Why do some married people think its okay to get fat?

[Nienna_Lady_of_Tears]

It really depends on a lot of things what a healthy weight for you is. The BMI is totally nuts for many people.

There are genuinely people who can be a size 0 and look fine, but they're not the majority.

As I've said before, there are also women who cannot really get below size 14 without being underfat. UnderFAT, not necessarily underweight. Underfat for a woman would be below 16% body fat. My BMI is 29 but yet I'm calculated at 19% body fat. Anywhere from 19-25% is considered in optimum range. I'm short but I have the rib cage of a wildebeest and the bone structure of a gorilla. In other words, I'm just LARGE, not fat.

Does the person look LARGE or do they look FAT. That's the question to answer.

 

[LoisGriffin]

I just read about how Jennifer Hudson is now a size zero, and how her weight loss "cannot be healthy" and must be a sign that she has a poor self image. She started losing weight in 2008 and between then and 2011 she went from a size 16 to size 0. So losing that kind of weight over years is unhealthy? And not wanting to be a size 16 means you hate yourself? I didn't get it.

Yep it is annoying people are saying she is going too far. Its been a long journey and she looks fab and healthy.

I have had people talk to me about my weight twice this week. I get warned about going too far. Its so annoying. Honestly I do want to lose more weight but I am not too thin. I am a UK 10 (US 6) which is a normal clothing size.

 

[JaneFW]

So the sequence of events seems to be:

1. I was once a healthy weight, but because I was larger than average, I was erroneously told I was fat.
2. Because I believed I was fat, and that "not eating" was the way to lose weight, I began starving myself.
3. Starvation bottomed out my metabolism, causing my body to learn to hold on to whatever it could get.
4. The genuine state of starvation sent me massive hunger signals which led to binges.
5. My ruined metabolism packed on the pounds and wouldn't let them go.
6. The obesity led to the diabetes.
7. High blood sugar from the diabetes resulted in still more massive hunger signals.
8. The binge/starve cycle continued, sabotaging my weight loss efforts.
9. Managing my diabetes well has stopped the intense hunger signals, which broke the cycle.
10. I am now losing weight.



I'll be leaving for vacation soon, so I might not be able to check back for answers in the next couple of weeks. But if I have the logic right or wrong now, I hope someone can inform me.

Again, I'm no MD, but from my reading - which anyone can do - it sounds about right. I'm really glad for you that you have found a good balance now. That's what it's all about!

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

It really depends on a lot of things what a healthy weight for you is. The BMI is totally nuts for many people.

There are genuinely people who can be a size 0 and look fine, but they're not the majority.

As I've said before, there are also women who cannot really get below size 14 without being underfat. UnderFAT, not necessarily underweight. Underfat for a woman would be below 16% body fat. My BMI is 29 but yet I'm calculated at 19% body fat. Anywhere from 19-25% is considered in optimum range. I'm short but I have the rib cage of a wildebeest and the bone structure of a gorilla. In other words, I'm just LARGE, not fat.

Does the person look LARGE or do they look FAT. That's the question to answer.

Ba-ZING!

Again, I'm no MD, but from my reading - which anyone can do - it sounds about right. I'm really glad for you that you have found a good balance now. That's what it's all about!

Next time I go to the doctor, I'll let y'all know how much weight I've lost. I know I'm taking in all of my clothes by about 3" at the waist and hips, which is often the last place weight is lost.

See y'all when we get back. Almost out the door now.

 

[dallasapple]

Nienna,

LOL!! I love your description of your cute self..! You are a hoot!

Dallas

 

[dallasapple]

Here is one article on big boned women..(or people)..apparently being bigger boned shouldnt put that much extra "weight' per/say on you....but it can make you put on more muscle.


The Ideal Weight For Large-boned Women | LIVESTRONG.COM

Dallas

 

[Tropical Wilds]

It really depends on a lot of things what a healthy weight for you is. The BMI is totally nuts for many people.

There are genuinely people who can be a size 0 and look fine, but they're not the majority.

By that same token, there are folks who can be size 16 and up and not be obese or overweight, but they're not in the majority.

 

[JaneFW]

Now youve gone and done it.....youve stated the truth and it will not sit well with others. It seems hat being overweight is like a push button topic where you get back

1. you are shallow
2. Skinny is unhealthy too
3. We gain weight as we age, no one will stay hard bodied forever
4. not only men/women get fat
5. you go right ahead and leave your spouse for their weight but the Bible tells us that its the inner man we should care about
6. If I know a man is attracted to me for my looks I will reject him immediately

and so forth

Meanwhile, none of that is ever relevant, but like I said....its push button

What bothers me is that we all change over time - men and women - and if our love is based only on appearance and .. fitness, youthfulness, prettiness/hunkiness, great abs, tight buns (of steel!!), lack of lines, etc etc., really what DOES happen when people age? I'm starting to find that out because I'm now - gasp - middle aged, and it's not as easy any more to maintain what used to be relatively easy to maintain. Which is fine, I can work at it. But, the other stuff .. the stuff we can't control. The unexpected cancer (when is it expected, I wonder?), the wrinkles, the generally southward-heading body parts. If a marriage is based on youthfulness, then I guess you could go the Michael Douglas/Tom Cruise route and keep on marrying the youngest woman who will tolerate your ageing butt. Tough luck on the older wife of course. I'm desperately trying to think of women who do that too, to balance it out, but right now I can't think of one .. Madonna maybe?

So, it's that attitude that bothers me. I don't think that anyone actually thinks it is okay to get fat, or old, or wrinkly, or develop ED. Most people want to maintain their youthful good looks and strength and speed, but that's just not nature.

 

[dallasapple]

Re the bolded: This is where the disconnect is. Women who gain more don't necessarily CHOOSE to gain more. Yes, some women are lazy and eat whatever they want. But, those women seem to be the exception rather than the norm based on the experiences I have had.

It is an assumption to say someone was lazy and ate too much just b/c they gained a lot of weight in a pregnancy.

JMHO

Im not talking about "gaining more"..Gaining more than what?..Im saying that the MAJORITY of women who become OBESE(gain too much fat on her body..more than is REQUIRED for pregnancy)is due to eating far too much than she should and being on the more sedentary side of activity during her pregnancy.(what you are referring to as "lazy" which is not the word or words I have used)

If you could provide me with any literature from the medical community that says that pregnancy ..due to NO OTHER FACTORS(not any secondary condition present..simply being pregnant)..a woman runs the the risk of becoming obese in any significnant #'s and its completely unrelated to her diet or acitivity level just a side effect/ a nautral occurrence in pregnancy then I will not argue..

I do not think that you will be able to find it..that a HEALTHY woman..who maintains a healthy diet ..does not overeat or eat a large amount of xtra calories over her normal eating habits pre-pregnancy..who excersizes moderately and regularly thoughout her pregnancy will become obese regardless with NO cause but the fact she is pregnant.That would be the exception ..and it also sounds like a mystery...that if it was happening in any significant #'s it would be something the medical community would be certainly warning women of..and running clinical studies and researching to explain why this phenomenon is occuring .

I have never ever ..been informed ..or warned by a doctor..that if I decide to become pregnant..that I should be aware there is a risk ..regardless of the abscence of any other medical cause..the state of my body being pregnant ..that I run a possible risk ..no matter if I excersize and eat right of becoming obese because of the pregnancy and after the birth having 30 or 40 extra lbs on me(from fat) that I will have to lose..And its a mystery as to why..they just know its not preventable..

I would think if that was a risk a woman ran ..simply from "being' pregnant..with no known prevention..its CRIMINAL that obstetricians/gynocologist are not routinely informing all women of this..in fact since obesity is linked to many diseases..and if Im at risk of becoming so just from being pregant I am highly disturbed the surgeon general hasnt made a public announcement..and its knowhere in any of the pregnancy information I have read..that pregnancy can cause obesity is news to me.

Dallas

 

[dallasapple]

I think Im more shocked..at the resistance to even beleive..that diet and excersize are a MAIN component to obesity ..including lack of excersize/activity level and overeating in pregnancy...and further..the resistance to even believe..or lets say a battle to agree that a MAIN result of obesity is many different diseases..that can be PREVENTED and even cured or treated with propper diet and excerisze..

Its "genetics" "large bones" ..in pregnancy its sounds litterally "unexplained" as to the causes of obesity..and as to obesity and disease???Its thin people get the same diseases..its I would have gotten that ANYWAY ..and even the disease itself is the culprit of the obesity..

If someone is overweight..and they have admitted poor eating habits and are sedentary..you say..its your diet..and your lack of excersize...the response is..

So you are saying I'm a fat lazy pig?And its MY FAULT Im fat?Its MY fault I have high cholesterol?Its not healthy to be an ANOREXIC either!

My sons were OVERWEIGHT CHILDREN..My pediatrician TOLD THEM in front of me..they NEEDED to excersize more..and stop eating fattening foods and sugary foods..(junk food like potato chips..and high sugery cereals)

He said..if you CONTINUE at your age now already being well over the 100% for weight..all your life..You will DEVELOP early onset HEART DISEASE..DIABETES..and other problems..He SAID you will possibly be a heart attack victim in your late 30's early 40's..

I didnt say So are you saying my children are FAT LAZY PIGS?What about how tall they are(2 are way above in height..but THAT was accounted for)..they have huge feet..they have "big bones"..also genetics?(he did say genetics could be "a" factor..that did NOT mean that they could not start eating right and excersizing and be healthy and NON obese)..

I just dont get it..I'm not saying its not "embarrassing' ..but so is if you dont take care of your teeth and they decay..the doctor doesnt say ...no matter how much you floss..and brush..no matter how much nutrient dense foods you eat that support healthy gums and teeth..your teeth just are going to decay..Why would he say that?To ease your embarrssment and for you to continue to neglect your teeth "guilt free"?

Dallas

 

[dallasapple]

What bothers me is that we all change over time - men and women - and if our love is based only on appearance and .. fitness, youthfulness, prettiness/hunkiness, great abs, tight buns (of steel!!), lack of lines, etc etc., really what DOES happen when people age? I'm starting to find that out because I'm now - gasp - middle aged, and it's not as easy any more to maintain what used to be relatively easy to maintain. Which is fine, I can work at it. But, the other stuff .. the stuff we can't control. The unexpected cancer (when is it expected, I wonder?), the wrinkles, the generally southward-heading body parts. If a marriage is based on youthfulness, then I guess you could go the Michael Douglas/Tom Cruise route and keep on marrying the youngest woman who will tolerate your ageing butt. Tough luck on the older wife of course. I'm desperately trying to think of women who do that too, to balance it out, but right now I can't think of one .. Madonna maybe?

So, it's that attitude that bothers me. I don't think that anyone actually thinks it is okay to get fat, or old, or wrinkly, or develop ED. Most people want to maintain their youthful good looks and strength and speed, but that's just not nature.

Demi Moore..LOL!! she was in her 40's and snatched up Ashton Kutchner who was in his early 20's..

But I agree with you otherwise..we can't 'hang our hat" on our love and even our physcal attraction /reaction being based on our looks..

Having said that..I dont think that becoming obese..is a 'natural" part of aging.Having a little more fat ?Yes..I see on the 'charts" for weight range it includes age..over 50 its 'natural' to have more fat and less muscle..thats a fact..But obesity ..is a condition that is preventable..it is also as we have discussed a cause of developing diseases in your RELATIVE youth..premature or even diseases you could have avodied EVER developing..If lets say we can assume we only have 80 years here..why would we do things..that could cause the last FORTY of them to be dealing with illnesses ?

I've even changed my CATS diets..because of the information out about most of the popular brand foods(and dry food in general)..are causing CATS to have allergies..urinary tract disorder(painful and sometimes deadly)YES diabetes,IBS,obesity leading to EARLY onset arthritis..

We cant live forever..and of course we cant be YOUNG forever.But aging gracefully LOL!!...can include aging and being healthy and ONE of those factors to health is avoiding obesity.And by that I dont mean being BOLIMIC..bolimia will casue many premature diseases including throat cancer from all the vomiting.bone loss etc...Im talking about food being used as our 'friend' when it comes to our bodies not the enemy in the case of bolimia/anorexia OR obesity..There is no shame in that..that is not shallow..part of the benefit a side affect is your health "shows"..you "look' healthy...Including a confidnece that comes with being fit..THATS attractive to me..

Another thing I've noticed on this topic..I have heard dozens of people say..well I would rather have someone who is overweight..who is kind and loving with a good heart..than someone who is a super model..that is mean and hateful and selfish and uncaring..

Im like..well..I suppose me too..but WHY is that the choice?Why is thin suddenly = to horrible character traits..and fat=mother theresa?

Dallas

 

[dallasapple]

Type 2 diabetes is adult onset, and lifestyle brings it on, including weight. Im shocked a Dr. would say different, truly shocked. Type 1...sure...thats a genetic one, and more severe, often strikes at 10 years old and stays for life....but type 2 diabetes is not just a genetic illness, anything has a genetic aspect in that one obese person doesnt get it and another does because of genetic tendency, but its absolutely proven that type 2 diabetes can even be corrected by weight loss and diet, severl people I know have been to the brink of insulin need, lost weight and changed lifestyle and now take metformin only, no other meds needed. Its wreckless to give people the idea that weight has no correlation with type 2 diabetes, heck there are public service announcements about it. This is tantamount to claiming smoking isnt bad that lung and heart disease are only genetic.

I wanted to make a small correction on your post this time..

The first sentence..Unfortunately the diagnosis for type 2 is now happening in alarming #s in children..becasue of the epidemic of obesity in children.

Dallas

 

[JaneFW]

Another thing I've noticed on this topic..I have heard dozens of people say..well I would rather have someone who is overweight..who is kind and loving with a good heart..than someone who is a super model..that is mean and hateful and selfish and uncaring..

Im like..well..I suppose me too..but WHY is that the choice?Why is thin suddenly = to horrible character traits..and fat=mother theresa?

Dallas

I don't know. Fat people are supposed to be "jolly". I think it may well be a defence mechanism, myself.

There are some skinny people who are miserable, as well as skinny people who are happy. Some people like to theorize that not eating much makes people miserable. I have seen nasty things written about thin famous people as about fat famous people, like for a while they were calling Keira Knightley, Keira "bag o' bones" Knightley. I feel like I would rather be called "bag o' bones" than "fat cow", but maybe that's just me?

 

[JaneFW]

I was actually angling the question toward my own situation, because I wonder about this a lot y'know, with the husband I have. He already has a preference for young things, and I wonder how it's going to go as I get older. I'm not talking about being obese, but just natural ageing, and no it doesn't necessarily mean obesity at all, depending on your circumstances, but you know lots of things can happen as people get older. You know I found out that I have more and more arthritis? Well, I wonder what will happen when I can't walk? Or I have to walk with a cane? When I'm not walking alongside him. When I can't stay as fit as I am. I wonder how long he will love me? I don't think I'm alone in wondering about that. If it's all physical, what happens to love when the physical is .. less .. physical?

 

[FaithPrevails]

Well, dallas - tell me how I followed the glycemic index/diabetic diet to a T when pregnant with my DD and managed to gain 40lbs, despite walking at least a mile 3-5 times a week, as well.

Good grief - all that is being asked is that the fact that some women DO try and still gain more (than the recommended amount - since you were unclear what I meant).

Why is that such a difficult thing to accept?

 

[dallasapple]

I don't know. Fat people are supposed to be "jolly". I think it may well be a defence mechanism, myself.

There are some skinny people who are miserable, as well as skinny people who are happy. Some people like to theorize that not eating much makes people miserable. I have seen nasty things written about thin famous people as about fat famous people, like for a while they were calling Keira Knightley, Keira "bag o' bones" Knightley. I feel like I would rather be called "bag o' bones" than "fat cow", but maybe that's just me?

The only thing about that..is being thin doesnt mean you "arent eating much"..being thin "healthy thin" means you are eating the RIGHT AMOUNT ..also Im asuming what the thin person eats is healthy food.

As far as im concerned thin or fat..eating crappy food makes anyone feel yuck..But also being over weight(as In UNERWEIGHT or malnourished)in my experience makes you feel physcially bad..I've been BOTH..when I was overweight for a period and i dont mean 5 lbs closer to 30..I was tired all the time..I was depressed..my back hurt..my feet hurt from standing up the same lenght of time I always had that had never caused my feet to hurt before..On TOP of..I had NO clothes to wear that fit me..so I felt "frumpy"..I had to wear blouses that to fit me "around" were way too long in the sleeves and too long in the waste..etc..

Anyway ..usually someone who is fat..is NOT getting that way from eating TOO much healthy food..I dont meet many people who said I have gained SO much weight from overeating lean meat..and fruits and vegetables..Gosh ..I need to "cut down on all the whole grain Ive been eating lately"..or "Im going to switch to "diet water" to try and lose some weight..

Im thin..but if all I ate today for breakfast is a donut with coffee with cream and sugar..about an hour later I feel nasueated and like crap..

If I eat the same amount of calories in canteloup..and some whole grain cereal in almond milk and coffee with no cream or sugar I feel "clean" and energized..

Dallas

 

[JaneFW]

^^^^ oh yeah!!

 

[dallasapple]

Well, dallas - tell me how I followed the glycemic index/diabetic diet to a T when pregnant with my DD and managed to gain 40lbs, despite walking at least a mile 3-5 times a week, as well.

Good grief - all that is being asked is that the fact that some women DO try and still gain more (than the recommended amount - since you were unclear what I meant).

Why is that such a difficult thing to accept?

Gestational diabetes is a COMPLICATION ...So gaining an extra 10 llbs from the norm can be expected.The extra weight wasnt "from pregnancy" it would be from the diabetes .

Yes and "some' women gain a LITTLE bit more than "average"..But there is NO reason that any "signficant" # of women will become OBESE(obese not gain a little too much)..due to being pregant..10 or 15 lbs?and you did NOT over eat and you excersized the whole way through and you had NO complications would still be the exception not the rule.

The 25/30lbs average..for a HEALTHY physically fit woman..who has a healthy BMI at the onset of pregnancy..who does not develop a COMPLICATION like diabetes..has NO reason to gain 15/ 20 lbs more than that..that # accounts for ALL the reasons to gain weight.Including a little extra fat on her body.

Of course there are exceptions..what I am referrign to is ROUTINELY I hear women saying that pregnancy..YEARS later too..is one of the reasons she is significantly overweight and or obese.

All Im saying is pregnancy in and of itself..with "exceptions" for things like diabetes..or even beign restricted to complete bed rest for months..etc..should not cause a woman to put an extra 10/15/20+ lbs of FAT on her body ..over the expected amount..

I have said over and over and over and over..this..there is no reason for a HEALTHY woman..who is FIT and trim at the onset of pregnancy..to gain 40/50/ 60lbs..of weight..and of course there are EXCEPTIONS..but many more women who are not the exception in fact are gaining a LOT of weight..

Everybody you meet..seems to be "the exception".

I gained TOO much weight when I was pregnant with my last..about 15 lbs..I wasnt diabetic..it wasnt "genetics"..I ATE too much ICE CREAM..chocolate chip to be exact..I ate too much of my normal food too..in fact I put myself at RISK for getting gestational diabetes from doing that..I was lucky...I didnt..anyway Im TYPICAL of a woman that gains too much or UNEEDED weight during pregnancy..

Thats another thing..overweight and specifically in the obese cateragory women before pregnancy are at HIGHER RISK of developing gestational diabetes..Period.

I seem to be the odd ball here..that actually gained too much weight in pregnancy because of rule #1...eating more calories than you need..pregnant or otherwise..causes excess fat to accumulate on your body.

I'm not an exception..I fit the rule.Thats pretty unusual for a gal like me.

Dallas

 

[JaneFW]

I gained TOO much weight when I was pregnant with my last..about 15 lbs..I wasnt diabetic..it wasnt "genetics"..I ATE too much ICE CREAM..chocolate chip to be exact..I ate too much of my normal food too..in fact I put myself at RISK for getting gestational diabetes from doing that..I was lucky...I didnt..anyway Im TYPICAL of a woman that gains too much or UNEEDED weight during pregnancy..

I seem to be the odd ball here..that actually gained too much weight in pregnancy because of rule #1...eating more calories than you need..pregnant or otherwise..causes excess fat to accumulate on your body.

I'm not an exception..I fit the rule.Thats pretty unusual for a gal like me.

Dallas

Noooo. I said pages back that I did the same thing. I went up to somewhere in the 190's and that was all about being greedy, nothing else. Ice-cream, pizza, taco's .. I just ate and ate. You would have thought I was carrying triplets instead of a 6lb baby! Not good. I did myself and the baby no favors at all.

 

[dallasapple]

Noooo. I said pages back that I did the same thing. I went up to somewhere in the 190's and that was all about being greedy, nothing else. Ice-cream, pizza, taco's .. I just ate and ate. You would have thought I was carrying triplets instead of a 6lb baby! Not good. I did myself and the baby no favors at all.

Are you sure ?Are you sure you ate too much and it wasnt some rare but common exception?

Seriously the new information is if you are eating PROPERLY ..before you get pregnant?Im reading we dont even NEED any "extra" calories..When I was pregnant I was SHOCKED they told me all I "needed" was an xtra maybe 150 calories a day.I remember the example they gave to give an idea was "a cheese sandwich and a small glass of milk".. ..That didnt sound very good..


But Im thinking..thats NOT fair..(I didnt think this concsioulsy mind you)..Im allowed to let it ALL hang out.I get to/have to wear stretch pants anyway..and a big oversized shirt..YOu wont even be able to TELL my stomach is bloated from FOOD..becasue its already HUGE..

I ate enorumous bowls of chocolate chip ice cream..about the last 3 months..almost every night..I wanted to eat the entire 1/2 gallon..and I could have..

Dallas