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Wife Ignored 25th Wedding Anniversary

Discussion in 'Married Couples' started by J2019, May 15, 2019 at 12:23 PM.

  1. J2019

    J2019 New Member

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    Last edited: May 16, 2019 at 7:01 AM
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  2. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Well-Known Member

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    Has she ever said she loves you but she's not in love with you?
     
  3. Dave-W

    Dave-W Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner! Supporter

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    She sounds tired. Very tired.
     
  4. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Well-Known Member

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    What are the gist of the relationship issues?
     
  5. Dave L

    Dave L Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Married nearly 50 years now, we've had our ups and downs too. We have several things we think helped make it work. One is we believe marriage is for life and divorce and remarriage for any reason is adultery. Things look lots better when your options dwindle. In view of this you must make marriage work as though your life depends on it. We don't hang out with divorced people or attend churches where divorce and remarriage is allowed. We do lots together from bicycling, working out, lawn, house work, and use each others strengths where needed most. Retirement is the best time of our lives and we enjoy every minute usually together.
     
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  6. J2019

    J2019 New Member

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    Last edited: May 16, 2019 at 7:01 AM
  7. Gracia Singh

    Gracia Singh Newbie Supporter

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    Good for you, Dave! That's fantastic. God bless you guys.
     
  8. Gracia Singh

    Gracia Singh Newbie Supporter

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    Would a vacation together help? Time off work for her? I agree that sheer physical exhaustion can make one apathetic, and grumpy.
     
  9. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Well-Known Member

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    Ignoring your 25th is a huge signal of apathy. Does she have any close male friends? Coworkers?
     
  10. GodsGrace101

    GodsGrace101 Well-Known Member

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    Maybe you should stop discussing it?
    Believe what she says.
    What's 2 years in 25?
    Nothing.
    You might be imagining all this and she's getting tired of dealing with it.
    Leave well enough alone.
     
  11. J2019

    J2019 New Member

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    Last edited: May 16, 2019 at 7:02 AM
  12. J2019

    J2019 New Member

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    Last edited: May 16, 2019 at 7:02 AM
  13. carp614

    carp614 Member

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    I feel your pain brother. Getting ready for 23 years and the last 10 years have been...difficult.

    In an effort to repair my broken marriage I have prayed and fasted and studied these scriptures (and others).
    Matthew 18:22 and the surrounding scripture (how many times must I forgive?)
    Ephesians 5:25 and the surrounding scripture.
    "Husbands, Love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. " (NIV) This scripture is inescapable.
    I am quite sure even as things are now, you would gladly take a bullet for your wife. But that is only one kind of sacrifice, one you are not likely to ever actually have to do. More is required.

    To repair our broken relationship I have to die to myself in every moment i spend with her. I have to forget my wants, my needs, my expectations, no matter how hard that may be and no matter how much it hurts to do so. I'm trying to put myself into the mindset of a bond servant, making service to my wife (in the name of the Lord, not in my name) more important than any of my self focused needs or desires. Even though there is a possibility that she might take advantage of me. it's worth the risk for her to see God's love for her through me. In the process she is beginning to accept God's anointing of me as the spiritual head of our household and our marriage. The more Christ like my I can be, the better things have gotten.

    It is working. Our relationship is deepening spiritually like never before. She trusts me more and more as each day passes. She is meeting spiritual needs I didn't know I had and didn't know she could fulfill. We are slowly becoming partners, team mates, and friends again. It isn't the way it was before, it's actually better, because the Lord is closer than ever to the center of our marriage.

    May God use this to speak into your heart. Don't give up. You've got this because God's got you...
     
  14. J2019

    J2019 New Member

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    Last edited: May 16, 2019 at 7:02 AM
  15. Gracia Singh

    Gracia Singh Newbie Supporter

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    Would a career shift for her, and daytime hours, help?
     
  16. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Well-Known Member

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    J, two things stood out to me on your post.

    a) the strong apathy, and
    b) the infamous ILYBINILWY sentiment

    Both of these things are pointing strongly to an affair, as well as a few other 'tells' that were in your narrative. If she is having an affair you will not solve any of your problems until you uncover this situation. You have had much of the same for the last two years, which is likely when the affair started.

    Comfortable and indifferent is not the same as this gross display of apathy. Would she have behaved this way 5 years ago:

    "She didn't mention it or say thanks, and didn't have a card for me."

    Did her connection with another man change two years ago? Does she have close male friends at all?

    Don't ask her if she is having an affair; just heighten your awareness of things and watch closer.

    The only other likely explanation for such apathy would be if you have been a very abusive husband and she can hardly stand you anymore. That doesn't seem to be the case.
     
  17. J2019

    J2019 New Member

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    Last edited: May 16, 2019 at 7:03 AM
  18. Gracia Singh

    Gracia Singh Newbie Supporter

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    Maybe she hates her job? Ever thought of letting her get a receptionist job some where? Only reason I keep harping on this, is I can kind of see myself in her a little.

    My immune system is shot. I work late. I'm tired. Anymore I'm like "Iloveyoutoonowwheresmyflippincoffeemrrrr..." and on my off days, my personality comes back a bit. Otherwise, I'm beat and cranky as heck. Not a great wife. My husband doesn't work, but does house work, like you do. Which is great. But the crankiness and fatigue are still there.

    Just saying. Maybe pop the idea to her? See how she responds?

    "Honey, would you like another job?" See what she says or does.
     
  19. J2019

    J2019 New Member

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    Last edited: May 16, 2019 at 7:03 AM
  20. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Well-Known Member

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    I'd bet my last $100 on her being in an affair, moreso than any of the other suggestions here so far. What clinches this for me is that, on top of the other signals in your description, she didn't want to even acknowledge your gestures for your 25th. This indicates your marriage is distasteful to her. Based on the other things you wrote, I think it's likely due to a new point of comparison.

    Are you willing to investigate a bit? Does she guard her phone, and take it with her everywhere? Are her devices password protected from you? Is there a male that she used to talk about somewhat but now she doesn't? Unless you can eliminate this option all of your other efforts could be for nothing.
     
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