Why are people so obsessed with being skinny ?

[Reneemo4]

True. My initial weight gain was due to hormonal issues with puberty.

...

People just seem to enjoy hating on women's bodies (and increasingly, men's) and think they have the right to an opinion on bodies that don't belong to them.

First thought - I put back on 40 lbs or so that I lost when I had a bout with Thyroid cancer and lost my thyroid. Talk about throwing your entire body and metabolism into a tail spin!! I spent months trying to rebalance my body and playing with hormone balances and proper levels for me to function. So truth be told, sometimes it just cannot be helped.

Historia - I with that last statement. I can be critical sometimes, and I've had to learn and discipline myself to realize that sometimes what I think just really, really isn't relevant to another person and where they're at.

 

[darktipper]

I eat burgers pizza and fast food and my abs still show...... People always think that I do not eat and they ask me what is my diet is like. I tell them what diet lol. Then they want to know my secret. Then I tell them lift weights/body weight/resistance train, get tons of sleep for recovery, cardio for the heart and circulation, avoid over eating and drinking alcohol/junk drinks, and drink tooooooooooooooooooooooooooons of water. If you follow this then you too will become thinner and lean and perhaps cut. The problem is that in America, no one wants to workout(you do not need a gym to get in great shape. all you need is creativity). Staying in shape take hard work and mental toughness that a lot of people do not want to deal with. Staying in shape is one of the most rewarding things in life out there. My father said it best, What is the point of wanting or having things like a degree, house, and other things in life if you end up dead due to poor health. People eat bad on purpose. Also it is cheaper to eat bad than it is to eat healthy. If you were poor and or on aid, paying for bad food just to put food on the table is better than paying more money for better food and end up broke. I dated a thin woman and chubby woman once before too. The chubby woman always complained about how good I looked and or I parked the car too far away from the store. I think one of the reasons why we did not make it was because I was smaller than her. I figured out that she had low self esteem and did not want to work out with me. Her new man is larger than her. I also have female friends who eat unhealthy and they post it on facebook. One of them has health problems and always post what type of alcohol or junk food she had with a bf or friends then she mad fun of my I am working out statuses. My male friends workout from time to time. I had people leave me negative comments about me working out all of the time. I can tell you this. I have never had any major illness except for the flu and chickenpox. My circulation is better in my body. I have less joint pain. I have a relative that trains people and he told me that people are unmotivated and down right mean and are not serious about being in shape and he was frustrated by their attitudes. I think people treat weight loss as a fad. Just something you do in the summer/trying to fit in clothes for a season or event..... Being sick or being one medicine or getting pregnant is another story.......

Also there is pressure for men to be thin also. Women dump guys who are big too.....

 

[broken_one]

Okay, now that we're out with it I'll just say what I want. You have been warned.

-I don't like saying that men cannot say anything about a woman's appearance. It's judging, but our job simply being an evolved creature is to reproduce. Even if it's a quick one-off deal (like a "hey, she's pretty...oh, she's married" sort of thing). We actually cannot help it. Does that mean we should treat them differently? Nope. Does it make one feel inclined? Probably.

-I LOVE Strav's(maybe?) thought that for every 1 person who has real medical issues, there are 10 more who just aren't doing anything about it. But everyone claims it. EVERYONE. So how about everyone just does the right thing, and we see the chips fall where they may. You can't blame people for being lazy.

-I feel like women here have some righteous anger, but some of it has to do simply with man-bashing. They feel like all men are the problem (though it's only a few posters). It saddens me, but also reminds me why this is a Singles Forum (from experience). Whatever.

-I also hate being "that person", but I like women who are thin. I can PM you my address, just come and kill me. There are definitely guys who are into larger women, but I think their numbers firstly are hidden out of fear, and secondly are probably somewhat proportional to those who are overweight naturally. I suppose slowly views may change simply because of a "lay of the land" issue, but media keeps things going in the opposite (albeit it being a good in this case from a health standpoint).



I'm going to bed.

 

[Wren]

Okay, now that we're out with it I'll just say what I want. You have been warned.

-I don't like saying that men cannot say anything about a woman's appearance. It's judging, but our job simply being an evolved creature is to reproduce. Even if it's a quick one-off deal (like a "hey, she's pretty...oh, she's married" sort of thing). We actually cannot help it. Does that mean we should treat them differently? Nope. Does it make one feel inclined? Probably.

-I LOVE Strav's(maybe?) thought that for every 1 person who has real medical issues, there are 10 more who just aren't doing anything about it. But everyone claims it. EVERYONE. So how about everyone just does the right thing, and we see the chips fall where they may. You can't blame people for being lazy.

-I feel like women here have some righteous anger, but some of it has to do simply with man-bashing. They feel like all men are the problem (though it's only a few posters). It saddens me, but also reminds me why this is a Singles Forum (from experience). Whatever.

-I also hate being "that person", but I like women who are thin. I can PM you my address, just come and kill me. There are definitely guys who are into larger women, but I think their numbers firstly are hidden out of fear, and secondly are probably somewhat proportional to those who are overweight naturally. I suppose slowly views may change simply because of a "lay of the land" issue, but media keeps things going in the opposite (albeit it being a good in this case from a health standpoint).



I'm going to bed.

Mr. Sterling, I wasn't going to post anymore in this thread, but must respond to this.

I hope you weren't referring to me as man-bashing. I've said "society" multiple times and guys are only half of society. And I'm a feminist, so anything less shouldn't be expected. Of course I'm going to defend women's bodies and the critique of them (though I mentioned men, briefly, too).

I have no desire to kill you and as long as you don't mock or treat non-thin women as disgusting, then frankly, I don't care about your preferences. While I don't love that some guys will reject me because of my weight, as long as they treat me respectfully, then I'm over it. It's only in discussions like these that I really think about it.

ETA: I feel I should clarify, since I said this earlier: Why do women, in general, obsess about being skinny?...No one wants to be treated like that...or usually seen as the sister and rarely the girlfriend.
I'm saying here one additional reason why I think there is pressure within women to be thin, or thinner. People want to be wanted by the opposite sex (assuming they're heterosexual) and obviously it doesn't feel good to be rejected for weight reasons (or any really), but I understand preferences.

 

[SweetDee]

-I feel like women here have some righteous anger, but some of it has to do simply with man-bashing. They feel like all men are the problem (though it's only a few posters). It saddens me, but also reminds me why this is a Singles Forum (from experience). Whatever.

Some, yes. But not all of us. I don't hate men, nor do I bash them. I would have said my post towards women as well if they were being rude and insensitive.

-I also hate being "that person", but I like women who are thin. I can PM you my address, just come and kill me. There are definitely guys who are into larger women, but I think their numbers firstly are hidden out of fear, and secondly are probably somewhat proportional to those who are overweight naturally. I suppose slowly views may change simply because of a "lay of the land" issue, but media keeps things going in the opposite (albeit it being a good in this case from a health standpoint).

No one is going to kill you nor judge you for having preferences. That is not what I am getting at at least. I just want people to post their preferences in a more respectable manner. We all have things we like, and things we don't like in a spouse. It is how they speak of those preferences that matter.

 

[Gista]

Maybe, because in the US, being skinny means being a non-conformist since it appears that body type is now in the minority. And we know how everybody wants to rebel against the majority.

Really though, I believe there is a huge connection between being physically fit and mentally fit and well. I've been on all dials on the weight spectrum and have to say I much rather prefer to be in good shape and have a 32-waistline because I can move around better when I exercise and I feel good about what I'm able to accomplish physically.

 

[white dove]

I was going to stay out of this thread. I knew exactly what was going to be in here before I even clicked it. I was absolutely right. More bashing of women with weight problems. How exciting. Something new and different here on CF.


You know, you guys go through here and post pictures, videos, and comment on how "gross" over weight people are and how little attention you give them. Ever stop to think of how that post would make someone feel who is over weight? I am going to be blunt about this because it honestly infuriates me. All of you, who are picking on those with weight problems, should be ashamed. How is that acting like Christ? Who the flip cares if the person is over weight. It is THEIR body. They can do whatever they want to it. They are the ones who have to live with it. Making fun of them and so on is NOT a way to support them to get healthy.


I think threads like these should be banned from CF. They only cause tension and discord which is the OPPOSITE of what Christianity is about.

Also, I went through and reported any pictures or videos that I found to be offensive and against the forum rules. I won't hide behind my computer. If you get in trouble from your post, you have me to thank.

Good for you. *not sarcasm

Okay, now that we're out with it I'll just say what I want. You have been warned.

-I don't like saying that men cannot say anything about a woman's appearance. It's judging, but our job simply being an evolved creature is to reproduce. Even if it's a quick one-off deal (like a "hey, she's pretty...oh, she's married" sort of thing). We actually cannot help it. Does that mean we should treat them differently? Nope. Does it make one feel inclined? Probably.

-I LOVE Strav's(maybe?) thought that for every 1 person who has real medical issues, there are 10 more who just aren't doing anything about it. But everyone claims it. EVERYONE. So how about everyone just does the right thing, and we see the chips fall where they may. You can't blame people for being lazy.

-I feel like women here have some righteous anger, but some of it has to do simply with man-bashing. They feel like all men are the problem (though it's only a few posters). It saddens me, but also reminds me why this is a Singles Forum (from experience). Whatever.

-I also hate being "that person", but I like women who are thin. I can PM you my address, just come and kill me. There are definitely guys who are into larger women, but I think their numbers firstly are hidden out of fear, and secondly are probably somewhat proportional to those who are overweight naturally. I suppose slowly views may change simply because of a "lay of the land" issue, but media keeps things going in the opposite (albeit it being a good in this case from a health standpoint).



I'm going to bed.

I haven't seen anything having to do with man-bashing, so either this is a form of projecting or I really missed some crucial posts here (I've read most of it now).

You brought up men having place to judge women's bodies. Actually, I think while it's okay and understandable for men to judge what's attractive to them (although completely realizing you're a socialized creature and thus, more at the whims of what your society says about what is attractive), men have no right to judge women's bodies, overall. Example: Acceptable: This woman is attractive to me. She's got this, this and this... Unacceptable: This woman is unattractive. She's got this, this and this.. There is a difference and it is clear that some posters in this thread don't remember that nor do they remember to see that there is a real human being inside, underneath all the skin and bones and yes, fat. Too touchy-feely? If you're a Christian, that's part of your belief system.

I want to hear what you have to say about men having weight issues. It's not something we hear about all the time and you even made mention how women have sort of been just talking about our own thoughts on the topic (even though that's pretty much in the OP). Regardless, would you care to say something about what you go through as a man?

 

[Wren]

You brought up men having place to judge women's bodies. Actually, I think while it's okay and understandable for men to judge what's attractive to them (although completely realizing you're a socialized creature and thus, more at the whims of what your society says about what is attractive), men have no right to judge women's bodies, overall. Example: Acceptable: This woman is attractive to me. She's got this, this and this... Unacceptable: This woman is unattractive. She's got this, this and this.. There is a difference and it is clear that some posters in this thread don't remember that nor do they remember to see that there is a real human being inside, underneath all the skin and bones and yes, fat. Too touchy-feely? If you're a Christian, that's part of your belief system.

 

[Reneemo4]

Ok, I'm going to ramble a bit more...

I don't think there's any question in anyone's heads that being overweight is not healthy. I don't really believe that's the topic at hand. There are tons and tons of science and testimonials that would support that argument. I feel like this topic is going back and forth between that idea and the other idea of passing judgment on others because of their size/weight.

Self-image is HUGE in society. It has been for some time. People are pressured to conform in so many ways, by so many mediums, and dismissing it is irresponsible. Even the idea of diversity has become the new norm of conform! If it is easier for men, I dunno, I can't speak to that. But I don't believe so. I've seen just as many teenage boys trying so hard to fit in, they just act out in different manners. (And I am a mom of two grown stepdaughters and two current teenage daughters, so I’ve seen more than my fair share of teenagers!!! LOL!) That being said, I believe it is so vital to redirect how and where people find their self-worth/love, etc. We look for our value in our jobs, our role in our families, the people we get into relationships with, our looks, the stuff we own, etc, etc. When did we stop looking for our value from our Lord? He’s the one who can heal that broken part of us. If we know we’re living simply and completely for Him, then it eases our desire to please the world.

I can't think of one single girl that I know that has not at one time or another been insecure about who she is, based solely on what she looks like. I think it is a completely separate issue to discuss what a healthy weight is for her. (I do agree, though, that mental health a lot of times is linked to physical health – but not always – that’s a whole different topic as well!) I think the notion of judging someone so blatantly on their weight seems to be where the triggers are in this topic. We should perhaps distinguish between the two different pov’s…? Do you want to discuss whether being over-weight is healthy/non-healthy? Or do you want to discuss how a person being judged for being overweight is good/bad? Just MHO.

Just as a side note…
I think it’s a good thing to discuss topics that trigger. I think when we don’t take the time to recognize why this causes a trigger it is just burying more hurt/unresolved issues.

 

[kevlite2020]

I want to hear what you have to say about men having weight issues. It's not something we hear about all the time and you even made mention how women have sort of been just talking about our own thoughts on the topic (even though that's pretty much in the OP). Regardless, would you care to say something about what you go through as a man?

I think this is directed at Sean, but if I may I'll give you a man's perspective. When struggling with eating disorders/body image issues (which is not ever talked about for men, but still happens) it's just as painful to hear people talk about me being too skinny as someone considered obese being called too fat. My family, especially extended family, used to try and get me to eat double portions at gatherings even though my stomach would hurt after a regular portion. They were always making jokes about my weight and how they could practically see through me and all that razz.

I guess to me, there's a difference between someone being concerned about my health, and concerned about my looks. And that's how I feel about people who are overweight. I've been attracted to plenty of girls who were considered obese, from an attraction standpoint it isn't something that I am overly worried about. But when a person starts to gain weight to the point of it being a health issue, yes I worry. That's not being insensitive, it's the exact opposite.

Going back to the smoking example, I have had friends who tried to talk me into quitting smoking for years. They were always on my back about it, always making fun of me for it. They really helped me get to the point where I could quit. I've had friends who were way overweight, and I treated them the same way. A lot of them went on to lose weight and get to a very healthy point. Some of them didn't, but regardless, none of them felt that it was rude or insensitive or out of place. It's just a friend concerned about another friend's health. I would never apologize for that.

So in summary, Sensitivity is important, but so is accountability. A friend isn't good or special if they don't better you. And yes, body image issues are hard to deal with and will probably always linger to some degree in the lives of people that struggle with it.

 

[Sieben]

Chunky is where it's at

 

[Apollo Celestio]

If people don't want the emotional fallouts/tensions, then they shouldn't ask these kinds of questions.

As far as genetics go.. sometimes the reverse is true as well. I will probably never be fat and I eat like crap..

 

[Squeakers]

If people don't want the emotional fallouts/tensions, then they shouldn't ask these kinds of questions.

As far as genetics go.. sometimes the reverse is true as well. I will probably never be fat and I eat like crap..

QFT.

My 2 cents (semi-blind post):

Something to think about...some people just don't have great metabolisms. I try to eat pretty healthy, but I'm still a bit overweight because my metabolism is kinda slow.

 

[Obzocky]

Oh for goodness sake.

Who is saying having a preference is bad, or stating that you would not date someone who is overweight is bad? I thought the only issue people were having happened to be with the words being used, phrases that have been slung around, and the general tone of certain posts?

That seems to be the issue, not preferences, not the fact it's unhealthy, not the fact people are just being honest.

 

[white dove]

I think this is directed at Sean, but if I may I'll give you a man's perspective. When struggling with eating disorders/body image issues (which is not ever talked about for men, but still happens) it's just as painful to hear people talk about me being too skinny as someone considered obese being called too fat. My family, especially extended family, used to try and get me to eat double portions at gatherings even though my stomach would hurt after a regular portion. They were always making jokes about my weight and how they could practically see through me and all that razz.

I guess to me, there's a difference between someone being concerned about my health, and concerned about my looks. And that's how I feel about people who are overweight. I've been attracted to plenty of girls who were considered obese, from an attraction standpoint it isn't something that I am overly worried about. But when a person starts to gain weight to the point of it being a health issue, yes I worry. That's not being insensitive, it's the exact opposite.

Going back to the smoking example, I have had friends who tried to talk me into quitting smoking for years. They were always on my back about it, always making fun of me for it. They really helped me get to the point where I could quit. I've had friends who were way overweight, and I treated them the same way. A lot of them went on to lose weight and get to a very healthy point. Some of them didn't, but regardless, none of them felt that it was rude or insensitive or out of place. It's just a friend concerned about another friend's health. I would never apologize for that.

So in summary, Sensitivity is important, but so is accountability. A friend isn't good or special if they don't better you. And yes, body image issues are hard to deal with and will probably always linger to some degree in the lives of people that struggle with it.

Are you Jewish? I think culture plays an important role as well as socioeconomic backgrounds when discussing earlier/childhood eating patterns and experiences.

Accountability is different than saying, "Hey fattie, you're gross." *pokes friend's gut* There is a level of what is acceptable for one person and what your particular limit is. If you can be kind of jerky to your friends, that's fine if that works for all of you. Not all friendship dynamics are the same. There is a time and place and manner in which to discuss things, even in a joking manner. Plus, considering we're talking about an issue that is so ingrained into a person's psyche and how emotional it can be (surprise, even for men) all of these things have to be considered when approaching someone and a potential health problem, eating disorder or overweight/underweight condition. The level of severity a person takes it can vary from person to person. And we're not really talking about friendship dynamics, either, in this thread are we? Your post has me a bit lost.

What about, you know, all the posts about men being shallow and whatnot? There's quite a few posts to that effect, and they are often presented in a meanspirited as well. It's just a stereotype.

I'm not going to speak for anyone who said anything like that, but perhaps (perhaps) it was the manner in which all these preferences were mentioned. I don't know.

Thanks for getting it going, Kev. I've dealt with body issues in the past....I assume in the 30-something single female world, things have been, erm, "loosened" to cast the widest net (I know you're going to diatribe about this because it's "not what you do", but MANY older singles do this), but for single women in my age range they are going after guys who are physically attractive as well as other factors. You gotta have more than one, or get really lucky. What I'm doing now, for example, is pure luck. And that's why I'm unsure she likes me at all. I definitely have some positives, but I need that physical attraction or in the end I don't have squat.

When I was your age, I went for guys who were physically attractive but at this age, I go for men who are physically attractive. I'm unsure what you're really saying here. At any age (perhaps less as we get into our 50's on up), physical attractiveness is important. "Loosened?" You mean like stretch marks? That can happen to girls in their pre-teen years, dude. Has nothing to do with age or even being overweight. Sure, I have about a billion of them, but I had a baby. That's not true for every woman in her 30's and would be unfair to assume that all women after such-and-such an age is a bit "loosened." Unless you mean less-taut skin on the face and body? Or sexual activity? I dunno, you lost me.

I do wonder what you're like when you're in a relationship. Do you think that all this mental stuff just eats up a lot of your thought time and you kind of unconsciously "doom" your relationships? I do wonder what part this mentality places on them. I really do hope that things turn out well with this young woman. And if not, don't beat yourself up or keep thinking you have to be perfect. God only know what perfect looks like anyway.

Other than that, it doesn't matter. Because like what Kev said, it's all about looks. Health is an issue, but a lot of those bodybuilder types use supplements that will only seriously damage their health years down the road. But they got the look, so they got the girls. It's a rough world out here for us non-wealthy, non-model-looking males. I am actually rather healthy, but nobody cares about health. I care. But nobody cares that I care. It's a push (that I will win down the road, if I decide to live that long).

And that's about it. Confidence can only take you so far. And then you need luck and some MAJOR pillars to come through in the clutch. And like how the sports teams go, if you can't cut on that level it you're out of luck.

/rant

So is your goal the women who prize bodybuilder-types and not how you look in your own eyes? Maybe it's where I live, but I've seen the "hot chicks" go for the average bloke ALL THE TIME. ALL. THE. TIME. And by average, I mean average height, not skinny, not overweight, but not bodybuilder-esque. Some of those guys are the nice guys. They offer more than just a fun time on the weekend. They have substance. Others, not so much. It's a crapshoot. Love is just one big, giant crapshoot.

 

[kevlite2020]

are we about to have a fight over what we are having a fight about?

 

[white dove]

If people don't want the emotional fallouts/tensions, then they shouldn't ask these kinds of questions.

As far as genetics go.. sometimes the reverse is true as well. I will probably never be fat and I eat like crap..

My last ex was like that, too. His diet was horrendous. So, it can be scary to pull out all these "fat people are doomed" stuff which in itself seems to indicate skinnier = healthier. It's not always the case, especially in this country. Fast food is king, sedentary lifestyles are the norm... even if your pant size doesn't demonstrate that.

 

[kevlite2020]

Are you Jewish? I think culture plays an important role as well as socioeconomic backgrounds when discussing earlier/childhood eating patterns and experiences.

Accountability is different than saying, "Hey fattie, you're gross." *pokes friend's gut* There is a level of what is acceptable for one person and what your particular limit is. If you can be kind of jerky to your friends, that's fine if that works for all of you. Not all friendship dynamics are the same. There is a time and place and manner in which to discuss things, even in a joking manner. Plus, considering we're talking about an issue that is so ingrained into a person's psyche and how emotional it can be (surprise, even for men) all of these things have to be considered when approaching someone and a potential health problem, eating disorder or overweight/underweight condition. The level of severity a person takes it can vary from person to person. And we're not really talking about friendship dynamics, either, in this thread are we? Your post has me a bit lost.

Yes my family is Jewish. Although my eating problems and body issues didn't start until wrestling and the weight I cut for that. Before that I ate normally and didn't think much of it.

Anyways, my point was, there's a difference between making fun of someone to be a jerk, and caring about someone. I didn't get the impression that anyone was making fun of anyone else, or weight problems in general (although I didn't read a lot of posts in this). But either way, to care about someone and get on them about weight is completely different then getting on someone about weight because they think it's unattractive or gross.

 

[white dove]

Yes my family is Jewish. Although my eating problems and body issues didn't start until wrestling and the weight I cut for that. Before that I ate normally and didn't think much of it.

I just mentioned your culture because you'd said that it can be hurtful to be talked about as being too skinny and if I recall correctly, the Jewish culture is one of the "eat well/live well" variety. Families take pleasure in giving their loved ones a lot to eat at the breakfast/dinner/anytime table. I could be wrong though. Just trying to get a better understanding is all.

Anyways, my point was, there's a difference between making fun of someone to be a jerk, and caring about someone. I didn't get the impression that anyone was making fun of anyone else, or weight problems in general (although I didn't read a lot of posts in this). But either way, to care about someone and get on them about weight is completely different then getting on someone about weight because they think it's unattractive or gross.

Perhaps you didn't read enough.

Again, if it works for some to have someone else in their life to be a drill sargeant or a bit of a douche in order for them to encourage them in their health, that's cool. If another's approach is to be more "counselor"-ish about it or offer duel accountability, whatever... that's fine. But, we get to a point where meanness overshadows genuine sincerity and concern. Honestly, I think that has a lot to do with the whole "loud and proud" obese population such as in the video (which I did see). When you get meanness coming your way constantly, maybe in one's head the only logical thing to do is get comfortable with where they're at and shout it from the rooftops that there ain't a damned thing wrong with it.

I think it's one thing to embrace who you are, but another to love yourself enough to make a positive change if you know - God's truth know - that you're doing something unhealthy or that can hurt or even kill you. Again, there are some people who can't help but be overweight. It does happen. And those people shouldn't be damned because they may or may not eat a french fry once a month. But, for the people who do have problems with overeating, the last thing they need is someone looking down their nose at them for looking different. LOOKING different.. because no doubt, there are so many similarities between them.


That's all.

 

[broken_one]

Mmmuh... you don't wanna know what I thought you were talking about initially.

I think I now see what you mean. And I think they actually have a gel ointment for that.

Ah, I get you though. You mean many 30-something women tend to let their guards down and start getting less discerning in their romantic choices, letting their standards slide right out onto the street? Sweetie, that happens in your 20's too with the right booze.

Quote that makes me feel better about myself, from the great movie Superbad:


Seth: You know when you hear girls say 'Ah man, I was so [drunk] last night, I shouldn't have [slept with] that guy?' We could be that mistake!

You sounded attractive until you got to paragraph 2!!! Darn you...

I'm an at-times insecure individual who doesn't like taking risks. What do you want from me.

I wish I could show you pictures, my friend... You'd move here immediately.

Don't think I could handle the accents.