Will I ever "get there"?

[Jenster]

Hi everybody - I was just hoping for some encouragement today. Sometimes I feel like I'll never get to that point in life where I will have an ease and natural joy about living, sort of like a "comfortableness in my own skin." Will I ever get there? Has anyone else had this experience and gotten there?

I didn't grow up with a lot of nurturing, so even to this day, I have a hard time with emotional security and following my gut instincts. I think a lot about my decisions, even minor ones. For example, I don't just say, "Hey, I feel like going to the swimming pool today!" and go. I sit there and think, "Yes, I *could* go to the pool...should I? Maybe I should do something else instead..."

So you can imagine, I make life harder than it probably should be, but I don't know how to get out of that. I've always been rather distractable in life, and take on way more than I should, and had my share of bad experiences, so that's led to this constant uncertainty. I wish I could just relax and have a sense of humor about life, knowing that I'm on the right path.

Does anyone have some advice or encouragement? Thank you!!

 

[Anti Existance]

I think this is just a part of who you are and im pretty sure you shouldn't change this. If you think twice or even 3 times about wether or not to do something ,it means that you are considerate. A quality rather then a burden i would say. If you really want to live easier, you have to consider things in another way from another point of view.

 

[Johnnz]

Did your family upbrining instill self confidence?

John
NZ

 

[Jenster]

Thanks, Anti Existance. Actually, you're right - I am a rather considerate person. So perhaps I should see myself in a different light, rather that think there is somewhere I need to get to?

Johnnz, I appreciate the question. My upbringing was neither here nor there. My parents are not that demonstrative emotionally, so there really wasn't any discussion about me as a person, if that's how self-confidence is instilled. They said "good job" when I did well in school and took care of me physically - and I know they love me. But there was no "passing along of wisdom," per se, no teaching me to be self-sufficient. My sibs and I just "grew up."

I'm not intending to blame my parents, just saying what I think happened. They weren't terribly nurtured themselves growing up, so I wouldn't say they knew to raise us any different than they did.

However it is that I've ended up the way I am, some of life has definitely passed me by because of it. I don't want it to continue in this sort of directionlessness. I'd like my life to feel less complicated...

 

[Johnnz]

Your recent reflections can become a starting point to initiate some changes. Self confidence and decision making can grow with experience. Trying something, evaluating, learning and trying again are part of life. Often we want to be 'perfect' the first time, and fail to recognise that much of life invloves trial and error and learning.

See life as a journey. I have changed greatly over the years, but it was not always easy. Trusting God gives a sense of security, but there is still some hard work and sometimes some white knuckle stuff to go through.

Often doubting rather than backing yourself can undermine efforts to change.

John
NZ

 

[Hope_0004]

Hey Jenster...

I definitely know how you feel, because I feel the same way. I really do. I worry about crazy stuff all the time and can't ever seem to settle down... but it is getting better as I mature. It's just a matter of being confident in your decisions, I guess. Or maybe also a bit of letting go of the past (i.e., the thought, "Well, last time I was in this situation X happened, so I am going to do everything in my power to make sure X doesn't happen again"...) and just trusting in God and also in yourself that everything will work out. Easier said than done, I know.

Also, I just wanted to point out that it's not such a bad thing to be analytical... it may cause a little frustration and a little uncertainty sometimes, but it's much better than flying by the seat of your pants. Those people look like they're having a wonderful time (and sometimes I must admit I envy people who don't worry about anything at all), but those are also the people who end up living in vans down by the river.

 

[Godsgirl481]

Hi everybody - I was just hoping for some encouragement today. Sometimes I feel like I'll never get to that point in life where I will have an ease and natural joy about living, sort of like a "comfortableness in my own skin." Will I ever get there? Has anyone else had this experience and gotten there?

I didn't grow up with a lot of nurturing, so even to this day, I have a hard time with emotional security and following my gut instincts. I think a lot about my decisions, even minor ones. For example, I don't just say, "Hey, I feel like going to the swimming pool today!" and go. I sit there and think, "Yes, I *could* go to the pool...should I? Maybe I should do something else instead..."

So you can imagine, I make life harder than it probably should be, but I don't know how to get out of that. I've always been rather distractable in life, and take on way more than I should, and had my share of bad experiences, so that's led to this constant uncertainty. I wish I could just relax and have a sense of humor about life, knowing that I'm on the right path.

Does anyone have some advice or encouragement? Thank you!!

I have no clue if this relates...but this is what I thought of when I read the subject. When I was in school...mostly high school...I was counting the days until I was 18 and could legally move out. I was being abused and not a person in school or else where cared a bit what was happening. I remember being 16 or so....and 18 looked SOOOO far away. I was constantly saying will I ever get there. It eventually came and I moved out. Some of what you said sounded like a issue with making decisions. I used to have that problem...I still do. It is because I have absolutly no confidence in myself. Like everything I would decide would be the wrong thing. It was bad...like what brand of shampoo to by, or what to eat. I have problems with the bigger decisions now...not the little ones...but I think it does boil down to believing in yourself...

 

[Jenster]

Friends, thank you SO much for taking the time to reply. What a blessing you all are! I hear what you are saying. A little more confidence and a little less doubting will go a long way.

BTW, I don't know if anyone was praying for me, but I definitely felt the Lord speaking to me through a book last night. It was talking about how God gives us significance, just by our being born and existing. (I knew that before, but I've never really known that.)

The author, Neil Warren, explained that our job is to avoid doing things that take away from that sense of significance - like putting ourselves down and stuff. He also said that developing social skills helps people to feel more confident ('cause we all tend to worry about what other people think of us!).

Anyway, I thought I'd pass that little insight along. Thank you all for sharing your wisdom and your own stories.