Why can't I find God?

[winterbluebells]

I don't mean to offend God when I write this. It's my fault. God Is Perfect (not sure where to put caps, sorry). I admit I find myself angry at God though. Like I said, it's my fault - but since trying to find God my life has become just fear and unhappiness, worse than it was before. I don't mind suffering if it means I'll find God. But it feels like I'll never get there. I can't stop myself sinning and I'm not sorry. I want to be sorry. I want to stop sinning. But I just don't feel strong enough and I feel like there's no remorse in me. I believe, but not fully. When I read so many different answers to my questions I feel angry. I just want a straightforward answer.
I want to find God, but it meant sitting in the dark doing nothing for some time. It meant making sacrifices, not because the thing was sinful, but as a sacrifice to show I wanted to find God, or punish myself. Now, it's gone out of control and I'm making up sacrifices all the time. It meant being in terror of committing sin and terror of my family or me going to hell. It meant crying myself to sleep. It meant hours and hours on the computer, desperately trying to find God each day.
I still can't find God. I just can't bring myself to believe. If I need to believe in Jesus dying for my sins 100%, it seems impossible, since right now I'm not even that sure I exist myself. I find it difficult to believe in absolute certainty. I want to feel sorry, but I just can't. I feel sorry if I upset my mum, but I can hug her and she speaks to me in a way which just seems clear. I just feel like a useless failure because I keep sinning and I don't even feel sorry and I can't seem to believe. I can't even tell my family about God. I pray for help but it feels like I'm not being helped. God Is Love, I know. It's my fault. But I just don't know what to do. I hate myself because of it and I hurt people as a result. Then in anger I hit myself and realize that is a sin, too. So then I'll make more sacrifices. I'm about to look up ways to punish myself as it is. It's not because I'm sorry, and I wish it was. It's because I am terrified of being punished...
I seem like a horrible, heartless person. Maybe I am. But how can I stop being horrible and heartless? Perhaps I am even arrogant, because I just thought about all the things to make over people happy I'd planned on and thought "maybe I'm not that bad." But I AM. I've failed God, and am failing Him.
Apparently God finds us; we don't find Him. You know what I mean when I say "find God." It's hard to put it into different words.

 

[JesusChristFan]

It's ok to feel the way you are feeling. All people feel this way when they are trying to find GOD, and, seek His wisdom. It is hard to know that He exists sometimes, because of the way you feel like you are failing Him. Just go to Him in prayer, and, say something like,"God, I repent of all my past sins, and, my future sins as well. Help me to know who You are. I want to believe. So, please make me believe." That is all you have to say, and, the rest will come to you more naturally. And, go to a church in your neighborhood, and, ask the pastor or someone there to help you on your way. They will be glad to help you become a Christian in no time.

 

[Criada]

You can never earn God's love, sweetie, and sacrifices aren't necessary, because jesus made the only sacrifice necessary once and for all.
Watch this, and try to accept God's love for you.
And remember, no one believes 100%... we all have doubts, and God understands that.

YouTube - The Inheritance for Men and Women

 

[winterbluebells]

If no-one believes 100%, how much do you need to believe to be saved?

 

[winterbluebells]

If no-one is completely sure God exists, (although a chaplain on here said there was such thing as absolute certainty for Christians) how can we be sure we're not sinning?

 

[Elisha1961]

John 6:44 NKJV says "No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him;"

I find for myself that I sometimes have to ask the Lord to reveal himself to me. Ask Him to show me what is keeping me from "finding" Him. Sometimes the Lord removes Himself from us to test us. To see if we love Him enough to keep moving towards Him even if we do not "feel" Him.

I know it is in Psalms somewhere (and I know it is a song)where David prayed
Search me, O God and know my heart tday;
Try me my Savior, know my thoughts I pray.
See if there be a wicked way in me.
Cleanse me from all my sin and set me free.

To find God we need to admit we are sinners. To admit that there is nothing we can do or say or try that can get us closer to God than to admit our helplessness. Only God can give us the abillity to repent.

I often pray, "Lord make me willing to..." and then finish the sentence with whatever I am having a hard time doing that I feel He has asked of me. Sometimes it is a simple as Lord make me willing to hunger for you so much that I can not help but grow closer to you.

He knows what you are thinking, what you are battling against. He loves you and aches that you are struggling so hard. Sometimes we make the road we are traveling harder than it needs to be.

Isaiah 41:21 says “ Present your case,” says the LORD.
“ Bring forth your strong reasons,” says the King of Jacob.

He already knows. So tell Hm. Forget what your head tells you about what you think you know about God. Ask Him to bring you to the point where your heart knows. Our heads get us into a lot of trouble cuz we think we know and we do not.

jmho

 

[cesty]

I realize that you have said that you are not sorry; however, it appears to me that you are sorry; for you wouldn't be concerned about sinning if you weren't. Moreover, God isn't so much concerned about your sacrifices as He desires to receive your love. In other words, He loves you, and just simply wants to be loved by you. And it seems to me that you do have love for God; for if you didn't you wouldn't have such a strong desire to draw close to Him. Of course, all of this suggests that you really do believe in Him, which means you are closer to Him than you think you are.

That said, there's an article that I want you to read, which I believe you will find to be helpful. Here's the link: The God Who Smiles

Blessings to you...

 

[winterbluebells]

Thanks.
I don't think I am sorry, though. I think I'm worried about sinning because I'm scared of punishment, and I want to be drawn close to Him because I'm scared of going to hell. I'm a failure.

 

[riverstears]

i think you may actually want to speak with a psychiatrist. If this is actually interfering in your life as much as it seems like it is from your original post, then you may be suffering from a form of an anxiety disorder. Granted i only know so much about psychology, but if you feel like there's an abnormally large burden on your mental health it couldn't hurt to get an evaluation. I remember having some of the same problems when i was younger and it was a nightmare. I can guarantee that God would rather you find peace of mind over his promises than have you suffering a mental hell and fretting over everything.

 

[asianangel]

I will tell you right now that you will not stop sinning...and neither will I. Sin means not meeting God's perfect standard...it's what sin is! I think people mistake sin for being adultery, murder blah blah blah blah blah...but a thing such as an angry thought...that is also a sin...and all sin are equal in the eyes of God because his standard is PERFECT. One sin is enough for God to banish you from heaven. But ONLY IN CHRIST does he not count your sins against you. This does not mean that Christians should say "YAY I Can live as badly as I want and God will not count sin against me!" It does not mean that. We must still STRIVE to be like Jesus out of LOVE not out of fear of hell...when you're in love with someone (this time I'm talking about God), you would do these things naturally and he will count your sins against you no more.

Psalm 32:2 Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.

You are not a horrible person!! Your spirit is thirsty for God and let me tell you a Christian lifestyle is forever learning and growing...you will never finish learning and growing. I pray for God to give you the wisdom to see what He wants you to know.

 

[NCervo]

I think most believers have a hard time identifying Him, or even finding Him. One thing that is for certain is that your journey to enlightenment will be noticed and He will enter your life. Life will have its ups and downs, it is important to stay persistent. The reward is worth the effort

 

[BrianOnEarth]

Thanks.
I don't think I am sorry, though. I think I'm worried about sinning because I'm scared of punishment, and I want to be drawn close to Him because I'm scared of going to hell. I'm a failure.

You are not a failure and you are definitely not going to hell. So why not give yourself a break? Consider how your own thoughts affect yourself and other people. You own your thoughts. You can choose to change them and you can choose to forgive yourself and take the pressure off yourself.

 

[krishna2012]

hey..i know how u feel. i used to feel da same way. itz been over a year now and i still haven't seen God, at least not through these flesh eyes.but guess what..i have felt God, I have felt Him all around me, inside me, everywhere and in every particle, every being. i will tell u how. hope dat we both become pure enough to see Him:
1) Do not give up activities. don't become a stone.
2) give up sinful activities. well, u may enjoy these activities at first but their happiness is nt long term. u kw..lyk if u hv an exam and u watch tv, u feel gud at dat tym.but then u fail n ur grief is much much more than ur enjoyment. similarly, a sinful activity provided pleasure ( not joy or happiness) for a short time but its consequences are so hideous dat all u shall be left wid is sorrow and grief. like if u r married, n u sleep wid someone else, u get pleasure (nt joy, remember). bt wen ur spouse finds out n leaves u wid da children, ur loss is greater than the pleasure u got. so, how to u prevent urself? u r drawn towards sin, rite. the answer is to devote ur time in meaningful activities n pray to god. believe me, if u r deeply religious, u will hardly feel like sleeping wid a harlot or watching inappropriate content. believe me. itz true.
3) do ur job truthfully n sincerely. provide for ur family. care for ur children n parents. love ur freinds. suppose ur family n friends still detest u, so, what do u do? remember, ur job is to give...not make them receive.whether they receive or not is nt ur job. move on.
4) meditate daily/ pray/ chant for at least 1 hour in the morning n 1 hour in the evening. u dnt need to pray all day long. just 2-3 hours r enough. gradually, u will feel dat lord dwells in ur heart. chants r especially helpful. u feel so glad n happy. i felt like i was the whole universe.
5) let go off ur mistakes..n as obvious, others, too. dat dsnt mean dat if someone rapes ur daughter, u let go. punish dat person. bt keep ur mind clear.
for more details, reply to dis post. hope dis helps.
P.S. - for not feeling guilty thing...buddy, if we dnt think anything is wrong, how can we feel guilty? u have to realise dat ur actions r wrong n da way they affect people. e.g. if u watch inappropriate contentography, remember dat many girls r trafficked from 3rd world countries n forced into this profession. also, wud u like to see ur mom or sister as a inappropriate contentstar.

 

[raven1]

How is she not going to hell she doesn't believe?

 

[americanvet]

Winter, searching for God is a struggle. Even the most devote Christians you can think of still (and will always) sin. What we must remember is God is love (1 John 4:8). To me the Christian experience is three part. We talk to God through prayer, He primarily talks to us through the Bible, and we worship Him with other believers. If any part of this is missing our faith may be lacking.

Might I suggest you read the book of 1 John. This is not the Gospel of John, but a book further into the New Testament. God knows all of us and desires for us to get to know Him. None of us are good enough for heaven and only can get there by the saving grace of Jesus. Good luck!

 

[raven1]

I am in the same boat and fear I am hellbound.

 

[LilethMagdelene]

'..You own your thoughts. You can choose to change them..' <Well intentioned but not necessarily useful to anyone with neuro-difference! I struggled for years blaming, hating, myself when all self-help methods failed, & believe me I tried them all - till finally- by pure chance, no thanks to 30yrs of Drs- got a diagnosis of Asperger's at 43 - I was wired up to worry, the only time I've felt (all too temporary) relief was a Yoga class (before I had kids & went reclusive) dancing in Alt'Rock Clubs & once in Church. I was up all last night crying over a beautiful, perfect girl on the news who was murdered in Ireland, bullied at school before her death for being 'weird' (probably had AS too) I begged God for help to take it from me - I'm not stupid / illogical; I know getting stressed helps no-one, can't bring that beautiful girl back & make it right for her & her poor parents - but yet I still stress, till I feel I'm suffocating with the pain of this evil world. I want /need to help, I want to help save every victim of bullying, I always sided with the 'underdog' & hated pack-mentality, & I was never, ever, scared to stand against it, cruelty & injustice righteously infuriate me - But where is God? How do you contact? -People write 'God talks to me..' - They're either deluded or I'm missing out. I prayed a lot, to God & Jesus, I read prayers from a book, I was finally able to sleep - but not free of my worry, not free of my head that never switches off (as a teen I use to envy 'shallow' people; why couldn't I not think constantly, like them?!)- So how DO you find God? Except in nature, music, animals & rare good people - But if God talks to others direct, why not me? *Online a Vicar has just promised that Praying Veni, Sancte Spiritus - Come Holy Spirit - is guaranteed to work!! I shall try this tonight, in Latin; I like Latin..

 

[LilethMagdelene]

*If you're worrying about Hell, read some God based Near Death Experiences? Cheers me up no end, as apparently God/Jesus is love, agapē? - not angry religion. Religion is our limited mortal mind attempting to 'explain' God, of course we fail & some plunge way off with sexism & other bigotry. Religion's great if it helps & hurts no-one else, & I do love old Churches & online Mass - but God weighs the heart; some of the kindest, purest, most giving, Christ-like people I've known wern't even religious, while some 'Christians' I've met have shamed the label they claim, cruel, gossipy & materialistic. Is God's going to judge on whether you chose the 'right' human religion, or on your actions; how you treated others & the planet, how you lived your life, or at least tried to; was your heart good? - I think the latter, or it doesn't sense.

 

[Bryan H]

If no-one is completely sure God exists, (although a chaplain on here said there was such thing as absolute certainty for Christians) how can we be sure we're not sinning?

I wouldn't have become Christian if I wasn't absolutely sure God existed. That's what it took for me, as a former atheist, to convert. Absolutely certainty. I think God would have appreciated it much more if I had a little faith though. And you do. It only needs to be the size of a mustard seed.

 

[SkyWriting]

I don't mean to offend God when I write this. It's my fault. God Is Perfect (not sure where to put caps, sorry). I admit I find myself angry at God though. Like I said, it's my fault - but since trying to find God my life has become just fear and unhappiness, worse than it was before. I don't mind suffering if it means I'll find God. But it feels like I'll never get there. I can't stop myself sinning and I'm not sorry. I want to be sorry. I want to stop sinning. But I just don't feel strong enough and I feel like there's no remorse in me. I believe, but not fully. When I read so many different answers to my questions I feel angry. I just want a straightforward answer.
I want to find God, but it meant sitting in the dark doing nothing for some time. It meant making sacrifices, not because the thing was sinful, but as a sacrifice to show I wanted to find God, or punish myself. Now, it's gone out of control and I'm making up sacrifices all the time. It meant being in terror of committing sin and terror of my family or me going to hell. It meant crying myself to sleep. It meant hours and hours on the computer, desperately trying to find God each day.
I still can't find God. I just can't bring myself to believe. If I need to believe in Jesus dying for my sins 100%, it seems impossible, since right now I'm not even that sure I exist myself. I find it difficult to believe in absolute certainty. I want to feel sorry, but I just can't. I feel sorry if I upset my mum, but I can hug her and she speaks to me in a way which just seems clear. I just feel like a useless failure because I keep sinning and I don't even feel sorry and I can't seem to believe. I can't even tell my family about God. I pray for help but it feels like I'm not being helped. God Is Love, I know. It's my fault. But I just don't know what to do. I hate myself because of it and I hurt people as a result. Then in anger I hit myself and realize that is a sin, too. So then I'll make more sacrifices. I'm about to look up ways to punish myself as it is. It's not because I'm sorry, and I wish it was. It's because I am terrified of being punished...
I seem like a horrible, heartless person. Maybe I am. But how can I stop being horrible and heartless? Perhaps I am even arrogant, because I just thought about all the things to make over people happy I'd planned on and thought "maybe I'm not that bad." But I AM. I've failed God, and am failing Him.
Apparently God finds us; we don't find Him. You know what I mean when I say "find God." It's hard to put it into different words.

Happy to help:
Who Else Wants to finally connect with God?