You know you're over your divorce...

[olds8598]

...when you can remember happy moments from the marriage and you don't cry or miss them. You just accept them for what they are: a pleasant memory.

My ex used to have an amusing habit of saying an animal looked like someone we knew. She would see X animal and call out a person's name; this was based on something about the animal which could be loosely connected to a person. I actually have adopted this silent habit and it makes me smile.

Also when I think about our beloved youngest niece, I recall happiness. No longer do I pine not having seen her in three years.

My victories are actually God's; I am just the vessel He has chosen to enact these triumphs in.

 

[dayhiker]

Good observations, olds.

 

[olds8598]

Good observations, olds.

Thank you, sir!

 

[nick garai]

I have to agree. I don't think about the bad times anymore but reflect on the good times. I wouldn't be able to be friends with my ex-wife but I at least don't harbor any ill will towards her.

 

[olds8598]

I have to agree. I don't think about the bad times anymore but reflect on the good times. I wouldn't be able to be friends with my ex-wife but I at least don't harbor any ill will towards her.

I am in total agreement.

I would not be able to be friends or anything else with my ex, but I also don't harbor any ill toward her.

In fact just last week I mailed her twice last week. ('Mailed' as in snail mail.) One item pertained to several several global unexpected sign-in attempts to her personal email. ('Global' as in originating from Egypt and the Ukraine.) My own email address got these threat alerts because it was her backup email. The second item was a USPS mail delivery notice of a package for her mom from her health insurance and that it is at the post office by me.

The reason I do snail mail is because I don't want immediate contact with her, meaning cell phone and email (though if she adjusts her own email she would see mine; thankfully I haven't received any email from her.) She had given me her new cell # in a prior snail mail letter. I wrote back that my girlfriend uses my cell sometimes and I don't want her to see the ex's # on it. I don't have a girlfriend.

 

[olds8598]

Sorry for the dupe posting. My Firefox was giving me problems.

 

[olds8598]

You also know that you're over your divorce when you can hear your wedding song and you just consider it another song, and it doesn't bother you.

 

[Mary7]

You know you are over it when you don't care that he has remarried.

 

[olds8598]

You know you are over it when you don't care that he has remarried.

Aaaamen!

 

[Servant68]

When you have a vivid dream involving your ex and you awaken asking what the dream might have meant about how you've moved on rather than waking up an emotional mess.

 

[olds8598]

When you have a vivid dream involving your ex and you awaken asking what the dream might have meant about how you've moved on rather than waking up an emotional mess.

OUTSTANDING!!!

 

[Dr. Duderino]

When you feel no ill will against your ex, but do not miss them and are looking to the bright future ahead.

 

[HisGraceAbounds]

My marriage was very brief and was when I was in my 20s.

Looking back at it, I cannot remember many happy memories. If I've made any progress over the last 15+ years, it is in recognizing that I would not be where I am today had those events not occurred. I would not know what I know or think what I think had I not had that experience.

My ex was a teacher of sorts. She taught me, or better to say she afforded me opportunity to see some very disturbing character flaws that I was not consciously aware of about myself. Through my years with her, I learned that relationships are not possible for someone like me.

Rough lesson learned, but it had to be done I suppose.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

When anger is replaced by forgiveness.

 

[TheRealAriel]

It's hard for me because I was in an abusive relationship/marriage. So even the things that I believed were "happy moments" at the time I can now look back and see how ugly and sad they truly were. I don't think I'll ever be "over" my divorce but I also don't know that I want to be. It was a long, painful, difficult lesson that completely changed my life and who I am. I wish to take the lessons, the empathy, and the perspective I attained through it always with me going forward.

TLDR; moving forward doesn't mean we must completely abandon the harder parts of the past.