Who takes care of the kids now if you career is that demanding that the courts wouldn't think that you won't be available enough to raise them as a single father...especially if one of them is a teenager and old enough to look after the others. Again, there is more to this. (Makes me wonder if your wife was always second fiddle to your career too). And honestly, if your career is more important to you than your children being raised in a stable environment with healthy values...then, maybe they would be better off with her.... neither of you are making decisions that appear to put their best interest as a priority....
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HopefulInTheBayArea
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- May 9, 2017
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hey man
first of all, may the Lord bring you peace and calm. i know what you are experiencing, maybe not to the extent you are (what with the pregnancy), but i do know the pain you are reeling from -- because i am right there with you, brother.
look up my thread, under HopefulInTheBayArea (Help please! Wife in mid-life crisis & had emotional affair)
let me just say this. there are no easy answers. none. i have looked for them, i have prayed for them, and they are not forthcoming. in my situation it does seem that, day by day, i'm seeing some positives. and then, 3-4 days later, there will be a rough patch. sometimes it's over something i caused (usually when i bringing up questions precedes it). sometimes it's the words or actions of the wife that will trigger something. for example, we had a really sweet mother's day; took my wife and kids to this cool, secluded beach. my wife loved it (plus all the usual mother's day trappings: the cards, the flowers, the jibjab animated card, the homemade waffle breakfast, etc). and there have been a couple of recent mornings where we have laid in bed for a few minutes, spooning and snuggling which is very nice considering we haven't been like that in some time. but then, sunday evening i heard my wife sort of talking to herself while in the shower (praying, maybe?). i couldn't make out the words, but toward the end she said "wait for him", which threw me into a fresh panic and one i had to stow away so as not to cause alarm. the following day, she drove herself into work (which she does do maybe once a week, but usually takes the bus) and she looked very nice. maybe too nice, i can't be sure -- i even commented as she was getting dressed and she said "oh, this? thanks. it's nothing. just going to work". it wasn't extremely, over the top sexy, but she did look nice. i think she thought that, maybe, that had caught my attention -- because that night she said something about it, like "these are my feel good clothes". i know she's been through the wringer, too, so maybe i'm making mountains out of molehills.
point is, the ability to build back the trust takes a herculean effort. i know my wife loves and cares for me. but she also, admittedly, "fell in love" with the other man. she has told me recently that she has been ruminating alot, about what's real vs not real. she has gotten the greatest does of family love from me and our two small boys as you can imagine (the kids cuddling in bed with us mornings, etc). so, i'm hopeful that what we represent is "the real" vs the fiction of her double life. i pray that is the case, because i honestly believe the Lord does not want to see a family torn apart when there is no need to.
wish i could help. i can be a good sounding board, if nothing else. but i know your pain all too well. i hope one day that it stops.
first of all, may the Lord bring you peace and calm. i know what you are experiencing, maybe not to the extent you are (what with the pregnancy), but i do know the pain you are reeling from -- because i am right there with you, brother.
look up my thread, under HopefulInTheBayArea (Help please! Wife in mid-life crisis & had emotional affair)
let me just say this. there are no easy answers. none. i have looked for them, i have prayed for them, and they are not forthcoming. in my situation it does seem that, day by day, i'm seeing some positives. and then, 3-4 days later, there will be a rough patch. sometimes it's over something i caused (usually when i bringing up questions precedes it). sometimes it's the words or actions of the wife that will trigger something. for example, we had a really sweet mother's day; took my wife and kids to this cool, secluded beach. my wife loved it (plus all the usual mother's day trappings: the cards, the flowers, the jibjab animated card, the homemade waffle breakfast, etc). and there have been a couple of recent mornings where we have laid in bed for a few minutes, spooning and snuggling which is very nice considering we haven't been like that in some time. but then, sunday evening i heard my wife sort of talking to herself while in the shower (praying, maybe?). i couldn't make out the words, but toward the end she said "wait for him", which threw me into a fresh panic and one i had to stow away so as not to cause alarm. the following day, she drove herself into work (which she does do maybe once a week, but usually takes the bus) and she looked very nice. maybe too nice, i can't be sure -- i even commented as she was getting dressed and she said "oh, this? thanks. it's nothing. just going to work". it wasn't extremely, over the top sexy, but she did look nice. i think she thought that, maybe, that had caught my attention -- because that night she said something about it, like "these are my feel good clothes". i know she's been through the wringer, too, so maybe i'm making mountains out of molehills.
point is, the ability to build back the trust takes a herculean effort. i know my wife loves and cares for me. but she also, admittedly, "fell in love" with the other man. she has told me recently that she has been ruminating alot, about what's real vs not real. she has gotten the greatest does of family love from me and our two small boys as you can imagine (the kids cuddling in bed with us mornings, etc). so, i'm hopeful that what we represent is "the real" vs the fiction of her double life. i pray that is the case, because i honestly believe the Lord does not want to see a family torn apart when there is no need to.
wish i could help. i can be a good sounding board, if nothing else. but i know your pain all too well. i hope one day that it stops.
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