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[bèlla]

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[Unofficial Reverand Alex]

Very good post & question!

I don't know if I have a well-made hierarchical list of traits I seek. Some of the more practical things to consider are matters like where to live or what sort of lifestyle the other has. I think these are things God values, as such matters involve the way He made the world. Not everyone lives in the same city, not everyone is at the same point in life, and bringing these in line with romantic attractions can bring much more fulfillment & less stress to a shared life.

What constitutes 'enough'? Well, my usual list is female, straight, single! Honestly, I don't know how I would define enough, in this sense. As I've been writing & thinking about your excellent question, I suppose my #2 trait to look for is open, endless conversation. If we're going to be in it with the goal of a lifetime commitment, we need to trust each other, understand each other, and even when we don't understand (I don't know if humans are capable of fully understanding another), still being able to communicate well would certainly be a blessing.

I have a Theology professor that talked about a 30th anniversary of his aunt & uncle. The uncle began his short speech by saying to his longtime wife, "I love you more today than the day I married you." He continued, "But I still don't understand you!" We don't have to understand why someone likes pineapple on their pizza, why they can't let something happen without feeling the need to voice their opinion, why things I don't care about are so fascinating to another. The ability to work through all this, still striving for the good of the other, still remembering your own value...that's something truly beautiful.

I realize now that I strayed from the initial idea of open communication. I also realize that the mentality of dating to marry & making the relationship work may be the fundamental necessity of everything I just listed. Congratulations, @Bèlla , you made me think out loud & trip over myself, while still getting a deeper understanding in the process!

A few things that I mentioned earlier are from personal experience. There was a girl I liked who feels so right in rural Kentucky, like this is the perfect area that God set aside for her. I feel the same way around Chicago. As much as we like each other, there just isn't a good compromise here! We still talk & support each other, praying for each other & discussing the people we take a liking to. We have a beautiful friendship that grew out of a mutual attraction, and while it frustrates me at times, I know this is an incredibly valuable gift.

Another issue I'm facing is being a senior in college. It's really only a matter of months until I'm out in "the real world". My plans are to do a Year of Service program in Chicago, do a few more after that, then go to Byzantine Catholic seminary, which may take me to Pittsburgh for a few years. This lifestyle I'm set up for makes dating difficult; I don't know if many girls would be willing to follow me around the country like this. Yet I understand that this is the lifestyle God has called me to, and if marriage really is my vocation, He will provide. In due time, I keep telling myself...in due time.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Oh, this is one of those areas in life that I leave for God to craft out. I just have so many other things to take care of, that I deal with what I can personally influence and leave the sociocultural stuff to Him.

And there's so many people that I'm yet to meet - it can literally take one of them to change my entire outlook. What is true now probably won't be this time next year.

Mental expediency - that's the goal. With some things I just want an easy life.

 

[GospelS]

Has God told me- “Do not be afraid to take this man as your husband”?

That’s all that matters to me. Even if I have to be another Hosea.

How God tells me? IDK. I just need Him to show me and confirm that it is indeed Him telling me and not someone disguising to be an angel of light. If it is so then God will make a way that doesn’t contradict His word. He will give me the understanding that honors Him.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

My situation is not like most people. As for that one companion, I've sought God and God alone for. In return, He's given me a pretty concise profile of who she will be. And in that, I trust He has and will mold her into the particulars that He desires and that I will need. I don't concern myself with those. All I need to focus on is being and becoming the man of God the Lord has called me to be. Everything else will be taken care of.

Now as far as Christian connections and so forth, that's a different story. I don't release just everything to every professing believer I come across. For one thing, their destiny might not line up with mine. And even though they love God and will be in Heaven when they pass, that doesn't mean our races match. However, even though it's not a practical thing now, there's coming a time when I'm going to have to be even more discerning with who I share things with. I believe it's very important to know who we fellowship with and do business with. Because God has told us we are stewards. But ultimately it's not according to what we don't know but what we know.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Has God told me- “Do not be afraid to take this man as your husband”?

That’s all that matters to me. Even if I have to be another Hosea.

That's wild. I know a guy (a prophet type) who God called early on a "Hosea". Years later, the bottom fell out in his marriage and his wife (who was professing to be a Christian, even in ministry, wanted a divorce) It's interesting talking to him though. He told me once that God asked him if he loved Him more than these (John 21:15) and he admitted to me that he pleaded with the Lord not to ask him that. Of course later on that was when he said his wife wanted a divorce with stipulations to never contact her or get anyone else he knew to contact her.

It's easy to call something like that strange, but I guess Peter said not to think it that when persecutions and attacks come. /shrugs

 

[MehGuy]

I draw the line on women who are feminists/sjws. If she thinks her gender studies course was a positive enlightening experience I am out. Surprisingly I have attracted such types of women before. She has to be somewhat attractive and feminine. She also needs to have a good head on her shoulders (and be able to think outside the box and not just parrot things she learned in college/school) and not be psychologically messed up.

I don't think these are unreasonable lines.

 

[GospelS]

He told me once that God asked him if he loved Him more than these (John 21:15) and he admitted to me that he pleaded with the Lord not to ask him that.

Why did he pleaded the Lord not to ask him that?

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Why did he pleaded the Lord not to ask him that?

IDK. Next time I see him I'll ask that. He took a trip to Pensacola, Florida and will be back some time shortly after the election.

 

[bèlla]

.

 

[GospelS]

It's easy to call something like that strange, but I guess Peter said not to think it that when persecutions and attacks come. /shrugs

Right. I think God helps us and gives us the understanding we need when He asks us to do certain strange things.

Joseph, being a just man, and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly. But while he thought about these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take to you Mary your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit”. Matthew 1:19-20

Mary said, “Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.” Luke 1:38

In those days, people might have ridiculed or looked down upon Joseph. It must have seemed strange to everyone. Same with Hosea’s story. Joseph drew his line but then he did as the Lord commanded. Mary submitted to what was spoken through the angel. She was betrothed but she believed God will take care of everything else.

A simple faith and obedience rooted in truth of God gives us strength to do great things and endure all things. People, including the believers, have no idea how much more God’s children will receive if we only have faith and a willing heart that we ought to have. I believe many are not free from themselves or really gave their everything to Christ.

 

[Junia]

As Christians, our first criteria in seeking a companion is spiritual compatibility. But what comes afterward? As you gather your thoughts and consider the qualities the bible speaks favorably of. Where do you draw the line?

Some term this 'good enough' but I'm going a step further. Is your line on par with God's? Are you emphasizing the qualities He values or confusing yours with His?

Have you considered the possibility your must-haves may be meaningless? Are you willing to reconsider your perspective?

Question: How do you define 'enough' for your relationships (or future connections)?

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

other things to consider:

do you have interests in common?

will you be able to enjoy spending time together just enjoying each other's company? You need to be friends as well as partners

If you want children, do they also want them? Can you agree on what size family? Methods of family planning?


who will be the main breadwinner?

 

[Junia]

Compatibility of IQ very important also. don't marry someone dull, however many other good qualities they have