When you go somewhere together as a couple, who usually drives?

[Amélie Unbound]

My husband doesn't have a driver's license, so I do all the driving. And I've noticed that when we first meet new people (and being new in this city, we've been meeting a lot of new people lately), they often act surprised to see me driving instead of my husband, and they'll make comments about it. They'll say to me, with a surprised look, "Oh, you're the driver, are you?" Or to my husband, "Oh, you let your wife drive?"

I've also noticed that when people invite us somewhere we haven't been before, they will automatically turn to my husband and give him the directions, not me. My husband has to politely say, "Thanks, but you'd better tell my wife, because she'll be driving."

From people's reactions, it seems like it must be really uncommon for the wife to drive! And we don't just get surprised reactions when they find out I drive all the time, we get surprised reactions the first time someone sees me behind the wheel. As if they think a woman shouldn't drive at all (when she's with a man, of course).

And I'm not that observant, so I've never really noticed, amongst other couples, whether the wife ever drives or not, but my general impression is that it's usually the man in the driver's seat.

So, I'm wondering, in your life, who does most of the driving? Is it really that uncommon for the woman to drive when a couple goes places together?

 

[Xinnamon]

My husband usually drives because I don't like driving, plus our car is stick-shift (he bought it before we were together). I'm sure he doesn't mind if I want to drive him around, but since he likes driving much more than I do, he takes the wheels most of the time, except for long road trips.

 

[Oblivious]

If we're in one of "his" cars he usually drives and vice versa.

 

[Redguard]

I'm the driver, and I really like it that way because my wife falls asleep in the car..... a lot.

At the risk of sounding sexist, I think that I'm not really surprised by peoples' reactions towards you and your husband in regards to the driving arrangements. When it comes to gender-related assignments, driving does tend to fall into the male domain.

It's kinda like if someone wants to share a recipe with us about a dish that we ate for dinner at a friend or acquaintances' place... they'll tell it to my wife. Not me. This is based on the assumption (a correct one, btw) that my wife is likely to be the one who is more interested in cooking.

 

[c1ners]

I only drive when I have to. By myself isn't too bad, but I still sort of freak out when I have someone else in the car with me. I hate to take repsonsiblility for someone elses life.

 

[felinity]

I generally drive. Up until recently, this was just a matter of necessity, as my husband didn't get his state driver's license until after he got his green card. Plus, well, I've lived here a lot longer, so I mostly know where things are. When I went to visit my husband in Canada before we married, he drove. Well, when he borrowed his parents' car, he drove. Otherwise, we walked or took the bus.

 

[JulySheMustFly]

My husband usually drives. I'm a great driver on my own but I always feel like he's judging my driving choices even when he isn't so it is just easier to let him drive. I also know he likes both our cars too much to lose the opportunity to drive either of them.

 

[GolfingMom]

My DH drives almost always.

 

[BrBob]

Where and when I grew up men drove and their wives rode along. If a woman needed to go to the grocery store, because that's what women do, you know, well men would drive them and wait in the car while the women did the shopping.

This is one thing that I still catch myself dealing with. I don't understand (without actively thinking about it) why any man would allow himself to be driven by his wife. Now, I know that this is an irrational thought, especially when there is a real, logical reason for it to be this way. The thing is, it just doesn't make sense to me that a man wouldn't want to drive if he was capable and legally able to do so.

My wife's sister does most of the driving in their family and I find myself wondering what's wrong with her husband. Again, irrational! But then, maybe I just have questions about him anyway!?!?!?!?

OK, I know. This doesn't make sense and it comes across as very sexist. I know very well that women, as a general rule can drive just as well as a man and in some cases better. So don't stick a sexist label on me too quickly.

I seem to be digging deeper as I try to get out of the hole I'm digging for myself......

Bob
Spearfish, SD

 

[RedheadedPrincess]

I do all the driving because my dh is blind. If he could see, he would drive because it is not my favorite thing to do. I would much rather ride than drive, but I don't really have much of a choice.

 

[Cordy]

My husband drives. I am sometimes somewhat of an “aggressive” driver, and it stresses my husband out. I enjoy being a passenger when my husband is driving, too. I just relax and enjoy the ride.

I don’t know if the “man always drives” is the cause or result of the “women can’t drive” stereotype. When I am driving with men in the car, I often hear shocked comments that I actually know how to use the stick or that I am a good driver. Who would say those things to a man?

 

[spiersdodgerblue]

Where and when I grew up men drove and their wives rode along. If a woman needed to go to the grocery store, because that's what women do, you know, well men would drive them and wait in the car while the women did the shopping.

This is one thing that I still catch myself dealing with. I don't understand (without actively thinking about it) why any man would allow himself to be driven by his wife. Now, I know that this is an irrational thought, especially when there is a real, logical reason for it to be this way. The thing is, it just doesn't make sense to me that a man wouldn't want to drive if he was capable and legally able to do so.

My wife's sister does most of the driving in their family and I find myself wondering what's wrong with her husband. Again, irrational! But then, maybe I just have questions about him anyway!?!?!?!?

OK, I know. This doesn't make sense and it comes across as very sexist. I know very well that women, as a general rule can drive just as well as a man and in some cases better. So don't stick a sexist label on me too quickly.

I seem to be digging deeper as I try to get out of the hole I'm digging for myself......

Bob
Spearfish, SD[/quote

Let me help you with that shovel you got going there brother Bob. LOL J/K
I think it is more traditional than sexist, if that help you out any, lol

I would rather have my husband drive myself. Not that I don't like to but that to be honest I think he is a better driver than I. (not that I'm bad) And I also like to sleep while he is driving. LOL

 

[BrBob]

Thanks Spiersdodgerblue. Heck, my Mom was the only person I've ever known who was told "You know Mrs. Ketchum, some people were never meant to drive, and I think you are one of them." This was her driving instructor when she was in her 40's!

Bob
Spearfish, SD

 

[spiersdodgerblue]

Thanks Spiersdodgerblue. Heck, my Mom was the only person I've ever known who was told "You know Mrs. Ketchum, some people were never meant to drive, and I think you are one of them." This was her driving instructor when she was in her 40's!

Bob
Spearfish, SD

Oh surrrrrrrre no problem lol.
Well does she drive or did she take his advice?
Some folks just are not meant to drive, I agree.

 

[BrBob]

She never did learn how to drive. Dad or one of us boys drove her everywhere. Both the old folks died back in 1978 so it's kind of fun to wander down memory lane with these things.

Life really was different back then...

Bob
Spearfish, SD

 

[spiersdodgerblue]

She never did learn how to drive. Dad or one of us boys drove her everywhere. Both the old folks died back in 1978 so it's kind of fun to wander down memory lane with these things.

Life really was different back then...

Bob
Spearfish, SD

Boy they have been gone for a long time, sorry to hear this.
Glad to hear you can have a fun memory about your mom and her not being the driver in your family.

I'm going to have to be put in a straight jacket when my dad passes....anyway off topic sorry.

 

[BrBob]

The pain passes after a while and you can look back at the good things, the fun things... if you want to.

I'm not looking forward to the passing of my in-laws. Liz and I have been married for 23 years so they've kind of become my folks too. Liz never met my folks and she feels cheated, seems to think that if she'd met them she would have had more information about me to work with!

Yes, this is off topic. I'll stop now. Sorry.

Bob
Spearfish, SD

 

[TransformedByGrace]

I almost always drive. It's a guy thing.

 

[Amélie Unbound]

I must be really out of touch with the way other people think. I had no idea that driving is considered to be a guy thing.

I have heard the stereotypical comments about women being bad drivers, but I've been driving since I was a teenager and have never had an accident or even so much as a ticket.

My husband grew up in a large city in England where almost everyone he knew took public transportation. It's not a weird thing for anyone, including men, not to drive over there. So he just never got his license.

But anyway, even if people think it's unusual for a woman to do the driving, I don't understand why the people we meet feel the need to comment on it, and put us in the position of having to explain ourselves. Why is it so hard for people to accept people or situations that are different from what they're used to? I mean, obviously, this isn't a right-or-wrong situation, it's just what works for us personally.

 

[KillerV]

Hubby always does. I just have never cared to much for driving unless I need too.