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When is the Marriage Covenant Broken?

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by glomajor, Apr 27, 2011.

  1. glomajor

    glomajor Newbie

    Greetings All,

    I would like to know when and how the marriage covenant is broken. My ex-husband and I have been legally divorced for 10 years. He filed for divorce. In that time frame we both dated other people. I know for sure that he has been intimate with other women. I have met a wonderful Christian man that I would like to marry and I would like to know if the covenant I had with my first husband is broken by our legal divorce or even by his being intimate with another person.
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. spotlight41

    spotlight41 Newbie


    It was broken with your divorce and further broken when he was intimate with someone else besides you.

    The concept of divorce and putting away in the bible is misunderstood.
    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Jesus is saying haven't you read that if a married couple separates without an actual divorce, they are still "joined" as "one flesh"? And if they remarry in that condition they are in adultery? In the beginning the Lord never wanted the husband and wife to separate without a divorce. Otherwise, they could not become another man's wife or another woman's husband (See Deuteronomy 24:1,2).

    [/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]“Therefore what God has joined together, let not man SEPARATE.” (Jesus is talking about being SEPARATED and marrying another while still being married, NOT divorced.) They said to Him, 'Why then did Moses COMMAND to give a Certificate of Divorce, AND to put her away (separate)?'

    These Pharisees still don't seem to understand why they have to give a Certificate of Divorce when they separate from their wives!

    He said to them, “Moses, BECAUSE OF THE HARDNESS OF YOUR HEARTS, PERMITTED you to separate from (put away) your wives [without a Certificate of Divorce]. But from the beginning [being separated WITHOUT a Certificate of Divorce] was not so. And I say to you, whoever separates from (puts away) his wife [without a Certificate of Divorce], except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is separated (put away) [from her husband without a Certificate of Divorce] commits adultery.'"

    [/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Romans 7:1-4 and The Law [/FONT]
    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Therefore, how does Romans 7:1-4 fit into all this? It is simple. Let’s read through it: “ Or do you not know, brethren (for I speak to those who know the law), that the law has dominion over a man as long as he lives? For the woman WHO HAS a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives.” [/FONT]
    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Notice that this is referring to a “woman WHO HAS a husband”! The husband and wife ARE husband and wife. If they were NOT husband and wife then they would not HAVE a husband or a wife. In other words, if you were divorced, widowed or single you would NOT have a husband or wife. This is ONLY applying to a “husband/wife" relationship. In the Law, Deuteronomy 24:1-4, it says when someone is divorced they have a FORMER (ex) husband or wife — which means, they are NO LONGER married to that person.[/FONT]
    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]As we continue through verse two I will underline every time it is referring to BEING “husband and wife” to emphasize that Paul is giving the analogy of a “husband/wife” relationship as to being “bound to the Law”: [/FONT]
    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]“But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man. THEREFORE, MY BRETHREN, you also have become dead to the law through the body of Christ, THAT YOU MAY BE MARRIED TO ANOTHER—to Him who was raised from the dead, that we should bear fruit to God.” [/FONT]
    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The Apostle Paul is only giving an analogy by referencing the similarities of being “bound” to the Law to being “bound” to one another in a marriage. The book of Romans is about being dead to the Law in order for us to carry out the Law through a NEW relationship. That “new” relationship is in Christ. (See Romans 13:8-10.) Paul is NOT teaching about marriage, or divorce or even remarriage. In other words, the only way for us to break the “marriage” union with the Law is for us to die and then to rise from the dead so the Law will not have dominion over us. This is the whole subject of Romans — NOT about marriage, divorce or remarriage.[/FONT]

    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Take notice that the “exception clause” was for a hard-hearted spouse who was not divorcing but rather a spouse who wanted to marry another person without ever getting divorced. Jesus allowed it for cases of fornication only. It has nothing to do with divorce. Therefore, the “exception clause” was always a myth — a doctrine we made because of wrong understanding of the Scriptures — we lost the truths through time.

    It Is Better NOT To Marry?

    Continuing in Matthew 9:10-12, “His disciples said to Him, ‘If such is the case of the man with his wife, IT IS BETTER NOT TO MARRY.’

    But He said to them, ‘All cannot accept THIS SAYING, but only those to whom it has been given: For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept IT (THIS SAYING OF THE DISCIPLES), let him accept it ” ( Matt 19:9-12 ).

    The disciples replied to Jesus that it is better that no man EVER be married. First off, the disciples made an absurd statement and Jesus knew it. If no males would marry females than there would be no one left upon the earth in so many years. Because Jesus knew what they said was absurd, He answered their specific question by stating first that “All cannot accept THIS SAYING — what the disciples said about no one ever getting married, NOT about what Jesus Himself said. Then, He went on to address that if no one ever got married then everyone would be a eunuch. And if everyone was a eunuch then there would not be any life on the earth in so many years. So Jesus told them about eunuchs in verse ten and why they are eunuchs. Then the Lord summed it up by saying that, “He who is ABLE TO ACCEPT IT (what the DISCIPLES SAID regarding being single), let him accept it. The Lord was responding to what the disciples said about never marrying at all because it was that far off course.

    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I hope this helps!
  3. thesunisout

    thesunisout growing in grace Supporter

    United States
    If he is an unbeliever and he deserted you, you are free to remarry. However, the only other circumstance you're allowed to remarry in is if he dies. Under any other circumstance except one, you would be committing adultery.

    Matt 5:32 - But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

    That exception is if the reason for your divorce was adultery on your part. Then the covenant is dissolved. If your husband divorced you for a reason other than adultery, he will be causing you to commit adultery if you don't stay single.

    We are told to remain single unless we can't restrain our "burning passions". Paul said it is better to be unmarried so we can fully give our hearts to God.

    Biblically, you don't have many choices. God hates divorce. He told us to try reconcilliation above all else. If not that, then remain single. Remarriage would be a sin for both you and your partner, depending on the conditions listed above.
  4. susanpath32

    susanpath32 Newbie


    It was broken with the divorce. If one argues that that is not the case then it was broken when he slept with another woman. Regardless, it is broken.
  5. Boidae

    Boidae Senior Veteran

    United States
    I agree with Susanpath.
  6. pdudgeon

    pdudgeon Traditional Catholic Supporter

    United States
    your pastor is the best person to ask about this, because each religion has it's own views concerning divorce and re-marriage.

    In your post you don't say whether your ex-husband's intimacy with other women occured during your marriage or after your divorce. if it was durring the marriage, then he broke the marriage covenant by not being faithful to you, and you could have sued for divorce based upon that adultery.

    if either or both of you became a Christian after your divorce, then that person would be dead to their old sins, and a new creation in Christ. thus the first marriage would not count for the partner who was not a Christian while previously married, and they would be free to marry again.
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2011
  7. Jazer

    Jazer Guest

    Paul said it is broken by death. Some people believe a sin worthy of death. So for example if a husband had relations with an unmarried women, that is not a sin worthy of death. Only if he was involved with another man's wife. Even in the case of death there are still restrictions for remarriage. David had 7 wives and God would have given him more if that is what he wanted. But he commited a sin onto death when he got involved with Bathsheba the wife of Uriah. This ended up in the death of Uriah and of the baby involved. Although their next child: Solomon became the next king of Isreal. This is the bloodline that redemption, Jesus came through. Some people refer to it as the scarlot thread. Eve - Sarah - Rebekah - Leah - Tamar - "Rahab the Harlot" - Ruth - Bathsheba Rahab the harlot was also in this bloodline.

    I have studied as extensively as I could over the years all the different opinions about divorce and remarriage. The law to maintain your priesthood before God is going to be more pure then for the people that do not represent God.
  8. gerardeflow

    gerardeflow Newbie

  9. DreamerOfHearts

    DreamerOfHearts Guest

    The whole marriage system is really nonsense, because it is God who joins and man and a wife. You can be married to someone without even going through a ceremony, and you can be not married to someone even though you go through a ceremony.

    If you were genuinely married and the divorce was not right before God, which it would not have been if God joined you body and soul -- something only God can do... then he has been committing adultery and forcing you to commit adultery.

    There are a lot of caveats. While polygamy may be illegal in the eyes of some nations, that was largely to persecute religions, primarily the Mormon religion. The patriarchs had multiple wives.

    I do not think that is wise, but it is not unlawful.

    Another caveat is if the divorce happened because of outside pressure, such a cult that engages in arranged marriages... or when another woman uses her spiritual strength and powers to cause the divorce.

    It is all by conscience.

    When Jesus returns (the dead rise first), then the resurrection of the dead happens, and the Kingdom of God is set up. In the Kingdom of God the entire marriage and divorce system is null and void. Unless you are part of the resurrection of the dead and there is some gigantic behemoth of a secret society out there just preparing to take over the world... then this is not the case.

    Otherwise, in the Kingdom of God all people are family, so it is a moot point. You are joined to all people. Not sexually of course, that would be sick.

    In such a case, people would not have any conscience problem at all, because they would all be one flesh and one spirit anyway.
  10. hedrick

    hedrick Senior Veteran Supporter

    The basic principle for Jesus is "what God has done let no one undo", so divorce itself breaks the covenant. The most straightforward reading is that remarriage adds to the offense, though one can argue that Jesus so consistently couples divorce and remarriage that he simply assumes that anyone who divorces will remarry. Indeed some commentators read the statement as speaking about someone who divorces in order to remarry. "and" can sometimes have the force of "in order to".

    However, in your case I think these arguments are moot. The version of the saying in Matthew 5 has an exception for adultery / fornication. Paul's version has an exception for a non-Christian spouse leaving. I'm not convinced that those are the only exceptions, but since your husband has committed adultery, I don't think we need to look further.

    Why would there be exceptions when the principle is so clear? Because Jesus throughout his ministry, but particularly Mat 5, gives absolute ethics for the Kingdom of God. But we're not there yet. As he noted, the OT allowed divorce because of hard hearts, and those unfortunately still exist.
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2012
  11. parsley

    parsley .

    Ten years is a long time. Are your church friends intimidating you over your personal decisions?

    If so, show them this:

    Leviticus 20:10

    If there is a man who commits adultery with another man''s wife, one who commits adultery with his friend's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.

    According to laws of Moses, you would not have even faced the divorce option -- this would have happened first. That would have made you a widow, and widows were encouraged to remarry.
  12. old weatherd cross

    old weatherd cross Member

    When The Rules Are Broken1
  13. paul1149

    paul1149 that your faith might rest in the power of God Supporter

    United States
    I've spent more time than most parsing the different divorce passages. And I ultimately found that there was no life in it. I don't believe Paul gave us 1Cor 7 so that we could make new legalism out of it. We escaped that already, thank God, and shouldn't try again.

    He's basically advocating for fidelity and purity, and in the case of marriage between Christians, the protection of the local Body. But God has called us to peace.

    If the covenant has been violated by any serious, unrepented sin, you are free. Not halfway free, but free indeed. Christ gave Himself so that we should walk in that freedom, and not be bound by legalism.

    That is not a license to do wrong. God is the avenger of the marriage bed, as 1Thess, I believe, tells us. But tightening the screws of legalism is not the answer either.