When I drink I become violent...

[ww2pigeon]

Just keep in mind it is not HOW MUCH you drink it is WHAT it does to you when you drink. May God Bless. Pigeon

 

[Angeldove97]

Praying for you--- I hope things are continuing to get better

 

[madison1101]

Thank you Unity!

Do many people join AA when they do not drink on a daily, or even weekly basis?

Hi NewlyWife,
I have not read the whole thread, but I wanted to answer your question. I did not originally drink every day, or week, when I first started going to AA. That was 19 years ago. I was in individual therapy, and my therapist insisted I go to AA meetings also. I was able to go over 8 years without a drink before I relapsed just prior to the end of my marriage. Then, I was able to put together over 6 years of sobriety, no drinking, till last December. Since that relapse, my drinking has escalated to terrible, daily proportions, so much so, that my therapist insisted I get into outpatient treatment.

The only requirement for AA membership is the desire to stop drinking. They are not going to quiz you on your drinking behavior, but you are free to share it as you feel comfortable. They just deeply desire to help people like us to stop and stay stopped.

I surely hope you will give AA a try. You can find a meeting online, and attend one or two and get a feel for what they are like.

God bless.
Trish

 

[madison1101]

Kathleen, what you wrote IS powerful. You all make a lot of sense, and I agree with you all. But here is how things are going...

I haven't had a drink since that night. I've survived through outings with my work team, hanging out with my SIL, shopping with my mother, visiting my MIL's house, eating out with my husband- all occasions where I would normally drink- without a single glass of wine or beer or anything else alcoholic. With work, it is easy to offer to be the DD since we rent cars in Texas and we're not supposed to drink and drive the rentals, so that makes me everyone's friend. My mother knows the situation and she is accepting of my sobriety. My SIL just knows I had "a bad night of drinking" and am laying off for a while. My MIL didn't question.

My husband is back to his happy, loving self. He truly has fully forgiven me, and seems to have forgotten the horror and moved on quite quickly. This makes me nervous. He tells me that I'm not an alcoholic, that I should be able to drink and "control it." He's trying to save me from being too hard on myself, but what he's not doing is what I need- being the supporting husband that will encourage me continue to refuse drinks when they are available. I just know that the first time we're in a bar together, he'll ask me what I want to drink. When I ask for a soda or juice, he'll say, "are you sure?" He doesn't want to have a wife who considers herself vulnerable to alcohol abuse. He just wants a wife who can be normal and keep it under control. However, like Kathleen said- when I control my drinking, I can't enjoy it, and when I enjoy my drinking, I can't control it. He would be horrified if I went to AA. I am considering it, and I do not see a problem with a recovery community like AA. He just sees it as being weak and not being able to handle something on one's own.

The weird thing is, my husband's father was an alcoholic and my husband hates alcohol. He has just slipped into a social lifestyle that is contrary to his deep down, true beliefs. In the moment, he'll do what I described above. Outside of a social gathering situation, he will go off on how ridiculous and awful alcohol is.

So tonight is my second meeting with my counselor. Next weekend is the wedding of a close friend, and we're driving over an hour from our hometown and getting a hotel room. I am very very worried that that will be the night I slip up. Even if I do only have a glass of champagne or two beers, I will feel awful. I am planning to talk to my husband beforehand and explain to him that I do NOT want to drink. AT ALL.

IF you are an alcoholic, and only you can say if you are, then you will suffer terrible consequences if you try to drink just a few. You might get away with at once, or twice, but sooner or later it will be back in full force and you will have the guilt, shame and remorse, at best, and Lord knows what could happen at worst.

AA is not just a social club. It is a program of recovery that is three-fold, spiritual, physical and emotional, BECAUSE alcoholism is a three-fold disease. In AA, I learned so much about my drinking and my ability to lie to myself about my behavior.

Please let us know how you are making out.

Trish