- Oct 22, 2019
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Jamdoc, reading through this thread prompted me to create an account because my perspective aligns almost exactly with yours. Matthew 22:30 has been a serious stumblingblock for me just as it has been for you, and I believe I am destined to be alone despite an extremely strong desire for marital love. I'm not going to pretend I can "cure" your pain. But I will say there are some Bible verses that might give you real consolation. The logical implications of these passages have often helped pull me out of the pit of despair.
First, consider three verses:
Psalm 16:11 - Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.
Along with that,
Ephesians 3:19 - And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.
Also,
Psalm 107:9 - For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness.
If two passages of scripture seem to contradict one another, the contradiction must be a problem with our interpretation, not with scripture. Now, with the words "fulness," "satisfieth," and "filleth," the quoted verses seem to say that we will experience ALL joy in Heaven. But Matthew 22:30 says we won't marry in Heaven, and Genesis and the Proverbs say it's good for man to marry (in this world, at least). How can we reconcile these statements? It seems to me there are two options:
1) The words "fulness," "satisfieth," and "filleth" don't actually mean we'll experience every joy in Heaven.
2) The pleasures of Heaven make conjugal bliss utterly REDUNDANT, in a way that we cannot even begin to fathom.
Option 1 seems unjustifiable to me; the whole body of scripture--including those three verses themselves--points to an afterlife that is quite literally "perfect." And you can't have perfection if any joy is lacking. That leaves Option 2.
Now, you've said you don't like Lewis's chocolate analogy, so how about this one: Imagine that throughout your whole life, the only type of hot dog you've ever eaten is a crappy convenience-store hot dog. But you really enjoy those hot dogs and they give you great satisfaction. (Feel free to choose a different type of food for this analogy if you prefer. ) One day, however, you're given a gourmet bratwurst. This is still a "hot dog," but for whatever reason it completely blows the old convenience-store frankfurter out of the water. From that point on, whenever you crave a hot dog, you'll be hoping for the gourmet type, NOT the worse type--though you will settle for that lesser choice if necessary.
Apply this scenario to sex, marriage, and Paradise. Marriage is the convenience-store hot dog, which will be replaced by a much better bratwurst (so to speak) in Heaven. Now, it's crucial to note that a gourmet hot dog is still a hot dog--it gives you the SAME joy, categorically speaking, as the inferior hot dog, just to a much greater degree. Similarly, we may be justified in assuming that in Heaven, God will give us a joy that is the SAME joy as that which we get from sex/marriage, but to such a higher degree and intensity that the old, earthly manifestation of that joy seems like an invariably inferior option. Thus, in Heaven, whenever we desire the joy that in this world manifests itself in marriage and sex, we will not even think to desire marriage or sex--in fact, it would be laughable to do so--because whatever form that joy takes in Heaven will be so much better than mere conjugal happiness. There would be no need or desire to settle for that inferior form of the joy, as Islam does when it posits 72 virgins. Rather, the joy that we currently know as marriage will be provided to us in a more glorious way--yet still be "the same joy"--in the next world. In that sense, the Christian afterlife is incomparably more desirable than the Islamic one, even for those of us who never get married.
Logically, I think this harmonization of scripture is satisfactory, and indeed necessary. The remaining difficulty is emotional rather than logical: it's hard to put our faith in such a joy because we don't know what it would look like. We can't understand how Jesus can possibly satisfy our desire for sexual joy (or, more precisely, "the joy that we call 'sexual'"), for obvious reasons. But this lack of understanding is only to be expected, as 1 Corinthians 2:9 says: Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him. Indeed, this joy "passeth knowledge," as Paul says. We are also given indications that it is theoretically possible to overcome the emotional difficulty in this life: Isaiah 26:3 - Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. In trusting God's promise to give us all joy and thereby fill our every desire in the afterlife (not by simply cutting out our desire, but by truly satisfying our yearnings), we can look forward to redemption, set aside bothersome cares, and focus on living a godly life. Of course, no one can trust perfectly in Him all the time, but that doesn't mean we're not supposed to try.
I'll leave you with one more verse. This one doesn't address your central concern, but it does suggest marriage is not all that great:
Ecclesiastes 2:24 - There is nothing better for a man, than that he should eat and drink, and that he should make his soul enjoy good in his labour.
So there you have it--there is something better than sex.
I hope all this helps in some way. Praying for you, brother; you're not alone.
A male cannot fulfill the desire for a female, and so no, relationship with Jesus is not a replacement for a marriage to a woman, because I am male, and Jesus is male.
It just doesn't work like that. That'd be just... Gross if a male believer's desire for eros love is to be fulfilled by a male Jesus.
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