When people try to "fix" you

[probinson]

Hi folks,

For those of you who don't me, my name is Pete. I've been an active part of this forum for almost 8 years. I've been a regular member, I've been a staff member and I've been a supervisor. I've participated in CF in many different capacities. That's just a bit of background for context of what I'm going to talk about.

In the almost 8 years that I've been active on this forum (and others), there have been a handful of people over the years who have determined that there is something wrong with me; that I'm argumentative, that I just love to be right all the time, that I don't care what anyone else has to say... you get the idea. Once someone labels you like this, it's hard to talk to them in any meaningful way any more, because until they succeed in "fixing" whatever it is that they perceive is broken in you, they'll see you through the veil of the problem they've ascribed to you.

Now obviously over the last 8 years, I've done far more than just participate in this forum, as we all have. I have been happily married for almost 14 years and I have 2 amazing children. I am the worship leader at my church. I have a successful career in IT and my own business fixing computers. I have many friends and family around me in real life. Most of those people would tell you that I'm a pretty easy going and friendly guy. Yes, I can be quite stubborn, but generally, I would prefer to let you believe what you believe and I'll believe what I believe and we'll agree to disagree. People who actually know me would also tell you that I don't like to argue, and in fact I attempt to avoid confrontation when at all possible. That's not to say I won't speak my mind, but I always attempt to do so respectfully (with varying levels of success).

I don't act or speak differently on this forum than I do in real life. People say that you never know who's behind the posts on an online forum, and that's true, but my signature which says, "I am who I am and I say what I mean" is not just a snazzy saying. It's the Truth.

This presents a logical conflict; on the one hand, I have some people I converse with online telling me how I just like to argue and I need to deal with myself. They'll even tell you how concerned they are for you, and that they're praying for you. OTOH, I have other people online who rep me and send me kudos for the things I say. I also have plenty of people in real life that I respect, trust and listen to who have told me that I've grown a lot in the last 8 years.

So what's my point? This thread is meant as an encouragement for everyone here. Perhaps you can't relate to my exact situation as I've described it, but we've all had people who have taken it upon themselves to "fix" us in some capacity. Most of us would probably say that we're more concerned with what God thinks of us than with what other people think of us, but are we really? There's nothing inherently wrong with listening to what people have to say and growing and improving from others' comments and admonishments, and in fact I believe that everyone should have people that they trust and listen to for such things, but we must be careful that we don't allow other people to manipulate us into what they think we should be, but instead allow God to mold us into who HE wants us to be.

So I encourage you; don't allow other people to dictate to you who they think you should be. Be careful who you listen to. Be who God has called you to be and don't worry about what others have to say about it. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. Don't let others rob you of how God has made you. They may think they need to "fix" you, but God's handiwork doesn't need their help.

 

[Biblicist]

In the almost 8 years that I've been active on this forum (and others), there have been a handful of people over the years who have determined that there is something wrong with me; that I'm argumentative, that I just love to be right all the time, that I don't care what anyone else has to say... you get the idea. Once someone labels you like this, it's hard to talk to them in any meaningful way any more, because until they succeed in "fixing" whatever it is that they perceive is broken in you, they'll see you through the veil of the problem they've ascribed to you.

In this day and age I think that it would be safe to say that the world (and even many church goers) will find anyone who is prepared to stand up for their beliefs as being somewhat arrogant. As for me, I tend to enjoy your input and as for some thinking that you have some strong views that you are prepared to defend – then keep it going!

 

[Svt4Him]

We judge ourselves based on our intent, we judge others on how they make us feel.

 

[Watchman4hm]

Pete we've argued through the years about many things. You've hardly been right about anything. I wouldn't consider you argumentative. I have considered you arrogant in your beliefs at times but not so much argumentative. But I think the reason why for me is that dad gum arrogant smiley face with the sunglasses you have after every post..Makes you look like everything you've just said no matter how you scriptural it sounded is backed up with a prideful arrogance..Ive learned to look past that stupid EMOTICON...lol..But for others it may be they haven't made it past that stupid thing...

 

[FoundInGrace]

We judge ourselves based on our intent, we judge others on how they make us feel.

yes there's a lot of truth in that statement.

we do judge others on how they make us feel and Pete's posts have hurt me a lot in the past a lot, so i say 'whatever' and smile and shake my head at his op

he says he thinks he's doing alright and that's all that matters i guess if he thinks he is then he must be

 

[FoundInGrace]

Pete we've argued through the years about many things. You've hardly been right about anything. I wouldn't consider you argumentative. I have considered you arrogant in your beliefs at times but not so much argumentative. But I think the reason why for me is that dad gum arrogant smiley face with the sunglasses you have after every post..Makes you look like everything you've just said no matter how you scriptural it sounded is backed up with a prideful arrogance..Ive learned to look past that stupid EMOTICON...lol..But for others it may be they haven't made it past that stupid thing...

yes it does come across as arrogant. i dont think he means it as such but it comes across that way.

 

[Joy]

probinson is a real encouragement He is not arrogant. He is someone who is assured of his faith which is often be seen as arrogance, but it is not.

 

[Yitzchak]

Pete , I have only good things to say about you. As you may remember , a while back , I was deeply offended at you and we worked it out. My experience was that once you knew I was offended , you were more interested in working it out with me than in arguing. I felt good at the end of it all.

Shalom , shalom to you brother.

 

[Messy]

Someone told me on a forum I'm arrogant because I said not all believers, hindu's, muslims, christians serve the same God. I said well, if believing Jesus who said He's THE Way, the truth and the Life and noone comes to the Father but through Him makes me arrogant, so be it. I take it as a compliment.

hahaha, nice smiley.

 

[Spiritlight]

Just a personal observation of mine from being a christian for a long time and that is that people who become christians experience an amazingly incredible life changing event. Most begin to look at the world with new eyes and just like with anything good that happens you tell people about what fixed you and how it might work for them too.

Thats the thing thats hard to comprehend that something that feels right for us isn't right for everyone else in the world but could be for many.

Respecting our differences and right to be different is a key with many things and leads to more harmony. God made us all different and we are not meant to be clones.

 

[probinson]

Pete we've argued through the years about many things. You've hardly been right about anything. I wouldn't consider you argumentative. I have considered you arrogant in your beliefs at times but not so much argumentative. But I think the reason why for me is that dad gum arrogant smiley face with the sunglasses you have after every post..Makes you look like everything you've just said no matter how you scriptural it sounded is backed up with a prideful arrogance..Ive learned to look past that stupid EMOTICON...lol..But for others it may be they haven't made it past that stupid thing...

There's actually a God directed reason behind why I place that smiley at the end of every post, and this can also be used as an illustrative example of being more concerned about what God thinks vs. what others think.

A while back, I took a brief hiatus from this forum. I didn't post or even lurk for about 3 months. During that time, God was working inside of me greatly. He showed me many things that helped me grow during that time. One of the most important things He showed me was that it was not my responsibility to change people. More than that, I CANNOT change people. The only one I had the power to change was myself.

Once God had dealt with some things in me, I felt a release to come back to CF and begin to participate again. I felt God direct me to place that smiley at the end of each post to remind myself that it was not my job to change people or make them believe something.

So the reason I place the "cool" smiley at the end of everything I post is because while I am confident in what I say and what I believe, I'm also "cool" with whatever it is that you believe, because it's neither my job to make you believe something nor to change you. That is the job of the Holy Spirit. The "cool" smiley is not to be arrogant. It's what God instructed me to do as a constant reminder to myself that it is the job of the Holy Spirit to lead and guide us into all the Truth.

 

[probinson]

We judge ourselves based on our intent, we judge others on how they make us feel.

Excellent quote!

 

[probinson]

In this day and age I think that it would be safe to say that the world (and even many church goers) will find anyone who is prepared to stand up for their beliefs as being somewhat arrogant. As for me, I tend to enjoy your input and as for some thinking that you have some strong views that you are prepared to defend – then keep it going!

Thank you for your kind words. People do often confuse confidence with arrogance.

 

[probinson]

probinson is a real encouragement He is not arrogant. He is someone who is assured of his faith which is often be seen as arrogance, but it is not.

Thank you for that.

I also find you as a great encouragement. I've prayed for you often over the years. I know that your disability prevents you from participating and you sometimes feel like you're not able to contribute much, but what you do contribute is a faith, a Love, a wisdom and a respect that is sorely needed in this forum. Don't ever underestimate how valuable you are to this forum.

 

[probinson]

Pete , I have only good things to say about you. As you may remember , a while back , I was deeply offended at you and we worked it out. My experience was that once you knew I was offended , you were more interested in working it out with me than in arguing. I felt good at the end of it all.

Shalom , shalom to you brother.

Thank you, Yitzchak.

Looking back, I certainly could have handled our altercation better than I did, but it was a perfect example to me of how it takes two willing people to work through an offense. Had you not also been willing to work it out and put the offense aside, we would never have been able to work it out.

I think that was an example of God taking something that was meant for evil and using it for good. Though it was painful at times working through the issue for both of us I'm sure, in the end I felt like we got to know and understand each other better. So looking back, that offense was intended to drive a wedge between us, but in the end it strengthened us.

 

[probinson]

Just a personal observation of mine from being a christian for a long time and that is that people who become christians experience an amazingly incredible life changing event. Most begin to look at the world with new eyes and just like with anything good that happens you tell people about what fixed you and how it might work for them too.

Thats the thing thats hard to comprehend that something that feels right for us isn't right for everyone else in the world but could be for many.

Respecting our differences and right to be different is a key with many things and leads to more harmony. God made us all different and we are not meant to be clones.

There is much wisdom in this post.

I used to rail on things that I like to call "scare evangelism". In particular, the play "Heaven's Gates and Hell's Flames", which I saw as a teenager, I would say is most certainly intended to shock and scare people into getting saved. Now I still believe wholeheartedly that is the goodness of God that is intended to draw men to repentance, and I still don't particularly like these types of things, but I recognize that, as you said, not everyone is in the same place and can be reached the same way.

As I would pose questions like, "Wouldn't it be better if people came to God because of His great Love instead of being afraid that they'll burn in hell?", other people came along and told me how they'd been ministered to by such a "scare evangelist" event. I started to see that maybe, just maybe some people needed that shock and that jolt. Maybe even though it wasn't the way I thought it should be done, God could still use those things to reach people.

So while I still hold pretty strong beliefs concerning the use of "scare evangelism", I now also recognize that God is more than able to use such things, even if I don't particularly like them.

 

[Spiritlight]

There is much wisdom in this post.

I used to rail on things that I like to call "scare evangelism". In particular, the play "Heaven's Gates and Hell's Flames", which I saw as a teenager, I would say is most certainly intended to shock and scare people into getting saved. Now I still believe wholeheartedly that is the goodness of God that is intended to draw men to repentance, and I still don't particularly like these types of things, but I recognize that, as you said, not everyone is in the same place and can be reached the same way.

As I would pose questions like, "Wouldn't it be better if people came to God because of His great Love instead of being afraid that they'll burn in hell?", other people came along and told me how they'd been ministered to by such a "scare evangelist" event. I started to see that maybe, just maybe some people needed that shock and that jolt. Maybe even though it wasn't the way I thought it should be done, God could still use those things to reach people.

So while I still hold pretty strong beliefs concerning the use of "scare evangelism", I now also recognize that God is more than able to use such things, even if I don't particularly like them.

Different people respond to different things. Maybe timid people can be scare mongered into faith using hellfire and brimstone and maybe they will stay faithful out of fear. Scaring people into faith is not a tactic that really appeals to me at all. We have to level with people that they are sinners and Jesus is a redeemer somehow.

 

[Iambatman2u]

Hi folks,

For those of you who don't me, my name is Pete. I've been an active part of this forum for almost 8 years. I've been a regular member, I've been a staff member and I've been a supervisor. I've participated in CF in many different capacities. That's just a bit of background for context of what I'm going to talk about.

In the almost 8 years that I've been active on this forum (and others), there have been a handful of people over the years who have determined that there is something wrong with me; that I'm argumentative, that I just love to be right all the time, that I don't care what anyone else has to say... you get the idea. Once someone labels you like this, it's hard to talk to them in any meaningful way any more, because until they succeed in "fixing" whatever it is that they perceive is broken in you, they'll see you through the veil of the problem they've ascribed to you.

Now obviously over the last 8 years, I've done far more than just participate in this forum, as we all have. I have been happily married for almost 14 years and I have 2 amazing children. I am the worship leader at my church. I have a successful career in IT and my own business fixing computers. I have many friends and family around me in real life. Most of those people would tell you that I'm a pretty easy going and friendly guy. Yes, I can be quite stubborn, but generally, I would prefer to let you believe what you believe and I'll believe what I believe and we'll agree to disagree. People who actually know me would also tell you that I don't like to argue, and in fact I attempt to avoid confrontation when at all possible. That's not to say I won't speak my mind, but I always attempt to do so respectfully (with varying levels of success).

I will most likely regret saying this, but I'd like to offer an observation.

My first interaction with you was a comment I made because your were, in my opinion, rude to someone.

It went like this:

Because these folks are the "enlightened" messengers of God, "defending" the Church with their rudeness and disrespect, donchaknow?

It just makes one feel all warm and nauseous inside.

How is your comment better than hers?

I think both of you need a love walk check up.

I'm simply repeating her own words. In another thread earlier today, she said she was "defending the Church" from Gideon, or anyone she deemed was "attacking" the church. Do you see how her post in this thread is in any way in defense of the Church? I don't. Personally, I found it rude and disrespectful, as did my brother Bryan.



Hi Batman. My name's Pete. Pleased to meet you.

I have over 17,000 posts spanning approximately three quarters of a decade to my credit in this forum, and I've never once hidden behind a sock account for any reason, much less to level an admonition at someone.

All of these people hiding behind sock accounts pretending that they're on the moral high road are rather amusing to me. When someone can't even be honest about who they are, then I have little reason to give serious heed to anything they say.

​

So I question you on what I perceived as rudeness, and what is your reply?

You call me a sock.

All respect to your 17,000 posts and 8 years etc, etc. But in this instance boy were you arrogant.

And why do you start your posts with your resume? Do people have to have a certain amount of posts or time in before they are accepted.

I'm sure you are probably a nice guy, but speaking just from my perspective, your approach, at least towards me is abrasive.

I don't frequent here because - I have a lot of life going on and I thought this would be a good place to occasionally fellowship, but it seems not to be the case.

 

[Iambatman2u]

Oh, and by the way,

I am one heck of a nice guy!

 

[probinson]

So I question you on what I perceived as rudeness, and what is your reply?

You call me a sock.

I explained that to you. My response was;

"...No, not at all. But I see you just joined in January 2013, and you have just over 30 posts to your credit. That's why I assumed you were (as most people that fit that description are) a sock. If I assumed incorrectly, then please forgive me. Many years of dealing with less-than-honest sock accounts has made me somewhat leery of new people who suddenly show up out of the blue and start correcting people..."

Source: http://www.christianforums.com/t7740630/#post62902174
​

Apparently you're still holding that against me, despite my trying to offer an explanation of why I jumped to the wrong conclusion. Not much I can do about that.