Would like something answered

[Arctic]

Hey guys, First I guess I should introduce myself, names Mike and New to these forums as well as new to Christianity. I was pretty anti-religious a while ago as in I would have nearly nothing to do with any form of religion and avoided all churches and other worship areas, just didn't enjoy them. I grew up, Did stupid things as all teens do. I haven't had time to join a church yet as currently I am extremely busy with work, school, and an Internship, but I plan on finding one and a denomination asap, probably in Jan or Feb.

For the last... 6 or 7 years I guess, I have been suffering from what I have concluded as OCD, have not been to any doctors and have no intention of going. I go through checking motions and need constant reassurance while I am driving that I did not hit anyone, pedestrian or car, or that I did not go through a red light, so needless to say I hate driving. More to the core than that, but That is the least of it anyway. The more concerning part in my mind is that I get images and ideas that can be described one of three ways, Anti-christian, Violent, or sexual. They scare me sometimes, or other times they don't worry me, it all depends on the strength of each seperate one. There are times where I will worry that I actually acted out one of the thoughts, that it was that strong. I've made peace that I have this wrong with me and don't have the time or desire to go see a psych.

Now, along with this comes an extremely strong conscience. And why this is, I don't know. Whether it is even related I don't know. I can't lie, cheat, steal, anything without feeling extremely guilty and wrong, which is a good thing. Now the bad thing. This part of me along with the problem above, tends to bring old problems to mind in debilitating situations. I could literally be seriously depressed for days on end due to old things that may even seem silly.

About a year ago a friend invited me down to her house a few hundred miles away to get my started on Christianity, because I had expressed a desire to begin a path as a Christian. It just felt right and good. And on that trip I made the final decision to become a christian, and have never regretted it. However, reading the bible brings a couple old sins to mind. The first one I'm not too worried about. I asked for forgiveness, all sins are forgiven, thanks.

I get to the part, repeatedly, about blasphemy vs the holy spirit, and my problems begin to act up. One time, I think only one, I drew an upside-down cross. This was maybe a few months or so before I got the real desire to join Christianity. Now I am wondering if I have committed the unforgivable sin. I prayed and repented, I have tried to stay as much away from sinning as humanly possible. I have never done that since and never intend to again, as with the other sins I left behind when I joined the religion, I left that one as well. I have heard the Unforgivable sin is a lifetime of denying and never accepting Jesus as your Saviour, but I want to be sure that I still have a chance. I would never say anything bad about God or the Holy spirit at all now, but I just can't get that out of my head. I know its this dumb problem bringing it back and back but...

This may seem like a silly or dumb question but in my head its pretty big. If you read all the way down this far, thank you so much.

 

[allthatisgone]

No drawing an upside-down cross is not the unforgivable sin.

Id say more, provide some encouraging words and support maybe, but you remind me too much of someone who I recall seemed to struggle with this issue. I explained to them or explained nehow but my words meant very little to them.

There are only few ppl neone really listens to neway. I hope someone comes along who you can believe.

 

[sistakrista]

Hey guys, First I guess I should introduce myself, names Mike and New to these forums as well as new to Christianity. I was pretty anti-religious a while ago as in I would have nearly nothing to do with any form of religion and avoided all churches and other worship areas, just didn't enjoy them. I grew up, Did stupid things as all teens do. I haven't had time to join a church yet as currently I am extremely busy with work, school, and an Internship, but I plan on finding one and a denomination asap, probably in Jan or Feb.

For the last... 6 or 7 years I guess, I have been suffering from what I have concluded as OCD, have not been to any doctors and have no intention of going. I go through checking motions and need constant reassurance while I am driving that I did not hit anyone, pedestrian or car, or that I did not go through a red light, so needless to say I hate driving. More to the core than that, but That is the least of it anyway. The more concerning part in my mind is that I get images and ideas that can be described one of three ways, Anti-christian, Violent, or sexual. They scare me sometimes, or other times they don't worry me, it all depends on the strength of each seperate one. There are times where I will worry that I actually acted out one of the thoughts, that it was that strong. I've made peace that I have this wrong with me and don't have the time or desire to go see a psych.

Now, along with this comes an extremely strong conscience. And why this is, I don't know. Whether it is even related I don't know. I can't lie, cheat, steal, anything without feeling extremely guilty and wrong, which is a good thing. Now the bad thing.This part of me along with the problem above, tends to bring old problems to mind in debilitating situations. I could literally be seriously depressed for days on end due to old things that may even seem silly.

About a year ago a friend invited me down to her house a few hundred miles away to get my started on Christianity, because I had expressed a desire to begin a path as a Christian. It just felt right and good. And on that trip I made the final decision to become a christian, and have never regretted it. However, reading the bible brings a couple old sins to mind. The first one I'm not too worried about. I asked for forgiveness, all sins are forgiven, thanks.

I get to the part, repeatedly, about blasphemy vs the holy spirit, and my problems begin to act up. One time, I think only one, I drew an upside-down cross. This was maybe a few months or so before I got the real desire to join Christianity. Now I am wondering if I have committed the unforgivable sin. I prayed and repented, I have tried to stay as much away from sinning as humanly possible. I have never done that since and never intend to again, as with the other sins I left behind when I joined the religion, I left that one as well. I have heard the Unforgivable sin is a lifetime of denying and never accepting Jesus as your Saviour, but I want to be sure that I still have a chance. I would never say anything bad about God or the Holy spirit at all now, but I just can't get that out of my head. I know its this dumb problem bringing it back and back but...

This may seem like a silly or dumb question but in my head its pretty big. If you read all the way down this far, thank you so much.

DRAWING ANYTHING LIKE THAT IS NOT BLASPHEMY AGAINST THE HOLY SPIRIT. YOUR OCD MAKES IT SEEM WORSE THAN IT IS! PLEASE TRY TO RELAX!

 

[Arctic]

Thanks I've really enjoyed reading through various threads throughout this forum, and in the last year it finally feels like I'm going somewhere with my life.

You know, this sounded so dumb to type out, but I am glad I did. Now I just need to work on finding a denomination that I like.

 

[MikeMcK]

Hey, Mike.

I suffered from trichotillomania (a kind of OCD) when I was a kid, so I can definitely relate to your struggles there.

I'm also glad that you're persuing Christianity now and I truly don't think that God is going to hold over your head a picture you drew of an upside down cross.

I know you told us about going to your friend's house and "getting started" on Christianity, but would you mind sharing your testimony with us? Specifically, what was it that led you to become a Christian? Why do you think that it was important for you to become a Christian?

How did you finally become a Christian?

I'm not trying to trick you or anything like that, but I think that how you answer those questions may help shed some light on some other problems you say you're having.

 

[HumbleUnderdog]

If you had committed blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, then the Spirit wouldn't have come into you, and you wouldn't have been able to became a christian as a result.

In other words...you're golden!!! Don't worry about it, the obessive thoughts are what are making you feel guilty, not the sin.

 

[Arctic]

A testimony? I'll give a shot at what I think you are asking if I can remember all .

Well, to start it off, I did some things during my teen years that I didn't think through or about at all that I'm ashamed of. My OCD began to develop when I was around 14 or 15, but it didn't actually start affecting my conscience or anything until around 18 or so. Back then I had a pretty perverted mind, I'm ashamed to say thanks to all the stuff that went through it due to this. Course then again it could have been just from being a teen . Either way, to accompany the early OCD I became pretty depressed, depressed enough to give myself a couple scars. I never was in danger of killing myself, I cared too much to do that knowing what it would do to people around me and such but that didn't stop me from thinking about it.

My anger was quite bad back then as well as I had an extremely short fuse, but i held it to myself, which looking back was probably a mistake to begin with. No one knew what went on within me, Was quiet and kept to myself. Anyway to speed this along I was pretty screwed up from like 14 till 18 or 19. By then I had to get my license to drive due to school and the OCD just got worse, I still avoid driving whenever possible because I can't put up with the feelings it instills in me alot, and I still have bouts of depression, but these are more fueled by guilt from the things that I did as a teen.

Finally around mid-19 I felt a sudden desire to get more into religion, choosing one was never a problem. The only one at all that felt right to me was Christian. Was born jewish but not in a religious family. It's funny, at least I thought so back then, when I looked at different religions the only one that was believable was the one that was unbelievable, Christianity made more sense to me than any other religion I had heard about. Right about then I had a very severe fight with depression in which I stopped seeing friends and became pretty just reclusive. I preferred a dark room to being out.

I was eventually talking to a friend online just after I turned 20, and I don't know what caused this as I usually am not paticularly open about these things, but I expressed to her my desire to get involved with Christianity, and it started. She invited me over so she could help me with the first steps, take me to a church meeting on a sunday, and just in general help me. At first I treated the trip like just that, a vacation and not much more since it was a few states away. However when I walked into that church, I felt something that's hard to explain, I actually felt like I belonged and like someone truly loved me. It felt so good. She helped me pick out a first bible and set me up with some books that answered some questions about Christianity as a gift, to which I was quite grateful. Ever since we have tried to have a bible study type thing once a week between us, but it is hard since we have to do it online due to distance. I am currently in training to take a job as an EMT so I have that class, school, the EMT internship, and a regular job. So needless to say, I don't have time to attend a church right at the moment, though It should free up time in Jan or feb when I complete my training and can stop working on sundays.

I still get attacked quite often by depression or guilt, as well as the OCD not letting up even a bit, try as I might to lose or overcome it, but I suppose I will eventually grow out of that, I hope. The mental aspect, the images, come a tad less, and while some still scare me, I find it easy to ignore the majority of them most of the time. I still haven't picked a denomination of Christianity yet, but have ruled out catholic. It just doesn't feel right to me, some of what they believe and such. And I know non-denominational is still an option.

I hope that is what you are looking for, I am fairly open on most of this stuff now so if you have any questions feel free to ask.

 

[DanCF]

Arctic, you wrote: "I am currently in training to take a job as an EMT so I have that class, school, the EMT internship, and a regular job. So needless to say, I don't have time to attend a church right at the moment."

I mean no disrespect but you need to reconsider your priorities. School, work or internships should never be a reason not to attend church on a regular basis. (doesn't have to be Sunday. Many churches have Saturday and weekday services.)

And it only gets tougher when you get older and you have many of the same responsibilities in addition to a family. I would get another job or cut back on schooling if they are preventing you from attending church. (Look up Hebrews 10:25)

I would also try to learn as much as you can on the web about ODC and depression. It may or may not be God's will for you to get treatment but atleast you should know what you are dealing with. I battle depression but have found that researching the problem really has helped me deal with it.

 

[Arctic]

Unfortunately, I can't. I am at the bare minimum in hours working to keep my current job, and schooling is at a minimum as well. Currently this schooling is training for the EMT job so once I have that certification (end of this month) I will be able to quit my current job and get a job as an EMT and refine my working schedule so that I can attend church. Right at the moment I do need an income so quitting is not an option. I am currently exhausted. I am stretching myself pretty thin as it is. I spent about 14 hours straight at the fire station yesterday working on my internship alone. Trying to get it all in as quick as possible since it has to be done by mid-december. Right now I am doing the bare minimum of all three activities and I still barely have any time. I honestly can't wait to change up my schedule , I actually may be able to do it within 2 weeks, maybe. Class is over on the 13 or 14th of december and after that its just studying and exams, so I might be able to go ahead and change around my schedule then instead of waiting until january.

As for researching OCD and Depression, I have. I have visited nearly every site on the web that Google could find that looked credible that is why I am so sure I have it. My symptoms match near exactly with classic symptoms. I am hoping I grow out of it, however If I don't then I may end up getting treatment regardless if i want it or not within a couple years.

 

[DanCF]

Great to hear that your schedule will be easier soon!

I don't mean to sound self righteous here but I've passed up good jobs that require me to miss church. I think I would crack up if I didn't have regular fellowship there.

 

[ephraimanesti]

I get to the part, repeatedly, about blasphemy vs the holy spirit, and my problems begin to act up. One time, I think only one, I drew an upside-down cross. This was maybe a few months or so before I got the real desire to join Christianity. Now I am wondering if I have committed the unforgivable sin. I prayed and repented, I have tried to stay as much away from sinning as humanly possible. I have never done that since and never intend to again, as with the other sins I left behind when I joined the religion, I left that one as well. I have heard the Unforgivable sin is a lifetime of denying and never accepting Jesus as your Saviour, but I want to be sure that I still have a chance. I would never say anything bad about God or the Holy spirit at all now, but I just can't get that out of my head. I know its this dumb problem bringing it back and back but...

This may seem like a silly or dumb question but in my head its pretty big. If you read all the way down this far, thank you so much.

MY DEAR BROTHER IN CHRIST,

i haven't read the responses below which are probably more thorough and complete, but a quick rule of thumb regarding "the unforgivable sin" is: IF YOU ARE WORRIED ABOUT HAVING COMMITED IT--YOU HAVEN'T. If you had, your heart would be hardened as were the Pharasees to whom Jesus spoke regarding this sin, and the thought that you might have sinned wouldn't even cross your mind.

SO BE AT PEACE AND ENJOY THE LORD!

MUCH LOVE IN CHRIST,
ephraim

 

[ephraimanesti]

Arctic, you wrote: "I am currently in training to take a job as an EMT so I have that class, school, the EMT internship, and a regular job. So needless to say, I don't have time to attend a church right at the moment."

I mean no disrespect but you need to reconsider your priorities. School, work or internships should never be a reason not to attend church on a regular basis. (doesn't have to be Sunday. Many churches have Saturday and weekday services.)

And it only gets tougher when you get older and you have many of the same responsibilities in addition to a family. I would get another job or cut back on schooling if they are preventing you from attending church. (Look up Hebrews 10:25)

AMEN TO THIS!

IN CHRIST,
ephraim
​

 

[ephraimanesti]

Unfortunately, I can't. I am at the bare minimum in hours working to keep my current job, and schooling is at a minimum as well. Currently this schooling is training for the EMT job so once I have that certification (end of this month) I will be able to quit my current job and get a job as an EMT and refine my working schedule so that I can attend church. Right at the moment I do need an income so quitting is not an option. I am currently exhausted. I am stretching myself pretty thin as it is. I spent about 14 hours straight at the fire station yesterday working on my internship alone. Trying to get it all in as quick as possible since it has to be done by mid-december. Right now I am doing the bare minimum of all three activities and I still barely have any time. I honestly can't wait to change up my schedule , I actually may be able to do it within 2 weeks, maybe. Class is over on the 13 or 14th of december and after that its just studying and exams, so I might be able to go ahead and change around my schedule then instead of waiting until january.

MY DEAR FRIEND IN CHRIST,

Keep in mind that if your walk with our Lord is not your #1 priority--IT IS NOTHING. This walk MUST include regular fellowshipping with, and support from, other Christians. Where there is a will--there is a way.

IN CHRIST,
ephraim

 

[Chubo]

Brother Arctic,

If you just dont have time to find a church to worship at right now, you can find some sermons and bible studies online. You can listen to some very fine teaching at your leisure.

A couple of my favorites are:

sermonindex.net - Many great preachers and sermons here.

lesfeldick.org - an online bible study, in audio or print format. He can get technical but has opened my eyes in ways that I never expected. He also connects the dots between the Old and New Testaments. I highly recommend giving him a listen.

Both sites are free.

TV, Radio and the Internet are by no means a substitute for being with a body of Gospel Believers, but until that time comes for you, you still need to be fed the truth that is Jesus Christ.

As far as driving go's, brother, I would ride with you any day of the week. Your probably paying more attention to what you doing than 90% of the people on the road.

 

[millerrod]

If time is a problem and it sounds like it is pick up a pile of used Bibles at a used book store. Set one in the bathroom, one in the kitchen, one by the couch, one by the bath tub, one in the car, one in the bag you carry. you are more than likely getting the point. Read Gods word all the time. Read while on the toilet during a bath as you eat. It is VERY important as a new christian to sink yourself into Gods word. NOW is when the enemy is going to hit you the hardest. When the seed of a tree sprouts upward its root is going downward twice as fast for the root is seeking water because without it it will wilt and die. We are the same as new christians we must sink ourselves [ root] quickly into the Word of God [water]so as to protect us from satan. Or we to will become weak. Just some thoughts that may help. God be with you in all.

 

[Sennaria]

Unfortunately, I can't. I am at the bare minimum in hours working to keep my current job, and schooling is at a minimum as well. Currently this schooling is training for the EMT job so once I have that certification (end of this month) I will be able to quit my current job and get a job as an EMT and refine my working schedule so that I can attend church. Right at the moment I do need an income so quitting is not an option. I am currently exhausted. I am stretching myself pretty thin as it is. I spent about 14 hours straight at the fire station yesterday working on my internship alone. Trying to get it all in as quick as possible since it has to be done by mid-december. Right now I am doing the bare minimum of all three activities and I still barely have any time. I honestly can't wait to change up my schedule , I actually may be able to do it within 2 weeks, maybe. Class is over on the 13 or 14th of december and after that its just studying and exams, so I might be able to go ahead and change around my schedule then instead of waiting until january.

As for researching OCD and Depression, I have. I have visited nearly every site on the web that Google could find that looked credible that is why I am so sure I have it. My symptoms match near exactly with classic symptoms. I am hoping I grow out of it, however If I don't then I may end up getting treatment regardless if i want it or not within a couple years.

It sounds to me like God is really working in your life and He'll have you in church real soon!! Praise the Lord. Let me ask you, if I may, one question. You keep saying you need to choose a denomination? Have you considered going non-denominational and finding a good strong Gospel preaching, Bible believing, Spirit Filled church? Just giving an alternative

I understand the hours situation and schedule situation and the Lord does work with that as it seems He is, so that is a praise beyond belief. And in the meantime, He has you here which is very flexible itself for you and you can continue to grow in your relationship with Jesus.

Stay strong in His Word, do a continual Bible reading AND Bible Study daily, pray and talk to Him daily and Praise/sing/dance/worship Him daily and you'll be fine ohhhh don't forget to listen for Him also!!!!

p.s. ohhhh lift up your OCD to Him also, see how much He's done already? OCD is not too much for Him either.

Heavenly Father,
I pray a hedge of protection around our brother's mind. That You Lord, You shall protect and cherish his mind and his emotions as he draws in to You. Have angels accompany him whenever he drives for his protection and the protection of others. Lord, encamp your warrior angels around his home, armed and ready for combat to alllow nothing that is not of You to pass by. Lord, I lift him up to you that you shall also direct him to the church that You would have him attend. One that shall be a blessing to him and one that he shall bless and learn much from.

In Jesus Holy Name,
Amen!!

With His Love
Sennaria

Welcome and Praise God!

 

[Arctic]

First let me apologize for how long it took me to reply, I've barely spent an hour on the computer since Saturday morning, except note-taking in class. With class winding down, mucho busy^^, luckily this is the last week of lectures aside from my finals. Anyway

If you just dont have time to find a church to worship at right now, you can find some sermons and bible studies online. You can listen to some very fine teaching at your leisure.

Yep been doing that, I've found a few good sites that I can listen to on my free time. I am kinda an oddity maybe, I hear so many people disliking church and sermons and such, and yet I love them. I don't know if I'm one of a rare group of people or what, but I love listening to or reading through the sermons. Ill check out that bible study you posted tomorrow night.

Not a bad idea about the bibles, I have also found a few podcast type things for my ipod that I think are free, haven't put them on yet but the ease and places it goes surpasses the places and ease i can take a book with.

It sounds to me like God is really working in your life and He'll have you in church real soon!! Praise the Lord. Let me ask you, if I may, one question. You keep saying you need to choose a denomination? Have you considered going non-denominational and finding a good strong Gospel preaching, Bible believing, Spirit Filled church? Just giving an alternative

Yea, I do think he is. Heh, it is so easy to get kicked out of my EMT class, you fail one test or fall below a 70% avg and you are done. I've found myself praying at every single test I have taken, and so far He has not let me down. Been really nervous at every single test, but I've always pulled through above an 80% so far. Just one last test to go, then the state tests.

As for the non-denominational, It may be the wrong thing to do but I have lumped it into denominations when I say I am trying to find one. So far I have actually gone to one non-denominational and one Lutheran church. I enjoyed both for the most part, but still not sure about the differences of denominations. So far the non-denominational has looked the most appealing to me regarding what I know.

p.s. ohhhh lift up your OCD to Him also, see how much He's done already? OCD is not too much for Him either.

Tough tough tough. Baby steps at a time for sure. Its just hard. I have total faith in Jesus but I just can't seem to let go of my worries or anxieties, so far even praying doesn't help totally. Although, I have to say that OCD may have brought me back to Him. Glaring my many sins back in my face and looking for comfort may have actually pulled me closer and nudged me towards becoming a christian. For that I am thankful, even if it threw me into depression at the same time.

As far as driving go's, brother, I would ride with you any day of the week. Your probably paying more attention to what you doing than 90% of the people on the road.

lol I think I actually am. Most people gaze ahead, I find myself watching front, sides, back, mirrors, diagonals, everything constantly. My eyes shift around faster than the car moves, lol. At some point I even went through a period where I had no radio playing for like 2 months just so I could pay better attention. I know I have absolutely no reason to be worried or anxious like this, but it just comes on, even for something as simple as being worried about running a possible red light.

However, I am sure the more I pray and the more that I strengthen myself both spiritually and physically, the more likely it is that this problem will go away. So that is the moment I am looking forward to.

 

[heymikey80]

I could only relate in small actions which are always in the background of my life, but that I constantly remember as well.

After years of worry about it I ran across Romans 8, and it made me realize, "it's not on me." That lifted pounds off my shoulders. Maybe this or another passage would help you too.

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died--more than that, who was raised--who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written,

"For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered."
​

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rom 8:31-39

​

 

[Choose2wait]

I'm so happy for you, coming into christianity and all. welcome to the family.

The awesome thing about our God, is that there is no sin too big to forgive. I know exactly how you felt with the upside down cross. Even small things sometimes worry us as humans: 'If we've upset God and if he really will forgive us for something we find so.. unforgivable.' Just trust him, and he'll guide you.
Be happy for such a thing as conviction. It's the thing that keeps us from doing things that are wrong again and again. You're going to learn some great things in your walk. God bless you and keep you.

I'll be praying for you =)

 

[recoveringcatalina]

firstly, don't get too hung up on joining a denomination. Chirstian fellowship is vital, but each and every denomination that i've ever looked into thinks that they are it, they are the perfection of God's people. this is not so. Jesus is not catholic, baptist, lutherin, republican or democate for that matter. He's God. God is on God's side.

concerning the issues that you are struggling with...:

you need to pray to Jesus this: Lord, i give up my problems and fears because i cannot handle them. Lord, I crusify my whole self to you. i don't even know how, but i have faith that You can do all things.

and Jesus will begin a change in your soul through his work in your spirit.

but you must want to give up your problems...

and therefore, when you pray this you "must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. that man should not think that he will receive anything from the Lord. He is a DOUBLE-MINDED man, unstable in all he does." James 1.

Christ says to pick up your cross and die daily. i've just figured this out the last month. and i've been a christian for 15 years.