Why do people not understand boundaries?

[Rhye]

Thats pretty much the point of the thread.

 

[Nom De Guerre]

personally, I know they exist but find that if you don't cross them at times you'll never get the right opinion across if you were to sugar-coat and try to infer instead.

 

[Thunder Peel]

They're selfish, plain and simple. It's unfortunate but it happens.

 

[stephanieamber]

i don't think people establish them well enough sometimes?

 

[ks777]

I only know they're there if they're marked out with big white lines and possibly a few flags. Some are obvious though.

 

[white dove]

As with most things.. it depends! I think Thunder is most accurate, but it can have to do with someone's background, upbringing, things like that. (Steph made a good point too, just caught her post right now) I think some people are just callous and don't really care how their interactions affect others; sometimes, it's a mental issue (sociopathic) or it's just plain self-absorption. We see these people all the time on the road, at the grocery stores.. wherever. It happens and sometimes, it's just best to leave them be, to be unhappy with their lives and not allow them to affect you or yours. They're not worth it in that sense. BUT, if you choose to shed some light on them, perhaps encourage some dialogue with them, they might give you a glimpse as to what they're struggling with and maybe in that way, you can help them. Or just pray for them.

Me, I just do for me and mine. I wasn't raised to be a jerk and I've found that being one, one who always has press the buttons in order to feel like proving something isn't the way to be. If someone tells you something in confidence and you blow it, you look unreliable, untrustworthy. All you do is look like an idiot who has no life.

I try to respect people's boundaries, in real life and online. I try my best and if I've ever crossed a line that really wasn't beneficial to cross, I would hope someone's called me out on it. So far, I think I'm okay with how I conduct myself. I try to respect that people have lives of their own and have their own privacy. The only time I think I'd cross a line is if I feel as though I hadn't spent enough quality time with someone.. I dunno, I'm trying to think of an example lol.

 

[Kaonashi]

I'm a Aspie, I get to deny the existance of boundaries.

 

[Blank123]

some people are clueless to the fact that they're crossing boundaries, but most people I find are aware and cross them anyway just to see how far they can go before they get a reaction or as a way to manipulate in some fashion or other. In those cases, its like thunder said: its for purely selfish reasons.

its why i'm learning to call people on it when it happens to me. If i don't look out for myself, no one else will.

 

[white dove]

its why i'm learning to call people on it when it happens to me. If i don't look out for myself, no one else will.

That's true. I may or may not, depending what it is or how it affects me. It's just a matter of picking my battles.

 

[Blank123]

That's true. I may or may not, depending what it is or how it affects me. It's just a matter of picking my battles.

oh yeah for sure. not everything is worth dying on a hill for, but there are cases where it needs to be confronted and addressed.

 

[Amber.ly]

Because boundaries are made to be pushed and tested. If you can't stand up for them, you shouldn't have them.

 

[crishmael]

I believe it's 'cuz some rascal isn't following the Bible.

"Do not move an ancient boundary stone"
Proverbs 23:10a NIV

 

[ks777]

I love how people are giving long detailed answers even though Ethnog gave us very little information to go off is there something you were specifically referring to Ethnog? Do you want to tell uncle KS what happened?

If it's a general question: some people are just jerks. Or they don't see the boundary as a boundary like you do.

 

[SnowyMacie]

Define boundary. I see boundaries as a spacial issue, and a lot of times people have different opinions of how close is too close. I don't personally see boundaries as selfish, I see them as a necessary. I see it as a human nature to be cautious about things we don't understand, and boundaries help us feel comfortable. I don't think its an issue of not understanding boundaries (everyone has them), the issue occurs because everyone's boundaries are different. The same thing goes with personality; sometimes two peoples' clash, its not a matter of not understanding, its a matter of just having conflicting views. It doesn't mean the other person doesn't understand.

 

[Nom De Guerre]

I believe it's 'cuz some rascal isn't following the Bible.

"Do not move an ancient boundary stone"
Proverbs 23:10a NIV

You should add the rest of that proverb it's kind of important to the context

 

[Stravinsk]

Why do people not understand boundaries?

Thats pretty much the point of the thread.

Most people understand boundaries - but if you have some that aren't common, they may not be aware of them until you let them know.

If the boundary seems excessively protective and needless, you can shut people out if you are rigid with them.

If the boundary is common (such as certain touching among strangers or relative strangers) - then people are already aware and should know by your body language whether it is indeed a set boundary for them.

Like a price probe above a resistance point on a chart - some boundaries need to be tested to see if they are, in fact, boundaries - or whether the boundary is of the more temporary variety.


But alas - like ks777 said - you really haven't given us anything to work with here. As far as we know you could be referring to a tailgating car or a sensitive subject matter between friends.

 

[Im_A]

Thats pretty much the point of the thread.

Because they disagree with what you define as 'boundaries'.

However if someone clearly defines what it means for them, respecting what they define as boundaries for themselves in regards to interacting with them is like a professional golfer hitting par. It should be expected and nothing less and really one should go far to respect that.

I just don't expect anyone to know my 'boundaries' until I tell them.

 

[ks777]

As far as we know you could be referring to a tailgating car

Haha, it wouldn't be the first time Ethie made a thread about road rage
But yeah, it's hard not knowing the situation.

 

[Nanopants]

Thats pretty much the point of the thread.

Boundaries? What boundaries?

 

[ks777]

I live next to a street called boundary road. Should I not cross it? :O