Will God reveal anything to me if I attempt to end my life?

[Catherineanne]

He seems to be working overtime as we speak. Not only do I have to bear the entire weight of the world but now I have enormous personal problems to deal with. Problems that will destroy my entire family and appear completely unsolvable. I can't do this.

I'm going to try to pray in my own numb robotic way. If help doesn't arrive soon then I'm going to end my life. Everyone seems to be doomed anyway.

The quickest way to ensure your whole family gets to suffer for the next 20 or 30 or 40 years as you are doing now is to take your life.

Christians are told that we have a cross to carry. This is not just a metaphor, it is real. We are not saved from problems and pain, we are sometimes given more. But we are also given an example to follow that helps us to make sense of what is happening.

Our faith is not a magical way to get a trouble free life. It is simply a means to make sense of that life, particularly when it is difficult. But we do not have the right to simply abandon our cross and give up our life. If we do, that cross gets given to every single person who cares about us, and they then have to carry it in addition to the one they already have, right up until the end of their own life.

I knew a man once whose father had killed himself when he was a teenager. My friend carried the pain of that every single day of his life, and still carries it, some thirty years and more later.

Your choice.

 

[Matariki]

To the OP, I'm glad you're still alive! Now, I saw that you were mentioning that medications aren't working out so well for you. I have a few questions if you don't mind me asking...

• Firstly, what medications have you tried?
• Does your GP or other qualified medical practitioner know about the problems you've been having?
• Do you have or would consider undergoing tests for medical problems. Sometimes depression isn't due so much to a pyschological problem but a physical one, such as the thyroid gland.
• Does depression or other mental illnesses run through your family?
• Perhaps your depression is the result of an environmental problem e.g. stress.
• Do you have a history of abuse or bullying? It could be C-PTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder)

Pills is not going to lift the weight of your world off your shoulders. Pills are merely a tool for helping stabilizing the situation, but it won't fix it. What helped me get through my bouts of suicide especially through my teen years when I was suffering from C-PTSD due to sexual abuse and traumatic events as a child, was talking to someone I trusted with my emotions. A counselor who I had come to know over the years, and my faith in God that he would pull me through (which he did).

I mention God, because for me, I knew that my problems were in safe hands. Not to be exposed to world, but confidential between us, he gave me the tools I needed and showed me the lessons I needed to learn about appreciating the life he gave me. Ultimately it was my choice whether I took my life or not, but humbling myself down to a position where I had to ask him, came with answers.

I suspect that you not feeling your emotions is probably due to the result of being overwhelmed or swamped by them. The mind will cut itself off as a defensive mechanism in order to focus on the problem.
The question is; What is the problem? What brought you to make you feel so low and disconnected?

You don't have answer me, but its important that you get it out in the open and address it before it 'literally' kills you.

 

[Soothfish]

The quickest way to ensure your whole family gets to suffer for the next 20 or 30 or 40 years as you are doing now is to take your life.

Christians are told that we have a cross to carry. This is not just a metaphor, it is real. We are not saved from problems and pain, we are sometimes given more. But we are also given an example to follow that helps us to make sense of what is happening.

Our faith is not a magical way to get a trouble free life. It is simply a means to make sense of that life, particularly when it is difficult. But we do not have the right to simply abandon our cross and give up our life. If we do, that cross gets given to every single person who cares about us, and they then have to carry it in addition to the one they already have, right up until the end of their own life.

I knew a man once whose father had killed himself when he was a teenager. My friend carried the pain of that every single day of his life, and still carries it, some thirty years and more later.

Your choice.

I tried to imagine what it would be like to finally make sense of it all. It's like a dream. Right now I see nothing but a horrible and absurd universe.

 

[Soothfish]

To the OP, I'm glad you're still alive! Now, I saw that you were mentioning that medications aren't working out so well for you. I have a few questions if you don't mind me asking...

• Firstly, what medications have you tried?
• Does your GP or other qualified medical practitioner know about the problems you've been having?
• Do you have or would consider undergoing tests for medical problems. Sometimes depression isn't due so much to a pyschological problem but a physical one, such as the thyroid gland.
• Does depression or other mental illnesses run through your family?
• Perhaps your depression is the result of an environmental problem e.g. stress.
• Do you have a history of abuse or bullying? It could be C-PTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder)

Pills is not going to lift the weight of your world off your shoulders. Pills are merely a tool for helping stabilizing the situation, but it won't fix it. What helped me get through my bouts of suicide especially through my teen years when I was suffering from C-PTSD due to sexual abuse and traumatic events as a child, was talking to someone I trusted with my emotions. A counselor who I had come to know over the years, and my faith in God that he would pull me through (which he did).

I mention God, because for me, I knew that my problems were in safe hands. Not to be exposed to world, but confidential between us, he gave me the tools I needed and showed me the lessons I needed to learn about appreciating the life he gave me. Ultimately it was my choice whether I took my life or not, but humbling myself down to a position where I had to ask him, came with answers.

I suspect that you not feeling your emotions is probably due to the result of being overwhelmed or swamped by them. The mind will cut itself off as a defensive mechanism in order to focus on the problem.
The question is; What is the problem? What brought you to make you feel so low and disconnected?

You don't have answer me, but its important that you get it out in the open and address it before it 'literally' kills you.

I know exactly what caused it. I read too much news and political blogs in college. Now it is not even possible to escape the reality because evil is spreading absolutely everywhere. Everyone I know and everyone I have ever met is being gradually destroyed by the world.

I now know why the Amish people are so happy. They cut themselves off from the world.

There is no treatment for this. It's like a parent losing a child. The grief goes on forever. Only in this case I see the billions who will be murdered, tormented, or corrupted. It's too late to change things around unless God is merciful enough to destroy my long term memory and any other parts of my brain that are capable of discovery the horrible reality we are living in.

Or perhaps he will be extremely merciful and bring us the great tribulation. Then all of this horrific nightmare planet would come to an end all at once.

 

[Matariki]

I know exactly what caused it. I read too much news and political blogs in college. Now it is not even possible to escape the reality because evil is spreading absolutely everywhere. Everyone I know and everyone I have ever met is being gradually destroyed by the world.

I now know why the Amish people are so happy. They cut themselves off from the world.

There is no treatment for this. It's like a parent losing a child. The grief goes on forever. Only in this case I see the billions who will be murdered, tormented, or corrupted. It's too late to change things around unless God is merciful enough to destroy my long term memory and any other parts of my brain that are capable of discovery the horrible reality we are living in.

Or perhaps he will be extremely merciful and bring us the great tribulation. Then all of this horrific nightmare planet would come to an end all at once.

Cutting yourself off from the world won't solve anything, its merely dumping your responsibility. However that doesn't mean that you have to pay for the crimes of another. Rest assured, they will receive what is due.

God's work still needs to be done before anything else can happen, and that starts with the gospel. God is merciful and he will not end anything until all have heard the good news, so none are left without excuse. God is fair, that even those that haven't heard the good news are judged on the basis of their reaction to God. A quick look at history will reveal things that man has learnt about God e.g. The Athenians in Acts 17:16 - 34 (and thats only one example). Though its too late to rewrite the actions of man, it is not too late for God to change the hearts of men, however God asks that we serve him in doing so. The Amish are not doing this, nor are other exclusive groups or the average 'churchian' for that matter. Considering that works are the result of faith, it leaves me concerned.

The grief you feel, God also feels. He knows and he has pleaded with humanity, he sent his son for a speical reason so that man could have a second chance. Being fair, God left us with a choice even though he knows what the outcome will be, our reaction is a reflection of our hearts. Being fair again, God has not told us who will follow him, who's hearts will be changed for the better, I believe he has done this so we will humble ourselves under his will and treat all others as equals when it comes to sharing the gospel and living out our lives.

Though what you hear on TV and read in the newspaper is usually negative, it should serve as a swift reminder that the world is indeed corrupt and that we are always presented with a choice. We can either carry out change by educating the masses or we can sit in our living rooms in horror, or worse still, in denial.

The choice is yours, but killing yourself is never the right answer. You will only be adding to the pile of grief that already exists, taking away everything and contributing nothing by doing so. Don't be afriad to use what has been given to you, you have a purpose all you need to do is ask for clarification, another choice that God has presented to you. I suggest taking him up on the offer.

 

[oi_antz]

Hi Soothfish, I did receive a supernatural experience when I converted, something like what you are asking about but I wasn't suicidal at the time. I don't think you can blackmail God if that is what you are asking. Well for me, one day I was against the bible, in fact I would never even look at the verses that people would quote to me. Then I got really motivated about the truth of religion and I was sufficiently frustrated to know the truth about God (as you are almost feeling already), I was ready to give God one chance to speak to me. So I asked some Christians for a magical verse that would prove God to me. Then the lights went on and I began to experience God in my whole life, even the random song list was an experience of God speaking to me, and by reflecting upon events that happened throughout the day I could see what God was teaching me.

One thing He said early on was "do you know what it's like to be a horse with blinders?". I think that is what you are describing by cutting yourself off from the world. Well it wasn't an intentional decision of mine to do so, but it was the effect of faith on my life, that everywhere I looked there was peace and when I heard someone angry I would pray to Jesus and they would go quiet. The power of God is so strong, it can literally change your world. This is what Jesus wants you to have, if you can muster enough faith to believe that Jesus wants what is best for you then maybe you can hear what He is telling you in this verse:

John 15
9 “I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. 10 When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. 11 I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!

How often do you read the bible? Do you know that God speaks to us through the bible? Do you not realize that you are over-exposing yourself to the world and under-exposing yourself to God if you deprive yourself of God's voice? All you have to do is trust your instinct when you read because that is the voice of God. It is written: "If you hear His voice today do not harden your heart". I believe that you need to read the bible and hear what God wants to tell you, is there a reason why you would choose not to believe the bible? Usually it is only when people don't like what it says that they shut themselves off from it. What happened to turn you away from God? I hope you don't mind me asking.

 

[oi_antz]

I have and they do nothing. The problem is that medication and even professional therapy can do nothing about an unsolvable philosophical/empirical problem. No coping strategy in the world can compete with a nihilistic worldview combined with a horrifying reality.

It's bad enough to see the world as it is when you are a believer. When you are an unbeliever...unbearable.

Jesus will help you with this, there are so many testimonies of people who have been saved from all sorts of bad situations, there is nothing Jesus can't do. There is no rock too heavy for Him to lift. He said "If you had faith even as small as a mustard seed you could command this mountain to move". What do you think He meant by saying "this mountain"? He was talking about a demonic possession. More important for you to consider in this verse (Matthew 17:14-20) what is the mountain that stands in your way?

 

[Soothfish]

Hi Soothfish, I did receive a supernatural experience when I converted, something like what you are asking about but I wasn't suicidal at the time. I don't think you can blackmail God if that is what you are asking. Well for me, one day I was against the bible, in fact I would never even look at the verses that people would quote to me. Then I got really motivated about the truth of religion and I was sufficiently frustrated to know the truth about God (as you are almost feeling already), I was ready to give God one chance to speak to me. So I asked some Christians for a magical verse that would prove God to me. Then the lights went on and I began to experience God in my whole life, even the random song list was an experience of God speaking to me, and by reflecting upon events that happened throughout the day I could see what God was teaching me.

One thing He said early on was "do you know what it's like to be a horse with blinders?". I think that is what you are describing by cutting yourself off from the world. Well it wasn't an intentional decision of mine to do so, but it was the effect of faith on my life, that everywhere I looked there was peace and when I heard someone angry I would pray to Jesus and they would go quiet. The power of God is so strong, it can literally change your world. This is what Jesus wants you to have, if you can muster enough faith to believe that Jesus wants what is best for you then maybe you can hear what He is telling you in this verse:

John 15
9 “I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. 10 When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. 11 I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!

How often do you read the bible? Do you know that God speaks to us through the bible? Do you not realize that you are over-exposing yourself to the world and under-exposing yourself to God if you deprive yourself of God's voice? All you have to do is trust your instinct when you read because that is the voice of God. It is written: "If you hear His voice today do not harden your heart". I believe that you need to read the bible and hear what God wants to tell you, is there a reason why you would choose not to believe the bible? Usually it is only when people don't like what it says that they shut themselves off from it. What happened to turn you away from God? I hope you don't mind me asking.

I'm not exactly turned away but I am losing my motivation to seek God. It's just been going on for so long that I don't expect to find any recorded evidence or arguments that would let me know that God's existence and personal nature are indisputable.

That's what it really comes down to. It's all or nothing. If I cannot believe without a shadow of a doubt then I cannot believe at all. I have found very little to lead me to even assume that God exists or is in charge of our existence. It's very easy to find chaos in everything, even in what appears to be highly ordered. There is a small amount of historical evidence from thousands of years ago and that's it.

I have even tried to fake belief to myself just to see what would happen. Nothing. Then I tried to delude myself. Nothing. Yes I'm being serious that is how crazy the situation is. Now I'm running out of ideas.

 

[oi_antz]

I'm not exactly turned away but I am losing my motivation to seek God. It's just been going on for so long that I don't expect to find any recorded evidence or arguments that would let me know that God's existence and personal nature are indisputable.

That's what it really comes down to. It's all or nothing. If I cannot believe without a shadow of a doubt then I cannot believe at all. I have found very little to lead me to even assume that God exists or is in charge of our existence. It's very easy to find chaos in everything, even in what appears to be highly ordered. There is a small amount of historical evidence from thousands of years ago and that's it.

I have even tried to fake belief to myself just to see what would happen. Nothing. Then I tried to delude myself. Nothing. Yes I'm being serious that is how crazy the situation is. Now I'm running out of ideas.

So what you're telling me is that you want a reality that God hasn't given you. I don't think you can really succeed by fooling yourself so that would be why you can't fake faith. I know what you mean about all or nothing, faith is very much an all or nothing matter. Either you believe everything God tells you or you argue about it. I think you should start with a basic question. Do you believe Jesus came in the flesh, performed miracles, condemned the religious leaders of the time, was murdered for it, and was taken into heaven to reign with God forever? One more thing: if you do believe this then you should be baptized and turn away from anything your conscience warns you of (this is called repentance), then just take life as it comes because Jesus is your king. Beyond that simple question you may as well believe whatever generates positive results in your life. There are some Christians who believe in evolution, there are some who believe in creation, there are some that believe Jesus will appear in the sky, there are some who believe He is already here. The world is literally your oyster, you are on a mission to find the pearl that God has put there for you. Remember, it is the pearl that God put there for you, it is not the pearl that you wish God would give you. Sometimes it requires quite a difficult mind shift to realize that.

 

[Soothfish]

So what you're telling me is that you want a reality that God hasn't given you. I don't think you can really succeed by fooling yourself so that would be why you can't fake faith. I know what you mean about all or nothing, faith is very much an all or nothing matter. Either you believe everything God tells you or you argue about it. I think you should start with a basic question. Do you believe Jesus came in the flesh, performed miracles, condemned the religious leaders of the time, was murdered for it, and was taken into heaven to reign with God forever? One more thing: if you do believe this then you should be baptized and turn away from anything your conscience warns you of (this is called repentance), then just take life as it comes because Jesus is your king. Beyond that simple question you may as well believe whatever generates positive results in your life. There are some Christians who believe in evolution, there are some who believe in creation, there are some that believe Jesus will appear in the sky, there are some who believe He is already here. The world is literally your oyster, you are on a mission to find the pearl that God has put there for you. Remember, it is the pearl that God put there for you, it is not the pearl that you wish God would give you. Sometimes it requires quite a difficult mind shift to realize that.

The only thing that I believe is that I really want to believe it.

 

[bling]

Remember, Judas reached a helpless point and God did not jump in and save him, but Judas prior to killing himself, he knew enough to realize Jesus would forgive him, so he did not need more information, but faith. Peter could have done the same thing, but choose to trust, by humbly accept God’s forgiveness.

If you would accept God’s help you would make a fantastic witness (like a Peter or Paul) in that you could tell people how you were before allowing God to help and how you are now. If you tell people you got really bad off to the point of wanting to commit suicide and God jumped in shouting STOP! Then those people would encourage to get to the same point so God could shout at them? If that what God does then you and others would not need faith to believe in God, yet faith is needed to help you fulfill your earthly objective. More harm than good would come to you, since God is trying to help you fulfill your objective.

 

[oi_antz]

The only thing that I believe is that I really want to believe it.

Why do you want to believe it?

 

[Soothfish]

Why do you want to believe it?

because it is the only thing left to hope for. This world is nothing but a disgusting cesspool and life is a horrible curse. The only thing I can do anymore is hope that there will be something good after I die.

What is the point of being happy about anything when this sort of thing is happening?:

Woman accused of killing newborn twins out of jail | US National Headlines | Comcast.net

now it's happening many times a day.

Everyone is going completely insane and there is no longer any point in doing anything except pay the bills and wait for life to end. If I knew there was some kind of higher purpose and a plan it would at least be tolerable.

 

[seashale76]

Please call 1-800-suicide. You need to call and speak to someone and let them get counseling set up for you in your area. We are limited here on the internet in helping you. However, promise me you won't kill yourself. I don't know you- but every person is unique and created in the image of God. There is nobody else like you on this earth, never was, and never will be again. Perhaps your issue is as simple as a chemical imbalance that can be controlled with medication (I know people for whom this is true).

 

[oi_antz]

Please call 1-800-suicide. You need to call and speak to someone and let them get counseling set up for you in your area. We are limited here on the internet in helping you. However, promise me you won't kill yourself. I don't know you- but every person is unique and created in the image of God. There is nobody else like you on this earth, never was, and never will be again. Perhaps your issue is as simple as a chemical imbalance that can be controlled with medication (I know people for whom this is true).

I can vouch for that, medicine has done wonders for me, that as well as the spiritual support of having God in my life, but it was medicine which cured my depression before I was converted. Take it from me with my hand on my heart: life is meant to be good. Life can be good if you get on top of the problem you are facing. Depression is just the state of mind which believes negative thoughts which is the opposite of a stable mind which believes positive thoughts. Your body wants you to live, everything that lives within your body wants you to live. We want you to live, and God wants you to live. You have to stick up for yourself and do the right thing, because if you can believe positive thoughts then you will love life. You are so blessed and your life can be envied by many upon many, don't waste it, put it to use. Study counselling and work for criminal reformation services, or study IT and get a salary that can support World Vision. Pouting and killing yourself is not going to help anyone.

 

[oi_antz]

because it is the only thing left to hope for. This world is nothing but a disgusting cesspool and life is a horrible curse. The only thing I can do anymore is hope that there will be something good after I die.

What is the point of being happy about anything when this sort of thing is happening?:

Woman accused of killing newborn twins out of jail | US National Headlines | Comcast.net

now it's happening many times a day.

Everyone is going completely insane and there is no longer any point in doing anything except pay the bills and wait for life to end. If I knew there was some kind of higher purpose and a plan it would at least be tolerable.

Well there is some kind of higher purpose and plan, maybe you should be asking for the details and what you can do to help.

 

[Catherineanne]

because it is the only thing left to hope for. This world is nothing but a disgusting cesspool and life is a horrible curse. The only thing I can do anymore is hope that there will be something good after I die.

Why not bring it forward, and make something good of your life while you are here?

What is the point of being happy about anything when this sort of thing is happening?:

Woman accused of killing newborn twins out of jail | US National Headlines | Comcast.net

now it's happening many times a day.

I have already told you that you are not well enough to deal with the news. If you continue to watch it, then this must be because you want to prove to yourself that the world is too terrible to live in.

The world is not too terrible to live in at all. If you tried instead to find the stories of human courage, self sacrifice and generosity, then you would. It is not so easy because brave and generous people don't go out of their way to achieve publicity. You are finding what you are looking for, in other words.

Everyone is going completely insane and there is no longer any point in doing anything except pay the bills and wait for life to end. If I knew there was some kind of higher purpose and a plan it would at least be tolerable.

It seems a bit bizarre to consider paying bills part of insanity. It seems distinctly sane to me.

There is indeed a higher purpose to life, whether you believe in God or not. Believe in humanity first, and take it from there. After all, you care about those innocent babies killed by their mother. You care that she was let out of prison. There is no need for you to care about those so totally unrelated to you, and yet you do.

There is your evidence of something higher than life. Altruism.

 

[AustinScott]

Hey dear , every person goes through may difficulties in life. Every person does not get whatever he wishes but that is not the reason to end your life. Right? God has given you the bliss of living a beautiful life... you will find sadness everywhere but if you cannot find peace within yourself you will never find a peaceful place. Just try to spend uyour time doing things which make you happy n get over your sorrows this the way to live life coz its rightly said ..The show must go on...!!!!
God Bless You..Take care..!!!

 

[Soothfish]

Why not bring it forward, and make something good of your life while you are here?



I have already told you that you are not well enough to deal with the news. If you continue to watch it, then this must be because you want to prove to yourself that the world is too terrible to live in.

The world is not too terrible to live in at all. If you tried instead to find the stories of human courage, self sacrifice and generosity, then you would. It is not so easy because brave and generous people don't go out of their way to achieve publicity. You are finding what you are looking for, in other words.



It seems a bit bizarre to consider paying bills part of insanity. It seems distinctly sane to me.

There is indeed a higher purpose to life, whether you believe in God or not. Believe in humanity first, and take it from there. After all, you care about those innocent babies killed by their mother. You care that she was let out of prison. There is no need for you to care about those so totally unrelated to you, and yet you do.

There is your evidence of something higher than life. Altruism.

I was checking my email on that website and then my eyes accidentally saw the headline. Wish I wasn't so curious...

Doesn't really matter. Practically anything can trigger an image.

 

[Soothfish]

Why not bring it forward, and make something good of your life while you are here?



I have already told you that you are not well enough to deal with the news. If you continue to watch it, then this must be because you want to prove to yourself that the world is too terrible to live in.

The world is not too terrible to live in at all. If you tried instead to find the stories of human courage, self sacrifice and generosity, then you would. It is not so easy because brave and generous people don't go out of their way to achieve publicity. You are finding what you are looking for, in other words.



It seems a bit bizarre to consider paying bills part of insanity. It seems distinctly sane to me.

There is indeed a higher purpose to life, whether you believe in God or not. Believe in humanity first, and take it from there. After all, you care about those innocent babies killed by their mother. You care that she was let out of prison. There is no need for you to care about those so totally unrelated to you, and yet you do.

There is your evidence of something higher than life. Altruism.

As much as I try to delude myself into thinking otherwise, the good guys lose every time. For every person who heals and protects, there are a million tormenting and killing. I'm already working on being the former but we are grossly outnumbered. It's a simple numbers game and the enemy is winning. I'll change my tune when that final trumpet sounds. Until then it's just a matter of distracting my mind from reality, at least when I'm not working. It's not always possible though.