Why do people not understand boundaries?

[Obzocky]

Blind post, 'cause i'm lazy.

I've found some people are so obsessed with what they want they forget that the what is a who, some think if they keep pushing they'll get what they want rather than what may be best at that moment in time for the who. Sometimes they need to be sat in a metaphorical bath of ice and told quite plainly that the boundaries exist at this moment in time for a very good reason and could they please try not being quite so blundering when it comes to their approach to this. Sometimes they're incapable of understanding the boundaries of another, for whatever reason.

Sometimes they don't understand the boundary because it's not a boundary they're used to. In their mind they may see it as a non-boundary, even if someone else thinks it is. I keep trying to expand this point but my fingers are typing the wrong words, so i'll leave it until later to edit and such.

Friends, family, lovers, strangers, I think it could be applied to them all at one point or another with little tweaks here and there.

Does that make sense? It made sense when I thought it but not when it was typed.

 

[Nanopants]

Ah well, that is a tricky situation.

I know women usually hate to hurt a guy's feelings but I would agree with some of the previous posters: the boundary has to be made clear. And at least from my own perspective, as a guy, it's much better to be clear and direct instead of avoiding the issue... guys can have a tendency to hang on to even remote possibilities. Saying 'no' isn't being mean, and it can probably save everyone a lot of grief.

 

[MehTeh]

Some people are just too self absorbed to respect the other person's boundaries even when it has been made clear to them.

 

[toastface_grillah]

On the flip side there are those who are so respectful of boundaries that the world barely even notices their presence.

Is there a balance to be had? I think so. Give and you will receive. Forgive and you will be forgiven. Do no harm to others.

Ain't that the truth? I've been one of those people for longer than I'd care to admit. Boundaries can be like landmines when they aren't communicated until you've crossed them. So, for fear of hitting landmines (which has happened), I've often bent over backwards to respect boundaries and avoid getting on people's bad sides.
Unfortunately, it's kept people from really seeing me, and has kept me from achieving the depth with people that I've always wanted. Damn boundaries.

 

[Miles]

There's also a cultural element. Social customs vary, words may have different connotations depending on one's peers etc.

 

[dayhiker]

Seems to me most people have too many boundaries. They tell me not to tail gate, not to get too close to the edge of a cliff, not to do this not to do that. Its a royal pain most of the time deal with all the boundaries they want to put on me.

I respect their boundaries as best I understand them. But why do they want me to obey their boundaries? My only boundary is don't take my stuff and break it.

 

[Verve]

Blind Post:

Plenty of people have poorly formed boundaries because of how they were raised.
I don't think our culture encourages proper boundaries either, with anything.

If you want to read some good books on boundaries there is a series by Dr Cloud an Dr. Townshend. I've read some of their work before and appreciated their insights.

 

[trentlogain2]

because they don't know or disregard the fact that God uses boundaries to measure our freedoms?