My wife is 40 and we have 5 beautiful kids ages 3 to 12. My wife and I have been married for 13 years.
I will share my story in hopes that someone out there has found some hope that they can share.
My wife has all but given up on her role as a mother and wife due to severe anxiety leading to constant fatigue. She is frequently depressed and often sleeps 12+ hours per night.
When we married we agreed to have a large family and she would be a stay-at-home mom. We had premarital counseling sessions with missionary friends of ours with a lot of kids. We discussed children at length. She was an elementary school teacher and was very good with children so we thought God was calling us to have 4-5 kids to raise in a Godly home.
We became pregnant shortly after marriage and she suffered a miscarriage. That was the beginning of my understanding her severe anxiety. She was put on anti-anxiety medication which helped some. As we had more children she was stressed out as we all are, but then something seemed to snap around the fourth child and then the fifth child (who was unplanned) seemed to really send her over the edge. I had a vasectomy after #5.
She now lives in a state of completely overwhelming anxiety. She tells me that she is constantly afraid that she or the children will be hurt. She is entirely withdrawn from social circles and almost never goes to church anymore. She only goes out of the house to shop or run necessary errands. She has become addicted to social media and spends most of her waking hours on Facebook. She drinks a lot of alcohol in the evenings and that is getting worse. She complains of constant pains and difficulty sleeping. Her doctor tripled her dose of anti-anxiety medicine about 4 months ago but this is not helping.
I am beginning to break down myself because I feel like I am carrying almost the entire burden of parenting, plus being the only income earner.
Here is what I do:
-Two jobs that I work from home (I quit my office job last year because I was concerned she was not taking care of the kids adequately)
-Homeschool our autistic 9-year old
-Take other kids to and from school most days
-All home maintenance
-Some laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning
-Sleep 4-6 hours per night
Here is what my wife does:
-Some laundry and grocery shopping
-Almost no cooking or cleaning
-No income
-6-8 hours per day on social media
-Sleep 10-12 hours per night, sometimes naps in afternoon
My wife told me flat out last week that she does not have the energy to earn any income or to help with homeschooling. She said that she just can't deal with any more stress. She also said that she doesn't like kids anymore, will never go back to teaching, and feels like having kids ruined her life.
I have told her straight out that she is a social media addict and needs help. If she is without her phone for more than 20 minutes she starts to have a panic attack. The combination of Facebook and smartphones becoming popular when we had kids #4 and #5 really seems to have messed her up.
All medical causes have been thoroughly investigated. She has had overnight sleep studies, had her thyroid tested, been testes for allergies, had all of her hormones tested, been tested for vitamin deficiencies and had exhaustive blood testing for any other problems. No doctor has ever found anything wrong with her and she has never been diagnosed with any medical problems other than generalized anxiety. She has seen multiple homeopathic doctors and spent thousands of dollars on various herbal supplements and that has not worked. I have even offered to arrange for her to get inpatient treatment for anxiety and fatigue and she has refused.
In spite of these difficulties we are pressing on as a family. As a Christian I am doing my best to parent my children and try to be compassionate and loving to my wife. I am not going to divorce her. Some friends have suggested it but I'm not going there, end of story.
I believe God will give me the strength to get the kids raised and out of the house. I do worry about how my wife's condition will affect my kids.
If anyone has had a similar experience, please post or contact me. I would ask that you not suggest simple solutions (go to counseling, see a doctor, give her books to read). Believe me, we have tried all of those things more times than I can even count. I believe we are in need of something truly God-sized to get this marriage and family situation back on track.
Thanks for reading!!!
I will share my story in hopes that someone out there has found some hope that they can share.
My wife has all but given up on her role as a mother and wife due to severe anxiety leading to constant fatigue. She is frequently depressed and often sleeps 12+ hours per night.
When we married we agreed to have a large family and she would be a stay-at-home mom. We had premarital counseling sessions with missionary friends of ours with a lot of kids. We discussed children at length. She was an elementary school teacher and was very good with children so we thought God was calling us to have 4-5 kids to raise in a Godly home.
We became pregnant shortly after marriage and she suffered a miscarriage. That was the beginning of my understanding her severe anxiety. She was put on anti-anxiety medication which helped some. As we had more children she was stressed out as we all are, but then something seemed to snap around the fourth child and then the fifth child (who was unplanned) seemed to really send her over the edge. I had a vasectomy after #5.
She now lives in a state of completely overwhelming anxiety. She tells me that she is constantly afraid that she or the children will be hurt. She is entirely withdrawn from social circles and almost never goes to church anymore. She only goes out of the house to shop or run necessary errands. She has become addicted to social media and spends most of her waking hours on Facebook. She drinks a lot of alcohol in the evenings and that is getting worse. She complains of constant pains and difficulty sleeping. Her doctor tripled her dose of anti-anxiety medicine about 4 months ago but this is not helping.
I am beginning to break down myself because I feel like I am carrying almost the entire burden of parenting, plus being the only income earner.
Here is what I do:
-Two jobs that I work from home (I quit my office job last year because I was concerned she was not taking care of the kids adequately)
-Homeschool our autistic 9-year old
-Take other kids to and from school most days
-All home maintenance
-Some laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning
-Sleep 4-6 hours per night
Here is what my wife does:
-Some laundry and grocery shopping
-Almost no cooking or cleaning
-No income
-6-8 hours per day on social media
-Sleep 10-12 hours per night, sometimes naps in afternoon
My wife told me flat out last week that she does not have the energy to earn any income or to help with homeschooling. She said that she just can't deal with any more stress. She also said that she doesn't like kids anymore, will never go back to teaching, and feels like having kids ruined her life.
I have told her straight out that she is a social media addict and needs help. If she is without her phone for more than 20 minutes she starts to have a panic attack. The combination of Facebook and smartphones becoming popular when we had kids #4 and #5 really seems to have messed her up.
All medical causes have been thoroughly investigated. She has had overnight sleep studies, had her thyroid tested, been testes for allergies, had all of her hormones tested, been tested for vitamin deficiencies and had exhaustive blood testing for any other problems. No doctor has ever found anything wrong with her and she has never been diagnosed with any medical problems other than generalized anxiety. She has seen multiple homeopathic doctors and spent thousands of dollars on various herbal supplements and that has not worked. I have even offered to arrange for her to get inpatient treatment for anxiety and fatigue and she has refused.
In spite of these difficulties we are pressing on as a family. As a Christian I am doing my best to parent my children and try to be compassionate and loving to my wife. I am not going to divorce her. Some friends have suggested it but I'm not going there, end of story.
I believe God will give me the strength to get the kids raised and out of the house. I do worry about how my wife's condition will affect my kids.
If anyone has had a similar experience, please post or contact me. I would ask that you not suggest simple solutions (go to counseling, see a doctor, give her books to read). Believe me, we have tried all of those things more times than I can even count. I believe we are in need of something truly God-sized to get this marriage and family situation back on track.
Thanks for reading!!!