Where did you live after you got married?

[dluvs2trvl]

I moved about 4 hours from home after my marriage on April 10th. I am having a bit of a difficult time adjusting. I had only ever lived in my hometown and I am really missing my friends and family. I love being with my husband, don't get me wrong, but I miss not being able to call up my sisters and go to lunch or go to dinner and a movie with my friends. (The good news is we are going back to visit this coming weekend )

My husband has lots of connections here because he has lived in this area for 25 years. His kids are here, his church is here, his friends are here, etc. I feel a little bit like I lost my life and am just trying to fit into his. I know that really we are building OUR life but at the moment it doesn't feel that way

If you moved away from home, how did you adjust? What did you do to make friends? How long before you felt like 'this' was home?

Sorry...don't mean to be a debbie-downer...just struggling a bit at the moment

 

[Luther073082]

Don't worry, Melissa is too. Although she did move a bit further. 17 hours by car.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Yes, I've been having homesickness issues. It was really bad at first, then got better, then I found out my dog is probably about to die so right now it is bad again. I am going home in two weeks and hopefully he will still be around then. If you want to talk PM me on facebook because I think I can really relate to what you're going through.

 

[LovesToBless]

dluvs, it's great to see you again, and congratulations!

I'm sorry I can't relate in that I didn't move away from the area when I married, and I still live in the same area now.

But...I've suffered a LOT of loss from various circumstances, including my mom's death and I've found the Lord is driving me more and more to Himself. So, I'd encourage you (and Melissa too) to use this time to continue to build your relationship with Him, as well as your new husbands.

We had a very peaceful 1st month of our marriage and then a lot started going wrong in various areas of life. For example, my company that was booming and had a huge party to celebrate (the day before my wedding) had a sudden turn around due to their biggest client. I almost lost my job, which we were counting on. Then there started to be extended family illnesses...things that impacted us literally for years.

So...without sounding like I'm minimizing your alone time, let me encourage you that this "quiet" season may very well be a time the Lord will use as one of great building for you two, that you can look back at fondly in the future. He will truly make your husband your best friend.

We are finally getting that kind of time now...and it's nice.

 

[California Dreamin']

I moved next door.... DH had an apartment in the building next year for about a year before our wedding.

 

[immersedingrace]

I moved about 4 hours from home I moved about 3 hours from my family & friends after my marriage on April 10th. I am having a bit of a difficult time adjusting. I had only ever lived in my hometown and I am really missing my friends and family. I love being with my husband, don't get me wrong, but I miss not being able to call up my sisters and go to lunch or go to dinner and a movie with my friends. (The good news is we are going back to visit this coming weekend )

My husband has lots of connections here because he has lived in this area for 25 years. My husband lived here his entire life - 40+ years His kids are here, his church is here, his friends are here, etc. I feel a little bit like I lost my life and am just trying to fit into his. I know that really we are building OUR life but at the moment it doesn't feel that way Yep, totally understand.

how did you adjust? Still adjusting
What did you do to make friends? I'm a loner so haven't really made any friends in the almost three years I've been here
How long before you felt like 'this' was home? It's NEVER going to feel like it's home but what made it feel like our house is more of our home is putting my touches on it. It was very much a bachelor pad before.

Could you possibly get involved in a club or do some volunteer work that he is NOT involved in just so you feel you have something of your own? My hubby & I are pretty attached at the hip and my getting a part-time job babysitting was a real good thing for us.

 

[Autumnleaf]

My wife landed at LAX at night. We drove to the roach infested apartment I was renting in 29 Palms that night. I had to go to work early, but when she woke up and saw a whole lot of nothing outside she cried.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

You know, in spite of how much I miss my family, friends, and job in FL -- I'm glad I don't live there. It is too hot and if we lived there we'd probably have to deal with roaches and scorpions, since pretty much everyone has them from time to time. Also, places to live are a lot more expensive there.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Yes, I've been having homesickness issues. It was really bad at first, then got better, then I found out my dog is probably about to die so right now it is bad again. I am going home in two weeks and hopefully he will still be around then. If you want to talk PM me on facebook because I think I can really relate to what you're going through.

I'll be praying that your dog is still there when you get home so you can say your good-byes and yes, I would love to talk with you sometime about all of the adjustments we are both going thru!

dluvs, it's great to see you again, and congratulations!

I'm sorry I can't relate in that I didn't move away from the area when I married, and I still live in the same area now.

But...I've suffered a LOT of loss from various circumstances, including my mom's death and I've found the Lord is driving me more and more to Himself. So, I'd encourage you (and Melissa too) to use this time to continue to build your relationship with Him, as well as your new husbands.

We had a very peaceful 1st month of our marriage and then a lot started going wrong in various areas of life. For example, my company that was booming and had a huge party to celebrate (the day before my wedding) had a sudden turn around due to their biggest client. I almost lost my job, which we were counting on. Then there started to be extended family illnesses...things that impacted us literally for years.

So...without sounding like I'm minimizing your alone time, let me encourage you that this "quiet" season may very well be a time the Lord will use as one of great building for you two, that you can look back at fondly in the future. He will truly make your husband your best friend.

We are finally getting that kind of time now...and it's nice.

Thank you for that encouraging word! Nathan and I have been thru a lot of stress in our first two months of marriage, starting with his mother passing away the day before our wedding...so I should be thankful for this quiet time and being able to just focus on my new husband and my new life here in Washington

I moved next door.... DH had an apartment in the building next year for about a year before our wedding.

Awwww...when did you guys get married? Congratulations! I know it was a pretty rocky road to the altar for you guys

 

[dluvs2trvl]

how did you adjust? Still adjusting
What did you do to make friends? I'm a loner so haven't really made any friends in the almost three years I've been here
How long before you felt like 'this' was home? It's NEVER going to feel like it's home but what made it feel like our house is more of our home is putting my touches on it. It was very much a bachelor pad before.

Could you possibly get involved in a club or do some volunteer work that he is NOT involved in just so you feel you have something of your own? My hubby & I are pretty attached at the hip and my getting a part-time job babysitting was a real good thing for us.

Yes, I would like to find something to become a part of that is just my own. Even if it is just taking a scrapbooking class on a Saturday or helping out at a foodbank or whatever. I know that would be a great way for me to meet people and to start feeling like I have a 'life' again and I love putting my touch on our home! We just finished decorating and setting up our guestroom and it is totally girly and me It feels good to know we have a place where guests can come and stay with us now

My wife landed at LAX at night. We drove to the roach infested apartment I was renting in 29 Palms that night. I had to go to work early, but when she woke up and saw a whole lot of nothing outside she cried.

No offense but if that was what I woke up to, I'd cry too

You know, in spite of how much I miss my family, friends, and job in FL -- I'm glad I don't live there. It is too hot and if we lived there we'd probably have to deal with roaches and scorpions, since pretty much everyone has them from time to time. Also, places to live are a lot more expensive there.

Yes, there are a lot of positives that I have found here in WA too! I love the area. It is so beautiful and green. We live in a small town which is nice but are close to several big cities which is nice too because there is a lot more to do and see here than where I used to live. I love our home. It is just the right size for us and I love my new job and the people that I work with.

Nathan and I just started doing a daily devotional that focuses on thankfulness and gratefulness. It is a good reminder to me to be thankful for what I DO have and not pine so much for what is past

 

[epiclesis]

I moved from New York to Oregon when we got married last September. Born and raised in the same town in NY, and grew up an only child. I can honestly say though that it wasn't as hard of a move as I thought it would be.

I remember the first couple of weeks feeling like a stranger in a house that didn't belong to me, but only when I was here by myself. I remember trying to feel so comfortable here that it was my new life that I chose, and it was difficult. I was unpacking all of my stuff, and trying to make the kitchen how I wanted it, and clean the house how I wanted it... and had a hard time. I felt a little uncomfortable roaming through things I found, or trying to clean out closets and such. My husband lived in this house during the time he was with ex-girlfriends as well. I would find random things that were theirs that got left here years and years ago and feel uncomfortable about it. Then I convinced myself that it was me that my husband chose to marry and be with forever, and I eventually got over it.
I never expressed these feelings to my husband, but he is always very sweet and comforting about everything in life, so I knew he would be saying the right thing to make me feel happy here that I made the right choice.
I tried to get a job for something to do, but that just never worked out. We got here in late September after our honeymoon and driving cross country, and I got pregnant in November. After that, I just didn't care how I felt anymore, because I knew it was all a mix of irrational stuff and hormones! lol
My mother in law lives here and stops by often, and that's helpful, and we get along great and she's very easy to talk to. I kind of stole my husband's friend who is married with five kids... she's fantastic and we get along great, so we do things as often as possible together. She introduced me to a Bible study weekly that I go to the majority of the time, which is filled with other wives and moms, and a great group. Niece also has lived here for the last year for school, but is leaving to go back to cali in a couple weeks, so I've been highly involved in her life too quite often.

It's all about keeping busy, making your new home comfortable and the way you want it... and eventually I believe it becomes the new normal, and that's usually enough.

 

[LovesToBless]

I'll be praying that your dog is still there when you get home so you can say your good-byes and yes, I would love to talk with you sometime about all of the adjustments we are both going thru!
Thank you for that encouraging word! Nathan and I have been thru a lot of stress in our first two months of marriage, starting with his mother passing away the day before our wedding...so I should be thankful for this quiet time and being able to just focus on my new husband and my new life here in Washington


Awwww...when did you guys get married? Congratulations! I know it was a pretty rocky road to the altar for you guys

Dluvs~ Oh my goodness! I can't believe your husband lost him mom the day before your wedding! Wow! I can't imagine how difficult that must have been. I'm so sorry to hear that and that you've also had a lot of other stress in addition. That's very hard. It doesn't sound like you're going through a quiet time at all. I didn't realize any of that from your original post, and that's why I phrased it the way I did.

 

[Aibrean]

About 5 minutes from my parents, 30 minutes from his. We'd both been living with our parents and I saved up enough to put down over 20% on a house.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

I moved from New York to Oregon when we got married last September. Born and raised in the same town in NY, and grew up an only child. I can honestly say though that it wasn't as hard of a move as I thought it would be.

I remember the first couple of weeks feeling like a stranger in a house that didn't belong to me, but only when I was here by myself. I remember trying to feel so comfortable here that it was my new life that I chose, and it was difficult. I was unpacking all of my stuff, and trying to make the kitchen how I wanted it, and clean the house how I wanted it... and had a hard time. I felt a little uncomfortable roaming through things I found, or trying to clean out closets and such. My husband lived in this house during the time he was with ex-girlfriends as well. I would find random things that were theirs that got left here years and years ago and feel uncomfortable about it. Then I convinced myself that it was me that my husband chose to marry and be with forever, and I eventually got over it.
I never expressed these feelings to my husband, but he is always very sweet and comforting about everything in life, so I knew he would be saying the right thing to make me feel happy here that I made the right choice.
I tried to get a job for something to do, but that just never worked out. We got here in late September after our honeymoon and driving cross country, and I got pregnant in November. After that, I just didn't care how I felt anymore, because I knew it was all a mix of irrational stuff and hormones! lol
My mother in law lives here and stops by often, and that's helpful, and we get along great and she's very easy to talk to. I kind of stole my husband's friend who is married with five kids... she's fantastic and we get along great, so we do things as often as possible together. She introduced me to a Bible study weekly that I go to the majority of the time, which is filled with other wives and moms, and a great group. Niece also has lived here for the last year for school, but is leaving to go back to cali in a couple weeks, so I've been highly involved in her life too quite often.

It's all about keeping busy, making your new home comfortable and the way you want it... and eventually I believe it becomes the new normal, and that's usually enough.

That is a wonderful story! Thank you for sharing it with me What part of Oregon are you in? I moved from a small town in southern Oregon about 40 minutes from the CA border.

You are right about making our home comfortable and just sort of plugging along. We got our guest room done this last weekend and I absolutely LOVE how it turned out. It is totally my style and we used my old bed set and painted the walls the colors that we used in the wedding (yellow and periwinkle blue ) Here are a couple photos

So I am feeling more like this is becoming our home and not just the home that my husband lived in with his first wife

Dluvs~ Oh my goodness! I can't believe your husband lost him mom the day before your wedding! Wow! I can't imagine how difficult that must have been. I'm so sorry to hear that and that you've also had a lot of other stress in addition. That's very hard. It doesn't sound like you're going through a quiet time at all. I didn't realize any of that from your original post, and that's why I phrased it the way I did.

Yeah...it was a pretty difficult time. We had a lot of stuff going on...in fact I posted a thread about it in singles...here is a link

http://www.christianforums.com/t7470460/

and how you phrased it was really good actually Things have quieted down for us. May not be for reasons that I appreciate - no friends and far away from my family, but still it is a time of quiet which we need and a time for Nathan and I to draw closer together so your perspective was great!

About 5 minutes from my parents, 30 minutes from his. We'd both been living with our parents and I saved up enough to put down over 20% on a house.

You are very lucky to live close to both families and that is awesome that you saved so much for a down payment!!! Good job!

 

[Assisi]

My husband and I lived at home for our 4+ year courtship, then a few months before our wedding he moved away and I followed him after our wedding. Throughout our university years we prayed for a position for him at home, but he got his dream job in the city.

It's been four years, but I still find it hard. Our friends all got jobs in our home town, our parents are there and everyone seems to be carrying on living the lives we had pictured for ourselves - but without us. We go back a lot more than we really should. In our first year of marriage we lost our first baby, then we had a miscarriage, these things added to our difficulty in making friends and settling in and they also made us more isolated from our circle of friends at home. We live in a tiny flat too, so we can't have house guests.

Being a mother with young kids really helps though. I have made some awesome new friends here, and having a baby at church makes people come up and talk to you (much better than being the mourning mother crying at the back!).

I feel really at home here now, it's still in progress for me but I am settled. Earlier this week my husband was faced with the possibility of having to move for his work. It ended up coming to nothing, but it was then I realised that my heart is really held here now. I really really don't want to leave and move back to our hometown.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

D the room pics look very nice!

 

[epiclesis]

That is a wonderful story! Thank you for sharing it with me What part of Oregon are you in? I moved from a small town in southern Oregon about 40 minutes from the CA border.

You are right about making our home comfortable and just sort of plugging along. We got our guest room done this last weekend and I absolutely LOVE how it turned out. It is totally my style and we used my old bed set and painted the walls the colors that we used in the wedding (yellow and periwinkle blue ) Here are a couple photos

I'm just outside Salem.

I can't imagine living down there at the cali border!! My husband and I drove to socal earlier this year to visit his family and it's so desolate down there. lol

It gets better though, I promise. Change can be difficult.


BTW, I forgot to say congratulations in my previous post.
And your room looks fantastic.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

She moved in with me, in the San Diego area. Since we've been married though, we've lived in three different states (excluding my time in San Antonio for basic training)

 

[LovesToBless]

That is a wonderful story! Thank you for sharing it with me What part of Oregon are you in? I moved from a small town in southern Oregon about 40 minutes from the CA border.

You are right about making our home comfortable and just sort of plugging along. We got our guest room done this last weekend and I absolutely LOVE how it turned out. It is totally my style and we used my old bed set and painted the walls the colors that we used in the wedding (yellow and periwinkle blue ) Here are a couple photos

So I am feeling more like this is becoming our home and not just the home that my husband lived in with his first wife

Yeah...it was a pretty difficult time. We had a lot of stuff going on...in fact I posted a thread about it in singles...here is a link

http://www.christianforums.com/t7470460/

and how you phrased it was really good actually Things have quieted down for us. May not be for reasons that I appreciate - no friends and far away from my family, but still it is a time of quiet which we need and a time for Nathan and I to draw closer together so your perspective was great!


You are very lucky to live close to both families and that is awesome that you saved so much for a down payment!!! Good job!

Hi Dluvs ~ I read your responses back when you posted them and read your thread in singles as well. I'm sorry I didn't respond back then, I was getting ready for vacation.

I really like what you did with your guest room. Thanks for showing us the pictures, it came out really well. Great idea to paint colors you used in your wedding...and I love that you could still make use of the furniture you already had...makes it much more personal for you.

I can NOT believe all you 2 went through and right before the wedding! How very overwhelming! I'm glad the families were so helpful and supportive.

And I was so relieved to hear that my wording wasn't an issue. I certainly didn't want to make you feel like I was giving neat advice wrapped up in a little box, and I'm glad that you are finding your growing closer together. Wonderful to hear that!

 

[dallasapple]

We moved 7 minutes from my parents house and 5 minutes from his parents house..

And I still had some "pangs" of homesickness"..But the independence made up for it.

Im still (22 years later) only 7 minutes from my parents..His parents moved a few years ago out into the "woods" LOL..about 3 hours away..(hop skip and a jump).

We had the advantage though of being in a metropolis.

(((HUGS)))

And beautiful pictures..Someone knows how to decorate.

Love

Dallas