why?

[Tenebrae]

Is it so hard for churches to be real places where people can be honest about the problems they are facing, get the help they are seeking.

I started attending a new church, got talking to a lady who had been through similar problems to me, and she introduced me to the pastor (female) who told me "when you are ready to work on that stuff, come and see me"

After almost another year in emotional/spirititual tetraplegia, I decided that it was time to start working on those issues and start walking in the freedom and victory christians alledge that God has planned for me.

About 6 weeks ago, i sent a "hey, its me, could we please arrange a meet"

No response.

Decided perhaps that maybe I needed to be a bit more specific, so decided against sense that i would open up abit about the stuff I was needing to deal with. Duh me. That was about three weeks ago. Still no response.


Sure, I can understand that I have the sort of issues that would send most 'nice' christians running screaming in the oppisate directions. Humanity doesnt bother me, and even if the pastor had come back with a 'hey, this is outside my area of expertise, if its ok, we can work through this together' it would have been cool

Back to my cocoon of emotional/spiritual tetraplegia.

If we as a 'church' could learn to be real, really really real. I think it would set the world on fire.

word of warning. I am seriously fragile right now. I do not want to hear about how if I just had some more faith, then things would be a ok, and will request the thread to be closed.

I am not posting this as a pity party, more as a hope, because I dont think this is an isolated issue and I am hoping this may provide a venue for other similarly affected people

 

[New_Wineskin]

Is it so hard for churches to be real places where people can be honest about the problems they are facing, get the help they are seeking.

There are some groups that deal with real problems and provide help . However , between many groups being too big for such and many small groups being too "spiritual" , those groups are hard to find .

 

[dkbwarrior]

I really wish that I had an answer for you. My wife and I work alot with wounded poeple, but I cant really offer any help from where I sit. The internet is really not the place to air these kind of things. Way to public of a venue.

I would say this, although it may sound trite and superficial, it really is not. Any problems or issues or anxieties or depression or fear or hurt or pain or anger or unforgiveness can be healed by way of the Word. Whenever I am dealing with any of these issues in my own life, and am finding it difficult to overcome, God always leads me back to spending more time in the Word. Revelation of the Word by the Spirit of God is the only thing that can make us truly free.

31Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed;
32And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
-John 8:31-32

Peace...​

 

[pdudgeon]

does the church have an appointments secretary?

if so, call or drop a note to her and ask for a 30 min. appointment with the pastor. one appointment should be enough for you to lay out a brief overview of your problem and what you would like to accomplish with counseling sessions. In turn, your pastor can tell you if she feels comfortable or qualified to help with the problem. if not, then ask her for a recomendation, and thank her for her time.

Pastors are busy people these days. my guess is that your pastor didn't fully realize how much your problem would affect your reaching out to her, or that you needed more information on how to set up a meeting with her.

i'm glad that you took this step---i know it was a big one for you.

 

[disciple-ofjesus]

I agree with Pdudgeon! I would go face to face with a secretary, or to the pastor after church. E stuff isn't so good. They can get lost in cyberspace, she may not of gotten it. I used to attend a church where the secretary read ALL emails to the pastor and passed the ones SHE thought was important to him...meaning none of mine ever got through. Not saying this secretary is like that, but there are a many of reasons she may not of gotten back to you. Don't give up.

 

[imperfectchristian]

If we as a 'church' could learn to be real, really really real. I think it would set the world on fire.

That is quotable.

 

[lismore]

Sure, I can understand that I have the sort of issues that would send most 'nice' christians running screaming in the oppisate directions.

Hello

Maybe you have answered your own question. 'Nice'.

Jesus is our mediator, because he went through what we go through, saw what we see. Lived in the same place as us. God became a human and lived with us lowly people. He saw the not so nice bits.

'Nice' people just can't comprehend what they have never seen or experienced. I dont speak to churchy Christians about personal issues anymore, it's not within their comprehension. They look at me like I'm from outer space.

You need to find someone who understands and can empathise with you because they've been there too!

God Bless You

 

[imperfectchristian]

Jesus is our mediator, because he went through what we go through, saw what we see. Lived in the same place as us. God became a human and lived with us lowly people. He saw the not so nice bits.

Another quotable...man this thread is turning into a gold mine.

 

[Criada]

There are genuine people who will do all they can to help, but there are also a lot who are scared to get involved, often for good reasons, or because they are afraid of doing more harm than good.
But it does seem odd that if your pastor feels that way she hasn't told you why. I agree that a face to face appointment might be a better idea, but I know that may feel scary and make you feel very vulnerable
Praying that you will meet some Christians who are 'real' enough to face your issues with you.

 

[ARBITER01]

Is it so hard for churches to be real places where people can be honest about the problems they are facing, get the help they are seeking.

Let me ask you a question, is it hard to go to Jesus and ask Him to create in you a clean heart and renew a right spirit within you?

 

[Tenebrae]

Let me ask you a question, is it hard to go to Jesus and ask Him to create in you a clean heart and renew a right spirit within you?

Yes

 

[Cassidy]

That's because people suck and you really need to search for someone who walks with God and who isn't afraid of your problems, they ARE out there, they are also rare.

And just to play devil's advocate, could it be that you may be in a queue? There maybe 100's of people emailing this person and they are trying to get to everyone? Who knows!

Oh and, at the risk of seeming ignorant...what's a tetraplegia? I'd look it up in the dictionary but I'm too lazy

 

[ARBITER01]

Yes

Then you can continue seeking mankind over your troubles, what more is there to say.

 

[imperfectchristian]

I know arbiter comes across as a little brash, but I must say I do agree with him. You will never get the same story twice when you ask people to explain or reveal God to you and you will inevitably end up in some kind of bondage. (this is my experience)

However, if you ask God to lead you, guide you and reveal Himself to you and then trust that He will you will find He will.

The reason most people (including myself) have so much trouble with this concept is because we cling so vehemently at times to what we have been told by someone else and they are fallible and we can't bring ourselves to let go of it because we are afraid it will under mind everything we believe.

From time to time I will say, God I am casting everything off, please reveal to me Your true self and help me leave the baggage of religious tradition by the way side.

 

[ARBITER01]

I know arbiter comes across as a little brash, but I must say I do agree with him. You will never get the same story twice when you ask people to explain or reveal God to you and you will inevitably end up in some kind of bondage. (this is my experience)

However, if you ask God to lead you, guide you and reveal Himself to you and then trust that He will you will find He will.

The reason most people (including myself) have so much trouble with this concept is because we cling so vehemently at times to what we have been told by someone else and they are fallible and we can't bring ourselves to let go of it because we are afraid it will under mind everything we believe.

From time to time I will say, God I am casting everything off, please reveal to me Your true self and help me leave the baggage of religious tradition by the way side.

Psalm 51 is a very good read on how GOD can release us from sin and it's sickness to our soul.

We have to outright ask GOD to have our hearts cleansed at times, it does us good when we do on a regular basis. We regain our direction with HIM that HE gave us.

We should want GOD to be our absolute in all things.

 

[disciple-ofjesus]

I have to agree too with Arb! God is the ONLY source that can cleanse and make us whole. ONLY His blood. If some aren't willing to ask God that, then there isn't much humans can do.

 

[Cassidy]

Yes but God also talks about the church and fellowship and I really believe that God uses others to help us too. Wasn't Adam walking with God at the heat of the day and was still lonely?

 

[Tenebrae]

Then you can continue seeking mankind over your troubles, what more is there to say.

What awesome help


Not


What more is there to say.

 

[map4]

Yes, God is our ultimate source. But I think all of us have gone to people for Chrisitian advice/counseling before. Especially if we're 'not hearing'. We should be there for each other. And God does use other people to speak to us, doesn't He?

Tenebrae, I have no answer for why the pastor has not gotten back to you. Hopefully she'll have a good reason.

I can see where it might be harder for others to empathize with you if they have not been through what you have. But that doesn't necessarily mean that they can't help. I haven't been what you've been through, but I've been through some not so nice things (being molested for several years as a child by a cousin, for one). I've talked to people who, while they didn't experience what I did, they were still able to show God's love to me and give advice. And it may not always be what you want to hear, so ask yourself if you are prepared for that possiblity. If you're going to ask the questions and seek the help, will you also accept the answer?
You say you are fragile, and I can understand that. But, do you want someone to tell you the truth, or sugar coat things? Sugar coating is like putting a bandaid on something. In your field of work you should know that bandaids don't last. Sometimes cures are painful because you have to get the infected parts out for healing to begin (I'm not a doctor or nurse so I hope I used a correct analogy).

And freedom in Christ is not an alleged thing. It is real. Very real. The revelation of God's love, what Jesus did for me, who I am in Christ...that is what set me free from ALL the emotional garbage that I had. And with that knowledge and freedom came victory over that particular issue. My life is not perfect, but I have learned to trust Jesus, because sometimes that is the only thing that gets me through. And I don't have all the answers, but God does so I can't help but trust Him. Even in, especially in, the darkest hours. And there has never been a time when the darkness didn't become light again. I walked through the valley of the shadow of death. But you have to decide, to accept, to get it settled, that Jesus is the answer. He is the only One that can truly set you free. Anything else is just a bandaid.

Whoever we talk to, if they are giving us the advice we need, will point us to Jesus as the One who set us free. But like someone said, sometimes we don't want to let go of the baggage. So, the person pointing us to Jesus may have to drag us kicking & screaming, so to speak, but pray they won't let go of us until we get to the feet of Jesus. He'll take off the bandaid and apply His healing anointing.

 

[Tenebrae]

Map

You make a brilliant point. All that was required was for that pastor to say "heck dont know what you have been through, however if I can support and help you, let me know"


IMO, the most essential quality for helping other people is empathy