he leaves.
     
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  14. section9+1

    section9+1 Well-Known Member

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    What is a marriage? A ceremony and a ring on a finger? A marriage is two people sharing their lives in becoming one, working together for each other and their family. God was married to Israel and they committed adultery against him and he divorced them. Adultery isn't just about taking your pants off. It's about violating the two becoming one. When that fails, adultery has taken place.
     
  15. Joined2krist

    Joined2krist Well-Known Member

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    As long as you didn't spearhead the divorce, you shouldn't feel guilty about anything but if you're the one who opted for it then I don't think as a Christian you did the right thing. I would rather separate than divorce, God won't do what He hates, He won't urge you to divorce but you can live separately for peace sake. However since you're already divorced just live a holy life. God bless
     
  16. Healing with Jesus

    Healing with Jesus merciful listener

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    Just to clarify, I'm not divorced and I'm not planning to get a divorce. I am hoping to avoid it, but not if it will endanger myself or our kids. If I had to, I would separate first and hope that would spur reconciliation. I try to remember that I have to answer to God not just about whether I stay in my marriage, but also how I care for our children (and myself).

    God bless you too!
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2019
  17. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

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    I thought I covered that base when I said:
    Could you clarify for me if that failed to answer a concern of yours, and if so, what exactly?
     
  18. Healing with Jesus

    Healing with Jesus merciful listener

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    I was wondering, what is the best option if the separation fails to bring about a path to reconciliation?
     
  19. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

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    As much as it is against my unsanctified nature to say so, we have to remember that seeking forgiveness and giving forgiveness are not optional for Christians. So even if two Christians divorce, they still have to forgive each other, somehow. This has to inform a decision to divorce or not divorce. As to whether a divorce is conducive to shaking one or both of them into repenting and forgiving, I cannot say. Sometimes people do reconcile after divorce, and when that happens, it is good. Whether the divorce was necessary in those cases, I don't have that answer. Because I don't have that answer, I can't recommend divorce.
     
  20. GirdYourLoins

    GirdYourLoins Well-Known Member

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    God created marriage to be two people becoming one. Both husband and wife have duties within the marriage. If one of them is not fulfilling their obligations in the marriage there is an argument they have broken the marriage vows. For example, 1 Corinthians 7:5 says not to deny each other so that you may not be tempted by Satan due to your lack of control. If one partner does deny the other one and the other one commits adultery both are responsible. I have been stuck in a relationship like that for 20 years and am not sure how long I can continue in it if I'm going to be honest. I havent committed adultery but have certainly lusted after other people as a result of it.

    God hates divorce, there is no doubt about that, but he does allow it, and there are reasons why I think He may tell someone to divorce. Abuse of any sort where the person doing it is unrepentant and unwilling to change is the obvious one. And the way I see it, divorce in itself is not the sin, remarrying is the sin as you are
     
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