Why does apostasy scare and torment me so much

[Blaise N]

Hi everyone,

Warning: If you have OCD,Please,before you read this,please make sure your strong in faith,I don’t want to bring Suffering to other Christians…..

I have an OCD question,this question is something that torments me almost daily or every other day.It’s apostasy,and I know I’ve said things in terms of apostasy in many other posts.And it’s a word and thing that scares me more than the thought of hell.And as much as I say to Jesus in small prayers “I’ll never leave you Jesus” I’m still constantly,I’d say tempted,to do just that,and what affected me then isn’t doing it as much as it is now.Like the thought of living a hopeless life away from Jesus doesn’t scare me as much as it did,which in turn makes me even more worried,worried about not being worried!.It’s like if I’m not shocked scared by things that used to scare me then I think I’m drifting,or have a seared conscience,or heaven forbid an apostate!

I really haven’t worried so much about falling away before thanksgiving of 2021,which is when I had a massive mental breakdown so bad I had to leave work early and cried for an hour in a parking lot.I don’t know why I can’t worry or be afraid of things that I in good mind know are wrong.It’s like if I don’t worry or am shocked scared or dead opposed then I get to think that the Holy Spirit has left and I’m simply an apathetic sinner.Another thing that effects me terribly is apathy.When I have apathy then when I do any Christian things like reading the Bible,praying,etc then I get thoughts that I’m “forcing myself”,and when the thought of apostasy and apathy mix it’s like sticking your hand in acid.it’s a horrible duo that scares me beyond anything scary.I don’t think I’ve felt conviction recently.

I’ve changed my life further as a Christian,I’ve stopped cussing,joking in coarse jesting,self control of my words,and having faith in Jesus.I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,I don’t know why it seems like I’m being punished,I don’t know what I did to deserve this.

I hate atheism,I hate agnosticism,I hate every other religion.I fully support Jesus,and have a firm conviction he is real.

This is where it gets confusing,I don’t doubt God isn’t real,I tend to stay in my bubble,I don’t read or take outside opinions of God into thought ,I’m very introverted and usually don’t speak unless spoken to or talking on a topic of interest,I still have doubts if god is real or not,but I know life without it Jesus is horrible and hopeless,but that’s not atheism or agnosticism.I still believe in God and Jesus and all the matters of faith and have faith in them,but I’m constantly attacked like this.Apostasy is a scary thing that somehow affects me the most.


I’ve read accounts in the past on sites like quora,of people who were Christians and fell away to become atheists,and it has scared me into thinking “what if that will become me”

My sanity as I know it revolves around faith in Jesus,and if I don’t have him I can’t even have emotions or even a train of thought,my life so much relies on him I constantly fear of him rejecting me or if I’m a bad state of mind have thoughts of apostasy or think of it and later I get scared he has left me or thoughts of me “forcing myself”

It’s like no matter how much reassurance I give myself it never works.And when I do have assurance I use my time poorly.I can’t even talk to my parents about this subject because they are Christians who have never heard the word apostasy,and say I’m spending too much time reading online.That’s the reason I come here for help,because I pretty much have nobody to talk to,and I’m trying to find a church but I’m very concerned about doctrine and certainty of making sure it teaches properly.


I’m very confused about why my mind always cycles on apostasy,apathy,and the thought of me “forcing myself” I don’t want to live without Jesus and the world is always tempting me.And I get worried when I don’t worry about the world seeming appealing. Am it the only one who experiences this?,am I am apostate?,am I just another insane person?

 

[spiritfilledjm]

Hi everyone,

Warning: If you have OCD,Please,before you read this,please make sure your strong in faith,I don’t want to bring Suffering to other Christians…..

I have an OCD question,this question is something that torments me almost daily or every other day.It’s apostasy,and I know I’ve said things in terms of apostasy in many other posts.And it’s a word and thing that scares me more than the thought of hell.And as much as I say to Jesus in small prayers “I’ll never leave you Jesus” I’m still constantly,I’d say tempted,to do just that,and what affected me then isn’t doing it as much as it is now.Like the thought of living a hopeless life away from Jesus doesn’t scare me as much as it did,which in turn makes me even more worried,worried about not being worried!.It’s like if I’m not shocked scared by things that used to scare me then I think I’m drifting,or have a seared conscience,or heaven forbid an apostate!

I really haven’t worried so much about falling away before thanksgiving of 2021,which is when I had a massive mental breakdown so bad I had to leave work early and cried for an hour in a parking lot.I don’t know why I can’t worry or be afraid of things that I in good mind know are wrong.It’s like if I don’t worry or am shocked scared or dead opposed then I get to think that the Holy Spirit has left and I’m simply an apathetic sinner.Another thing that effects me terribly is apathy.When I have apathy then when I do any Christian things like reading the Bible,praying,etc then I get thoughts that I’m “forcing myself”,and when the thought of apostasy and apathy mix it’s like sticking your hand in acid.it’s a horrible duo that scares me beyond anything scary.I don’t think I’ve felt conviction recently.

I’ve changed my life further as a Christian,I’ve stopped cussing,joking in coarse jesting,self control of my words,and having faith in Jesus.I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,I don’t know why it seems like I’m being punished,I don’t know what I did to deserve this.

I hate atheism,I hate agnosticism,I hate every other religion.I fully support Jesus,and have a firm conviction he is real.

This is where it gets confusing,I don’t doubt God isn’t real,I tend to stay in my bubble,I don’t read or take outside opinions of God into thought ,I’m very introverted and usually don’t speak unless spoken to or talking on a topic of interest,I still have doubts if god is real or not,but I know life without it Jesus is horrible and hopeless,but that’s not atheism or agnosticism.I still believe in God and Jesus and all the matters of faith and have faith in them,but I’m constantly attacked like this.Apostasy is a scary thing that somehow affects me the most.


I’ve read accounts in the past on sites like quora,of people who were Christians and fell away to become atheists,and it has scared me into thinking “what if that will become me”

My sanity as I know it revolves around faith in Jesus,and if I don’t have him I can’t even have emotions or even a train of thought,my life so much relies on him I constantly fear of him rejecting me or if I’m a bad state of mind have thoughts of apostasy or think of it and later I get scared he has left me or thoughts of me “forcing myself”

It’s like no matter how much reassurance I give myself it never works.And when I do have assurance I use my time poorly.I can’t even talk to my parents about this subject because they are Christians who have never heard the word apostasy,and say I’m spending too much time reading online.That’s the reason I come here for help,because I pretty much have nobody to talk to,and I’m trying to find a church but I’m very concerned about doctrine and certainty of making sure it teaches properly.


I’m very confused about why my mind always cycles on apostasy,apathy,and the thought of me “forcing myself” I don’t want to live without Jesus and the world is always tempting me.And I get worried when I don’t worry about the world seeming appealing. Am it the only one who experiences this?,am I am apostate?,am I just another insane person?

Honestly, it's because of your OCD, plain and simple. You're not alone in this, if you search the forums you'll see others suffering from OCD with the same questions and issues all the time. Let me just tell you though, you do not have to be perfect. God expects belief, not perfection. You are made perfect in Him and He loves you.

 

[Tolworth John]

I’m trying to find a church but I’m very concerned about doctrine and certainty of making sure it teaches properly.

There is no perfect church, just as there is no perfect Christian. We have to accept that we and others including churches are not perfect.

check out the churches in your area, look at there statement of beloef/faith, listen/watch there on line services go to
several service ask:-
Are they welcoming, is the service clear, the sermon relavent, are they practicing what they preach.
Join and get involved in the most suitable one.


Re your fears, your faith is not yours, it is a gift from God and it is he who will preserve you, remember the non christian isn't worried about apostacy, only Christians worry about that.

 

[disciple Clint]

Hi everyone,

Warning: If you have OCD,Please,before you read this,please make sure your strong in faith,I don’t want to bring Suffering to other Christians…..

I have an OCD question,this question is something that torments me almost daily or every other day.It’s apostasy,and I know I’ve said things in terms of apostasy in many other posts.And it’s a word and thing that scares me more than the thought of hell.And as much as I say to Jesus in small prayers “I’ll never leave you Jesus” I’m still constantly,I’d say tempted,to do just that,and what affected me then isn’t doing it as much as it is now.Like the thought of living a hopeless life away from Jesus doesn’t scare me as much as it did,which in turn makes me even more worried,worried about not being worried!.It’s like if I’m not shocked scared by things that used to scare me then I think I’m drifting,or have a seared conscience,or heaven forbid an apostate!

I really haven’t worried so much about falling away before thanksgiving of 2021,which is when I had a massive mental breakdown so bad I had to leave work early and cried for an hour in a parking lot.I don’t know why I can’t worry or be afraid of things that I in good mind know are wrong.It’s like if I don’t worry or am shocked scared or dead opposed then I get to think that the Holy Spirit has left and I’m simply an apathetic sinner.Another thing that effects me terribly is apathy.When I have apathy then when I do any Christian things like reading the Bible,praying,etc then I get thoughts that I’m “forcing myself”,and when the thought of apostasy and apathy mix it’s like sticking your hand in acid.it’s a horrible duo that scares me beyond anything scary.I don’t think I’ve felt conviction recently.

I’ve changed my life further as a Christian,I’ve stopped cussing,joking in coarse jesting,self control of my words,and having faith in Jesus.I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,I don’t know why it seems like I’m being punished,I don’t know what I did to deserve this.

I hate atheism,I hate agnosticism,I hate every other religion.I fully support Jesus,and have a firm conviction he is real.

This is where it gets confusing,I don’t doubt God isn’t real,I tend to stay in my bubble,I don’t read or take outside opinions of God into thought ,I’m very introverted and usually don’t speak unless spoken to or talking on a topic of interest,I still have doubts if god is real or not,but I know life without it Jesus is horrible and hopeless,but that’s not atheism or agnosticism.I still believe in God and Jesus and all the matters of faith and have faith in them,but I’m constantly attacked like this.Apostasy is a scary thing that somehow affects me the most.


I’ve read accounts in the past on sites like quora,of people who were Christians and fell away to become atheists,and it has scared me into thinking “what if that will become me”

My sanity as I know it revolves around faith in Jesus,and if I don’t have him I can’t even have emotions or even a train of thought,my life so much relies on him I constantly fear of him rejecting me or if I’m a bad state of mind have thoughts of apostasy or think of it and later I get scared he has left me or thoughts of me “forcing myself”

It’s like no matter how much reassurance I give myself it never works.And when I do have assurance I use my time poorly.I can’t even talk to my parents about this subject because they are Christians who have never heard the word apostasy,and say I’m spending too much time reading online.That’s the reason I come here for help,because I pretty much have nobody to talk to,and I’m trying to find a church but I’m very concerned about doctrine and certainty of making sure it teaches properly.


I’m very confused about why my mind always cycles on apostasy,apathy,and the thought of me “forcing myself” I don’t want to live without Jesus and the world is always tempting me.And I get worried when I don’t worry about the world seeming appealing. Am it the only one who experiences this?,am I am apostate?,am I just another insane person?

Trust Jesus to do what He said He would do. You have accepted Jesus, He will not let you go.
John 6 37 All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away. 38 For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me. 39 And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all those he has given me, but raise them up at the last day. 40 For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day.'

 

[Sabertooth]

Why does apostasy scare and torment me so much?

Because you have not been proactive toward your OCD.
You tolerate it.

 

[Mari17]

Hi everyone,

Warning: If you have OCD,Please,before you read this,please make sure your strong in faith,I don’t want to bring Suffering to other Christians…..

I have an OCD question,this question is something that torments me almost daily or every other day.It’s apostasy,and I know I’ve said things in terms of apostasy in many other posts.And it’s a word and thing that scares me more than the thought of hell.And as much as I say to Jesus in small prayers “I’ll never leave you Jesus” I’m still constantly,I’d say tempted,to do just that,and what affected me then isn’t doing it as much as it is now.Like the thought of living a hopeless life away from Jesus doesn’t scare me as much as it did,which in turn makes me even more worried,worried about not being worried!.It’s like if I’m not shocked scared by things that used to scare me then I think I’m drifting,or have a seared conscience,or heaven forbid an apostate!

I really haven’t worried so much about falling away before thanksgiving of 2021,which is when I had a massive mental breakdown so bad I had to leave work early and cried for an hour in a parking lot.I don’t know why I can’t worry or be afraid of things that I in good mind know are wrong.It’s like if I don’t worry or am shocked scared or dead opposed then I get to think that the Holy Spirit has left and I’m simply an apathetic sinner.Another thing that effects me terribly is apathy.When I have apathy then when I do any Christian things like reading the Bible,praying,etc then I get thoughts that I’m “forcing myself”,and when the thought of apostasy and apathy mix it’s like sticking your hand in acid.it’s a horrible duo that scares me beyond anything scary.I don’t think I’ve felt conviction recently.

I’ve changed my life further as a Christian,I’ve stopped cussing,joking in coarse jesting,self control of my words,and having faith in Jesus.I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,I don’t know why it seems like I’m being punished,I don’t know what I did to deserve this.

I hate atheism,I hate agnosticism,I hate every other religion.I fully support Jesus,and have a firm conviction he is real.

This is where it gets confusing,I don’t doubt God isn’t real,I tend to stay in my bubble,I don’t read or take outside opinions of God into thought ,I’m very introverted and usually don’t speak unless spoken to or talking on a topic of interest,I still have doubts if god is real or not,but I know life without it Jesus is horrible and hopeless,but that’s not atheism or agnosticism.I still believe in God and Jesus and all the matters of faith and have faith in them,but I’m constantly attacked like this.Apostasy is a scary thing that somehow affects me the most.


I’ve read accounts in the past on sites like quora,of people who were Christians and fell away to become atheists,and it has scared me into thinking “what if that will become me”

My sanity as I know it revolves around faith in Jesus,and if I don’t have him I can’t even have emotions or even a train of thought,my life so much relies on him I constantly fear of him rejecting me or if I’m a bad state of mind have thoughts of apostasy or think of it and later I get scared he has left me or thoughts of me “forcing myself”

It’s like no matter how much reassurance I give myself it never works.And when I do have assurance I use my time poorly.I can’t even talk to my parents about this subject because they are Christians who have never heard the word apostasy,and say I’m spending too much time reading online.That’s the reason I come here for help,because I pretty much have nobody to talk to,and I’m trying to find a church but I’m very concerned about doctrine and certainty of making sure it teaches properly.


I’m very confused about why my mind always cycles on apostasy,apathy,and the thought of me “forcing myself” I don’t want to live without Jesus and the world is always tempting me.And I get worried when I don’t worry about the world seeming appealing. Am it the only one who experiences this?,am I am apostate?,am I just another insane person?

I'm seeing many things typical of OCD in your post:
1. Obsessing about your worst fear, having thoughts that "prove" it's true or seeing "evidence" that it's true. For many Christians, obsessions center around loss of salvation, apostasy, etc.
2. Worry about not being worried, afraid that it's evidence your obsession is true.
3. Compulsions like seeking reassurance and trying to "cancel out" the intrusive thoughts.
I'm sorry I can't remember...are you currently seeing a therapist for your OCD?
And I might have mentioned this before, but I think this group would be helpful for you.