Discussion Why don’t you go to church?

[hislegacy]

there are numbers (some prolific posters here), that choose not to go to church.

Simple question.

Why?

 

[Endeavourer]

Experiences with spiritual abuse from churches, and realizing that their disciplinary/control hot buttons are doctrines of man that they are purporting are "Biblical".

 

[Endeavourer]

By the way, I do go to a church where I can serve seekers and hurting people.

Since I've made the transition from attending the church passively (in the pews) vs actively (serving the pews) being engaged in serving hurting people and having my shoulder under the mission minded ministry for the services, I've realized how much mature brothers and sisters in the Lord leave behind on the table when they attend church passively. I've come to realize that the purpose of church is not all about me being fed, but it's about mature brothers and sisters in the Lord joining in the yoke to feed the seekers and the weary and the hurting.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

For my wife and I we love our church but now that my dad isn't going (due to medical reasons), we have no ride there. One couple has offered to pick us up, but they would do so at 7:30am. Service isn't until 10am. At least our church streams service.

But with my wifes new job being third shift, we aren't awake in the mornings now.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

there are numbers (some prolific posters here), that choose not to go to church.

Simple question.

Why?

Your question may be simple however the answer may not be.
Blessings

 

[Silverback]

there are numbers (some prolific posters here), that choose not to go to church.

Simple question.

Why?

My wife, and I attend church regularly, and have not had any problems since we try to fly under the radar and avoid the Gossip, back stabbing, and two faced people that to one extent, or, another are present where ever people gather together (not just church). Some people are not so fortunate, and it's hard to be somewhere that you don't feel welcome, or, are judged on your attire, the fact you are divorced, have biracial children, speak English with a strong accent, or, are poor.

For many who have went through this, church attendance is not something they will do very often, and is not very fulfilling.

We did belong to a church in Illinois, and I reluctantly accepted the "honor" of teaching in Sunday School because the pastor could not find anyone else. There was one young person who did not want to be there, she was very flippant, and disrespectful to everyone, and she would challenge people. She tried that with me, and I was a bit harsh on her. I was in the military at the time, and used to dealing with these types of young people in a way they were probably unaccustomed to. But she told her "mom", it got around, the Pastor and I had a talk (He was actually supportive of me) things moved forward, but "mom" could never move past it, gossiping, backstabbing, and being two faced until I transferred duty stations.

I have thick skin (to a point) so I could take it. The other issue was me being male teaching Sunday School...I am the only guy I have ever known to have done that.

Some people just get tired of the Bologna, and leave church, never to return. Are they still Christians? Yes, are they still saved? You bet.

But I understand it.

 

[lismore]

Hello hislegacy.

I was in that position for around a year and a half, I have many family members and friends in that position now. Some will never go back to a formal church. One reason can be as Ezekiel 34 says, the sheep bullied by false shepherds, the fatter sheep bullied the weaker sheep.

Being kind to believers who have had bad experiences and looking on everyone not from a worldly point of view but seeing people as God sees them- these are necessary skills in these last days. We need to help the hurting, not make the hurts worse.

Man looks on the outer appearance but the Lord looks on the heart.

God Bless

 

[hislegacy]

What i am seeing so far is:

- transportation

- job

- offense taken.

Offenses seem to be the most prevalent so far.

 

[JosephZ]

I found that "going to church" got in the way of me actively being the Church. I prefer to serve Christ by serving others and interacting with my brothers and sisters in smaller less formal settings for Bible study, worship, and fellowship when time permits.

 

[topher694]

What i am seeing so far is:

- transportation

- job

- offense taken.

Offenses seem to be the most prevalent so far.

I can tell you from the other side, being the pastor, that these are for sure the top 3.

 

[Endeavourer]

What i am seeing so far is:

- offense taken.

Offense given would be more accurate.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

there are numbers (some prolific posters here), that choose not to go to church.

Simple question.

Why?

One example perhaps: If you went to a restaurant, and they brought beautiful napkins, silverware, menus , and had great attractive tables and chairs and clean floors and clean bathrooms,
and you waited to order, and they did come to your table and explain a dozen different things on the menu, including a few specials, and maybe some freebies today,
but
they never, ever, brought you any food or drink,
would you go back ?

 

[topher694]

Offense given would be more accurate.

It's never a good idea to take offense even if they give you every reason to do so. Given, taken, doesn't matter... it's better to forgive and ask God for wisdom about what to do next than to go down that road.

And believe me, I've heard shocking stories of Christians & ministers who have behaved badly. It's happened to me, plenty. I get it.

 

[lismore]

It's never a good idea to take offense even if they give you every reason to do so. Given, taken, doesn't matter... it's better to forgive and ask God for wisdom about what to do next than to go down that road.

And believe me, I've heard shocking stories of Christians & ministers who have behaved badly. It's happened to me, plenty. I get it.

Hello topher. Bad behaviour does seem to happen more in certain churches than in others. So, would we advise a sheep who is being abused to move to pastures new? God Bless

 

[Endeavourer]

It's never a good idea to take offense even if they give you every reason to do so. Given, taken, doesn't matter... it's better to forgive and ask God for wisdom about what to do next than to go down that road.

And believe me, I've heard shocking stories of Christians & ministers who have behaved badly. It's happened to me, plenty. I get it.

Sometimes an offense is a God-given instinct of wrong. How you behave about it is another matter. It's not necessary to be offensive back, although there are some cases where words of reproof back are warranted.

In my case, my ex-pastor sent me about 10 pages worth of very offensive and personal comments assuming something about me that was incorrect with the threat of church discipline pursuant to the 4th commandment because I didn't want to do something he wanted me to do. He said the 4th commandment (Honor your father and your mother) was about obeying my authority, and as a pastor, he was my authority, so I would either need to yield to his unBiblical and vain doctrine or stand in front of the church for discipline and/or excommunication for breaking the 4th commandment.

Yes, I took offense because his vain doctrine was repugnant to me at a personal level. However, I did not reply because every time I started to draft an email it would have returned an offense back to him. When he prompted me three months later as to whether or not I received his email, I replied with a resignation.

His offense was liberating, though, because it caused me to finish the last leg of my journey of studying and understanding the vast liberty from bondage, grace and love Christ has for his church in Him, equally for both the male and the female members. Christ does not have a dim or second class regard for females; we are just as precious to Him as the men are. Hallelujah!!

 

[Silverback]

Sometimes an offense is a God-given instinct of wrong. How you behave about it is another matter. It's not necessary to be offensive back, although there are some cases where words of reproof back are warranted.

In my case, my ex-pastor sent me about 10 pages worth of very offensive and personal comments assuming something about me that was incorrect with the threat of church discipline pursuant to the 4th commandment because I didn't want to do something he wanted me to do. He said the 4th commandment (Honor your father and your mother) was about obeying my authority, and as a pastor, he was my authority, so I would either need to yield to his unBiblical and vain doctrine or stand in front of the church for discipline and/or excommunication for breaking the 4th commandment.

Yes, I took offense because his vain doctrine was repugnant to me at a personal level. However, I did not reply because every time I started to draft an email it would have returned an offense back to him. When he prompted me three months later as to whether or not I received his email, I replied with a resignation.

His offense was liberating, though, because it caused me to finish the last leg of my journey of studying and understanding the vast liberty from bondage, grace and love Christ has for his church in Him, equally for both the male and the female members. Christ does not have a dim or second class regard for females; we are just as precious to Him as the men are. Hallelujah!!

The ten commandments, and the law in general are not word for word specific, they each have a broader meaning. You Pastor was correct in the sense the 4th commandment includes him, and others in authority over us, it's not just mom, and dad, or grandparents. I wish you the best.

 

[Endeavourer]

The ten commandments, and the law in general are not word for word specific, they each have a broader meaning. You Pastor was correct in the sense the 4th commandment includes him, and others in authority over us, it's not just mom, and dad, or grandparents. I wish you the best.

I have learned to not add words to Scripture that aren't there. Doing so can cause a lot of dysfunction that Christ never intended. Thus, the point of this thread. If you were being told to do something that was unBiblical by your "authority", would you be breaking the 4th commandment by refusing?

 

[topher694]

Hello topher. Bad behaviour does seem to happen more in certain churches than in others. So, would we advise a sheep who is being abused to move to pastures new? God Bless

As a rule I would never make a broad recommendation to stay or leave. It truly needs to be evaluated on a case by case basis (note, if it is a true cult this would not apply)

I've seen horrible, HORRIBLE behavior of all kinds by pastors/leaders. But I've also seen:

• Sheep getting offended at things they do not, and should not have all the information about.
• Sheep that mislead or flat out lie about the church/pastors. Often because their secret sin was talked about and rather than face it they attack.
• Sheep that think they know what is good for the church better than their pastor and who then rally support against their pastor splitting the congregation (see Absalom)
• And much, much more.

Given the terrible behavior possible on both sides, you truly HAVE to take it case by case and get to the root of the issue. There's almost always more to the story.

 

[topher694]

Sometimes an offense is a God-given instinct of wrong. How you behave about it is another matter. It's not necessary to be offensive back, although there are some cases where words of reproof back are warranted.

In my case, my ex-pastor sent me about 10 pages worth of very offensive and personal comments assuming something about me that was incorrect with the threat of church discipline pursuant to the 4th commandment because I didn't want to do something he wanted me to do. He said the 4th commandment (Honor your father and your mother) was about obeying my authority, and as a pastor, he was my authority, so I would either need to yield to his unBiblical and vain doctrine or stand in front of the church for discipline and/or excommunication for breaking the 4th commandment.

Yes, I took offense because his vain doctrine was repugnant to me at a personal level. However, I did not reply because every time I started to draft an email it would have returned an offense back to him. When he prompted me three months later as to whether or not I received his email, I replied with a resignation.

His offense was liberating, though, because it caused me to finish the last leg of my journey of studying and understanding the vast liberty from bondage, grace and love Christ has for his church in Him, equally for both the male and the female members. Christ does not have a dim or second class regard for females; we are just as precious to Him as the men are. Hallelujah!!

I get what you are saying. The kind of behavior you are describing from this pastor, unfortunately, is not uncommon and is, in my view, 100% garbage. If you have to convince people to recognize and obey your authority it is probably because you haven't been demonstrating how to properly do it yourself.

However, biblically offense means: to cause to stumble into sin. So saying "that offends me" is saying "that caused me to sin". Most don't realize that. I don't think that's what you mean. "Upset/Angered" are probably better words to describe it (Anger by itself is not a sin, Jesus got angry & upset). I don't care for "vocabulary police". I'm pretty sure I get what you mean, and I agree, so it doesn't bother me at all. Personally, I am always careful to use the word "offense/offended" because of what I stated.

 

[Silverback]

I have learned to not add words to Scripture that aren't there. Doing so can cause a lot of dysfunction that Christ never intended. Thus, the point of this thread. If you were being told to do something that was unBiblical by your "authority", would you be breaking the 4th commandment by refusing?

Of course not, but he as your pastor deserves your respect, and should be honored, which does not mean paying homage, or, doing unbiblical things at his behest.