• Welcome to Christian Forums
  1. Welcome to Christian Forums, a forum to discuss Christianity in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!

  2. The forums in the Christian Congregations category are now open only to Christian members. Please review our current Faith Groups list for information on which faith groups are considered to be Christian faiths. Christian members please remember to read the Statement of Purpose threads for each forum within Christian Congregations before posting in the forum.

Featured When you realize you are at the end

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Andrew77, May 28, 2019.

  1. Andrew77

    Andrew77 The walking accident Supporter

    +1,218
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    US-Constitution
    Yeah, I don't know what my problem with people is IRL. But obviously I have one, of some sort. I've found that the harder I try to be a "good friend", to my best understanding of what that is, usually results in pain and suffering. So I try not to put any effort into relationships with people at all.

    Oddly, people tend to like me more, when I avoid them at all costs. Sounds completely counter intuitive, does it not?

    For example, I had this Somali girl hang around me for years, and I basically avoided her. No idea how that worked out. Eventually she got married and moved on, but for awhile I felt like I might have been her closest friend, even though I put as little effort into it as possible.

    Similarly, today there's this guy from Bangladesh, who I have basically avoided. He rented a room from me, while he was waiting for his wife to get here, from their country. Through a strange turn of events, I had some of his mail, and when I delivered it, this bouncy giggly woman started gushing all over me about how I helped him out so much. Apparently he's been telling people that I'm his 'brother', and we're like family. She was happy and bouncing around me, acting like I was this amazing person.... I was completely embarrassed.

    However, if I actually try to be friends with people, the end result is devastation. I'm typically stabbed in the back, and deserted. It's happened more times than I can even count now. I remember walking out of church, when I was part of 'small group', and they were meeting at some place I'd never been. One of the people there offered a ride to anyone who didn't know where this place was. Well I didn't know, so I started to follow them to their car. They turned around, looked me in the eye and said "Uh we'll be listening to music you won't like, so you should find your own ride". The statement was clear and undeniable. I went home instead of meeting with the group. That's when I had been in that group for over a year.

    Now obviously this is my fault, and I'm not being sarcastic. Even a fool must conclude that every single person on the face of the Earth can't be evil, and have it out for them. Yet I cannot for the life of me, figure out what I am doing wrong.

    But you will never post anywhere asking about relationship advice, because I have no desire to know anyone, or for anyone to know me. I've accepted this as my lot in life, and the bottom line is, my heart simply can't handle that pain anymore.

    As far as this attitude, I would never do that to anyone in real life. Nothing is more abhorrent to me, than people who go around being a rain cloud over other people that are having a good day. I am not one to do that. I highly doubt anyone who knows me, has ever thought that I had a negative attitude about anything. Why bother people? They don't need to know my problems, and i don't need to bother them. The last person I said anything about this to in real life, was the counselor.

    Most of the people I work with, I try and encourage them to get a degree, and get the big job, and to move up from here. That's about the only interaction I have with them.

    So what do I want from people? I've always been curious what keeps people going. Why do they find life so great? So I wanted to see what people would say. And who knows, maybe some answer will be helpful to me. You never know.
     
  2. Chris V++

    Chris V++ In Orbit Supporter

    +780
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Andrew, I can say this, because I grew up in a suburb of Cleveland and my high school has one of the highest suicide rates in the country. Google "what is the meanest state in the union" Here's the first link that came up
    US States With the Rudest People - Top Ten List - TheTopTens®

    It's not you, it's them.

    Now note that #3 on the list is Florida, which is saturated with Ohioans.

    Your Bangladesh tenant probably felt that way about you since you wern't overtly racist, like your fellow Ohioans probably were. The Somali girl was probably happy you wern't mocking her accent or calling her a pirate.

    67 % of Ohio people suck. There, I said it.
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2019
    • Informative Informative x 1
    • List
  3. Andrew77

    Andrew77 The walking accident Supporter

    +1,218
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    US-Constitution
    Yes of course. I did some work at the food pantry, and worked at the homeless shelter. I consider it part of being a Christian. I do not necessarily get any benefit from it, like you talked about, but it is a godly thing to do.
     
  4. Andrew77

    Andrew77 The walking accident Supporter

    +1,218
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    US-Constitution
    He sure hides it well. His wife was telling me about how amazing I was, and how I had helped him out so much. It was rather embarrassing. He still calls me "brother" when he calls. Never once heard him complain about racists people. Not once.

    He once mentioned being concerned about Trump, but then he got his citizenship without any problems, and his wife got her citizenship without any problems, and then she immigrated to the US without any problems. About 2 months later, he said that he thought the media lied about all this Muslim ban, because no one he knew had any problems coming to the US under Trump. That's about it.

    I have no idea about the girl so much. I helped her move three times. I brought her meals for after Ramadan. And when her car broke down, I was picking her up to take her to work.

    I can't say I've seen any racism at all, honestly. Nor have a met any racists people. Now perhaps I've been lucky... but I don't see any racism anywhere.

    Now I have seen rude people. There are more and more rude people, for sure. But that isn't tied to any race. I've met some exceptionally rude black people, Mexican people, and Somali people. Of course rude white people. Not so much rude Asians. Not sure what that's about but most Asians are very polite.
     
  5. Chris V++

    Chris V++ In Orbit Supporter

    +780
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    I'm sorry, I didn't mean to suggest that Ohioans are all racists, only that some can be rude. Maybe its the 6 months of winter, or the barometric pressure, or the mercury in the lake water, but it's a tough place to fit in. I only said all that because earlier you were saying how hard it is for you to connect with people.
     
  6. Sparagmos

    Sparagmos Well-Known Member

    +2,400
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Well, then you’re going to be miserable. Most people aren’t backstabbers. But most people don’t want to be around someone who isn’t interested in knowing them or being known.
     
  7. Servant of Yeshua

    Servant of Yeshua Member

    123
    +69
    United States
    Baptist
    Married
    I know this doesn't pay the bills. But for what it is worth:
    To me a "successful person" is one that first and foremost has repents of their sin and has done as it says in Romans 10:9. Anyone you see around you who doesn't have Jesus Christ is NOT successful regardless of their job, $ or relationships. Jesus did not have any degrees. He was a carpenter and then preached, but never owned a thing at all. Was Jesus successful by the definition that you use for yourself?
    2nd a successful person is one that is honest, cares about other, and is humble enough to be a servant to others.
    I am honestly very concerned about you stating that you dred being alive. The fact that you are articulate enough to write on here. Where there is life, there is hope. Always choose life. I understand all your feelings, but when they happen to me I try and tell myself that it is a lie.
    You are here to bring glory to God by not giving up trying on this life and to serve Christ and others in love whether you feel like it or not.
    Honestly you must try and speak with thankfulness instead of as someone who is defeated with life.
    My situation is different and nobody but the Lord knows what you have been through in the past and Do not listen to the lies of the enemy that seems to have taken away your JOY. Joy is a choice. You might find that the reason people do not want to be around you is the complaining. All People need hope. If you want any advise at all....Try becoming very aware of your very negative comments.
    Phillipians 2:14-16. Do everything without complaining... Seriously . I want you to have hope and that will only happen when you stop complaining and start being thankful for Jesus Christ. Even if everything else in your life has been and is currently crap... if you have Jesus, then you have everything.
    Complaining is a sin and it could be what is blocking you from feeling contentment and from having joy in the Lord . I am speaking as much to myself as to you. I have 100 pounds to lose and I feel like a failure everyday.
    Find the very best in people and speak to them as if they were already everything you want them to be. If you do this, then they will want to be around you. But if you act like you want to commit suicide...then everyone is going to be totally afraid to be around you for fear they will be the ones set you off the deep end.
    I pray for you to have contentment, hope and joy in the Lord. I pray that you can put on rose colored glasses, not to be fake, but to force yourself to be thankful and hopeful that God is good, ALL the time. Peace!!
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2019
  8. Tone

    Tone Star Fish Radiant Supporter

    +2,583
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Private

    Maybe the secular system isn't for you...move to San Diego and be homeless for a while.
     
  9. Tone

    Tone Star Fish Radiant Supporter

    +2,583
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Private
    Write a book?
     
  10. Tone

    Tone Star Fish Radiant Supporter

    +2,583
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Private
    I don't mean this in a negative way at all... I wouldn't suggest something that I haven't done. I say SD, because the weather is probably the best in the U.S. for living outdoors,the people are nice, there are plenty of opportunities, and it is legal to sleep and panhandle in the Downtown area. Most importantly,I think you need to throw yourself in with others...it's all about the other people. I will always be indebted to San Diego. Leave the beast system behind and be an angel.

    Ecclesiastes 11
    "1Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again. 2Divide your portion among seven, or even eight, for you do not know what disaster may befall the land"

    *I'm not recommending an exact formula for you...I'm just saying, don't worry about the idea of "success" according to the world's standards.

    **The end of your time in wage slave Egypt is the perfect time to embark on a Yah Breathed adventure!
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2019
  11. Robin Mauro

    Robin Mauro Active Member

    372
    +168
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    You are not alone. Job said something like miserable comforters are the lot of you, to his friends who only criticized him, and in the end, his friends were the ones who needed him to pray for them, not the other way around!. Most of his friends simply disappeared, like seasonal streams. And Jesus suffered terribly too, so don't take what Go Braves said to heart. Some people, usually people who have plenty, do not understand how rough it is for people working low wage jobs, and how many low wage there are, because society is structured that way. It's greed that makes wages so low, instead of there being more of an equality, like Paul said when telling people to give. And Jesus said, as you have done to the least of these, so you have done to me. Many people who have plenty tell themselves that they somehow earned it, and therefore look down on those who have not, but this is not Biblical. It is the world infusing the church. So hang in there brother. And if and when God delivers you from this financial nightmare that so many Americans are living, don't forget the lessons you've learned,; that we need to help each other, and not abandon each other, and not say chin up when we should be crying with each other. And if you struggle this whole life, your reward will be great in heaven. But I am praying that God will make a way for you, out of this trouble, now! In Jesus holy name!
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2019
  12. Robin Mauro

    Robin Mauro Active Member

    372
    +168
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    Do you know Andrew? Do you know if he has kids where he lives, or anything really about his life? And you are telling him to go be homeless? Really?!!! I am aghast!
     
  13. Tone

    Tone Star Fish Radiant Supporter

    +2,583
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Private

    I kind of figured he doesn't,because of everything I've read in this thread...if he does,I'm sure he knows that I was speaking as a single man with no responsibility of raising kids. I know he's single. That's also why I said this:

     
  14. Mountainmanbob

    Mountainmanbob Goat Whisperer Supporter

    +7,614
    United States
    Calvinist
    Married
    US-Republican
    From what I hear we will have jobs to do in heaven? I'm sure those will be more than satisfying. Christians need to hold on and finish the good race. For it will not be long until we are in heaven. Our Elder at our church only 57 years old went there the other day.
    M-Bob
     
  15. Tone

    Tone Star Fish Radiant Supporter

    +2,583
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Private
    Not homeless...houseless...he's home wherever he roams if He is in Messiah. We're all transient here on this earth aren't we?
     
  16. Servant of Yeshua

    Servant of Yeshua Member

    123
    +69
    United States
    Baptist
    Married
    1 Thessalonians 5:18 It is one of the hardest verses and yet God had it put it in the bible for teaching and for correction so that we may be trained in righteousness.

    God KNOWS what you are going through. And that is why if you could call on Him for strength and praise God even in this situation you will fulfill the will of God which is to give Him the glory!!! When we complain, we are sinning and bringing shame onto ourselves. Have hope!! Try to be content. Interestingly in Luke 3:14 Jesus tells some soldiers to "Be content" with their wages. I would try to improve your situation, but in the meantime be content.
     
  17. turkle

    turkle Blessed

    738
    +400
    Christian
    Married
    Andrew, you've been on my mind quite a bit. I can only imagine what it's like to have no relationships and to hate your job like you do, and spend hours at it day after day.

    Historically, the purpose of work was to support the family. Millions of people have worked awful jobs in order to feed and house their loved ones. I think one of the things that made it bearable for them is that they had those loved ones to return to every evening, to spend time with and to love.

    I wonder, if you had no restrictions, what would a fulfilling life look like to you? What would you change? What would your purpose be? What is your purpose now?

    You have said that people have consistently stabbed you in the back through out your life. I'm reminded of a close relative of mine. K had family, but she was so difficult to be around that one by one, people stopped contacting her. She complained the same thing, that people were unreliable and not worth the effort. The reality was that everyone did their best to have a relationship with her, but her caustic personality drove them away. To hear her tell it, they were all jerks. That wasn't true at all. Out of self preservation, everyone chose to stop dealing with her toxicity. She spent her last years alone, bitter, complaining to anyone who would listen, and died alone. The only people who came to her funeral were two school mates from over 60 years prior, and her daughter who instead of shedding tears for her just sighed in relief. But to the end, K believed that people just weren't worth the effort to her. If only she had seen herself as others saw her, she just might have made changes to rebuild relationships and stop her bitterness.

    I don't know if K's story applies to you at all, but I suspect that there might be some similarities. Opportunities come much more frequently to people who others enjoy being around. My husband and I teach a career class at our church, and our research revealing something interesting. When employers are hiring, every interview question boils down to one of three things: 1. Can you do the job? 2. Do you want to do the job? 3. Can I stand to work with you?

    Maybe if you evaluated yourself objectively (very difficult to do, I know) on these 3 questions and proactively do things to bring about a positive answer to all of them, your situation could change. It sounds like your most challenging question is the third. After all, if, as you say, everyone in your life has deserted you, then the common denominator should be addressed. Clearly, you've been told this more than once, so perhaps you would benefit from listening, acknowledging and taking action. I have often recommended the book How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie to people who need to improve social skills. It was written many years ago, but the principles are solid. I recommend this to you as well.

    Matthew 22:36-40 says,
    “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
    Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

    Jesus is telling us that the importance of relationships with others is second only to loving God. I understand that you feel that you've been burned before and are fearful and/or apathetic about making an effort. But I also have seen that following the Lord is very important to you. As such, I hope that you will heed His command and take action in obedience. Not only will this be pleasing to the Lord, I believe that your life can dramatically improve and be much more fulfilling. I am praying for you.
     
  18. Go Braves

    Go Braves On semi-hiatus here. Y'all take care.

    +7,901
    United States
    Catholic
    In Relationship
    US-Republican
    Well, there's the saying actions speak louder than words, and it's got a lot of truth to it. Sounds like the folks you haven't spent a whole lot of time actually talking to think well you, on account of how you've acted towards them. You must have treated the guy from Bangladesh well or else he & the lady with him wouldn't have gushed about you like they did. You probably show respect to him in other ways, being considerate & whatnot. Same with the gal from Somali. Maybe you're better at listening than you are at talking? Idk, obviously but clearly in those relationships you were doing something right while in others you're turning folks off. In small groups there's usually a lot of talking. I wonder if the problem comes up with what you say & if it's your words that rub folks the wrong way.

    It's a pity you didn't feel welcome at the small group. I can tell you from some of my own experiences about some turn-offs. There'd been a weekend spiritual retreat at my girlfriend's church for their young adult ministry which is 18 all the way up to 40. Everybody got randomly assigned to a small group, and all weekend long that group met to do different projects and discuss things. A lady on the higher end of the age scale was in a group where everybody else was on the younger end. That itself would have been fine, though she kept pointing it out. She kept making it all about herself, complaining, sharing her bitterness about things. She was treating it more like group therapy than a small group, with her being the only one she found important enough to want to get help for. That frustrated some to the point where they thought about not continuing with the weekend. I highly doubt she would have considered herself to be a raincloud. I have no doubt that she's a decent person who was in her own way trying to contribute to the discussion but hadn't realized the way she went about doing that made it harder for the rest of the group to actually discuss the topic at hand. I have to wonder if you may have done the same sort of thing in your small group, like that lady did, without intending to or realizing you had. You could try asking one of the friendlier folks in the group for honest feedback. Doesn't mean you'll actually get it, on account of how some folks think they're being nicer to say what you want to hear instead of what you need to hear. But it could be worth a shot. If you knew what it was that you were saying / doing that was turning folks off, you could work on that. Think over why it is that the folks liked you so much, vs the ones who didn't & try to see what else could be the difference.

    Another thing, in the small group, was it made up mostly of other folks closer to your own age? It might seem unfair but a lot of folks tend to prefer being in small groups with those in a 5 age range of their own, especially if they are under 35 or thereabouts. So if you were beyond that, it could be another factor. Not saying that's fair or anything, just saying that could be a factor.

    I find life so great on account of God having given it to me, Jesus having died for me. There's a lot that fills up my life, gives me a lot of satisfaction & joy, but there's plenty of struggles too. Every day we're here is one given to us.
     
  19. Andrew77

    Andrew77 The walking accident Supporter

    +1,218
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    US-Constitution
    Absolutely. I know that in Heaven we will do good things, jobs that we will enjoy, that will be fulfilling and worth doing.

    I am ready to go as soon as I am allowed.
     
  20. Andrew77

    Andrew77 The walking accident Supporter

    +1,218
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    US-Constitution
    Well I did say I don't have any kids, or any friends, or wife or girlfriend, or anything. So he does know that much. I live alone.

    But thanks for sticking up for me :)
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
Loading...