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Worried someone won't want me.

Discussion in 'Disability & Chronic Health Issues' started by Celticroots, Apr 6, 2018.

  1. Celticroots

    Celticroots Newbie

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    I'll be 29 in July and would eventually like to marry. But I am worried that no man will want me because I have a disability. And my disability isn't something noticeable. Most of the things I struggle with are due to premature birth: difficulty with math and other developmental disabilities, as well as fatigue and a lung disease. Looking at me you'd have no clue I have a disability. Right now, fatigue is proving to be a big issue for me.

    Even though I am high functioning, I'll never be able to live fully independently. I can't drive so I'll have to live in a place with a good transportation system. I can't pay my own bills, take care of my own medical records, although I can schedule my own doctor's appointments.

    In a few years I'll be living in a place that helps other people with disabilities with independent living skills like money, getting a job, etc.

    I am on SSI. And should I ever marry, I will lose my SSI and will go on my husband's insurance. I am worried that I would just be a burden because I can't do some of the things a wife can do. I am worried that he would resent me for something I have no control over.

    This has been making really upset lately.

    But, I firmly believe God has shown me that He does have someone for me.


    For those with physical illnesses/disabilities, were you worried about finding someone? If you eventually married, how did you tell your spouse about your disability and how did you help him understand it?
     
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  2. Jude1:3Contendforthefaith

    Jude1:3Contendforthefaith I'm Currently An Eastern Orthodox Catechumen Supporter

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    Whoever you find that actually wants to marry you won't give a 2 cents about the disabilities or the problems that go along with them.

    Just be very straightforward about them in the beginning so they know exactly what they are getting into.

    It's all going to work out.
     
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  3. HopefulCat

    HopefulCat aka caitlincares

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    Hello.

    I was in my mid 40's before I got married.
    I was already retired due to disability when we met.

    I have multiple invisible chronic conditions.
    I was totally up front with him. He accepted me as I was.
     
  4. Jack L Palmer

    Jack L Palmer New Member

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    Sorry to raise a dead post. I read this and it made me wish i could reach through the net and give you a hug.

    My wife has some invisible disabilities. I love her the way she is. There's hope for everyone.
     
  5. Godcrazy

    Godcrazy Member

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    Big hugs to you. I feel with you.

    I know what it's like, to be tired. I have cronic fatigue. It started when I was abused in my childhood, and got worse during the years. There's no cure other than vitamins. Other people can exercise or work with only a few hours rest. I take much more. When I'm off work I spend much time just recovering. I don't know how I made it through working as a support worker for learning disabilities, where the super visor demand you to always be active and never sit down literally. And I mean literally. Ten hours shift. No peace. And out and about a lot. I'm soon starting to work nights at a nursing home. More peaceful and three days off each week. I'd never get that in the previous. For little money too. Now I'll be able to save and even study. But yes I've dragged my self through life. I have lost out. When I was away from God, I was together with a man, he was very good and understanding, that was when he believed in God. Not the same, but new age. But point is, a godly man, a true godly man would love and support you. I know its dead hard. I have diabetes type 2 and asthma too.im changing the diet slowly. (anyone can get it despite weight contrary to the public opinion. Even athletes)
    So we're having fun.. Not. But, I've seen, what a even good man is like when good(even though he turned bad, then he called me lazy, and how I just lay on my but)
    So, there is hope. I do wonder too. But same time.. If you don't have worldly standards... If they really do, then they should accept.
     
  6. Christopher M Pruitt

    Christopher M Pruitt New Member

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    I know how you feel exactly. I'm 30 years old. I'm hardly able to walk, have severe pain, vision loss, memory problems, and a huge list of issues that got me disabled. I often pray that I can at least be healed enough that I might get married. I know there are women who'd love a man despite his problems with health, but I'm poor since disability and SSI provide next to nothing.

    I also appear healthy on the outside, but I can't even live alone because of the seizures and the fact I have memory loss means I could end up in big trouble. So I live with my parents at 30, they take care of me when I should take care of them, you know?

    But listen to me. If I were healthy, should God heal me, and I'm then able to work and make money again. Well, I can say for sure I would be perfectly fine with someone like yourself. I've told my parents that I don't care about anything but a woman's faith and personality. Health is nice but I'm fine with taking care of someone if I love them. Looks are just superficial, so I don't care what the woman I marry looks like, seriously. I'm not ugly myself, I used to have a lot of women hit on me when I was able to work (I turned them down since I wanted a Christian), so it's not like I day I don't mind looks because I'm ugly or something, haha.

    So you're not lost. In fact, there are men like myself who actually love helping others, taking care of them, and wouldn't mind living out their lives with a person who needs help. When I was healthy at 17, I often took care if homeless people, not only buying them food but being their friend. So if you met a man like me, then you'd be fine. There's a man who would want to be with you.

    Actually, if I had money to take care of a wife, I'd want to marry a woman like you. You know what it feels like. I've spent my insomnia ridden nights staring at the ceiling, asking God for a way to marry someday. It's not about anything sexual, not about feeling I need to marry to feel successful in life or anything, but rather I've always wanted to marry, to love, to know what it's like and devote myself to a woman.

    Don't give up. Take my mother for example. My daddy died in 2004, and my mother being morbidly obese and suffering health issues managed to find my dad (I call my stepdad dad, and my first father daddy). Dad is also morbidly obese. Both of them can't work. She was thinking she'd never find a man again, but God provided a great man for her.

    If it's His will, you'll get married for certain. If you want to talk about anything, let me know, I can share my Facebook or email. I spend my time in bed all day and don't leave the house, so I'm always available. My back was badly injured, and the spinal cord inflames & gets pinched if I stand up for more than 5 minutes in 24 hours. That causes lower body paralysis. So I use a wheelchair and only leave the house once every 3 months for the doctor. So if you need someone to talk to about anything, I'm always here. My Facebook is /chris.pruitt.antari & you could just send a message saying you're the woman from Christian Forums who's disabled, I'll remember you since I've never met a woman so close to my age and in a very similar situation as my own.

    I'll add you to my prayer list. Since I know how it feels, I know you need strength and help, you need prayer.
     
  7. littleangelone

    littleangelone New Member

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    I feel the same way I have what is called Cerebral Palsy & I feel that no man after he finds out won't want to date me because of it, but i'm hanging there hoping that my future Christian husband will overlook that, there's hope for you, believe me he will overlook the fact that you're disabled if he is a caring person
     
  8. Celticroots

    Celticroots Newbie

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    Thank you. I have Cerebral Palsy as well.
     
  9. littleangelone

    littleangelone New Member

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    i'm glad you are on here celticroots
     
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