Wife's pregnant...no sex!

[Leanna]

IslandBreeze, its only been a few weeks that his wife has not been feeling well. That sounds pretty impatient. It seems you have not been pregnant before and do not know how sick you can feel. If you have the flu, do you want to have sex? Unlikely.

 

[Melbelle]

I'm shocked at some of the answers on this thread. I thought more people would be sympathetic to this man. I'm going to be blunt, as usual. It shouldn't surprise anyone, but just because you become pregnant does not give you the right to become selfish. Yes, you're working hard to create a new life and yes it's uncomfortable and awkward. Regardless of how you feel, there's another half to how you feel and he has needs and wants and desires as well. At the very least can you not use other means of sexuality to give your husband a hand, so to speak? It's not about always being romanced and getting massages and getting good treatment. Giving is just as good as receiving. Women would be amazed at what they'd get from their husbands if they'd give a little more.

I see your young but really being young has nothing to do with it, I'm also gonna be blunt as always, Do you have any kids? I know when I was pregnant the only reason I had sex with my husband is because I didn't want to be self fish, Honestly it's very uncomfortable and some women expecilaly if there very small it's gonna be painfull, If you have never been pregnant the honstly you do not know what it's like. Sex is not very pleasuralbe when pregnant, you feel fat, ugly and not attractive and ontop of that your misserable, why would you want extra waight on you when your already careing a whole other person. Well when I was pregnant (At the beginning) is when I gained all my waight and believe me it was misserable.

 

[andiesmama]

I had all-day nausea that came & went throughout my pregnancy...headaches, and basically all-over body aches! Not to mention after working 8 hours as a receptionist for a busy doctor's office being exhausted when I came home because I was carrying an extra person inside me that drained my energy!

Does that come across as being ungrateful for the blessing that God gave my husband & me? I don't mean it to....it's just simple fact.

For alot of women, the energy is just sapped, the act ITSELF is painful, and your body is giving & giving to the life inside you, sometimes you just don't want to GIVE to anyone else OUTSIDE of you, you know what I mean??

Yeah, it may be selfish of the woman to not want to have sex as often as their husband does....but in the grand scheme of things, the reward is greater than the challenges you face in these short 9 months.

 

[Ruhama]

I have to say I unfortunately agree with a lot of the people on the thread. The OP has very legitimate needs, but so does his wife. For me when I was - ok, still am at times - quite sick I've tried to find points in the day where I was well enough to try to oblige. That also meant that my husband needed to take care of my daily needs like cooking dinner that day so I'd be well enough to do "something" in return. Sometimes that sex never materialized anyway. But he proved he loved me by being okay with that as long as he knew I wanted to satsfy him and just couldn't.

But at any rate. If your wife really is that sick, or whatever, now is a good time to put to use the skills you learned when you abstained before marriage. Six weeks? How long did you go before you were married? If you didn't, or don't remember how, sorry for the surprise but now is the time to learn it. Marriage doesn't guarantee sex, it just guarantees that you have committed to restrict yourself to one person whether they fill your needs or not. That was the promise you made.

You've got to remember that what is going on is also half your doing, not just "something she's going through" - it is something chosen and it has consequences for both her and you. She is suffering whether she's got a choice about it or not - you have much more of a choice but you can choose to bear less of it and make her bear more.

I don't know how much you are helping her out, or how much she is just being moody rather than sick, but I will give you this advice: if she does not feel that you are taking her sickness or the mind-altering drugs that are rampant through her system seriously enough, there is no way in heck she will feel the slightest bit inclined to oblige you. That may seem unfair, but I think it's pretty natural. Likewise if she is very ill, cut her some slack. Discuss the self hand job if that is something you might be ok with. I know you may be going crazy but... having a child is something that WILL test your limits. We women have no choice about what we go through - you however have a challenge you can prove yourself by. Rise to the occasion.

 

[Melbelle]

I have to say I unfortunately agree with a lot of the people on the thread. The OP has very legitimate needs, but so does his wife. For me when I was - ok, still am at times - quite sick I've tried to find points in the day where I was well enough to try to oblige. That also meant that my husband needed to take care of my daily needs like cooking dinner that day so I'd be well enough to do "something" in return. Sometimes that sex never materialized anyway. But he proved he loved me by being okay with that as long as he knew I wanted to satsfy him and just couldn't.

But at any rate. If your wife really is that sick, or whatever, now is a good time to put to use the skills you learned when you abstained before marriage. Six weeks? How long did you go before you were married? If you didn't, or don't remember how, sorry for the surprise but now is the time to learn it. Marriage doesn't guarantee sex, it just guarantees that you have committed to restrict yourself to one person whether they fill your needs or not. That was the promise you made.

You've got to remember that what is going on is also half your doing, not just "something she's going through" - it is something chosen and it has consequences for both her and you. She is suffering whether she's got a choice about it or not - you have much more of a choice but you can choose to bear less of it and make her bear more.

I don't know how much you are helping her out, or how much she is just being moody rather than sick, but I will give you this advice: if she does not feel that you are taking her sickness or the mind-altering drugs that are rampant through her system seriously enough, there is no way in heck she will feel the slightest bit inclined to oblige you. That may seem unfair, but I think it's pretty natural. Likewise if she is very ill, cut her some slack. Discuss the self hand job if that is something you might be ok with. I know you may be going crazy but... having a child is something that WILL test your limits. We women have no choice about what we go through - you however have a challenge you can prove yourself by. Rise to the occasion.

I wanted to add something to this lol, When that baby comes you mise well give up Sex for atleast 6 weeks and if the baby is one of them babies who does not sleep then probley until the baby is about 3months old.

 

[Ruhama]

I guess I should add something to clarify what I said above. I'm not saying you shouldn't try to get your needs fulfilled, but I am also of the belief that you cannot "get" your wife to do what you want, whether she's in the right or the wrong; you cannot change another person. You can only respond (and ask God to do the changing).

I do find that with any long-term illness or condition, the caregivers tend to tire out quickly and don't give the help that they normally would if it were, say, the flu. When that flu persists for half a year.... they sort of start wanting to pretend it's not there, you know? Or they expect the sufferer to have figured out how to "deal with it" and get on with their lives without relying on you so much.

I may be overpersonalizing it too much but I wonder if your wife's issues might not be related to an attitude derived from that, from a need to prove to you that things ARE really rough for her right now, or unsurfaced anger, grief at losing the freedom of life without someone to have to take care of (if this is your first), hormonal anger/annoyance at you for something (like wanting sex - sorry!)... lots of issues like that are very likely to make a woman upset to the point where she will actively refuse sex until the issues are satisfactorily resolved. I recommend coming at the issues you see her being moody about and just being a friend to her. She knows you want sex but she's obviously not ready for it. I expect - if this is an emotional thing - that when she is feeling okay about things in general, she will let you know when she is ready to recommence relations.

I could be completely off of course. I think plenty of other reasons have been already mentioned to explain your wife's reluctance otherwise. And of course she *could* just be being selfish. But I lean toward giving the benefit of the doubt.

 

[sammipher]

6 weeks and 4 days...

Hmm... I guess that as a guy, I'm not allowed to make comments on these issues, but I'm going to try anyway.

I've known women who were 8 weeks pregnant and never even knew it. And it sounds like, at 6 weeks, she's experiencing the aches and pains that most women at 6 or 7 months should be feeling.

I was five weeks when I found out...I was so early finding out there wasnt even a heart beat for the baby yet...and trust me I felt the effects long before I went to the doc...I thought it was the flu, because I had been told a few weeks before that I most likely would not have kids and if I could would most likely be with the help of fertility drugs..we had an appt the next month with the obgyn to discuss the fertility drugs...so yes...I had aches...I had pains, in my tummy thought I was going to start...fevers...hot flashes...throwing up..and guess what I wasnt that far along!! and just so you know..women that are six to seven months along usually(The lucky ones), but in some cases they still do have, are usually over the nausea period, so what she is feeling is absolutly normal. Bottom line is she is pregnant and if she is not having sex because she is truly sick and does not feel good..then she is not selfish...now if she isnt sick...but, just using pregnancy as an excuse to get out of sex...yes then I would consider her selfish..but, the thing is you dont know how someone else feels..so I would just trust her..becuse she is your wife and loves you, SHES CARRYING YOUR CHILD!...stand beside her and help her through this hard time..instead of accusing her of being something she is not...which is more important..the safety and well being of your wife and baby or your sex need? I would rather stand beside my husband and believe what he is telling me and support him whole heartedly ...than accuse him of something he didnt do and be wrong. I am sure your a good husband and just feeling a bit mixed up..cause I imagine you yourself are going through some changes with a little one arriving..I imagine you are under alot of stress...but, right now the both of you need each other...and just keep that in mind....**please note..I'm not trying to bash anyone**I'm pregnant myself right now and the above comment I saw was uncalled for.

 

[lovemysoldier]

Pregnancy was THE hardest thing that I have ever gone through! Immediately after I conceived I was fainting and throwing up. My stomach and my back hurt so much that I could barely walk. I tried having sex with my husband once and it hurt too bad and we had to stop. I found out well into my second trimester that I was having twins and had some serious complications and my boys barely survived the third.

Pregnancy shouldn't be taken lightly. Women and children STILL die from it. If your wife says that she is hurting, then she is hurting. Please support her. I am sure she feels horrible about not being able to meet your needs. Your wife and your baby's well-being should be put before your needs right now. You may get lucky and she may be like some women who wake up in their second trimester pain free and ready to jump into bed. In every relationship sacrifices must be made. Right now she is sacrificing her entire body to give you a child.

 

[sammipher]

Pregnancy was THE hardest thing that I have ever gone through! Immediately after I conceived I was fainting and throwing up. My stomach and my back hurt so much that I could barely walk. I tried having sex with my husband once and it hurt too bad and we had to stop. I found out well into my second trimester that I was having twins and had some serious complications and my boys barely survived the third.

Pregnancy shouldn't be taken lightly. Women and children STILL die from it. If your wife says that she is hurting, then she is hurting. Please support her. I am sure she feels horrible about not being able to meet your needs. Your wife and your baby's well-being should be put before your needs right now. You may get lucky and she may be like some women who wake up in their second trimester pain free and ready to jump into bed. In every relationship sacrifices must be made. Right now she is sacrificing her entire body to give you a child.

 

[lovemysoldier]

I am sorry that I came across as unsympathetic to your thread but it is hard for me to feel for you when I know so many guys in Iraq that missed out on their wives’ pregnancies and deliveries and would give anything for just a hug from their spouse. Count your blessings. You have it better than you know. It is possible to abstain from sex for nine months. My husband and I sacrificed more for our country and I pray that you can sacrifice nine months for your wife and child. It won’t kill you, I promise.

 

[4jacks]

Hahahha I read the title of this thread and thought it meant that His wife got pregnant and they didn't have sex (previously) ahhahahh ..... I'm an Idiot... =)

 

[FaithfulServant]

Hahahha I read the title of this thread and thought it meant that His wife got pregnant and they didn't have sex (previously) ahhahahh ..... I'm an Idiot... =)

I thought the same thing!!! Woo, makes me feel better I'm not the only one.....

 

[Redguard]

Hahahha I read the title of this thread and thought it meant that His wife got pregnant and they didn't have sex (previously) ahhahahh ..... I'm an Idiot... =)

How on earth did you manage to dig up such an old thread?

 

[Leanna]

6 weeks and 4 days...

Hmm... I guess that as a guy, I'm not allowed to make comments on these issues, but I'm going to try anyway.

I've known women who were 8 weeks pregnant and never even knew it. And it sounds like, at 6 weeks, she's experiencing the aches and pains that most women at 6 or 7 months should be feeling.

Wow this is OLD

But I do have to comment on this.... women feel pregnancy symptoms very soon, and actually the worst part IMO is from 5 weeks to 14 weeks! Then it gets better, less nausea, breasts less tender, etc.

 

[Cright]

Wonder how things worked out for him.

I'm in my 12th week and my symptoms that started 1/2 way through my 5th week are just going away in the last week.. not quite gone. I bet by her 2nd trimester she was fine.

Gutter Rat - I thought the same thing when I saw it! haha

 

[4jacks]

Gutter Rat - I thought the same thing when I saw it! haha

Did you just call me Gutter Rat

Dems fighting words!!!

 

[marciebaby]

boy I haven't seen this thread in a long time

Edit: I was *pregnant* when this thread was around. Abby is a year old now

~ ~

I was reading through this thread without looking at the dates thinking to myself, "She's pregnant again? I didn't know that"

 

[Quantos]

Boy did I misread the title

(Take a closer look at it )
She got preg without you two having any....
Not
You'r not having any while she is going through a life alterating situation.

 

[Mrs. Enigma]

Hahahha I read the title of this thread and thought it meant that His wife got pregnant and they didn't have sex (previously) ahhahahh ..... I'm an Idiot... =)

That wife that guy had sounds evil or something. Anyway, where did you find this old thread. Were you searching for "no sex" or what? Have you been gone a long time, that you missed it the first time? I thought you come in here regularly?

 

[Linnis]

I'm 12 weeks pregnant . Some days I feel so tired, drained, dizzy etc it takes everything in me to get up and go on with my day...let alone sex. Go out run about 6 miles after spending two hours throwing up and then see how sexy you feel.

When one feels like she doesn't want sex, it's not something that can be changed. It's not some whim some pregnant women have just to annoy their husbands. You arn't the only one not getting any, she isn't either you know.