Why is virginity mocked?

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Larry Mondello

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Personally, I wouldn't bring up sex early in a relationship.
Let the relationship grow and develop.
When it feels right, you'll know it.
I would agree with this. It is going to be different for different people.


Here's a great song to illustrate my point.
(I like to quote songs).

Now that I have link posting privileges, here goes...

Orleans. Love Takes Time. 1979.
Viddler.com - Orleans - Love Takes Time - [STEREO] - Uploaded by MusicMike

Love takes time. And it's hard to find.
You gotta take your time to let love grow.

Well some think love's a game
You play for a night or two
But I think that's a shame
'Cause I know that in the end
They're bound to lose
 
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Larry Mondello

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Love's not necessary for sex, in my opinion.
Maybe not for you or others, but in my experience, soooooo much better when you can put your heart, soul, passion AND body into the equation.
I couldn't say "I love you" to any of the 2 women I had casual sex with bec. I didn't know them....

There were some other things. She smoked marijuana (at the time), which didn't bode well for someone like me who's never been intoxicated.
If she didn't resist, she wanted it as well. You weren't wrong.
I could have been a better date partner. That incident is a big regret.
Seems like that's YOUR problem, not hers. And quite honestly, from this comment I have lost a lot of respect for you. That you would pressure her into sex, have sex, then lose respect for her is pretty low. And from your story, I get the impression that you almost feel like she's somewhat at fault in all this.
For the record, never said it was HER fault.

Notice in my post how I didn't "blame" her and say it was all on her. I didn't view her as a low-class or a "bad girl."
The getting too sexual too soon ruined things, IMO.

Blame myself for how that relationship went. Could have pursued her but didn't. Another regret.
As I posted, later learned she was a Christian !!!!
(I didn't know that at the time !!) and might have offered me a loving relationship, but the sex ruined everything.
Never did anything like that with other women.

Look what I did all for my sexual appetite !!!

Cannot tell you how much I want to contact her and apologize. Unfortunately, her name is similar to a celebrity's.
It's not spelled exactly the same way, but the celeb.'s name always comes up in searches.
Say Julie Roberts vs. Julia Roberts. Cannot search that plus she's likely married by now anyway as this was in the 80s...
 
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Jase

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Virginity is not about consent. It's about sex. Now, what you consider sex is another matter entirely, of course.

Also, it makes no sense that a child cannot give consent to another person of equal or similar age or maturity. I experimented sexually when I was about 6 or 7 with a girl about the same age. I consented even though I was still a kid. She consented. Or are you saying we had unconsented sexual contact or worse, raped each other?

Would you say that you lost your virginity at 6 or 7? Technically that would be the case, which is why I brought up the question. (Well, unless we go by the view that only penetrative sex qualifies, but I don't see exactly what makes that form any different than oral).
 
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Tamara224

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If she didn't resist, she wanted it as well. You weren't wrong.

I'm sorry.... but this is just patently false. And harmful.

Many people who are raped don't resist. That doesn't mean they want it. There are a myriad of reasons why an unconsenting person may not resist. Coercion is definitely one of them.

This kind of thinking contributes to the rape culture.

Not just consent but enthusiasm: some notes on college sex workshops and stoplights | Hugo Schwyzer

ETA: This type of talk is also triggering for rape victims.
 
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sandwiches

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I'm sorry.... but this is just patently false. And harmful.

Many people who are raped don't resist. That doesn't mean they want it. There are a myriad of reasons why an unconsenting person may not resist. Coercion is definitely one of them.

This kind of thinking contributes to the rape culture.

Not just consent but enthusiasm: some notes on college sex workshops and stoplights | Hugo Schwyzer

Oh goodness... Here we go... Rape culture, male privilege, etc...

So, you're saying that a person could agree to have sex with me, act enthusiastic and happy about it, but I somehow raped them? Wow... Remind me to bring a polygraph machine next time but I'm sure because of my male privileged position they'd still pass that test with flying colors.
 
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Larry Mondello

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I have suggested that it would probably be in virgins best interest to not worry about what people say. Virginity or lack thereof isn't a big deal... to me, at least.
Agree.
I wouldn't recommend guys not to disclose that info. too soon.

Some "inexperienced" guys seem to think women will laugh at them or try to INTIMIDATE them if they learn he's a virgin.

Some of the guys think being a virgin in their mid-20s is some kind of curse. Just search for "Virgin Poll...Who's still a virgin?" in the enotalone relationship forum.
 
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Tamara224

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Oh goodness... Here we go... Rape culture, male privilege, etc...

Is it really too much to ask for you to be considerate of the harm that your words do to others?

To do a little self reflection, and idk maybe try listening to people when they say "ouch, you're hurting me"?

So, you're saying that a person could agree to have sex with me, act enthusiastic and happy about it, but I somehow raped them?

Do I even need to say the obvious? I suppose I must. Folks that right there should be bookmarked as a classic example of a strawman fallacy.

I'd think it was satire but....

Your quote was "If she didn't resist, she wanted it as well."

That's what raptists say. "She didn't fight, so she wanted it." It's a damnable lie when rapists say it and it's a damnable lie when rape apologists say it.

I am the one who posted an article which suggests that the standard for consent should not be "didn't resist" but "enthusiastically participated."

Women like sex, too. If we're engaging enthusiastically, then we want it. If we're just 'not resisting' then we don't.


Wow... Remind me to bring a polygraph machine next time but I'm sure because of my male privileged position they'd still pass that test with flying colors.

Vitriolic much?

What do you have to be so angry about? Don't you want women to enjoy sex, too? Why would you even want to be with someone who was 'not resisting'?
 
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A

AtheistVet

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Here are some web results of Rebecca St. James' public virginity.
Google

Look how she's ridiculed and made fun of, for her virginity stance.
You can't say that didn't take some nerve.

There's even a person posing as RSJ or RebeccaJean, claiming she's her, and detailing her lurid sexual experiences.

So don't try to say virgins aren't mocked, made low or ridiculed.

It's the internet. Everyone is mocked.
 
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Larry Mondello

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http://www.christianforums.com/t7450058-2/#post54459248
I was lead to believe it would be some great epic event, something that would stick with me forever as a magical moment. I heard some people cry after their time because of the emotions.

It wasnt like that at all for me, not even in the slightest. I also do not regret it because it was with someone who I loved, even though we are not together today. And I dont have a problem with at what age or how long I waited - I was 19.
From what I've read, sex on the wedding night, particularly if one or both are virgins, can be a "magical, epic event."

TBH, I really wish I could have enjoyed such a moment...

Not sayin' every virgins' experience is magical. Some have problems. Some cannot penetrate completely or the woman has issues.

The sex I had in HS and in my 20s (2 times), it paled in comparison to the LM I enjoyed when I met my future wife in my 30s..
 
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KarateCowboy

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I really, really, really do not understand this. Why is virginity mocked and made to be "lame" or some nonsense? What is so bad about having never had sex? Why is it something that must be "fixed" or "cured"? I really don't get it.

Rant over.
Hi leo. It's like the Bible says: "And they will revile you when you do not join in their wickedness". Some people see a man stand for what's right and are inspired to change. Others are proud, and it hits home and chafes their egos.

If you keep asking your questions I think you'll find there is no reasonable, logical explanation why some people look down on virginity. Likely, they'll just throw insults or something.
 
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