Why is the concept of "family" overrated?

[RickardoHolmes]

Now that I have your attention

The question is "Why do I expect certain levels of functioning as a family, when I know it is not possible?"

Our family of 4 is made of 4 unique pieces. Sort of like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, but each can stand on his or her own. Each one is a beautiful work of art, each holding great strengths and abilities in several areas. Each can serve as a guide, a leader, a role-model of sorts to everyone and anyone in need.

BUT
The 4 pieces do not connect to form a complete picture. Try as you will, swap the places of the pieces, rotate them, flip them over, try anything, the sides will not fit together, and the picture cannot be completed. Sure, you can get two pieces to fit at times, rarely even 3, but there will always be a flaw that will keep all four from functioning together.

I have long realized this, and accepted that the completed puzzle is just an illusion. It is an idea, a concept perhaps, but has no basis in reality. The Pursuit of which is likened to solving pi to a final digit....or perhaps drawing an X inside a box without retracing or lifting the pencil. It cannot me done, or at least not in polynomial time.

The past few months, the mother of the pieces has started attending a nearby Baptist-megachurch. She goes alone, unless her mom is in town. I refuse to go, warning her of the dangers that can lurk inside, but her recurring theme and tearful reply is that we never get to do anything as a family.
That is because the puzzle pieces do not fit. We are not, nor will we ever be, able to do things as a family. The pieces do not fit that way. For us, we are 4 awesome people living in a house together, doing the best we can to make a positive impact on those around us.

I hope that soon she too will realize this and accept it and move on as I have.

 

[Richard161171]

Now that I have your attention

The question is "Why do I expect certain levels of functioning as a family, when I know it is not possible?"

Our family of 4 is made of 4 unique pieces. Sort of like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, but each can stand on his or her own. Each one is a beautiful work of art, each holding great strengths and abilities in several areas. Each can serve as a guide, a leader, a role-model of sorts to everyone and anyone in need.

BUT
The 4 pieces do not connect to form a complete picture. Try as you will, swap the places of the pieces, rotate them, flip them over, try anything, the sides will not fit together, and the picture cannot be completed. Sure, you can get two pieces to fit at times, rarely even 3, but there will always be a flaw that will keep all four from functioning together.

I have long realized this, and accepted that the completed puzzle is just an illusion. It is an idea, a concept perhaps, but has no basis in reality. The Pursuit of which is likened to solving pi to a final digit....or perhaps drawing an X inside a box without retracing or lifting the pencil. It cannot me done, or at least not in polynomial time.

The past few months, the mother of the pieces has started attending a nearby Baptist-megachurch. She goes alone, unless her mom is in town. I refuse to go, warning her of the dangers that can lurk inside, but her recurring theme and tearful reply is that we never get to do anything as a family.
That is because the puzzle pieces do not fit. We are not, nor will we ever be, able to do things as a family. The pieces do not fit that way. For us, we are 4 awesome people living in a house together, doing the best we can to make a positive impact on those around us.

I hope that soon she too will realize this and accept it and move on as I have.

 

[Richard161171]

I suggest scheduling a family movie or restaurant trip on the same night and time as the Baptist church and let your wife chose what engagement is most important too the family.

 

[ToBeLoved]

Now that I have your attention

The question is "Why do I expect certain levels of functioning as a family, when I know it is not possible?"

Our family of 4 is made of 4 unique pieces. Sort of like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, but each can stand on his or her own. Each one is a beautiful work of art, each holding great strengths and abilities in several areas. Each can serve as a guide, a leader, a role-model of sorts to everyone and anyone in need.

BUT
The 4 pieces do not connect to form a complete picture. Try as you will, swap the places of the pieces, rotate them, flip them over, try anything, the sides will not fit together, and the picture cannot be completed. Sure, you can get two pieces to fit at times, rarely even 3, but there will always be a flaw that will keep all four from functioning together.

I have long realized this, and accepted that the completed puzzle is just an illusion. It is an idea, a concept perhaps, but has no basis in reality. The Pursuit of which is likened to solving pi to a final digit....or perhaps drawing an X inside a box without retracing or lifting the pencil. It cannot me done, or at least not in polynomial time.

The past few months, the mother of the pieces has started attending a nearby Baptist-megachurch. She goes alone, unless her mom is in town. I refuse to go, warning her of the dangers that can lurk inside, but her recurring theme and tearful reply is that we never get to do anything as a family.
That is because the puzzle pieces do not fit. We are not, nor will we ever be, able to do things as a family. The pieces do not fit that way. For us, we are 4 awesome people living in a house together, doing the best we can to make a positive impact on those around us.

I hope that soon she too will realize this and accept it and move on as I have.

I think that we all must choose our faith and beliefs on our own. God must be above all.

I'd ask her "How about breakfast after".

 

[ToBeLoved]

I suggest scheduling a family movie or restaurant trip on the same night and time as the Baptist church and let your wife chose what engagement is most important too the family.

I think it is his mom.

 

[381465]

What's so horrible about the church?

Have you been or heard something about it?

 

[Galatea]

Why not play board games together? That is something fun you can do as a family, or like the other person suggested, go on a road trip (maybe not a huge one- a weekend one could be fun), the movies, a restaurant, putt putt golf, bowling, even something like charades.

You have to put some effort into it. I remember one time after a hurricane when we had no power, my sisters and I took turn reading our books to each other. That sounds boring, but it was actually kind of funny considering we had no idea what was going on in the other person's book.

A bbq, where you dine outside together, just eating dinner together WITHOUT phones.

It can be done.

 

[Richard161171]

I think it is his mom.

Like mother, like daughter!!

 

[Richard161171]

Why not play board games together? That is something fun you can do as a family, or like the other person suggested, go on a road trip (maybe not a huge one- a weekend one could be fun), the movies, a restaurant, putt putt golf, bowling, even something like charades.

You have to put some effort into it. I remember one time after a hurricane when we had no power, my sisters and I took turn reading our books to each other. That sounds boring, but it was actually kind of funny considering we had no idea what was going on in the other person's book.

A bbq, where you dine outside together, just eating dinner together WITHOUT phones.

It can be done.

Without Phones!!! don't over do it lol. I wonder if Jesus would have a mobile phone if he returned tomorrow, I'm guessing yes.

 

[Winken]

Without Phones!!! don't over do it lol. I wonder if Jesus would have a mobile phone if he returned tomorrow, I'm guessing yes.

The line would always be busy ..... and you can believe He would never use a call blocker.

 

[Galatea]

Without Phones!!! don't over do it lol. I wonder if Jesus would have a mobile phone if he returned tomorrow, I'm guessing yes.

Sure, but He would have used it in moderation and only used it for good and not evil. Even people who use phones innocently to play candy crush or whatever usually get addicted to it. He would not have been addicted.

 

[ValleyGal]

Who is saying family is overrated?

You are a puzzle of four. Which four? Two parents with two children? One parent with two children and grandparent there, too? What makes the pieces not fit - is it just different interests, conflict, or...?

Families can fit... All it takes is respect for the differences you each bring to the table. Surely there are some things you have in common, even if it is only respect for the differences. And to work on it, all you have to do is show an interest in the other family members and care about them.

 

[longwait]

Some families are not in agreement with each other while some others all members are in agreement. Thats what I have seen.

 

[RickardoHolmes]

To clarify, it is myself, my wife of 19 years and our two teenage sons. She and I have known each other for 24 years and have been living together for 23, married for 19. We were it would have seemed, a perfect fit, until we had kids, and continued our educational pursuits, when we both I guess started to change.
No, the teen years are not the issue, but it seems daily as if we all grow more apart.

We recently tried an outing to a major league sporting event. At the last minute the two boys refused to go, so they got to stay home and the grown-ups went without them. of course the wife was crying on the way over about how she just wanted to do something as a family.

As for the referenced church, I have not been, but I have spoken to and met several people who attend/are active there. A few were very pushy about my attending with her, which I do not appreciate. Practically all came across as the type of people who are willing to be your friend so long as you say and do exactly what they want. I on the other hand am not the least bit interested such friendships, nor am I so desperate to seek social inclusion at any cost.

The boys have Zero desire to go as well. The older one, like myself, will attend a Catholic/Epsicopal service so long as it is in a cathedral. The younger one, the same as above but if in Latin. Both attend occasional Buddhist meetings with me, though the younger one is not as enthused.

She and I tried the area Latin mass, but the priest is a very hateful separatist, almost an extremest, who focuses on hellfire and punishment, negating completely the essence of Jesus' Love and Peace. He is openly hostile to non-catholics to the point of not even speaking to me since I am not a Baptized catholic, so we stopped going there altogether. He states that Jesus will be here any minute, and the first thing he will do is to exterminate all non-catholics, as well as catholics who tolerate and support them.
Which is possibly some of the messages taught at Mosques, but I would never know as I have no interest in exploring Islam past the Koran which I have already read and discarded.
It is though, a behavior I have encountered within many fundamentalist churches but not as often with the RCC. And going into a church such as the one mentioned initially, while it is not a known message from the pulpit, the very nature of Baptist religions would place a risk of encountering people who share such a hostile attitude towards outsiders.

And since I have no need for hatred in my life, I do not want the conflict or the encouragement to engage such individuals.

But back to the initial topic. Since out last few family vacations have not been pleasant, marked by arguing and opposition, I have agreed to take the kids one at a time on domestic and international trips one at a time, thus getting some quality time with the kids, without the 4 way arguing and distress of a family vacation. This turns out to be a much more successful travel initiative, as the kids are old enough for foreign travel and have the intelligence to pick up language skills as needed.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Individuals we are... but speaking of my own dear widowed mom
who raised us, three uniquely different peoples(one is domineering, the other
is a lone wolf and I'm the peace-maker)...our mom was widowed when we were all minor
children.
When mom put something forth for us to do as a family, we did it...not because we were pounded upon or guilted, we did it out of respect and love for our mom.
The domineering one would plot out the trip/activities, the lone wolf would nod and point
out one thing he'd do with us and I would be the peace-maker between the domineering one and the lone wolf(who disagreed/fought a lot) and if I couldn't get them to stop disagreeing/fighting, mom would.

 

[Richard161171]

Sure, but He would have used it in moderation and only used it for good and not evil. Even people who use phones innocently to play candy crush or whatever usually get addicted to it. He would not have been addicted.

Not all addiction is evil,the definition of addiction is withdrawal. Surely you would experience withdrawal if you stopped practising your faith.

 

[Galatea]

Not all addiction is evil,the definition of addiction is withdrawal. Surely you would experience withdrawal if you stopped practising your faith.

I think being addicted to media is unhealthy- even if it is something as benign as posting on Christian message boards.

 

[ValleyGal]

There is a recovery house in Washington state that is specifically for youth who are addicted to social media and/or gaming. Brain scans suggest that yes, these things are addicting and can become true addictions.

There is no such evidence regarding brain scans and religion. However, there is an area of the brain that lights up like a chain smoker, when someone meditates or prays. But it is not the same area as with addictions.

 

[ToBeLoved]

There is a recovery house in Washington state that is specifically for youth who are addicted to social media and/or gaming. Brain scans suggest that yes, these things are addicting and can become true addictions.

There is no such evidence regarding brain scans and religion. However, there is an area of the brain that lights up like a chain smoker, when someone meditates or prays. But it is not the same area as with addictions.

Hmm. On this same thought topic have you ever heard of a gene that some say most believers in God have? Don't know if it's kinda fact or fiction.

 

[ToBeLoved]

There is a recovery house in Washington state that is specifically for youth who are addicted to social media and/or gaming. Brain scans suggest that yes, these things are addicting and can become true addictions.

There is no such evidence regarding brain scans and religion. However, there is an area of the brain that lights up like a chain smoker, when someone meditates or prays. But it is not the same area as with addictions.

It is interesting that our brains react to prayer. Well not really because God created us. But more that science sees it. Studies have shown also people of faith tend to live a few years longer than those who do not believe.