Why is this happening...?

[Neoma]

Hello everyone, there's something that has really been bothering me and I would like it if anyone could give me ideas as to why this is happening, and some advice. I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, so I apologize if I've posted this in the wrong place.

Okay, so beware, this is kind of long:

For almost a year, I keep having dreams about the same person. He's sort of one of my friends...I know him well, but I'm not really close to him, if that makes sense.
I'll start from the beginning. When I first met this guy, it was before I was saved. I found him VERY annoying, and wanted nothing to do with him, although I hid my feelings and acted nice to him.
Months and months later, I started veeery slowly to like him. It was strange, I was annoyed with him and then I liked him at the same time. Then after a while I had a huge crush on him.

After this happened, long story short, my parents decided that I could go on a mission trip (I haven't gone yet though, but this to me is truly a miracle that they're letting me go). The same guy decided that he was going to go also right before I did. Then I got really upset a while after this, because he seemed to like another girl (I still think he might, to be honest). I got jealous and was being really immature.

Okay, so then after THAT happened I finally got saved (that is also a long story). My feelings for that guy were gone, and I chose God over him. I remember thinking, "I hope he has a wonderful life, and God blesses him, and that if he likes that other girl, he can be with her." Then I stopped talking to him for a while. I was completely convinced in my mind that it would please God more if I didn't date or marry anyone, that way I stay completely focused on Him. So I decided that unless God really wanted me to, I wouldn't get married.

Once in a while, those feelings for that guy would threaten to come back, but they didn't. For about 1 day I was really tempted to let those feelings come back, but God helped me through it.

The weird thing though that happened was I would keep having dreams about him, even though I had forgotten about him. I had no feelings for him, and I thought secretly that maybe satan was trying to get me to think about this guy again instead of God. I always tried hard to ignore the dreams and I saw them as completely meaningless, just an attempt to trick me. Then I kept seeing/hearing his name EVERYWHERE, and I mean everywhere. It's like someone was trying to force me to pay attention to him in any way possible. The dreams I had were basically just me and him spending time together, and usually I had a crush on him in my dreams. He's sometimes a "messenger" in my dreams as well, like I asked God a question once right after I was saved and the guy answered it in my dream (and even showed me Bible verses about it), and also he warned me about something in a dream before I was saved.

Now somehow we started talking to each other again, and I am so frustrated because those feelings I have for him keep threatening to come back. They were gone for so long and I don't know why they're even there. I do NOT want to be with him because I don't think that would be good at all, in fact I keep praying for God to somehow get him out of my life if that goes along with His will. I wish everything good for this guy, but I can't stand this. Every time I try to distance myself from him, something always happens to bring him back.

So what I'm trying to ask is, why is this happening? Is it a test? Is it the enemy trying way too hard to tempt me, or what? And how do I make it stop, besides praying (I already do that a lot)? I just don't get it, and it's getting a bit ridiculous and I reeeaaally wish it would stop because it's getting too distracting.

 

[Winken]

If you and he are in the same town or attending the same church or planning to go on a mission trip together it could go on forever, or until you decide.

Sounds way too complicated for folks on here to offer advice. Usually their advice drifts into debating each other, rather than answering your question(s).

Check out some of the forums, maybe enter into a private conversation with someone there.

 

[musicalpilgrim]

So what I'm trying to ask is, why is this happening? Is it a test? Is it the enemy trying way too hard to tempt me, or what? And how do I make it stop, besides praying (I already do that a lot)? I just don't get it, and it's getting a bit ridiculous and I reeeaaally wish it would stop because it's getting too distracting.

Hi Neoma,
Welcome to the forum in Jesus name, it is a great place to be. I usually spend time with the Pentecostal sub forum, I have great fellowship there and feel welcome. There are some great people here to share your love for the Lord with.
Pentecostal/Assemblies of God
I feel certain that your problems will sort themselves out as you read your Bible and grow in the Lord. I don't understand how dreams work except that they are a way for the subconscious to work things out for us.

 

[Neoma]

Hi Neoma,
Welcome to the forum in Jesus name, it is a great place to be. I usually spend time with the Pentecostal sub forum, I have great fellowship there and feel welcome. There are some great people here to share your love for the Lord with.
Pentecostal/Assemblies of God
I feel certain that your problems will sort themselves out as you read your Bible and grow in the Lord. I don't understand how dreams work except that they are a way for the subconscious to work things out for us.

Thank you I do believe that God will take care of everything, and I read and study the Bible CONSTANTLY already, but I was just wanted some advice/opinions on this from other people. I'm not expecting anyone to just know what's going on, I simply wanted to know what other people thought about it I guess.
See, normally I would've worked this out myself a long time ago (with God's help of course), but this is so strange and has gone on for so long that I had to ask someone about it.

 

[now faith]

Hello everyone, there's something that has really been bothering me and I would like it if anyone could give me ideas as to why this is happening, and some advice. I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, so I apologize if I've posted this in the wrong place.

Okay, so beware, this is kind of long:

For almost a year, I keep having dreams about the same person. He's sort of one of my friends...I know him well, but I'm not really close to him, if that makes sense.
I'll start from the beginning. When I first met this guy, it was before I was saved. I found him VERY annoying, and wanted nothing to do with him, although I hid my feelings and acted nice to him.
Months and months later, I started veeery slowly to like him. It was strange, I was annoyed with him and then I liked him at the same time. Then after a while I had a huge crush on him.

After this happened, long story short, my parents decided that I could go on a mission trip (I haven't gone yet though, but this to me is truly a miracle that they're letting me go). The same guy decided that he was going to go also right before I did. Then I got really upset a while after this, because he seemed to like another girl (I still think he might, to be honest). I got jealous and was being really immature.

Okay, so then after THAT happened I finally got saved (that is also a long story). My feelings for that guy were gone, and I chose God over him. I remember thinking, "I hope he has a wonderful life, and God blesses him, and that if he likes that other girl, he can be with her." Then I stopped talking to him for a while. I was completely convinced in my mind that it would please God more if I didn't date or marry anyone, that way I stay completely focused on Him. So I decided that unless God really wanted me to, I wouldn't get married.

Once in a while, those feelings for that guy would threaten to come back, but they didn't. For about 1 day I was really tempted to let those feelings come back, but God helped me through it.

The weird thing though that happened was I would keep having dreams about him, even though I had forgotten about him. I had no feelings for him, and I thought secretly that maybe satan was trying to get me to think about this guy again instead of God. I always tried hard to ignore the dreams and I saw them as completely meaningless, just an attempt to trick me. Then I kept seeing/hearing his name EVERYWHERE, and I mean everywhere. It's like someone was trying to force me to pay attention to him in any way possible. The dreams I had were basically just me and him spending time together, and usually I had a crush on him in my dreams. He's sometimes a "messenger" in my dreams as well, like I asked God a question once right after I was saved and the guy answered it in my dream (and even showed me Bible verses about it), and also he warned me about something in a dream before I was saved.

Now somehow we started talking to each other again, and I am so frustrated because those feelings I have for him keep threatening to come back. They were gone for so long and I don't know why they're even there. I do NOT want to be with him because I don't think that would be good at all, in fact I keep praying for God to somehow get him out of my life if that goes along with His will. I wish everything good for this guy, but I can't stand this. Every time I try to distance myself from him, something always happens to bring him back.

So what I'm trying to ask is, why is this happening? Is it a test? Is it the enemy trying way too hard to tempt me, or what? And how do I make it stop, besides praying (I already do that a lot)? I just don't get it, and it's getting a bit ridiculous and I reeeaaally wish it would stop because it's getting too distracting.

I can try to help,by using a metaphor.
When we experience pain in our body it is a signal somthing is wrong.
Say our hand hurts ,the logical thing to do is to stop strains on the hand before a more serious condition sets in.
If you in your heart do not like this person ,but he is in dreams and it seems like everywhere you go, then get away and cut him off.
I say this based on your not wanting to be near him.
It is too much of your mind being preoccupied by him.
I look at the circumstances either you harbor a crush on him,or you do not.
It is not normal to be preoccupied with a person you do not want to be around.
Hope this helps.

 

[Goodbook]

How old are you?
You sound quite young plus people develop these crushes which is really just youthful lusts the Bible tells us to flee from.

if this person is stressing you out, they may appear in your dreams. If there's any unresolved issues, you need to sort them out and confess them, sometimes it just helps to talk and pray with an elder you trust.

Your desire for the things of God needs to outweigh any desire for the things of this world, whether its a person, job or thing, because Jesus wants us to look to Him not look back (like Lot's wife).

Paul had some advice for young virgins (females) that they are happier single. I don't really know why so many christians think if they single they must get married right away. I have seen first hand so many make the mistake later regret of marrying so soon, chasing after men and often these will not even be believers - if this person is not a believer then there is NO WAY you should spend another moment thinking you want to be yoked together in the future.

 

[Goodbook]

If this person is a believer, on the other hand, then you need to pray and ask God about whether He wants you to talk to each other.

In your posts you don't say, but I would warn you don't hang out with him if he's not.

 

[Neoma]

I can try to help,by using a metaphor.
When we experience pain in our body it is a signal somthing is wrong.
Say our hand hurts ,the logical thing to do is to stop strains on the hand before a more serious condition sets in.
If you in your heart do not like this person ,but he is in dreams and it seems like everywhere you go, then get away and cut him off.
I say this based on your not wanting to be near him.
It is too much of your mind being preoccupied by him.
I look at the circumstances either you harbor a crush on him,or you do not.
It is not normal to be preoccupied with a person you do not want to be around.
Hope this helps.

I do in my heart like this person, but it's not about what I want. The reason I don't want to be around him is because I don't know if God wants me to be, and He matters more to me than a person ever would.

Also, those things I said that keep happening...other people that know who this guy is have pointed out that his name is everywhere all of a sudden, and that weird things keep happening. I keep wanting to think that it's just me so that I have an excuse to forget about it, but then other people notice it too so I just don't get it.

 

[Neoma]

How old are you?
You sound quite young plus people develop these crushes which is really just youthful lusts the Bible tells us to flee from.

if this person is stressing you out, they may appear in your dreams. If there's any unresolved issues, you need to sort them out and confess them, sometimes it just helps to talk and pray with an elder you trust.

Your desire for the things of God needs to outweigh any desire for the things of this world, whether its a person, job or thing, because Jesus wants us to look to Him not look back (like Lot's wife).

Paul had some advice for young virgins (females) that they are happier single. I don't really know why so many christians think if they single they must get married right away. I have seen first hand so many make the mistake later regret of marrying so soon, chasing after men and often these will not even be believers - if this person is not a believer then there is NO WAY you should spend another moment thinking you want to be yoked together in the future.

I'm 17.
Having a crush is something that happens to almost all teenagers all the time, but for me it is RARE now. If I do get one I ignore it because it's just a distraction from God.
This person isn't stressing me out at all, I'm just worried that if I spent any time with him I'll start to put my focus on him instead of God. It's hard to explain, it's easier to understand when you see it all happen IRL.

Yep, that's one of the reasons why I didn't want to get married, because of what Paul said. If I ever did get married (and I don't think I will), it definitely wouldn't be anytime soon.

And also, thanks for using things from the Bible in your post, most Christians don't seem to and I really appreciate the fact that you did

 

[Neoma]

If this person is a believer, on the other hand, then you need to pray and ask God about whether He wants you to talk to each other.

In your posts you don't say, but I would warn you don't hang out with him if he's not.

He's a Christian. Trust me, if he wasn't I'd NEVER even consider getting close with him, I'm completely against the idea of Christians being with non-Christians. There would be no purpose to that, and it would be miserable. I'd only consider being with a person who loves God more than me and shows it, otherwise I'm not going to be with anyone at all. It's not like I need to be in a relationship, anyway.
I will just keep praying, I think I probably need to be more patient and wait for now.

 

[LoricaLady]

Every time this person comes to your mind, pray about something or someone else. I assume you have asked the Father to guide you in this matter. You do not say if he is attached to someone else at this time. If the Father wants you two to be together, I believe He will make that happen, not you. You can "Let go and let God" by not dwelling on this person.

 

[Neoma]

Every time this person comes to your mind, pray about something or someone else. I assume you have asked the Father to guide you in this matter. You do not say if he is attached to someone else at this time. If the Father wants you two to be together, I believe He will make that happen, not you. You can "Let go and let God" by not dwelling on this person.

Thanks for the advice, and yes I have. He's not with anyone else right now. I'm trying to just let God take care of it now instead of thinking about it, since that's not really helping. I think what you said about praying about something/someone else would help a lot, so thanks for that.

 

[aiki]

So what I'm trying to ask is, why is this happening? Is it a test? Is it the enemy trying way too hard to tempt me, or what? And how do I make it stop, besides praying (I already do that a lot)? I just don't get it, and it's getting a bit ridiculous and I reeeaaally wish it would stop because it's getting too distracting.

Neoma, what direction does God's word give you? Do you know? Does the Bible anywhere say you should expect God to bring your future spouse to you in the sort of convoluted way you've described? No, it doesn't. God intends you should center your life on Christ and let your life be guided and established by the spiritual principles, wisdom and truth found in His word. Dreams, coincidences and feelings have little (and more often than not, nothing) to do with God's truth and wisdom and your application of them to your decision making. It is a sure way to confusion and making choices you deeply regret to be guided by such uncertain and vague things like dreams, crushes and coincidences.

Look for a godly man. A man who has Christ at the center of his life. That's the man you want to seriously consider for marriage. Look for the sort of man the Bible describes as wise and righteous. Looks fade. Charming personalities may grow familiar and irritating. But a man who loves God and others, who has yielded his life fully to Christ, and is a careful, obedient student of Scripture is a man you can grow old with joyfully.

Selah.

 

[Neoma]

Neoma, what direction does God's word give you? Do you know? Does the Bible anywhere say you should expect God to bring your future spouse to you in the sort of convoluted way you've described? No, it doesn't. God intends you should center your life on Christ and let your life be guided and established by the spiritual principles, wisdom and truth found in His word. Dreams, coincidences and feelings have little (and more often than not, nothing) to do with God's truth and wisdom and your application of them to your decision making. It is a sure way to confusion and making choices you deeply regret to be guided by such uncertain and vague things like dreams, crushes and coincidences.

Look for a godly man. A man who has Christ at the center of his life. That's the man you want to seriously consider for marriage. Look for the sort of man the Bible describes as wise and righteous. Looks fade. Charming personalities may grow familiar and irritating. But a man who loves God and others, who has yielded his life fully to Christ, and is a careful, obedient student of Scripture is a man you can grow old with joyfully.

Selah.

I think you're misunderstanding what I was saying...I don't think God's doing any of this, and I wanted to know why it's happening so I can make it stop.

I know all of this already, but thanks anyway for reminding me. I do not want a husband, and I have not been looking for one at all. Before I was saved I was obsessed with the idea of getting married and all, but I'm definitely not now.

I don't think I made myself very clear in my first post. Basically I am and have been focusing on God, and these things keep happening that I don't want to happen because I think they're a distraction. I just wanted to know WHY it is happening. But I don't know, I probably shouldn't have asked about this, since no one really knows except God, but I just wanted to see if anyone had anything helpful to say about it I guess.
Sorry for being so confusing, I'm not good at explaining things.

 

[yuppers]

I haven't read all the replies on here so bear with me if I give bad advice... I'm going to really throw a wrench into this.

So you have a crush on a guy and you are trying SUPER HARD to get over him... you're a Christian, he's a Christian. You like him a lot but for some reason you don't want him in your life. My question is; why are you fighting these feelings so hard? Is this guy bad? Is there a reason not to date him? Does he live a sinful life? If this guy really is "good" why not pursue a relationship with him. You say he is going on the same mission trip as you. To me that shows he has a good heart. It also shows me that he has a similar interest as you do. I don't see much of a reason why a dating relationship with him would be so bad?

 

[Neoma]

I haven't read all the replies on here so bear with me if I give bad advice... I'm going to really throw a wrench into this.

So you have a crush on a guy and you are trying SUPER HARD to get over him... you're a Christian, he's a Christian. You like him a lot but for some reason you don't want him in your life. My question is; why are you fighting these feelings so hard? Is this guy bad? Is there a reason not to date him? Does he live a sinful life? If this guy really is "good" why not pursue a relationship with him. You say he is going on the same mission trip as you. To me that shows he has a good heart. It also shows me that he has a similar interest as you do. I don't see much of a reason why a dating relationship with him would be so bad?

I guess my answer would be: I don't know. I just know that it would be a bad idea to date him, but it's not really a feeling I have and I can't explain why it would be. I just know, although of course I could be wrong.
And anyway, a guy could seem to be absolutely perfect to me, but that doesn't mean I should date him. Who knows, maybe it pleases God if we give up someone like that for Him, so I just want to be extra careful.

 

[yuppers]

I guess my answer would be: I don't know. I just know that it would be a bad idea to date him, but it's not really a feeling I have and I can't explain why it would be. I just know, although of course I could be wrong.
And anyway, a guy could seem to be absolutely perfect to me, but that doesn't mean I should date him. Who knows, maybe it pleases God if we give up someone like that for Him, so I just want to be extra careful.

So I'm going to give you my opinion on this. It's definitely important that you're careful and you make choices based on your life circumstances.

If you feel you're not ready don't force something you're not ready for. Take time to see where you're at in life and if a dating relationship is possible. Maybe don't rule this guy out of your life just yet. Try being his friend for the time. If you become his friend you'll also know someone when you go on your mission trip.

I want to point out a flaw in your thinking in the last sentence. "Maybe it pleases God if I give up someone like that for him." I just want you to be careful in thinking like that. In our lives we will all face hard times. Sometimes we will have to give up things in order to put God first in our lives again. That being said I don't think God wants us to choose what things we should give to him to try and please him. God is very gracious. Sometimes he gives us good gifts because in pleases him that us humans are happy. Unless you are making an idol out of a relationship it might not be out of gods will to be in one.

I'm not giving you to much advice on this topic. I just want you to explore different thoughts. Our feelings can be very deceitful sometimes. I don't want you to look back on this time and have any regrets about the decisions you made. Keep praying about this topic.

I hope this helps a little.

 

[Johnnz]

Our memory works away like it of not. We can't 'wiil' a memory away,just recognise it for what it is and adopt some techniques to minimise it continuing to dominate your thinking. Where our emotions have been involved as well they to have their own traces within us. None of that is testing, satanic, sinful, but just being a normal human.

John
NZ

 

[wayfaring man]

The spiritual approach is to see other believers in Christ as our brothers / sisters first and foremost. If you can focus on the guy being your brother, over and above being a boy / man...that should help.

Also the thought that you'll 'grow out of this state of uncertainty' comes to mind. And since this is a process - we learn to embrace patience and perseverance in a way we would not if our struggles were always solved instantly. Along with compassion and understanding for others who struggle also as we do / have.

The allowed struggles in this life are meant to assist in our 'character building'.

They are intended to work for our good.

2 Corinthians 12:1-10

You have a precious gift at an early age, these trials / tests are part of our purifying / perfection.

Keep drawing upon The Lord and the measure of faith given you, and it will all work out splendidly !

Even though there will likely be some 'rough spots' along the way.

1 Peter 4:12-13

 

[Jenniferdiana]

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