Worried someone won't want me.

[Celticroots]

I'll be 29 in July and would eventually like to marry. But I am worried that no man will want me because I have a disability. And my disability isn't something noticeable. Most of the things I struggle with are due to premature birth: difficulty with math and other developmental disabilities, as well as fatigue and a lung disease. Looking at me you'd have no clue I have a disability. Right now, fatigue is proving to be a big issue for me.

Even though I am high functioning, I'll never be able to live fully independently. I can't drive so I'll have to live in a place with a good transportation system. I can't pay my own bills, take care of my own medical records, although I can schedule my own doctor's appointments.

In a few years I'll be living in a place that helps other people with disabilities with independent living skills like money, getting a job, etc.

I am on SSI. And should I ever marry, I will lose my SSI and will go on my husband's insurance. I am worried that I would just be a burden because I can't do some of the things a wife can do. I am worried that he would resent me for something I have no control over.

This has been making really upset lately.

But, I firmly believe God has shown me that He does have someone for me.


For those with physical illnesses/disabilities, were you worried about finding someone? If you eventually married, how did you tell your spouse about your disability and how did you help him understand it?

 

[Jude1:3Contendforthefaith]

Whoever you find that actually wants to marry you won't give a 2 cents about the disabilities or the problems that go along with them.

Just be very straightforward about them in the beginning so they know exactly what they are getting into.

It's all going to work out.

 

[HopefulCat]

Hello.

I was in my mid 40's before I got married.
I was already retired due to disability when we met.

I have multiple invisible chronic conditions.
I was totally up front with him. He accepted me as I was.

 

[Jack L Palmer]

Sorry to raise a dead post. I read this and it made me wish i could reach through the net and give you a hug.

My wife has some invisible disabilities. I love her the way she is. There's hope for everyone.

 

[Godcrazy]

Big hugs to you. I feel with you.

I know what it's like, to be tired. I have cronic fatigue. It started when I was abused in my childhood, and got worse during the years. There's no cure other than vitamins. Other people can exercise or work with only a few hours rest. I take much more. When I'm off work I spend much time just recovering. I don't know how I made it through working as a support worker for learning disabilities, where the super visor demand you to always be active and never sit down literally. And I mean literally. Ten hours shift. No peace. And out and about a lot. I'm soon starting to work nights at a nursing home. More peaceful and three days off each week. I'd never get that in the previous. For little money too. Now I'll be able to save and even study. But yes I've dragged my self through life. I have lost out. When I was away from God, I was together with a man, he was very good and understanding, that was when he believed in God. Not the same, but new age. But point is, a godly man, a true godly man would love and support you. I know its dead hard. I have diabetes type 2 and asthma too.im changing the diet slowly. (anyone can get it despite weight contrary to the public opinion. Even athletes)
So we're having fun.. Not. But, I've seen, what a even good man is like when good(even though he turned bad, then he called me lazy, and how I just lay on my but)
So, there is hope. I do wonder too. But same time.. If you don't have worldly standards... If they really do, then they should accept.

 

[Christopher M Pruitt]

I know how you feel exactly. I'm 30 years old. I'm hardly able to walk, have severe pain, vision loss, memory problems, and a huge list of issues that got me disabled. I often pray that I can at least be healed enough that I might get married. I know there are women who'd love a man despite his problems with health, but I'm poor since disability and SSI provide next to nothing.

I also appear healthy on the outside, but I can't even live alone because of the seizures and the fact I have memory loss means I could end up in big trouble. So I live with my parents at 30, they take care of me when I should take care of them, you know?

But listen to me. If I were healthy, should God heal me, and I'm then able to work and make money again. Well, I can say for sure I would be perfectly fine with someone like yourself. I've told my parents that I don't care about anything but a woman's faith and personality. Health is nice but I'm fine with taking care of someone if I love them. Looks are just superficial, so I don't care what the woman I marry looks like, seriously. I'm not ugly myself, I used to have a lot of women hit on me when I was able to work (I turned them down since I wanted a Christian), so it's not like I day I don't mind looks because I'm ugly or something, haha.

So you're not lost. In fact, there are men like myself who actually love helping others, taking care of them, and wouldn't mind living out their lives with a person who needs help. When I was healthy at 17, I often took care if homeless people, not only buying them food but being their friend. So if you met a man like me, then you'd be fine. There's a man who would want to be with you.

Actually, if I had money to take care of a wife, I'd want to marry a woman like you. You know what it feels like. I've spent my insomnia ridden nights staring at the ceiling, asking God for a way to marry someday. It's not about anything sexual, not about feeling I need to marry to feel successful in life or anything, but rather I've always wanted to marry, to love, to know what it's like and devote myself to a woman.

Don't give up. Take my mother for example. My daddy died in 2004, and my mother being morbidly obese and suffering health issues managed to find my dad (I call my stepdad dad, and my first father daddy). Dad is also morbidly obese. Both of them can't work. She was thinking she'd never find a man again, but God provided a great man for her.

If it's His will, you'll get married for certain. If you want to talk about anything, let me know, I can share my Facebook or email. I spend my time in bed all day and don't leave the house, so I'm always available. My back was badly injured, and the spinal cord inflames & gets pinched if I stand up for more than 5 minutes in 24 hours. That causes lower body paralysis. So I use a wheelchair and only leave the house once every 3 months for the doctor. So if you need someone to talk to about anything, I'm always here. My Facebook is /chris.pruitt.antari & you could just send a message saying you're the woman from Christian Forums who's disabled, I'll remember you since I've never met a woman so close to my age and in a very similar situation as my own.

I'll add you to my prayer list. Since I know how it feels, I know you need strength and help, you need prayer.

 

[littleangelone]

I feel the same way I have what is called Cerebral Palsy & I feel that no man after he finds out won't want to date me because of it, but i'm hanging there hoping that my future Christian husband will overlook that, there's hope for you, believe me he will overlook the fact that you're disabled if he is a caring person

 

[Celticroots]

Thank you. I have Cerebral Palsy as well.

 

[littleangelone]

i'm glad you are on here celticroots

 

[sunshine100]

I'll be 29 in July and would eventually like to marry. But I am worried that no man will want me because I have a disability. And my disability isn't something noticeable. Most of the things I struggle with are due to premature birth: difficulty with math and other developmental disabilities, as well as fatigue and a lung disease. Looking at me you'd have no clue I have a disability. Right now, fatigue is proving to be a big issue for me.

Even though I am high functioning, I'll never be able to live fully independently. I can't drive so I'll have to live in a place with a good transportation system. I can't pay my own bills, take care of my own medical records, although I can schedule my own doctor's appointments.

In a few years I'll be living in a place that helps other people with disabilities with independent living skills like money, getting a job, etc.

I am on SSI. And should I ever marry, I will lose my SSI and will go on my husband's insurance. I am worried that I would just be a burden because I can't do some of the things a wife can do. I am worried that he would resent me for something I have no control over.

This has been making really upset lately.

But, I firmly believe God has shown me that He does have someone for me.


For those with physical illnesses/disabilities, were you worried about finding someone? If you eventually married, how did you tell your spouse about your disability and how did you help him understand it?

I worry about this daily with my disability also.

 

[littleangelone]

sunshine100, I am in the same boat I feel that once my future Christian husband finds out that i'm disabled he won't like me or know how to handle it, hang in there ok God will place someone special in your life believe me i'm sure the man if he's caring will overlook your disability

 

[Unqualified]

I’m disabled my wife is disabled both before we got together. There is hope in the Lord!

 

[SANTOSO]

Don’t worry. We have heard our Lord have told us that, too.

You worry that someone won’t want me??
Well, the Lord wants you. Even, He has promised not to leave you and forsake you.
You are not rejected by the Lord. So why you have to be rejected by anybody. Even if you are rejected, just forgive them and bless them. Then you inherit heavenly blessings.

Nobody can be whole without the Lord; for we are called the body of Christ.

When you are suffering disabilities and or chronic health, there is still hope.

Where is this hope ?
To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is CHRIST IN YOU, the hope of glory. -Colossians 1:27

Christ in me ? where ? God the Father have raised Christ to the heavens. How could here be in me? How is that possible ?

This is what apostle Paul have told us:
For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” HAS SHONE IN OUR HEARTS - 2 Corinthians 4:6

How is this light shone in our hearts?
This is what is written in proverbs:

For the commandment is a lamp and the TEACHING a LIGHT, and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life,- Proverbs 6:23

Our Lord is also our teacher who has taught the truth in Him; what He has taught us and when we keep in our hearts ; This light shine in the darkness of our hearts.

As the psalmist has sung :
The UNFOLDING of YOUR WORDS GIVES LIGHT; it IMPARTS UNDERSTANDING to the simple.- Psalms 119:130

Yes, the unfolding of what our Lord has taught, what the apostles have taught about what is in Christ, what the prophets have foretold about Christ ; that Christ is the Light of the world.

When you no longer in darkness, know that the Heavenly Father brought you out the dominion of darkness and translate to the Kingdom of His dear Son.

What the Heavenly Father is doing there in the heavens? He is preparing a table.
What table ?

"The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a KING who gave a WEDDING FEAST for His son, -Matthew 22:2

Have you prepared yourself for the wedding feast with our Lord Jesus Christ?

This SOMEONE who wants you is the Lord !