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Where do you draw the line?

Discussion in 'For New Christians' started by JesusIsLife, Sep 25, 2002.

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  1. JesusIsLife

    JesusIsLife New Member

    78
    +0
    Christian
    Where do you draw the line when you and some family members feel you are being walked all over and used by another family member?

    This is the situation.  My sister is legally blind.  She has always been catered to all her life, especially when my mom was alive.  After she passed away she went down hill.  We tried to get her out of the house, but she would always back out.  She recently moved to Austin to attend Chris Cole Rehabiltation, and the point of this is to build her confindence.  She has to do everything during the day with a blindfold, which includes walking to bus stops, crossing streets, ect.  We by all means want to help her in everyway we can, but we are beginning to feel a little burned out.  She hardly ever calls unless she needs something.  She has made us feel bad by stating she didn't feel that she belonged while she was her, and that my other sister and I left her out.  I know this is not true, we ALWAYS asked her to go anywhere we went, she was the one who always backed out.

    Secondly, both of our husbands can see it too.  It frustrates them.  Like this last weekend when she was coming down.  She never called me and said she was going to come and stay with us and assumed that we would take her to the bus stop.  Again, we have no problem with this, but a little respect would be nice.  I tried to call her to get the info. about everything and she put me on hold and never came back.  She just comes down to get her hair done, and then goes back home. 

    She has a lot of negative feelings inside her.  She holds everything in and holds grudges in a bad way.  My feeling is that the last thing she needs is anymore negative, but a lot of love.  Which leads me to should we still continue to cater to her or should we put our foot down on some things.  There are many, many more instances that I could bring up, but it would take a lot of typing.  As a Christian, I want to do what is right and set a good example, especially for the rest of my non christian family.  I don't want to turn her away, and give her the wrong impression.  I try to ask myself WWJD, and I think he would obviously help her, but would he draw the line? 

    Any advice would be great!
     
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  2. Athlon4all

    Athlon4all I'm offline indefintely

    525
    +1
    Hi Jesusislife. it really seems like you have on your hands a tough situation for you. You ask would Jesus draw a line? I think the answer is no. He would Love her no matter what. Jesus has shown us unconditional love, and he wants us to "love our neighbor as ourselves" (Matt 22:39).

    This is something that all of us struggle with, day in day out, with loving our neighbor as ourselves. Remember something, we are servants of God, not of man, and we serve God by Loving man.

    I will b e praying for you and your sister and the whole situation. And I would encourage you to pray. Ephesians 6:18 "Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit" Don't try to do it yourself. We can act godly only by Jesus' Grace. We can do nothing without him. Also, be in the word Romans 10:17 "Faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the word of God"

    Think of it this way, the Devil really wants us to not love God (and by not loving man, we are not loving God). We need to stand up against the devil, but again, we can do it only by God.

    Again, I will be praying for you and this situation. God Bless ya!!!
     
  3. AnnMercy2

    AnnMercy2 Goofball

    +48
    Non-Denom
    Single
    US-Republican
    I'll be praying for you :pray: It is so hard sometimes to let a person you love with all your heart to let them do things on their own and learn. Your sister is really struggling to find herself after being waited on all her life. It's something that takes time. It's like when a person moves out of the house and is on their own for the first time. It's struggle to get out in the real world and fend for yourself. I can't imagine how scared your sister must be. Not only blind but on her own. And she might be still trying to deal with her grief over losing mom. And sometimes we just don't know where to direct our anger and sometimes we take it out on the wrong person. I think I can totally understand her anger and fustration. It's got to be so hard. It's going to take a lot of prayer and patience. But God will do his work in her and it will be okay. I will continue to lift you and your family up in prayer. I hope what I have felt lead to type here will help, and I always give my favorite verse for when people are struggling, I hope this lifts your spirits.

    Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall wait and not faint.

    May the Lord Bless you and your family :)

    In Christ,
    Anna
     
  4. JesusIsLife

    JesusIsLife New Member

    78
    +0
    Christian
    Thank you both for your replies.  I agree, I don't think Jesus would draw the line either.  I love her to death, and feel for her as well.  I know the many struggles she has been going through, and it saddens me that she hasn't given God the oppurtunity to take care of them. 

    Next month, after she graduates from Chris Cole, she will probably be  coming to stay with us from a month to six months, we have no idea.  I told her she could stay as long as she needed, I am kinda hoping she will get some money set aside and get herself in a good postion before she moves out on her own.  She can only work part time becuase of disabiltiy.  My BIGGEST hope is that if she stays with us, we can get her to start going to chruch with us.  If we can get that far, I will be doing a lot of fasting and praying....whatever it takes.  She will be in  a house full of God's spirit, so hopefully we will just rub off!!!!

    Thanks again for you help, I wanted to make sure I had a handle on things before she came.  Now I just need to be patient, and give as much love to her as I can! :pray:
     
  5. Blessed-one

    Blessed-one a long journey ahead

    +172
    Protestant
    Single
    i'll be praying. Sounds like your sister needs time to think and sort things out, it's hard on you and her too, but don't give up on her. Maybe you can spell it out for her clearly and ask her nicely to respect your feelings..... sometimes a direct move may be best but then that depends on how close you guys are.
     
  6. JesusIsLife

    JesusIsLife New Member

    78
    +0
    Christian
    We are pretty close, but whew, she can be tough one to live with.  She is diabetic, which causes mood swings (look out), and which is the cause of all her medical problems.  Yes, she has lots of things she needs to sort out. 
     
  7. sbbqb7n16

    sbbqb7n16 Veteran - Blue Bible Dude

    +155
    Christian
    Single
    2 Thessalonians 3:6-13 :D

    And maybe you should ask if she could call before coming down, or randomly say, "Hey you know you're welcome to come if you'd like." I'm sure if you do this "with all gentleness and respect" then she shouldn't have a problem. :) Just tell her you'd like to get ready for her arrival :) Hope my advice helps some. Have a great day!
     
  8. Blessed-one

    Blessed-one a long journey ahead

    +172
    Protestant
    Single
    she sure has lots of problems, and she needs help too.

    Does she believe in God?
     
  9. JesusIsLife

    JesusIsLife New Member

    78
    +0
    Christian
    Well, I can obviously not judge what is in her heart....but from what I hear (from her) NO!  She said that along time ago, "she said the prayer" but many times she has also stated that she didn't believe, or think she would ever be able to believe in her heart, and that scares her.  I know it is good that she did say the prayer, but I just hope at that time it was from her heart and not because she felt she had to becuase the pastor made her feel that way!  Again, I cannot judge what is in her heart. 

    My biggest hope and prayer is that she does come stay with us, and we can get her to go to chruch with us.
     
  10. Blessed-one

    Blessed-one a long journey ahead

    +172
    Protestant
    Single
    does it sound like there's resentment in her heart? i'm glad that God is motivating you to love your sister, keep praying for guidance.
     
  11. JesusIsLife

    JesusIsLife New Member

    78
    +0
    Christian
     :(   there is a lot of resentment.  She always holds grudges, doesn't forgive, and gets angered very easily.  If she would just lay it at the feet of Jesus, oh how things would be so much better for her.  She's not married, and has a few friends so she doesn't have a lot of people to talk to.  She knows she can always talk with us, but she wants someone other than family.  It has always been a big thing in my family not to talk with counslers, ect.  My moms saying was always "there are four wall on a house for a reason, to keep everything in".  It's sad but that just about how all of us are, we don't always feel comfortable sharing or more so maybe afraid to.  God, has His work cut out for Him, but my pastor always say those are the ones He likes best.
     
  12. Blessed-one

    Blessed-one a long journey ahead

    +172
    Protestant
    Single
    isn't there a group of something that she can join? people in similar condition?

    or organization of Christians that have activities for people of her "disabilities"? she needs to get in touch with people other than family members..... (so that she can feel useful again, and give her some confidence in herself)

    sorry, i'm not of much help here.
     
  13. DaveKerwin

    DaveKerwin Represent the Most High

    +125
    Christian
    Married
    If she is not a christain, I recommend showing her the love of Christ by your service to her. If you feel the need to put a stop to some of the bad behavior, then approach her very humbly and just explain to her how it makes you feel in those situations. If you feel hurt by her because she only calls when she wants something, then tell her that. But also tell her that you love her and that you want to do what you can to be there for her. God bless you !
     
  14. Rising_Suns

    Rising_Suns 'Christ's desolate heart is in need of comfort'

    +770
    Catholic
    Jesus has also shown "tough love"..and it seems there should be a little of that in this case.

    Yes, help her and love her..but as soon as she begins to affect your ability to love others and Christ, you need to step up. She has been catered to all her life, so that's all she really knows...she will continue to lean on you and drain you even more if you do not draw a line.

    Draw that line..and draw it clear in your mind so when she crosses it, you will know and be ready.
     
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