AccidentaldoublepostWill God punish me for negative feelings?

[Gingerine]

Hi everyone,
This is difficult for me.
Right now I am struggling with my emotions in particularly I am afraid that I may be embarrassed of Jesus somehow. Sometimes when I think of Him or talking about Him I will get a strange feeling in my stomach and I think "Oh this is embarrassment" then I worry and start repenting. Yesterday I was writing one of my novels and felt the urge to mention Jesus' name and I felt the horrible urge to run and finish the page as quickly as possibld in order to get away from that section. I was horrified and I refused to do it and instead I forced myself to stare at the line where I wrote Jesus' name. Despite this I feel like I have sinned horribly I have repented but I feel like God now wants to take that novel from me as punishment for having that feeling. I dont want to have those feelings but I cant control them, I try to fight them my positive reactions but I still feel like I must be embarrassed of God whether I can control it or not and that He will punish me harshly for it. What can I do? Is it sinning to experience an emotion like that and how do I stop it from coming?

 

[well hey]

Its sin and can be demonic influence trying to make you have these feelings. Dont worry you are forgiven and keep walking with him, he loves you. Once you really really really know how , i guess the only way to say it is...how badass God is . you will be bragging about him to everyone. He walked on water and created the earth, he has all power.

 

[Gingerine]

@well hey
thank you. I will try to move in but it saddens me that I can sim like this without even trying.

 

[Mari17]

@well hey
thank you. I will try to move in but it saddens me that I can sim like this without even trying.

I respectfully disagree that this is NOT sin and definitely not demonic influence. It's.....wait for it.....OCD!! Also, just curious, why did you feel you had to write Jesus' name? I mean, what was the context?

 

[Gingerine]

I respectfully disagree that this is NOT sin and definitely not demonic influence. It's.....wait for it.....OCD!! Also, just curious, why did you feel you had to write Jesus' name? I mean, what was the context?

Thank you Mari, that is a relief! This is what happened, I was writing about someone coming back from the brink of death and I felt I needed to put something that connected to God in it and when I have these urges I dont like to resist them or I feel like I am being rude to God and so I had one of my character's think "Thank you Jesus" and then I had the reaction I mentioned it was such an upsetting experience for me.

 

[Mari17]

Thank you Mari, that is a relief! This is what happened, I was writing about someone coming back from the brink of death and I felt I needed to put something that connected to God in it and when I have these urges I dont like to resist them or I feel like I am being rude to God and so I had one of my character's think "Thank you Jesus" and then I had the reaction I mentioned it was such an upsetting experience for me.

So it sounds like what you are saying is that if you feel you need to do a certain thing - like mention God - then you have to do it, or it is a sin. But what those of us with OCD often don't realize is that even that urge is often caused by OCD. So OCD sends us an urge which we take as being our conscience, and then we feel we've sinned if we disobey that urge, when really the only thing we're "disobeying" is the OCD. So don't be too hard on yourself - if you really need to do something, you'll likely know it, and often you kind of want to do it, or have a positive motivation to do it, not a feeling of yuckiness and dread.