Why does God want me to be thankful for my life, when I never wanted to live? For major parts of my life, I haven't wanted to be here, in this reality-construct. I've tried hard, and I never seem to manage to gain momentum to survive successfully. Any positive experiences I've had are just a prelude or set up for worse misery. I not only don't want to live, I wish I could undo my entire existence. I am not thankful. I just hate Him. He gives no peace, no matter what direction I take in life, no matter what feeling I have toward Him (I only ever had negative feelings towards Him, or I'm forcing or tricking myself into attempting to have a positive outlook about Him).
Don't quote scripture to me. It will make me angry. Say what you need to say in your own words.
Well, God has given you total freewill , so you can choose to keep on rejecting Him or choose to move closer to him in personal relationship . If you choose the former for your life, then you will miss out entirely on finding out your true, real, ultimate reason for living this Earthly life --- you can either concentrate all your efforts on Self or you can decide on your own freewill to give the Creator of the Universe who is also your personal Creator a good portion of the love he has for you , back to him. He wont force you to, he wont coerse you to, for he wants it to be totally on your own volition . The reason why we should give love back to God is because he deserves it, it is correct to do so, it takes the extreme focus off of ourselves , and it ultimately brings us to a place of realizing what our life is truly all about : To love God and grow in knowledge of him which goes into eternity. What could be bigger or more important that that ?
Its up to you how you live your life as God gives us all that choice, but, if you want you life to be deeper, and realize how important you are to God...then it requires a personal surrender of yourself as the center of the universe and putting God in that rightful place. When youre earthly life is over, God will grant what you always wanted while on earth in one of two ways thusly : 1. If you wanted closeness and experience with God, he will grant it much much greater and forever. 2. If you didnt want that and instead desires seperation from God so you could live life YOUR way, then he will grant that as well ... only forever and in a place where it will be ALL ABOUT SELF and Self alone without any people interaction, without any hope of it ending , with deep regret, and without even a minute experience of God in any manner. Hell is simply for people who wanted life to be all about THEMSELVES , so it is unending isolation that is granted ... only without end.
My advice is to immediately stop taking everything for granted including the Sun that rises each morning to precisely warm the earth and give light to half the world at a time , to your own Human Anatomy consisting of some 60 major systems all working in complete unison with each other so you could have opportunity to experience the Creator in a real dynamic way. My advice is also to stop pretending God isnt real, or wont be a final morally accountable Judge , or that he doesnt care about you. For such philosophies are nothing but excuses so One can live totally self centeredly making himself to be 'god' of his own life. Instead, ALLOW GOD TO OWN YOU...because he does anyway., then, seek him hard and with all you have in you putting aside rebellion, rejection, and apathy .
Life i said starting out in this post...its YOUR choice. The ball is in all of our courts. Return the ball (of love) back to God and be very wise. Peace.
So.. No matter what you felt about God (Bad thoughts or really bad thoughts) you haven't received peace? Have you ever asked God for peace?
