When God's timing increases sorrow

porterross

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My grandmother has died. It's been less than 24 hours, but within the week or two the doctor said was most likely when she fell ill. We couldn't be there nor can be make it in time for the funeral this weekend. :(

Don't get me wrong, she was 3 months shy of 102 years old and the whole family seemed to be begging God to put an end to her sad existence sooner rather than later. Her dementia and physical decline had been hard to witness over the last 6 years or so, but it's still difficult to accept she's gone. It's even more so as we had hoped to be there this month, but it seems God wanted something different.

We have had an offer on our house since October, but because the buyers' solicitor wasn't in a hurry and questioned things that weren't legally relevant, we are only now packing to move next week to close at the end of the month. For various reasons, we repeatedly stated our desire to close before Christmas and were told it would be no problem. These things work so differently here that this is not out of the ordinary, so no one could understand our rush.

While we had been excited and happily preparing to get out of here and back to the US, one of my main motivations for speed no longer exists. Had we closed as originally agreed or had things dragged on for another few weeks, we could have been there to say goodbye.

I know I shouldn't be angry, but I am, and I think I'm going to be sad for even longer because I can't see her one more time. Even worse, my daughter has to deal with the death of a grandparent for the first time in her life and I'm not there.


Sorry to ramble, but I don't just understand why things like this are necessary and how they can possibly serve God’s purpose. I have a hard enough time with meanness and suffering anyway that trying to make sense of what can't be coincidence is almost impossible.

I keep telling myself that maybe there's a lesson in all this that I'll appreciate in time, but right now, all I can realize is pain. Almost instinctively, my mind reflects on Jesus' reaction to Lazarus' death and that even He wasn't spared the pain of losing someone He shared time with in this world.


Any thoughts?




P.S. Some here have shared lovely words of support and that does help. That means more than I can express and I thank you.
 

filosofer

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Sorry to hear of your loss. My grandmothers died in their early 70’s with dementia the last five for both of them. Unfortunately I was in the Navy at the time, and could only see them once a year, if that. Thus, we essentially said goodbye when they each went into the nursing home.

Regarding timing, that is only an issue of hindsight. We make the best use of time, but nothing is ever out of sequence in God’s timing. We sold our house last month (after 18 months on the market), but the closing date slipped three times... Not exactly what we wanted, needed. But because of that and a wrongly figured assessment, we ended up saving more than $2,000.

It has helped me over the years to realize that God’s timing for everything is perfect. There are two words in Greek that relate to time: chronos is “chronological time,” and kairos is “opportune time.” When we read Galatians 4:4, (But when the fullness of the time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the Law), most people think that is kairos, opportune time, but it is in fact chronos. In other words, the sequence of events was such that everything lined up chronologically just as God planned. From a worldly point of view that timing was horrible. From God’s perspective that timing represented the “fullness of time.”

And of course, there is the cherishing of the years you did have with her. Those are precious times, times to remember, reflect, and share with your daughter. My step-grandfather —I only have two memories of him. He was a very hard man. But I wanted to know so much more from him. If he were alive today he would be 142 years old. Even my father died when he was 70; now I would like to spend just a few more years with him, learning, asking questions, etc. The timing of his death prevents that. But the timing of his death also was chronologically appropriate, in hindsight.

Well, this is an old codger reminiscing, rambling, ruminating.... perhaps too long, too much... that happens with old people, ya know.

Blessings in your grief, but also in sharing the victory of your grandmother in Christ.
 
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porterross

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Your post sounds as if you feel guilty for not being there. I'm so sorry to hear of her passing but glad that she is with the Lord and not suffering from illness any longer.


Yes, Lambie, I do feel guilty for not being there, even though I know it's not logical. That's what grief does, I suppose.

Thank you for the kind words. :) She is indeed with Jesus and He has finally healed her as she said He would. That is very comforting.


Filo, your words are, of course, most helpful and I will read the passages you mentioned. Scripture has definitely had all the answers, as usual.

Sorry to learn about your history with your grandparents and their early departure. My parents are in their mid 70's and still very active, so it's hard for me to think of them as being close to death, even though their age is one of the reasons we are so keen to get back to the states. All of my father's friends are gone and he is especially lonely. That worries me and he gets along so well with my husband that it makes sense that being closer would benefit everyone.

Having finally had a bit of sleep, I do feel better, but this will be the first of my grandparents, including 3 great grandparents, I didn't get to see and touch before burial. That helps so much and I suppose it's my normal, so I may feel as though something is missing for a while. It will pass.

I did get to spend time with her last year and that was good, but I told my husband then that I felt I might never see her again and it bothered me. This has been difficult for him, too, as his experience with family funerals is the exact opposite of what most of us from America take for granted and I think he wants so much to experience that kind of family bond, but that's another topic.

Venting here was a helpful exercise and I appreciate the support. It means more than you might know. :hug:
 
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