A little over a month ago my closest friend committed suicide. Her name is Terri. Terri was more than just a friend to me however, she was practically my girlfriend. We were already seeing each other constantly, going on dates, spending several entire days at a time together, and our friends practically labeled us as a couple from the start. Terri asked me to be in a committed relationship with her a week or two after we first started dating. I had already known her for two years before that. She told me she needed it but I did not want to rush into anything. I told her to wait and that we will eventually get there.
Terri lived a very stressful life between her divorced parents, various facilities for troubled teens, and for years an abusive boyfriend who raped her on a regular basis. She has been on anti-depression medication since she was a child and suffered anxiety and stress induced episodes very often. She was diagnosed with Borderline Split Personality Disorder weeks before she died. I can easily believe that her death was a result of a very serious outburst where she was not herself. I have witnessed her emotions shift to extremes very suddenly many times before. On the day she died I was asleep when Terri needed me the most.
Terri died alone in a nearby state park. In the middle of the night afterwards, I was told she went missing and spent the rest of the night and morning looking for her. It was at that time I realized I was in love with her. I wanted nothing more out of life than to see her again. After I finally went home I was told she was found dead. She killed herself.
Now that she is dead I am longing to see her again and am contemplating my own suicide. I do not want to leave this Earth. I know I would be missed if I died. I am not suffering from any typical depression in the way my Terri was. I am simply in love with Terri and I know that we had such an amazing future together just waiting for us. She was always an amazing person since I first met her. All she wanted was for me to protect and look after her in her times of weakness. She said I made her happy and that life would be better, easier if we stayed together.
I did not get to talk to her about her faith enough but in the short time we did she very directly told me she was a firm believer in God and Jesus Christ. I do not believe Terri has been sent to Hell. I do not want to continue living a life without her where she is missing out. I don't want to grow into a different person who doesn't remember Terri or fall in love with anyone else. When I think about how much I want to see her and how fantastic it would be, I can't help but think that the only way to reach her is to kill myself the same way she did. I pray to God to let us have a second chance. It doesn't seem to make much sense but I feel like if I die there's a chance we can still be reunited like normal and continue our lives afterwards. I am valuing my love for Terri above my own life.
I can't expect my family/friends or anyone to accept love as a legitimate cause of death. I can not tell where the boundary between love and sin is. I still have faith in God and I pray that he guide me but I am stuck on the notion of dying young and in love. Can anyone please offer some advice on my current situation? Thank you.
Terri lived a very stressful life between her divorced parents, various facilities for troubled teens, and for years an abusive boyfriend who raped her on a regular basis. She has been on anti-depression medication since she was a child and suffered anxiety and stress induced episodes very often. She was diagnosed with Borderline Split Personality Disorder weeks before she died. I can easily believe that her death was a result of a very serious outburst where she was not herself. I have witnessed her emotions shift to extremes very suddenly many times before. On the day she died I was asleep when Terri needed me the most.
Terri died alone in a nearby state park. In the middle of the night afterwards, I was told she went missing and spent the rest of the night and morning looking for her. It was at that time I realized I was in love with her. I wanted nothing more out of life than to see her again. After I finally went home I was told she was found dead. She killed herself.
Now that she is dead I am longing to see her again and am contemplating my own suicide. I do not want to leave this Earth. I know I would be missed if I died. I am not suffering from any typical depression in the way my Terri was. I am simply in love with Terri and I know that we had such an amazing future together just waiting for us. She was always an amazing person since I first met her. All she wanted was for me to protect and look after her in her times of weakness. She said I made her happy and that life would be better, easier if we stayed together.
I did not get to talk to her about her faith enough but in the short time we did she very directly told me she was a firm believer in God and Jesus Christ. I do not believe Terri has been sent to Hell. I do not want to continue living a life without her where she is missing out. I don't want to grow into a different person who doesn't remember Terri or fall in love with anyone else. When I think about how much I want to see her and how fantastic it would be, I can't help but think that the only way to reach her is to kill myself the same way she did. I pray to God to let us have a second chance. It doesn't seem to make much sense but I feel like if I die there's a chance we can still be reunited like normal and continue our lives afterwards. I am valuing my love for Terri above my own life.
I can't expect my family/friends or anyone to accept love as a legitimate cause of death. I can not tell where the boundary between love and sin is. I still have faith in God and I pray that he guide me but I am stuck on the notion of dying young and in love. Can anyone please offer some advice on my current situation? Thank you.