Would you...

[listed]

I have a few dumb questions.

If you have been married, would you be interested in doing it again?

If so why and what would interest you or what would you require? (note they may be the same.)

If not, why not?

I've been filled so full of barn yard stuff from each view point I don't know what to think.

I've been rather independent all my life thanks to my dad and very special thanks to my Mom and much discouragement from my sisters and aunts.

I'm not interested in debating/discussing the issues. I'm more on an information adventure here. Doesn't mean I won't ask a few questions.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I have a few dumb questions.

No questions are dumb questions IMO.

If you have been married, would you be interested in doing it again?

Absolutely!

If so why and what would interest you or what would you require? (note they may be the same.)

I enjoy having a mate, companion, and someone to lean on. IF I did get married again, he would have to love the Lord with all his heart, and be kind and generous. He would also have to really want ME because I don't want to be in a relationship where I have to constantly "prove" I'm worth it. If he doesn't think so, it wouldn't work. He can't be the jealous or controlling type either because I am quite independent myself. I'm also considerate and would always keep him abreast of whatever I was doing, but I don't want someone that has to have all my time cuz that's not me.

If not, why not?

I've been filled so full of barn yard stuff from each view point I don't know what to think.

I've been rather independent all my life thanks to my dad and very special thanks to my Mom and much discouragement from my sisters and aunts.

I'm not interested in debating/discussing the issues. I'm more on an information adventure here. Doesn't mean I won't ask a few questions.

It keeps telling me my message is too short!

 

[dayhiker]

At this point in my life, I don't have any desire to get the government involved in my life. If I find a woman who who likes what I like for the most part, including loving Jesus, then I'll make a commitment to her. I suspect we will keep our assets pretty separate. Most woman that I'm running into have their own condo or home, as do I. I'm not selling my home. I'm guessing its a little small for a married couple to live in.

My last GF lasted for over 4 yrs and we both living in our own places and saw each other mostly on the weekends. That was pretty nice so I may keep that model in the next relationship.

 

[listed]

It keeps telling me my message is too short!

You have to reply outside of the quote. You do this by using the [] with /quote in them and at the end of your statements again use the [] with quote in them. The difference is the backslash (/).

If you notice the /quote is usually in [] at the end of your quoted post.

 

[listed]

At this point in my life, I don't have any desire to get the government involved in my life. If I find a woman who who likes what I like for the most part, including loving Jesus, then I'll make a commitment to her. I suspect we will keep our assets pretty separate. Most woman that I'm running into have their own condo or home, as do I. I'm not selling my home. I'm guessing its a little small for a married couple to live in.

My last GF lasted for over 4 yrs and we both living in our own places and saw each other mostly on the weekends. That was pretty nice so I may keep that model in the next relationship.

Interesting. I do think that does pose some problem at our age. And I'm kinda sorta looking for a solution to being by myself all the time. It is tick season and had a devil of a time getting one off my back the other day. They know exactly where one can't easily reach. Why did Noah have to include them and mosquitos on the ark?

Some one told me I sould consider a legal contract of some sort rather than get married. They said it was something they do in Califunny.

 

[blackribbon]

If you don't have that piece of paper, the surviving one is going to be screwed when the other one dies. You have no rights to anything owned jointly but in the other person's possession...next of kin gets it. I've seen people who have lost so much...

As for me, I've been married. Loved it. I'd do it again...but I'm realizing I will be picky this time because I don't know how much people my age are willing to change ... even to mold together. I want what I had the first time...a best friend. I don't want to have to fight so hard to get to that point.

I'm guessing that I'll probably be alone because I won't settle.

 

[dayhiker]

Responding to blacks thought - It seems in general all relationships are unique. So as much as I've enjoyed past relationships, two main ones, I expected the next one to be different than those were. I think this honors the new person we are with. After all, they aren't the same person as we were with before.

The idea what happens when we die. That is a tough one. Right now I'd prefer my moneys/wealth go to my kids. But if I was in a great relationship and I knew she needed the help of what I had, then I'd no doubt start thinking about at least a portion going to her. Currently, most of my money has one of my kids name on the account. So they will be able to get that money with out any issue. I got one stock account I plan to add a sons name to in a couple of weeks.

That would just leave my home. My parents have put their 5 kids names on the house. Their name doesn't even appear on the title any more. So it will automatically come to us and we will have to deal with it. Doesn't look like any of us will want to live there.

 

[blackribbon]

People go screwy when people die. I've know couples that have been together for over 10 years but without the legalities of marriage, when the man dies, the kids swoop in and give the "girlfriend" a week to get out of THEIR dad's house...(and "don't take anything"). When you are grieving, you don't have energy to fight back.

Another case, a group of siblings inherited their mom's house. One of the siblings, a single 50 year old man, had been living their with his mother for years taking care of her. When she died...and while he was still grieving the fact his mother (when you have daily, constant interaction, the grief is different from the ones who call mom once a week)...anyway, the siblings announced that he was to confine himself and belongings to just his room and they started charging him rent to live in THEIR house.

Another case, (and this is a 30 something year old widow)...the step kids made several visits to her home (luckily they were married) after her husband died...she thought they had a good relationship...however, it became painfully obvious that they treated her home like a place to go shopping for the things of their dad that they wanted...not just sentimental, but rather high dollar things that she actively used to live. Like I said, she was married so she owned everything and just didn't invite them over anymore... if they hadn't been married, I am guessing that she would have been completely on the street.

If you don't have a marriage license, then you better make sure you have a very detailed will. Don't expect people to act honorable in death. You'd be surprised that the ones you trust the most are often the ones to act the most horrible.

 

[blackribbon]

Responding to blacks thought - It seems in general all relationships are unique. So as much as I've enjoyed past relationships, two main ones, I expected the next one to be different than those were. I think this honors the new person we are with. After all, they aren't the same person as we were with before.

I wouldn't expect to find (or probably want to find) the same relationship that I had with my husband. That is one that was built on a lot of sweat and tears by young people who were also discovering who they were and what they wanted out of life.

I do have expectations of relationships that don't tend to be very common in my age group. I have people that I love as friends who are very different from me. However much I love them, I could never live with them...even as roommates (male or female). I don't think I am being unreasonable but rather smart. I wouldn't settle because it wouldn't be fair to either of us...we both deserve to be available if the right person does walk into our lives. I also really do believe in the "submit" part of marriage...and I can't marry until I find a man that I respect and trust enough to submit my life to.

And since I consider "dating" to be what you do to find the person you will marry, no reason to bother if date someone you know this isn't possible with. Friendship is better for both parties because it can continue even after you get married ("ex"-dating relationships aren't allowed to be friends after the new person moves in). The physical side (even if it is just kissing) that differentiates a friendship from a dating relationship complicates matters of the heart too. I rather not have those kinds of complications in my life right now. I don't have energy for drama...mine or anyone elses.

 

[dayhiker]

Yes, black, I too have heard those stories. I've heard too many of them actually.

My mother and her sister had been close for over 70 years, yet when their mother, my grandmother passed, my mom's sister did somethings that weren't right. My mom was the executor of the will. So my mom called her sister and have a talk with her about neither of them doing something that would ruin the relationship they had had all their life. It turned out fine. But as you say quite a few don't.

When my grandfather dies, a year after my grandmother. We all went over to the house to get what we wanted. It went very well. Since everyone had their own homes, they were just interested in a few things. But I let all them take what they wanted and then at the end I took some of my grandfathers tools. It went well. So it can work.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

You have to reply outside of the quote. You do this by using the [] with /quote in them and at the end of your statements again use the [] with quote in them. The difference is the backslash (/).

If you notice the /quote is usually in [] at the end of your quoted post.

no that wasn't it. I've been here long enough to know how to quote but thanks anyway . Never got that error before. I just started over and it worked.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I hope I have the opportunity to give away my stuff before I die. As for the house, I have life insurance enough for my kids to pay it off and still have money or they can do whatever it is they want. Currently I have my step-son as beneficiary because one son just turned 18 and the other is 14 and I DO trust my step son.

When my mom died, I could NOT believe how everyone acted. My step-dad was giving away my mom's stuff and did not understand that I wanted some things just because of sentimental value. He gave away my mom's lincoln continental! They had a pair of them. So I came and packed up the rest of her stuff before he could blink because one of her "friends" told me on the phone that I should let the people that took care of her have her stuff! And I'm not a greedy person, but my mom had china that I grew up eating off of and mostly trinket stuff because we both were heart collectors and she had a pepsi collection. Nothing of real value except the lincoln which I never saw after she died.
When my husband died, his family members were astonished that I offered "stuff" to them. I told them if they wanted anything, to just ask me. It's just stuff and if its special to them I would want them to enjoy it rather than me having it in a box in the closet somewhere, but that's just me. But I could NOT believe how evil some of my mom's supposed "friends" were. Then when my step dad died about a year later, his "friends" were more concerned about his daughter keeping the house so they could continue their "swinger" parties, than they were about their "friend" that just died! So YES people get crazy when someone dies

 

[listed]

no that wasn't it. I've been here long enough to know how to quote but thanks anyway . Never got that error before. I just started over and it worked.

Some times funny things happen.

 

[listed]

I have a few dumb questions.

If you have been married, would you be interested in doing it again?

If so why and what would interest you or what would you require? (note they may be the same.)

If not, why not?

I've been filled so full of barn yard stuff from each view point I don't know what to think.

I've been rather independent all my life thanks to my dad and very special thanks to my Mom and much discouragement from my sisters and aunts.

I'm not interested in debating/discussing the issues. I'm more on an information adventure here. Doesn't mean I won't ask a few questions.

The things said here so far are interesting. I find that is pretty much true about the society we live in.

But I'm still hoping that I get more response to my questions instead of talking about the actions of others.

I hear the need for some kind of legal issues to be taken care of. But people simply won't do this. I'm gonna sit back and watch the ignorant selfish action of my brother and sisters when my mom dies cause she refused to get a will. It is going to be entertaining and very sad. Oh well.