Who says you can't go home?

[princess_ballet]

Me.

Moving home sucks.

Not my family. I mean, they can be annoying, but there is nothing here.

The only people I still know in this area are now married (or divorced ) with kids.

Not exactly the folks that a single 26 year old wants to hang out with.

Have any of you ever been in this situation? How do you go about making new friends?

 

[Michie]

Me.

Moving home sucks.

Not my family. I mean, they can be annoying, but there is nothing here.

The only people I still know in this area are now married (or divorced ) with kids.

Not exactly the folks that a single 26 year old wants to hang out with.

Have any of you ever been in this situation? How do you go about making new friends?

I have. Happened to me when I moved back from TX. I made new friends through a job that was floating me over until I worked at the hospital. Bartender.

There are better ways to meet people I'm sure but I worked all the time & that's how I did it.

 

[MoonlessNight]

Meet people through work. If that doesn't work use a hobby to meet people (join a casual sports team, be part of a book club, find a card game, etc.) If you get really desperate, go to a bar.

Those have been the most reliable ways to meet people for at least fifty years, and they still work.

 

[princess_ballet]

Meet people through work. If that doesn't work use a hobby to meet people (join a casual sports team, be part of a book club, find a card game, etc.) If you get really desperate, go to a bar.

Those have been the most reliable ways to meet people for at least fifty years, and they still work.

I work at a small law firm with all old people, save the one guy that is engaged and boring now.

This is small town Michigan. We don't have hobby clubs around here, at least none that I know of. And, as a rule, I don't go to a bar by myself.

But thanks for the snarky remarks.

 

[princess_ballet]

I have. Happened to me when I moved back from TX. I made new friends through a job that was floating me over until I worked at the hospital. Bartender.

There are better ways to meet people I'm sure but I worked all the time & that's how I did it.

Yeah, again, I work at a small law firm with all old people.

I mean, they're not really old, but old enough that they have kids and a spouse they spend time with.

Besides, this area is for people who have always lived here or who want to settle down and have kids.

I just can't stand it anymore. What's the point of any of this?

Yes, I've tried praying about it. But, just as with the whole significant other thing, that hasn't panned out either. :o

 

[Lady Bug]

I'm 33 now and I was saying the same things at 26 but it is so much worse-feeling now that I have this sinking feeling that I truly am getting old and I don't like the thought of being single OR being married either. The latter seems like too much work for me, to be honest, but being single is hard too. I'm really in limbo on this.

Sorry...I want to be lifting your spirits up

 

[Michie]

Yeah, again, I work at a small law firm with all old people.

I mean, they're not really old, but old enough that they have kids and a spouse they spend time with.

Besides, this area is for people who have always lived here or who want to settle down and have kids.

I just can't stand it anymore. What's the point of any of this?

Yes, I've tried praying about it. But, just as with the whole significant other thing, that hasn't panned out either. :o

That's got to stink. Do you have any singles groups in your parish?

 

[Antigone]

I'm guessing finding a new job in a different town isn't an option?

The town I city I grew up in (pop. 47,000) isn't so small that I couldn't meet new people, but the Dutch are naturally reticent and reserved and unlike the Boyfriend, I am not the sort of person who goes into a room and just starts chatting to everyone. I met new people through volunteer work and hobbies (do you play an instrument? Because a band or orchestra of some sort is a great way to meet people).
(The Boyfriend's hobby is to walk into a room full of strangers and see how many people he can meet by the end of the night).

You write that not everyone around you is old, but they are married or engaged, they have children, and they are 'boring'. Are you specifically looking for a boyfriend/husband relationship? If so, turn to the internet. Is it a perfect replacement of social contacts IRL? No. But it does help a little.

If you're not specifically looking for a boyfriend, well, maybe you could start your own club? Book club, band, orchestra, film club, gardening club, cycling/running club... At least you'll be around people.

I can't offer you any more advice than that, but I've seen the small towns near the city where I live where everyone knows everyone and there's exactly one church and a community hall and that's the extent of the social life there, and I dread living there, so you do have my sympathies.

 

[princess_ballet]

That's got to stink. Do you have any singles groups in your parish?

Ha! If you're over 60, maybe. Because that's the general age of people in the parish.

 

[princess_ballet]

I'm guessing finding a new job in a different town isn't an option?

The town I city I grew up in (pop. 47,000) isn't so small that I couldn't meet new people, but the Dutch are naturally reticent and reserved and unlike the Boyfriend, I am not the sort of person who goes into a room and just starts chatting to everyone. I met new people through volunteer work and hobbies (do you play an instrument? Because a band or orchestra of some sort is a great way to meet people).
(The Boyfriend's hobby is to walk into a room full of strangers and see how many people he can meet by the end of the night).

You write that not everyone around you is old, but they are married or engaged, they have children, and they are 'boring'. Are you specifically looking for a boyfriend/husband relationship? If so, turn to the internet. Is it a perfect replacement of social contacts IRL? No. But it does help a little.

If you're not specifically looking for a boyfriend, well, maybe you could start your own club? Book club, band, orchestra, film club, gardening club, cycling/running club... At least you'll be around people.

I can't offer you any more advice than that, but I've seen the small towns near the city where I live where everyone knows everyone and there's exactly one church and a community hall and that's the extent of the social life there, and I dread living there, so you do have my sympathies.

It isn't an option right now, no. I just started in November, so I want and need to stay longer (well, that's a whole other rant...haha).

This area is either totally rural or closer to the lake where people are total snobs. I'm also fairly shy, so I know exactly how you feel. I feel so uncomfortable going some place where I don't know people and mingling. Blech.

I mean, that everyone around me is married/with kids and they may or may not be boring. More than likely, we just have nothing in common. I mean, what do I know about having kids in school? Absolutely nothing. It isn't like we can have play dates. The one friend that is divorced is such a prude, she won't even go get a drink with me (she sometimes thinks its a sin....). So, that friendship is pretty much nill.

I did try Catholic Match. My co-worker thought maybe the people on there are a little "hard core" and I think she was probably right. But, truth be told, no one ever messaged me after they looked at my profile. I'm still a bit ticked I spent all that money and I didn't even end up chatting with anyone. Not that I didn't try, because I sent quiite a few messages myself. But...nothing.

And starting a club might be fun, but who would I invite? I don't have any friends to actually start it. We do have a local bar association and I'm going to try and get my co-worker to go with me (because, again, I'm too shy to do that alone), but who knows.

Honestly, it's really starting to take its toll.

 

[Michie]

Ha! If you're over 60, maybe. Because that's the general age of people in the parish.

Maybe in your Parish but not in mine. We have young Catholic singles groups, Theology on Tap, etc.

They travel to concerts, etc. A few have gotten together with other singles groups in the area, last outing was to a Catholics singles group in Lafayette. Purdue is there, lots to do.

We have no Catholic singles groups for over 60.

 

[princess_ballet]

Maybe in your Parish but not in mine. We have young Catholic singles groups, Theology on Tap, etc.

They travel to concerts, etc. A few have gotten together with other singles groups in the area, last outing was to a Catholics singles group in Lafayette. Purdue is there, lots to do.

We have no Catholic singles groups for over 60.

You are too far from me, actually.

Even in the parish by the college there was only a singles group for those over 50. Our parish is super small (due to a series of bad priests...) and we're lucky to have 50 people at mass on Sunday. And they're all old. And I mean, really old. Not just like the people at work.

It wouldn't even be possible to START one....

 

[Michie]

You are too far from me, actually.

Even in the parish by the college there was only a singles group for those over 50. Our parish is super small (due to a series of bad priests...) and we're lucky to have 50 people at mass on Sunday. And they're all old. And I mean, really old. Not just like the people at work.

It wouldn't even be possible to START one....

Have you thought about talking to your priest about it? There are probably many that left & may come back because of something like this. He can hook you up with other groups he may know of & go from there. That's the thing, our singles group mingles with other singles groups in our diocese so just because the picking are slim where you are that does not mean that is going to be the case. The key to these Catholic singles groups is networking with other parishes & going to events. Theology on Tap, concerts, etc. You could give it a shot & see what he says.

 

[princess_ballet]

Have you thought about talking to your priest about it? There are probably many that left & may come back because of something like this. He can hook you up with other groups he may know of & go from there. That's the thing, our singles group mingles with other singles groups in our diocese so just because the picking are slim where you are that does not mean that is going to be the case. The key to these Catholic singles groups is networking with other parishes & going to events. Theology on Tap, concerts, etc. You could give it a shot & see what he says.

I suppose it's an idea. He's pretty new though, so I don't know how much he's even networked.

 

[Michie]

I suppose it's an idea. He's pretty new though, so I don't know how much he's even networked.

If he is out of the loop he can contact other priests in the know. Get some good advise that way.

 

[Wolseley]

Wow, I know what that's like....I've been there. There were times when I despaired that I would ever meet anyone I was compatible with. I dated a few girls in college, but I went to college after eight years of military service, and they were all straight out of high school; not exactly totally incompatible, but there was a culture gap there.

You could do what I did, I guess----sign up with Matchmaker International. That's how I met my wife, and we're going on sixteen years now.

Best $1400.00 I ever spent.

 

[WarriorAngel]

Volunteering at Church - the more they see you the more they will warm up to you.
Of course thats really how one acquires friends at all - being in a group setting frequently. Perhaps an interest or hobby sparks similar interests and slowly opening up - after 'several' weeks of chit chat.

Met my friends in every walk of life. I am a listener... which is important in friendship.
I also have a knack for empathy - which is inborn and nothing i can help. Sometimes its a highly valued asset - so few appreciate while others do.

If you listen and dont repeat what is told to you - you will make many friends. Listening is an art. And it really means 'hearing' others.
Eventually you will come out of your shell and be able to share with those who are obviously trustworthy.

If you 'hear' gossip - red flag. They wont treat you differently.
If they are able to open up about themselves - thats a start. So long as other ppl arent being mocked.

 

[WarriorAngel]

On that note; you will be used. For an ear... but thts ok. These are the very slow forming friendships. Being a friend is an important ingredient - rather than just wanting a friend.

Thats the secret after all. Being a friend - rather than just collecting a friend. Which means cards when they are sick, meals if they are down, listening for hours, giving them a lift - but it all comes back around - so dont ever 'feel' you are used because in the end - if all you do is help ppl - you will be cherished more than you know - because not everyone will tell you that.

Its usually - sadly - the funeral of the helper - that tells all.

 

[MikeK]

What do you do when you're not working? What is your passion? Do you while away your free hours in the woods or on the water or in the fields? Are you an artist? A performing musician? Do you like to fix up old cars or vollunteer in soup kitchens, prisons or homeless shelters? Whatever your passion is, look for others who share it. If you don't do much of anything outside of work, don't expect people to be lining up to spend time with you. Find your passion and there you'll find your friends.

 

[InnerPhyre]

Have you tried World of Warcraft?