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Featured When you realize you are at the end

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Andrew77, May 28, 2019.

  1. Andrew77

    Andrew77 The walking accident Supporter

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    When you spend all weekend, just dreading going to work. You hate your job, but can't find another, because you are worthless.

    I've put out my resume, but the only offers are worse jobs, for lower pay. Why would I do that? So instead I stay at this place that treats me like I am a dog, because.... I finally realized... I am a dog. I have no skills, failed out of college, no abilities, nothing.

    I actually am a dog. 41 years old, and no one wants me. But it's my fault they don't want me. Every time I tried to get a degree, or anything, I failed. So it's not their fault, it's my fault. I simply have no value to offer. I can't program, can't do mechanical work, can't manage people, can't do anything.

    So I put my resume out, and got offered a job standing on my feet 8 hours straight, picking up 50 lbs boxes, for $11/hours. That's what I'm offered after months of looking. 20 years of experience. 41 years old. A pay cut, and miserable working conditions.

    This really is it. This is the end of my story. I stay here at this crap job, with a garbage company, dreading every day of my life... until I get to the end of my life.

    Really?

    I hate asking 'why' because I know it's a waste of time question that never gets answered.

    Yet I still can't help but wonder.... why did G-d make such a worthless human being like me? For what? Stay poor and die? I can't help anyone, not even myself. So why am I here? Just to make rich CEOs wealthy I suppose.

    Reminds me of a joke I once saw "Perhaps the purpose of your life is to serve of a warning to others."
     
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  2. Tree of Life

    Tree of Life Hide The Pain Supporter

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    Andrew I'm sorry to hear about your career frustrations. Do you have any family? Are you part of a church community?
     
  3. myst33

    myst33 Well-Known Member

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    Sometimes, our life can look like its in its dead end, but it may change suddenly.

    And if not in your career, you can make your life better in other areas to be more happy, right?
     
  4. Go Braves

    Go Braves On semi-hiatus here. Y'all take care.

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    It sounds like you really could use some therapy to help change how you see yourself. If you've got that attitude that you're worthless, why would any employer see worth in you to hire you? Why would any woman? Nobody is worthless. God gives worth to every single one of us.

    Seeing as how a lot of folks live into their 90s at 41 you've got a lot of life ahead of you. You could still go back to college or a trade school. Sort something out. My aunt started college at 40, is now a paralegal earning good money, enjoying what she does.
     
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  5. Sparagmos

    Sparagmos Well-Known Member

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    Hi Andrew, I’m sorry to hear about your frustrations. I had a couple of questions. Where do you live? Job markets vary and I wonder what the situation is where you are. When you say you are “putting your resume out,” what does that mean?
     
  6. LynnSmith

    LynnSmith Well-Known Member

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    Praying for you. You are not worthless. God has a purpose for your life. Pray that He can show you. Could be at your job. Don’t give up. Study who you are in Christ. I use to hate myself. Hated myself so much I have scars on my body from self harm. Attempted suicide. I hated myself more than I can describe. I was a Christian. But had not really realized what that meant. I hadn’t seen how much God loves me. Hadn’t realized He lived in me. Hadn’t realized how much freedom there is in loving Christ. Please don’t give up.
     
  7. carp614

    carp614 Member

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    Oh brother Andrew, I feel so heartbroken for you. I've been where you are. There is hope!

    I was your age and failing in every area of my life just a few years ago. In hindsight I can see that I wasn't working as if working for the Lord. I was frustrated that I wasn't getting what I deserved. Not enough money or recognition or accolades or what have you. I was not humble. I can see now the sense of entitlement and pridefulness I carried with me into everything I did. I knew Colossians 3:23 but I didn't do it. I couldn't.

    When the Lord began to change my heart things changed dramatically. It didn't matter if I was shoveling poop or designing software, I worked with a good attitude and a glad heart. At first it was difficult, but it became easier over time and now I try daily to make myself a bond servant of Christ.

    Nothing has changed about my job situation. I still make the same money, I still have the same prospects as before. But now I have peace and satisfaction. People have noticed how my attitude has changed and I am confident that doors will open for me in God's timing. The change has been proportional to the extent of my surrender.

    I don't know how to help you other than to tell you what the Lord has done for me. I hope it blesses you. I really think you are closer to turning a corner than you realize and I am excited for the work God is doing in your heart.

    One last thing I heard recently that affected me deeply that I hope will help you,

    "I keep asking God to change my trials, but God wants my trials to change me."
     
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  8. Andrew77

    Andrew77 The walking accident Supporter

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    Columbus Ohio. The Job market here is booming. Just not for me. I mean, there are plenty of jobs for me, for 2/3rds the pay, and doing something like moving boxes around, and standing on your feet all day.

    I applied to dozens of places. Not one has responded. I actually connected with Monster Jobs, and they removed my profile. Subtle clue. Temp agencies have replied, but always with lower paying jobs, that sound worse than where I am.

    I suppose I should be happy to just have a job. But when you see nothing worth living for in the future, and no hope of improvement beyond where you are.... hard to be happy. Irony is, I'm sure some starving peasant in some other country, would love to have my job, and my pay.

    But this is it? You just keep doing this, and then you grow old, and you die. Is there a fast forward button on this video?
     
  9. Andrew77

    Andrew77 The walking accident Supporter

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    Family? Of course I have parents, that are retired in their 70s. Often up at their lake house, on Lake Erie. If you mean like a family or something of my own, then no. I live alone.

    I'm not sure what you mean by 'part of a church community'. I go to church regularly. But I can't say I have much connection with any of the people there. Obviously I like the pastor, and staff and such.

    But hanging out with Christian people has always resulted in pain and suffering for me. To give you an example, I joined a church group. When I joined I said I would stay with the group no matter what for no less than a year. About 16 months later, I found myself in the group, and realized that if I got up and left, that no one would care, no one would likely even notice. I put my chair away, grabbed my Bible and such, and walked out. No one said a word. 4 months later, I got a note from the assistant pastor to the effect of... Nice seeing you in church. Apparently he saw me in church, and thought to say hi... but not in church, but through Email.

    Never heard a word from any of those people I spent every Sunday and Wednesday for more than a year. I gave my best effort to be apart of the group, but I was nothing to them.

    So... not so much into the whole 'community' stuff. Whatever that means. I have no experience to reference that word to.
     
  10. Andrew77

    Andrew77 The walking accident Supporter

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    It's been 25 years of this. That 'sudden change' could come a bit sooner I think. :)

    I can't think of anything that would make life happier. Why? What makes your life happier?
     
  11. Andrew77

    Andrew77 The walking accident Supporter

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    I've been to counseling. Didn't help. After all, saying "I have value!" doesn't change the fact that I am incapable of doing anything of value.

    Think about it... If I apply for a job doing.... whatever... Say, CAD Programming, and I can't do it. Does saying "God gives worth" give me the ability to do it? No. At least it never has before.

    So how does that work?

    I went to college 3 times. I failed out all three times.

    Example, I learned how to work on cars. Yup. Got a job at a dealership. Then I broke every car I touched. I could take your automobile that had a small noise, and make into a car that doesn't make any noise... or move. :) True story bro!

    How does saying "God gives worth to every single one of us", change the fact that your car doesn't run, and now I'm unemployed?

    Which is by the way, pretty much what happened. They sent me back to work running their car wash. All the money I spent on Automotive training.... totally wasted.

    So tell me what to do. What should I do?

    Seeing as how a lot of folks live into their 90s at 41 you've got a lot of life ahead of you.


    Yeah, and it is terrifying. These last 25 years have been so bad.... to imagine 50 more like them.... shoot me now.
     
  12. turkle

    turkle Blessed

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    It sounds to me, based upon your Bible study story, that your main challenge is with relating with people. Are you saying that in 16 months of togetherness you developed no friendships? It's been my experience that people who have trouble making friends become lonely and bitter, and it shows in the demeanor. As a result, they have difficulty in activities that require communication, and that hampers career aspirations.

    If that's the case with you, then I recommend that you proactively develop your social skills. A counselor could help. There are also a lot of books on the subject. Do you have friends that you could ask for feedback on your personality? Often, we don't see ourselves as others do, and it can be helpful to get an objective perspective on areas you can address.
     
  13. Andrew77

    Andrew77 The walking accident Supporter

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    I can't imagine what purpose I could possibly have at this job. Be demoted? Which just happened. To be marginalized and ignored? Which is on going. To have people half my age, get paid twice as much, while they do nothing all day, and I have to work? Yeah.... this is great.

    Freedom? Tell me about your freedom.
     
  14. nanookadenord

    nanookadenord Well-Known Member

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    I am basically right where you are in my job. I'm an EMT and make not much more than that $11/hr. I just got a raise which only gives me an extra $140 a year. That doesn't cover the cost of living that has gone up.

    I get talked down at this job by the dispatchers when I am looking out for what's in the best interest in the company. I tell them well in advance that we're going to be late to a call so that they can make other plans and I am told that I shouldn't be doing that. So, if I call 30 minutes before I'm going to be late, they have to scramble to fond another crew and they are later anyway making the company look like idiots.

    There is much more wrong that happens at this job, but to get into it would take me hours.

    So, I know how you feel!
     
  15. Andrew77

    Andrew77 The walking accident Supporter

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    Well apparently not! :) I joined the softball team with that group too. So yeah... Perhaps that's all there is to it. I don't know.

    No, I avoid 'friends'. Friends are people that stab you in the back, and walk over your body when you fall down.

    So another quick story! I went to a counselor, just like you suggest. And his big thing was the same as what you suggest here. In fact you sound just like him. You don't work at Northwest Bible Church in Hilliard Ohio, do you? :)

    Anyway, I followed his advice. I got myself a bunch of 'friends'. All of them turned on me, and treated me terribly, and I regretted the entire thing. I also felt really stupid, because my history suggests that is exactly what would happen, and it did. So it was like, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

    So, no. I don't have friends.
     
  16. LynnSmith

    LynnSmith Well-Known Member

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    Your purpose could have nothing to do with the job but maybe someone there. Tbere could be a person that one day you will impact in a very positive life changing way. There could be many reasons. You have to have faith and let the Spirit direct you.

    Freedom from self hate is a huge one!
    Freedom to love myself for who I am. I am a child of God. He loves me so I’m totally worth loving! Freedom to go to my Father in prayer when overwhelmed with this world and everything it throws at me to find peace and comfort. Freedom from anger and bitterness. He can take it all!
     
  17. Andrew77

    Andrew77 The walking accident Supporter

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    Hard to say something as contradictory as "Yeah I'm great", when you all you can look at is 25 years of nothing but failure. If I had succeed at anything... any one thing in the last 25 years.... just one thing.... Ok. I can see that I can succeed even if rarely.

    That is not the case. Right now, I have nothing to go on. My 2003 with 170,000 miles is in need of repair. I have numerous expensive fixes that need done around my little home. I have no money, and no future that I can see. What can I do? Nothing.

    You have a positive spirit if you think someone in this life, is going to impact me positively. I can't even imagine a situation like that. But I suppose anything can happen.
     
  18. Andrew77

    Andrew77 The walking accident Supporter

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    Yeah, I looked at EMT. Pay is way too low for me to bother with it. You can earn more than that, just working as a shift-manager at McDonald's around here. Why do that job with all that responsibility for so little money?

    Hope you find a something better.
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2019
  19. nanookadenord

    nanookadenord Well-Known Member

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    Because back in 2001 when I became an EMT I was making $11.51 an hour in NJ. Was good money and the most I had ever made. Things happened and I ended up in Florida where the pay is around the same or lower as NJ was back in 2001. I have no other skills as I thought I would be an EMT the rest of life.

    Finding out now that's not possible. I need more pay as life sustaining items become more expensive.
     
  20. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Well-Known Member

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    Andrew77, your advice to people on this forum is really insightful. You do a great job at giving pragmatic, actionable advice. Whenever I see that you've chimed in on something I always know your post will be something I'll agree with either in whole or in the most part.

    How far did you make it through college and what were your major(s)?
     
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