When non christian couple find Christ.....

[Michael LLech]

Hmmm so how do i word this....
Me and my partner have been together for 5 years (engaged for 3) we both were non Christians when we met and yes sexual immorality was apart of our relationship.
However, in the past 12 months we have put our hand up and want to build a loving relationship with Christ.
I guess my question is even though we have lived as a married couple for the last 5 years and the only thing stopping us from being married is our finances at the moment, to live as good Christians should we re frame from sex until we can actually get ahead in our finances and tie the knot?

 

[Call me Nic]

Hmmm so how do i word this....
Me and my partner have been together for 5 years (engaged for 3) we both were non Christians when we met and yes sexual immorality was apart of our relationship.
However, in the past 12 months we have put our hand up and want to build a loving relationship with Christ.
I guess my question is even though we have lived as a married couple for the last 5 years and the only thing stopping us from being married is our finances at the moment, to live as good Christians should we re frame from sex until we can actually get ahead in our finances and tie the knot?

You should get married as soon as possible. You have lived thus far for so long in fornication (not judging you at all, it happens), however that is indeed still a grievous sin, and since you have both lived so long in it, the habits of your flesh are greatly grounded in you both. Refraining from it might be next to impossible, especially considering how young spiritually you both are. Until marriage, continue to repent and ask forgiveness and seek the Lord's will by refraining from it if possible, but for the sake of you both, you should find a way to get married as soon as possible.

 

[Dave-W]

It does not take much money to go to the city or county courthouse and "tie the knot" right there. I would do that as soon as you can schedule it.

 

[Jon Osterman]

It does not take much money to go to the city or county courthouse and "tie the knot" right there. I would do that as soon as you can schedule it.

That isn't necessarily a marriage in God's eyes. To be really married before God, they need to actually have a public wedding ceremony involving God too. To be honest, I don't know what "city or county courthouses" are like where you are from (so maybe they do provide a Christian marriage after all) but this couple is in Australia which I suspect is more similar to the UK. In the UK, I would not regard civil marriage ceremonies (in what we call a registry office) as a Christian marriage before God.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

You have blended the flesh there.

There are many, many good reasons why God ask of us not to do that.

This is coming from a man who has been guilty of the same.

Best to refrain from sex until marriage.

Premarital Christian Counseling always recommended.

M-Bob

 

[chevyontheriver]

It does not take much money to go to the city or county courthouse and "tie the knot" right there. I would do that as soon as you can schedule it.

It does not actually take much money to get married in a Catholic wedding either, as they CAN be simple things needing only the couple, a priest or deacon, and two witnesses. The music, flowers, reception, honeymoon, and all the expensive parts are the nice but optional parts.

People spend way too much on weddings. Some spend rediculous amounts. The essential wedding need only be an inexpensive thing of great weight. Maybe it could be combined with your reception into the Church.

I am also of the opinion that you should get married soon. You have already been living that way. But spend some time first, enough that you can be absolutely sure you should marry each other, some time physically apart. Does the time not being sexual draw you closer? It should. Then marry.

I mentioned a Catholic wedding situation because that is what I am most familiar with. But those take a long time. Part of that is the preparation that goes into discerning, working on budgeting, working on how to disagree, discussing potential conflict trigger points you may have. It's all good. But sometimes they say it takes a year. Not really. It could be significantly shorter. Whatever you end up doing, don't bypass a Christian marriage preparation program.

 

[chevyontheriver]

It does not take much money to go to the city or county courthouse and "tie the knot" right there. I would do that as soon as you can schedule it.

I replied to you but then addressed the op in my reply. Sorry to both about the confusion.

 

[Michael LLech]

Its not the cost of the licence and our church pastor said he will marry us ... its the fiances we will loose if we were to be married.
I had a workplace accident that left me injured and unable to find work so i rely on Government Payments to live week to week and my partner has undertaken a degree and is studying full time.
If we were to be registered as a couple we would not even be able to cover our rent.

Its not that we don't want to be married the fear is not being able to keep a roof over our head.

 

[Greg J.]

Without a long discourse, IMO, the short answer is simple, albeit difficult: stop having sexual contact until you are married. Repentance from sin (to be forgiven by God) requires that you genuinely choose to not ever do it again (premarital sex) (regardless of whether you succeed or fail). You will be able to make life decisions more in accordance with God's will after that.

Btw, IMO, the marriage may be complete in God's eyes when each of you have made a permanent commitment in your heart to each other before God with witnesses. However, that doesn't mean all people/organizations will recognize you're married, which would be hurtful to you. However, it sounds like you may be already have a common-law marriage, depending on the laws where you are. But even though you've been together so long, a nice ceremony would be a shown to have been a good idea in the future.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

its the fiances we will loose if we were to be married.
If we were to be registered as a couple we would not even be able to cover our rent.

It's easy for us Christians to get trapped by the world. I've seen what you're dealing with over and over again. You'll get a lot of advice here on site but, the truth is you should counsel with a Pastor or Elder regarding this issue of money.

It's good for us to daily recognize the enemy.
The flesh.
The world.
The devil.

M-Bob

 

[Dan the deacon]

Hmmm so how do i word this....
Me and my partner have been together for 5 years (engaged for 3) we both were non Christians when we met and yes sexual immorality was apart of our relationship.
However, in the past 12 months we have put our hand up and want to build a loving relationship with Christ.
I guess my question is even though we have lived as a married couple for the last 5 years and the only thing stopping us from being married is our finances at the moment, to live as good Christians should we re frame from sex until we can actually get ahead in our finances and tie the knot?

Once you have sex you are considered married by God. Sex is our statement of earthly marriage. What you need now is a commitment before God. Three years is a very long engagement. What is preventing your marriage?

 

[Mountainmanbob]

What is preventing your marriage?

They explained that (very complicated) matter Dan.

Being in their situation ( money's lost if married) is a hard one that is easy to give advice on when one is not suffering the same issue.

One-on-one pastoral counseling recommended.

M-Bob

 

[Paidiske]

Its not the cost of the licence and our church pastor said he will marry us ... its the fiances we will loose if we were to be married.
I had a workplace accident that left me injured and unable to find work so i rely on Government Payments to live week to week and my partner has undertaken a degree and is studying full time.
If we were to be registered as a couple we would not even be able to cover our rent.

Its not that we don't want to be married the fear is not being able to keep a roof over our head.

Ahh... if you're living together as a couple, don't Centrelink treat you as if you're married anyway?

I'd suggest you try to find a way to make it work. Perhaps your partner could study part-time and work part-time, for example. Not always fun, but it can be doable.

 

[Dave-W]

Once you have sex you are considered married by God.

That is not true by God nor by the rules of this forum.

 

[Dan the deacon]

That isn't necessarily a marriage in God's eyes. To be really married before God, they need to actually have a public wedding ceremony involving God too. To be honest, I don't know what "city or county courthouses" are like where you are from (so maybe they do provide a Christian marriage after all) but this couple is in Australia which I suspect is more similar to the UK. In the UK, I would not regard civil marriage ceremonies (in what we call a registry office) as a Christian marriage before God.

So God does not consider non-believers are married? And those married outside a Christian Church are not really married?
I got.married in Church. I did not hear those rules read or spoken. A marriage is a vow between two people. A Christian marriage is a vow between three (God included).
If folks are "living as married" why would we consider them anything but married?

 

[Call me Nic]

So God does not consider non-believers are married? And those married outside a Christian Church are not really married?
I got.married in Church. I did not hear those rules read or spoken. A marriage is a vow between two people. A Christian marriage is a vow between three (God included).
If folks are "living as married" why would we consider them anything but married?

Because there is no covenant that has been entered into. They are tarnishing the gift of marriage God has given us by living as they though were within a sacred covenant whiles not having even officially entered one, either before witnesses or God.

 

[Dan the deacon]

Because there is no covenant that has been entered into. They are tarnishing the gift of marriage God has given us by living as they though were within a sacred covenant whiles not having even officially entered one, either before witnesses or God.

I have been to non-christian marriages. They have entered a covenant with each other. I would say they are indeed married just as a Muslim couple can marry. Marriage is not for Christians only. CHRISTIAN marriage is.

 

[Call me Nic]

I have been to non-christian marriages. They have entered a covenant with each other. I would say they are indeed married just as a Muslim couple can marry. Marriage is not for Christians only. CHRISTIAN marriage is.

Okay, but they enter into a legal covenant before the state/country in which they live, whether they are Christian or no. The country in which they reside recognize the couple as legally bound by marital union. The OP has not formally entered into marriage with either the state in which they live, nor with God, by his own admission. So, what is your point, sir? Because by your logic, there would be no such thing as fornication (sex outside of marriage) if every man and woman had sex without being married, because that means they'd be automatically married. Doesn't make sense, either biblically, or secularly even.

 

[Dan the deacon]

Okay, but they enter into a legal covenant before the state/country in which they live, whether they are Christian or no. The country in which they reside recognize the couple as legally bound by marital union. The OP has not formally entered into marriage with either the state in which they live, nor with God, by his own admission. So, what is your point, sir? Because by your logic, there would be no such thing as fornication (sex outside of marriage) if every man and woman had sex without being married, because that means they'd be automatically married. Doesn't make sense, either biblically, or secularly even.

Sex is the confirmation of marriage. What is done today does not change that. Sadly, with this, I have more wives than I need. Thankfully, marriage from earth does not continue in heaven.

 

[Call me Nic]

Sex is the confirmation of marriage. What is done today does not change that. Sadly, with this, I have more wives than I need. Thankfully, marriage from earth does not continue in heaven.

Genesis 2:24-25 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed."

Adam didn't know his wife until Genesis 4:1, which is when she bare Cain. They were married before they had sex.