Wishing for Death After My Girlfriend's Suicide

Cado

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A little over a month ago my closest friend committed suicide. Her name is Terri. Terri was more than just a friend to me however, she was practically my girlfriend. We were already seeing each other constantly, going on dates, spending several entire days at a time together, and our friends practically labeled us as a couple from the start. Terri asked me to be in a committed relationship with her a week or two after we first started dating. I had already known her for two years before that. She told me she needed it but I did not want to rush into anything. I told her to wait and that we will eventually get there.

Terri lived a very stressful life between her divorced parents, various facilities for troubled teens, and for years an abusive boyfriend who raped her on a regular basis. She has been on anti-depression medication since she was a child and suffered anxiety and stress induced episodes very often. She was diagnosed with Borderline Split Personality Disorder weeks before she died. I can easily believe that her death was a result of a very serious outburst where she was not herself. I have witnessed her emotions shift to extremes very suddenly many times before. On the day she died I was asleep when Terri needed me the most.
Terri died alone in a nearby state park. In the middle of the night afterwards, I was told she went missing and spent the rest of the night and morning looking for her. It was at that time I realized I was in love with her. I wanted nothing more out of life than to see her again. After I finally went home I was told she was found dead. She killed herself.
Now that she is dead I am longing to see her again and am contemplating my own suicide. I do not want to leave this Earth. I know I would be missed if I died. I am not suffering from any typical depression in the way my Terri was. I am simply in love with Terri and I know that we had such an amazing future together just waiting for us. She was always an amazing person since I first met her. All she wanted was for me to protect and look after her in her times of weakness. She said I made her happy and that life would be better, easier if we stayed together.
I did not get to talk to her about her faith enough but in the short time we did she very directly told me she was a firm believer in God and Jesus Christ. I do not believe Terri has been sent to Hell. I do not want to continue living a life without her where she is missing out. I don't want to grow into a different person who doesn't remember Terri or fall in love with anyone else. When I think about how much I want to see her and how fantastic it would be, I can't help but think that the only way to reach her is to kill myself the same way she did. I pray to God to let us have a second chance. It doesn't seem to make much sense but I feel like if I die there's a chance we can still be reunited like normal and continue our lives afterwards. I am valuing my love for Terri above my own life.

I can't expect my family/friends or anyone to accept love as a legitimate cause of death. I can not tell where the boundary between love and sin is. I still have faith in God and I pray that he guide me but I am stuck on the notion of dying young and in love. Can anyone please offer some advice on my current situation? Thank you.
 

Godlovesmetwo

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I can't help but think that the only way to reach her is to kill myself the same way she did.
This would be a big mistake in my opinion.
Your story and hers are tragic to say the least. Don't make any decisions whilst you're in an emotional state. With a good counsellor you can work through a lot of this.
Work through your grief. This will take a long time. Don't expect it to happen quickly. Have patience with yourself and the process.
I'm hoping you can rise above this turmoil and make something of the life you have been given by God. God Bless and please take care
 
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A little over a month ago my closest friend committed suicide. Her name is Terri. Terri was more than just a friend to me however, she was practically my girlfriend. We were already seeing each other constantly, going on dates, spending several entire days at a time together, and our friends practically labeled us as a couple from the start. Terri asked me to be in a committed relationship with her a week or two after we first started dating. I had already known her for two years before that. She told me she needed it but I did not want to rush into anything. I told her to wait and that we will eventually get there.

Terri lived a very stressful life between her divorced parents, various facilities for troubled teens, and for years an abusive boyfriend who raped her on a regular basis. She has been on anti-depression medication since she was a child and suffered anxiety and stress induced episodes very often. She was diagnosed with Borderline Split Personality Disorder weeks before she died. I can easily believe that her death was a result of a very serious outburst where she was not herself. I have witnessed her emotions shift to extremes very suddenly many times before. On the day she died I was asleep when Terri needed me the most.
Terri died alone in a nearby state park. In the middle of the night afterwards, I was told she went missing and spent the rest of the night and morning looking for her. It was at that time I realized I was in love with her. I wanted nothing more out of life than to see her again. After I finally went home I was told she was found dead. She killed herself.
Now that she is dead I am longing to see her again and am contemplating my own suicide. I do not want to leave this Earth. I know I would be missed if I died. I am not suffering from any typical depression in the way my Terri was. I am simply in love with Terri and I know that we had such an amazing future together just waiting for us. She was always an amazing person since I first met her. All she wanted was for me to protect and look after her in her times of weakness. She said I made her happy and that life would be better, easier if we stayed together.
I did not get to talk to her about her faith enough but in the short time we did she very directly told me she was a firm believer in God and Jesus Christ. I do not believe Terri has been sent to Hell. I do not want to continue living a life without her where she is missing out. I don't want to grow into a different person who doesn't remember Terri or fall in love with anyone else. When I think about how much I want to see her and how fantastic it would be, I can't help but think that the only way to reach her is to kill myself the same way she did. I pray to God to let us have a second chance. It doesn't seem to make much sense but I feel like if I die there's a chance we can still be reunited like normal and continue our lives afterwards. I am valuing my love for Terri above my own life.

I can't expect my family/friends or anyone to accept love as a legitimate cause of death. I can not tell where the boundary between love and sin is. I still have faith in God and I pray that he guide me but I am stuck on the notion of dying young and in love. Can anyone please offer some advice on my current situation? Thank you.

I had just prayed for you,for God's comfort and God's peace. I have lost four lady friends to cancer.That is a helpless feeling.I have no other advice for you,that to seek and to get some help. I am very,very,sorry for your loss.
 
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I'm_Sorry

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Brother,

My heart goes out to you.

Something very similar happened to my partner 12months ago.

I was away when she died and I found her body.

Please brother, I know how this feels and where you maybe atm, don't think about dying to be with her.

Now is the time to spend all your time in mourning with God in Christ Jesus.

He is the only one who can bring you through what you're facing.

He promised to comfort the mourning.

Matthew 5:4

Please feel free to PM me and I can share more deeply.

God loves you brother!

In love in Jesus.
 
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gennypearl

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i am sorry for your loss and i understand where you're coming from as i also lost my bf just this march. grieve the way you want to but don't take your life. i hope you have a strong support group, be it family or friends or your faith. i know that no comforting words will ever comfort you at all, i know that feeling. i am praying for you and your healing. God bless and keep you.
 
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Kit Sigmon

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I don't want to grow into a different person who doesn't remember Terri or fall in love with anyone else.

You don't grow into a different person who doesn't remember... I've never forgotten the ones who died by suicide...one happened over 20 years ago and
the other guy who died in 2011 was my former boyfriend.
His Facebook memorial page is regularly updated...The memories are always there... they don't go away.
You treasure the good memories, I still have my ex-bf's photos and my husband knows that.
We've talked about my former boyfriend many times... just so you know, my
former boyfriend married someone else and so had I.
We were always friends, no matter what, we'd known one another since elementary school...his parents liked me really well and I also went to school with his sister, me an her hung out together.

Also... I've worked in health care (20+ years) and have attended to people who attempted suicide, I was a companion for them when they be in the hospital and someone they'd talk to about their problems/troubles in life.
I've burned the midnight oil talking to patients who were suicidal.

I would encourage you to seek grief counseling asap.


When I think about how much I want to see her and how fantastic it would be, I can't help but think that the only way to reach her is to kill myself the same way she did. I pray to God to let us have a second chance. It doesn't seem to make much sense but I feel like if I die there's a chance we can still be reunited like normal and continue our lives afterwards. I am valuing my love for Terri above my own life.

I can't expect my family/friends or anyone to accept love as a legitimate cause of death. I can not tell where the boundary between love and sin is. I still have faith in God and I pray that he guide me but I am stuck on the notion of dying young and in love. Can anyone please offer some advice on my current situation? Thank you.[/QUOTE]

That is one thing I noticed with suicide...the notion of it spreads...it is very important for you to renew your mind often on The Word of God and to talk
about your feelings /thoughts with your minister and a grief counselor, family
member, friends etc. Resist the urge to be alone, get connected with christians
in your area, meet up with them face to face...presence is key.


Know this, your life young believer is to honor God and honor The Word of God...the Lord isn't done with you, His call on your life is to be His Ambassador and to share the gospel with the unsaved.

Reflect on...
Who I Am In Christ

I Am A Child Of God
You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus (Gal 3:26)

Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to
become children of God (John 1:12)

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received
the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies
with our spirit that we are God’s children. (Rom 8:15-16)


I Am Made In God’s Image
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them. (Gen 1:27)


I Am God’s Temple
Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit
lives in you?
(1 Cor 3:16)

I Am God’s Hand-Crafted Creation
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well. (Psalm 139:13-14)

For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Eph 2;10)


God Created Me A Little Lower Than The Heavenly Beings
You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. (Psalm 8:5)


I Am Christ’s Ambassador On Earth
We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal
through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. (2 Cor 5:20)

As God’s fellow-workers we urge you not to receive God’s grace in vain. (2 Cor 6:1)


I Am A Citizen Of Heaven
But our citizenship is in heaven.
And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, (Phil 3:20)

I Am A New Creation In Christ
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new
has come! (2 Cor 5:17)

I Am Being Transformed Into Christ’s Likeness
And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. (2 Cor 3:18)

And just as we have borne the likeness of the earthly man, so shall we bear the
likeness of the man from heaven. (1 Cor 15:49)

In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the
day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. (1 John 4:17)

I Am Christ’s Friend
I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. (John 15:15)

I Have Been Chosen By God
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—
fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.
(John 15:16)

Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us,
set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit,
guaranteeing what is to come. (2 Cor 1:21-22)


I Am A Saint
Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, To the saints in Ephesus,
the faithful in Christ Jesus (Eph 1:1)


I Am A member Of Christ’s Body
Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. (1 Cor 12;27)

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him,
he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing”. (John 15:5)


I Am An Heir To The Kingdom
Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ,
if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
(Rom 8:17)

And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel
of your salvation.
Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit,
who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who
are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory. (Eph 1:13-14)


I Am Strong In Christ
I can do everything through him who gives me strength. (Phil 4:13)


Christ Died For Me
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners,
Christ died for us. (Rom 5:8)


My Sins Are Forgiven
Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him. (Rom 4:8)

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. (John 8:36)


I Am Free Of Condemnation
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, (Rom 8:1)


The Holy Spirit Lives In Me
And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. (Rom 5:5)

It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is of no avail. The words that I have spoken to
you are spirit and life. (John 6:63)


Because Of Christ’s Sacrifice, I Am Righteous, Holy and Blameless Before God.
Christ is the end of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes. (Rom 10:4)

But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because
of righteousness. (Rom 8:10)

But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God,
the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. (Rom 6:22)

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love (Eph 1:4)


God Loves Me
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes
in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16)

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an
atoning sacrifice for our sins. (1 John 4:10)


I Cannot Be Separated From The Love Of God
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Rom 8:38-39)


I Have A Purpose
Jesus replied: "‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul
and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.
And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Matt 22:37-39)


I Have A God Directed Mission
He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.
(Mark 16:15)

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the
Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything
I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
(Matt 28:19-20)
 
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FireDragon76

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Try to find somebody to talk to about your grief. I think its normal in your situation to feel despair, especially if there's the possibility of seeing somebody you love again. But there are other ways to keep the memory of someone alive. Grief therapy and religious and private rituals are one way of doing so. Years ago me and my partner were attending a church and on All Souls Day we memorialized a friend of my partner's who committed suicide, and the priest prayed for him, and she found that helpful.
 
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Alicia Schout

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A little over a month ago my closest friend committed suicide. Her name is Terri. Terri was more than just a friend to me however, she was practically my girlfriend. We were already seeing each other constantly, going on dates, spending several entire days at a time together, and our friends practically labeled us as a couple from the start. Terri asked me to be in a committed relationship with her a week or two after we first started dating. I had already known her for two years before that. She told me she needed it but I did not want to rush into anything. I told her to wait and that we will eventually get there.

Terri lived a very stressful life between her divorced parents, various facilities for troubled teens, and for years an abusive boyfriend who raped her on a regular basis. She has been on anti-depression medication since she was a child and suffered anxiety and stress induced episodes very often. She was diagnosed with Borderline Split Personality Disorder weeks before she died. I can easily believe that her death was a result of a very serious outburst where she was not herself. I have witnessed her emotions shift to extremes very suddenly many times before. On the day she died I was asleep when Terri needed me the most.
Terri died alone in a nearby state park. In the middle of the night afterwards, I was told she went missing and spent the rest of the night and morning looking for her. It was at that time I realized I was in love with her. I wanted nothing more out of life than to see her again. After I finally went home I was told she was found dead. She killed herself.
Now that she is dead I am longing to see her again and am contemplating my own suicide. I do not want to leave this Earth. I know I would be missed if I died. I am not suffering from any typical depression in the way my Terri was. I am simply in love with Terri and I know that we had such an amazing future together just waiting for us. She was always an amazing person since I first met her. All she wanted was for me to protect and look after her in her times of weakness. She said I made her happy and that life would be better, easier if we stayed together.
I did not get to talk to her about her faith enough but in the short time we did she very directly told me she was a firm believer in God and Jesus Christ. I do not believe Terri has been sent to Hell. I do not want to continue living a life without her where she is missing out. I don't want to grow into a different person who doesn't remember Terri or fall in love with anyone else. When I think about how much I want to see her and how fantastic it would be, I can't help but think that the only way to reach her is to kill myself the same way she did. I pray to God to let us have a second chance. It doesn't seem to make much sense but I feel like if I die there's a chance we can still be reunited like normal and continue our lives afterwards. I am valuing my love for Terri above my own life.

I can't expect my family/friends or anyone to accept love as a legitimate cause of death. I can not tell where the boundary between love and sin is. I still have faith in God and I pray that he guide me but I am stuck on the notion of dying young and in love. Can anyone please offer some advice on my current situation? Thank you.

Please don't kill yourself. You need seriously help.
Find an anointed pastor, who can prayer for your deliverance. The spirit of death that has come in your mind must be defeated. I proclaim in name of Jesus our Saviour that this spirit is cast out of you.
You must confessed all your sins, known and unkown of yourself. And denounced any contact with the occult that you think your deceased girlfriend might have had, your family, grandparents and ancestors. Apply to the blood of Jesus to be healed. You need help! In the meanwhile you can pray this psalm 27.

God bless you and protect you.
 
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Alicia Schout

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Try to find somebody to talk to about your grief. I think its normal in your situation to feel despair, especially if there's the possibility of seeing somebody you love again. But there are other ways to keep the memory of someone alive. Grief therapy and religious and private rituals are one way of doing so. Years ago me and my partner were attending a church and on All Souls Day we memorialized a friend of my partner's who committed suicide, and the priest prayed for him, and she found that helpful.

Well, we cannot pray for the death. We can only
pray for their souls to rest in peace. Have no contact with death spirits says the Lord. That was one of king Saul's biggest mistake, when I went to the woman with a familiar spirit to contact the death prophet Samuel.

If someone lost their love ones is important for this person to talk with someone of this lost. When we lost our Mother and our youngest Brother, we talked about him with one another. This was to console each other and find strenght by sharing the loss with one another.
We recalled good memories of our youngest Brother. Most of all we saw it as God's way by not interfering and preventing that he was taking from us. WE consoled that this youngest brother mission on earth was over. The Lord has protected his life for 29 years long. The Lord allows the evil one to has his way, because probably my brother mission on earth was over. God always protects us.
We must be aware of evil tongues. Cast them out.
We do our part and God will do the rest according to His will. He wants us to live victoriously. His Kingdom come. His name must be gloryfied.
 
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longwait

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There are countless people all over the world who have lost their one and only true love and still somehow find a way to move on with their lives. If Terri's death is your cross then you need to live with it and carry it and you will be rewarded for it. Taking your own life is sin. You believe that living with her and marrying her will lead to a happy and fulfilling life. But someone with Terri's mental condition might not be capable of remaining happy for long. It will only lead to more problems in your life. Give some time for your wounds to heal. We all end up in situations where we want to give up on life but somehow find the strength to move on. Pray for strength to keep going. You don't have to rush to meet her we are already at the end so please don't do anything foolish that will destroy your soul forever. I will remember you in my prayers.
 
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Hello @Cado. I am so very sorry to hear about what you are going through. I want you to hold on to Jesus and to seek after Him with everything you have. I tried to end my life and I am still here almost two years later. Reading the bible in these times does help even when you may not believe it will. If you are meeting with other believers regularly, then maybe you need to find some believers to meet with who are better equipped to help you through this time. If I see your reply then I could talk with you. Maybe we could talk regularly. Do not forget about how beautiful the love of God is. God is love. Jesus endured death on a cross for a purpose. Keep pressing forward through life every day for God's purposes. There are signs that Jesus gave us to look for in Matthew 24 and in Luke 21 and there are signs in other parts of the Bible. Look at what we see in the news. Read about the revelation 12 sign that so many people are talking about. Read about how people are saying one of the revelation 12 signs is going to be complete around September 23, 2017. I believe the rapture is soon. I am not giving a specific date that I think it will happen on. It is normal to experience things in life that involve gut wrenching pain. It is okay to mourn and to find someone to talk to about the pain. When I talk about meeting with other believers regularly, I mean every day, meeting with other believers in person. You need to do that. You need God to minister to you in a way that you might only experience by being around other believers every day. Once or twice a week most certainly is not often enough. God loves you so much Cado. Keep enduring and finish your race.
 
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