Which church?

[Belledandy]

This is a question me and my husband have been asking ourselves lately.
We have been part of a church for 3 years and we were thrown in at the deep end with duties and pcc meetings and found that it sucked the spirit out of us.
It's a fairly traditional c of e church with the majority congregation age of over 60.
We have hit barriers in the past with wanting to bring in a few modern songs and wanting to stick to the bible
There are a few minor few that also want this but we feel like we are hitting a brick wall.

We left the church after an alteration with the clergy. But now after trying several churchs and not settling we have found our way back there.
Change seems to be on the horrizion, with the vicar admitting that change has to happen as he wants to bring in a younger audience.

We just wanted one modern song on the one all age worship. The vicar asked the few parents that come to the new all age worship once a month what they want, and they think it's great, being in that rainbows and unicorns stage. But we've been there for 3 years with every service exactly the same, barely been able to keep our eyes open. He listens to the parents but hasn't listened to anything we've proposed. I know that we can't change the church, and I wouldn't want it to change its identity, but it's identity should be christ, instead we use the same litegy, the same 1800's hymns and have watered down sermon with no teaching.

I feel as if God has brought us back to the church and I feel the spirit almost shouting out of me that things must change in this church. We have a lot of friends in this church and it feels like home, but I can't feel God there, jesus is rarely mentioned after the service, and that hurts.

Also I feel the congregation is in no way wanting the church to modernise as most of them openly admit they hate children and some are more than willing to chastise you for what you wear or how my husband has his beard, on a number of occasions exclaiming he must be Jewish.
But these people will surly put anyone wanting to be christians off coming to church.

I'm so confused and don't really know what to do?
Should we just leave the church and never look Back? Or should we stay and work with it?
If we left where can we go? We've been to the other churches in our local area, it's only a small town. We would have to try over 20 miles alway, and what denomination?

I really want to find a church that fills me and my husband spiritually, where I can feel the spirit moving, that actually makes us want to go to church. I don't want to seem like I'm moaning, I just feel passionate about finding a church that sticks to the bible, that sticks to why we are all there.

I'm not sure if this is in the right section on the forum, I haven't added a thread before and I couldn't really find a better category.

 

[Ignatius the Kiwi]

What do you mean by spiritually filling? Do you mean, being lifted up, feeling elated?

 

[PloverWing]

Since you refer to "c of e", I assume you're attending an Anglican church in the UK. I'm Episcopalian, so I'm in the American branch of the same general church tradition.

Given everything you've said, I think it would be ideal if your family could stay in the church to be an influence for change, if you can stand it. It sounds like there may be a reason that most of the members are over 60. Long-term, that's not healthy; a church that can't pass the faith on to the next generation, and the next, is failing in its job. You have some ideas for how the church can be a good place for you and other people your age, and the vicar would be wise to listen to you.

Liturgy, as you know, is important in the Anglican tradition, so the worship in your parish is going to remain liturgical. Still, that doesn't mean that everything has to be stuck in the 19th century. Many Episcopal churches in the US have been experimenting with different ways to connect with younger members while still staying true to ancient liturgical traditions. Some of these changes/renewals have been: inclusion of some contemporary music in the main worship service; having more than one service on Sundays, one with hymns and one with contemporary music; community service in which the church distributes food to the poor, or helps needy people in some similar way; improved Christian education and Bible study; and meetings that take place outside the church building, in coffee shops or bars, to chat about various topics (troublesome current events, theological questions, personal struggles, etc). Parishes have experimented with various of these, with varying degrees of success. You may have even better ideas of your own. What's important is that the church does need to rethink itself in every generation, and you can be part of that.

Is your bishop helpful at all in this? That is, does your bishop have reaching the under-60 crowd as a priority, and has he/she made any recommendations or started programs with this in mind? If so, you might be able to say to your vicar "Bishop Smith said _____, and I think it's a good idea; what do you think?" I ask, because it's one of my own bishop's priorities, and I think it's also important to the current Archbishop of Canterbury.

You might also post your question in the Scripture, Tradition, Reason forum, to see if any UK Anglicans can offer advice from their specific experiences in the Church of England.

 

[Albion]

Belledandy, the problem is a common one and I suspect that you will not be able to bring about enough changes to satisfy your longing.

That's just what I think the odds are. So you either will have to find another church that has a different profile and style or else learn to live with half a loaf, presuming that you're willing to take on the responsibility yourselves for overseeing some of these changes (if they're permitted at all) and that you will be satisfied enough when they don't go as far as you'd prefer. Frankly, this usually tends to wear down the people who are in that kind of position.

 

[Angela James]

I think your desire to find a church that centers on the bible and is passionate about Jesus is Holy Spirit inspired. Keep praying a about it and see where the Lord leads you.

 

[Belledandy]

Thank you for your responses, I attended the church this morning on my own as my husband has made his choice of no longer wanting to attend.
And as sad as it sounds I just had to walk out. The church was having a joint service with a few of the Methodist and Baptist churches and it was packed, again though the congregation average age was 70.
I got sat next to a woman who I've known for years, a lovely woman but one who just goes to church as it's what she's done all her life. By about the 6th moan and twitter I'd heard enough.
It's just not the church for me anymore and it's taking me away from God not bringing me closer to him,
Me and my husband have decided to try a few more upbeat churches further a field.
I feel sad but I just want to be in a church where God it at the heart of it. I just want more of jesus!
I feel almost worried for the congregation there... and feel sad for the people who will wander into that church if they want to know jesus. Surely these churches are damaging the Christian faith?

 

[Paidiske]

What I've found, with that style of church, is that often God is at work in people in genuinely significant ways. But it's not a quick or showy process and it requires enormous amounts of patience to be willing to hang in there long enough to see progress.

It sounds as if you're out of local options. It's hard to say more without knowing more about your vicar, but frankly, if you were in my congregation, I'd be keen to have you, because someone with your heart would be my greatest ally. That doesn't mean I'd be able to give you everything you wanted, though... you didn't say how big the congregation is, but I'd be willing to bet significant money your vicar has his hands full negotiating all sorts of things with the matriarchs and patriarchs; the gatekeepers of the congregation.

You mention several times, though, that you think they don't "stick to the Bible" and I'm wondering what you it is that they do that you think is not Biblical? Because that, too, is going to colour what the ultimate answer is for you.

 

[Albion]

I feel almost worried for the congregation there... and feel sad for the people who will wander into that church if they want to know jesus. Surely these churches are damaging the Christian faith?

We sympathize with you and your husband. Unfortunately, this is the state of much of modern Christianity. There are indeed alternatives, but most of them come with a down side as well as gains. For example, some of the churches that attract younger people are also the ones who give off the most sophistry in the preaching.

I am aware, however, that there are some churches to be found that (I think) are close to what you are seeking. So, don't give up yet. If you are writing from the UK, however, I'm not knowledgable enough to advise you better on that, and I always try to avoid suggesting some denomination that has plenty of American congregations but almost none in the UK.

 

[PloverWing]

@Belledandy , I'm sorry the church has not been a good place for you. I wish you well in your journey, and I hope you find a place in which you can worship and serve God.

 

[Phil 1:21]

Belledandy,

I can very much relate to your struggle. Your church sounds a lot like one I previously attended. I thank the Lord each and every day that he guided me out of it and into a church that teaches from the Bible (the Bile, the whole Bible, and nothing but the Bible ). Whereas attending service was once something I had to do, now I view it as something I get to do. I wish you the best of luck in whatever the Lord guides you to do.

 

[1watchman]

Thank you for your responses, I attended the church this morning on my own as my husband has made his choice of no longer wanting to attend.
And as sad as it sounds I just had to walk out. The church was having a joint service with a few of the Methodist and Baptist churches and it was packed, again though the congregation average age was 70.
I got sat next to a woman who I've known for years, a lovely woman but one who just goes to church as it's what she's done all her life. By about the 6th moan and twitter I'd heard enough.
It's just not the church for me anymore and it's taking me away from God not bringing me closer to him,
Me and my husband have decided to try a few more upbeat churches further a field.
I feel sad but I just want to be in a church where God it at the heart of it. I just want more of jesus!
I feel almost worried for the congregation there... and feel sad for the people who will wander into that church if they want to know jesus. Surely these churches are damaging the Christian faith?

Well, I am not clear as to all you might want, but if you want Jesus Christ above all and highly esteem the Bible and "all the counsel of God", as the Apostle Paul exhorted, you can read about that at the very sound site: www.biblecounsel.net to see if that meets your longings. Depending where you live, there might be a Bible-only fellowship nearby which values what God ordained, and not the innovations of men. Write me anytime at my profile: Conversations.

 

[Ave Maria]

Have you considered the Catholic Church?