When God doesn’t give you what you want... please help me

[JordanL103]

Hi everyone, I’m here with a really serious question that I’d like the answer to, it is been bothering me for YEARS, and I still don’t have the answer, and I think it is really starting to kill and eat me. Sometimes I feel like it’s so hard to keep going. That’s how serious it is. I’ve also had countless mental breakdowns because of this.
While I do not want to specifically tell you what my problem is (please understand) but I want to ask, why doesn’t God give you what you want so dearly? And I mean wholeheartedly. You have always wanted it so bad, and you see no harm from getting what you want. But God will NOT let it happen. It is the closest thing to being impossible, he just will not. And I think because of God not letting it happen, I have already missed some of the most precious moments that I’ll never get back. And no one else on this earth seems to have this same struggle as me, and I do not see any hope at all. I just. Want. To. Know. Why.
My mother always told me, your prayers/wishes do come true. If it hasn’t, then it means you’re not sincere enough about it. But I don’t think I can be more sincere, in fact, I don’t even think I can even keep going and take it anymore.
And please don’t tell me it’s because God doesn’t think it’s good for me, I KNOW it is. And I can feel it deep in my heart and bones, that it’s meant to happen. But it still hasn’t, I’ve even seen signs from God that it will happen, but it’s been 8 YEARS, IT STILL HAS NOT HAPPENED. NOT A SINGLE THING HAS CHANGED.
Even another fellow believer told me if the Lord thinks it’s meant to be, he will let it happen.
Please help me out you guys, I need some comfort and closure, and I need the strength to keep going. But I need an answer. I need it. I have prayed and prayed.
And it’s not just some minor things that you can work towards, this is something that you NEED and rely from the divine powers of God. And that’s why it’s KILLING me. Because only he can help me with it and he just won’t.

 

[ChicanaRose]

I’ve also had countless mental breakdowns because of this.
While I do not want to specifically tell you what my problem is (please understand) but I want to ask, why doesn’t God give you what you want so dearly?

It sounds very serious. It could be that God is testing your faith, or there could be some kind of interference going on from the enemy.

 

[royal priest]

Hi everyone, I’m here with a really serious question that I’d like the answer to, it is been bothering me for YEARS, and I still don’t have the answer, and I think it is really starting to kill and eat me. Sometimes I feel like it’s so hard to keep going. That’s how serious it is. I’ve also had countless mental breakdowns because of this.
While I do not want to specifically tell you what my problem is (please understand) but I want to ask, why doesn’t God give you what you want so dearly? And I mean wholeheartedly. You have always wanted it so bad, and you see no harm from getting what you want. But God will NOT let it happen. It is the closest thing to being impossible, he just will not. And I think because of God not letting it happen, I have already missed some of the most precious moments that I’ll never get back. And no one else on this earth seems to have this same struggle as me, and I do not see any hope at all. I just. Want. To. Know. Why.
My mother always told me, your prayers/wishes do come true. If it hasn’t, then it means you’re not sincere enough about it. But I don’t think I can be more sincere, in fact, I don’t even think I can even keep going and take it anymore.
And please don’t tell me it’s because God doesn’t think it’s good for me, I KNOW it is. And I can feel it deep in my heart and bones, that it’s meant to happen. But it still hasn’t, I’ve even seen signs from God that it will happen, but it’s been 8 YEARS, IT STILL HAS NOT HAPPENED. NOT A SINGLE THING HAS CHANGED.
Even another fellow believer told me if the Lord thinks it’s meant to be, he will let it happen.
Please help me out you guys, I need some comfort and closure, and I need the strength to keep going. But I need an answer. I need it. I have prayed and prayed.
And it’s not just some minor things that you can work towards, this is something that you NEED and rely from the divine powers of God. And that’s why it’s KILLING me. Because only he can help me with it and he just won’t.

Sincere prayer does not change God's plans for us, but it can help us to submit. Jesus did not want to die on the cross, but He did. He prayed three times that His Father deliver Him from that fate. Then Jesus' taught us the most important aspect of submission to the will of God when He prayed, "not My will, but Thy will be done." God knows better than we do and His purposes are so much more important than ours.
You may find this article helpful: Be Content

 

[lambofgod43985889]

it could be Job's problems

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Hi everyone, I’m here with a really serious question that I’d like the answer to, it is been bothering me for YEARS, and I still don’t have the answer, and I think it is really starting to kill and eat me. Sometimes I feel like it’s so hard to keep going. That’s how serious it is. I’ve also had countless mental breakdowns because of this.
While I do not want to specifically tell you what my problem is (please understand) but I want to ask, why doesn’t God give you what you want so dearly? And I mean wholeheartedly. You have always wanted it so bad, and you see no harm from getting what you want. But God will NOT let it happen. It is the closest thing to being impossible, he just will not. And I think because of God not letting it happen, I have already missed some of the most precious moments that I’ll never get back. And no one else on this earth seems to have this same struggle as me, and I do not see any hope at all. I just. Want. To. Know. Why.
My mother always told me, your prayers/wishes do come true. If it hasn’t, then it means you’re not sincere enough about it. But I don’t think I can be more sincere, in fact, I don’t even think I can even keep going and take it anymore.
And please don’t tell me it’s because God doesn’t think it’s good for me, I KNOW it is. And I can feel it deep in my heart and bones, that it’s meant to happen. But it still hasn’t, I’ve even seen signs from God that it will happen, but it’s been 8 YEARS, IT STILL HAS NOT HAPPENED. NOT A SINGLE THING HAS CHANGED.
Even another fellow believer told me if the Lord thinks it’s meant to be, he will let it happen.
Please help me out you guys, I need some comfort and closure, and I need the strength to keep going. But I need an answer. I need it. I have prayed and prayed.
And it’s not just some minor things that you can work towards, this is something that you NEED and rely from the divine powers of God. And that’s why it’s KILLING me. Because only he can help me with it and he just won’t.

The Scripture says that the work of God is to believe on the Person [Christ] whom He has sent. What is meant here is a total, whole-hearted, commitment and reliance on Christ for everything. What the Holy Spirit does in order for us to achieve this, is to take away, or not give anything that would cause us to put any dependence on anything other than Christ alone. This means that He may wait until we come to the absolute end of ourselves, where we feel totally helpless and hopeless, and then go in absolute desperation to Christ and lay upon our faces pleading for mercy, grace, and help in our time of need.

It is usually pride that stops us doing that. We tend to retain some personal dignity in that there must be something we can do to "assist" God to give us the blessings He has promised us. Paul lists in one of his letter what he went through for the gospel of Christ, and in 2 Corinthians 1, he was so hard-pressed in his non-compromising position concerning his gospel ministry in Asia, that he despaired even of life. He said that he had the sentence of death in himself. He had to trust in God who raises the dead. Paul said elsewhere that there was nothing good in him, that is, in his flesh. He had to learn this by bitter experience. He was a proud Pharisee before his conversion, and spent 17 years alone with Christ to learn to fully trust in God for his life and ministry.

 

[Ghostjunkie]

Mathew 21:22 Mark 11:24 John 14:13-14 Romans 12:12 Psalm 27:14 2 Peter 3:9 Exodus 14:14 Isaiah 30:18

I could go on, but something tells me that simply throwing verse at you isn't going to be of much help. 1 John 5:14 as well.

 

[ajcarey]

You are definitely not the only one to go through something like this. There are lots of reasons why you may have not got it yet and probably only God knows for sure why. Perhaps you're right that is truly good for you, but perhaps it nevertheless interferes with something else that you need even more right now in God's perfect wisdom. Perhaps you have a situation like in Job chapters 1 and 2 where God is testing you and seeking to make a point before all of creation concerning you for His glory and your ultimate good. Job didn't know what was going on in heaven when he was afflicted- and Job chapters 3 to 37 are Job and four of his friends trying to figure it out (btw 3 of those friends were in error, but Elihu who spoke last in chapters 32 to 37 had it as right as he could have had it). Then God speaks to Job in chapters 38 to 41, yet He never told Job why he was afflicted. Job then repents basically of being demanding of God and of justifying himself more than God in chapter 42- and then God restores him. I would read or listen to Job chapters 32 to 42, multiple times if necessary, and take whatever lessons you can possibly get from these chapters. Their basic conclusion though is that God knows, God is good, God is faithful, God is just, God is all-powerful, and God's ways are perfect- and He doesn't owe us an account of His dealings beyond the lessons He has taught us about those things. Receive that much and you'll at least have the strength to go forward following the Lord and trusting Him in confidence whatever happens.

Edit: Along the lines of what is written above, the following Scripture fits in well:
Hebrews 11:6 "But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him."

 

[Dropout_Theologian]

I second, or third, that looking at Job would be helpful. I think a big take away for me is that Elihu was righteously mad at Job because Job justified himself rather than God. Justifying the Lord can make a problem more bearable, and make the suffering have meaning.

 

[Tolworth John]

Hi everyone, I’m here with a really serious question that I’d like the answer to, it is been bothering me for YEARS, I’ve also had countless mental breakdowns because of this.


And please don’t tell me it’s because God doesn’t think it’s good for me, I KNOW it is. And I can feel it deep in my heart and bones, that it’s meant to happen. But it still hasn’t, I’ve even seen signs from God that it will happen, but it’s been 8 YEARS, IT STILL HAS NOT HAPPENED. NOT A SINGLE THING HAS CHANGED.
E
Please help me out you guys, I need some comfort and closure, and I need the strength to keep going. But I need an answer. I need it. I have prayed and prayed.
And it’s not just some minor things that you can work towards, this is something that you NEED and rely from the divine powers of God. And that’s why it’s KILLING me. Because only he can help me with it and he just won’t.

You have prayed for something you want for eight years and been driven 'mad' by your desire and frustration.
You 'know' that what you want is right for you.

A constant NO in responce to your prayers means you are wrong.
Your mental health means you are wrong.

Mourn for your lost dream and start to life the life you have.

 

[paul1149]

please don’t tell me it’s because God doesn’t think it’s good for me, I KNOW it is.

Without details it's impossible to comment specifically. I'm sure Joseph KNEW it would be good for him to escape betrayal and captivity. I'm also sure David KNEW it would be good for him for Saul to leave off trying to kill him. Yet neither of these things happened for many years. God instead let them happen and used the trails to shape and mature each of them for a position of authority.

Never leave off basic trust in the Lord, no matter how hard the trial, no matter how much it doesn't make sense. If you have prayed over and over and nothing has happened, maybe you need to consider how you are praying. Perhaps the Lord needs to do something deeper in you than merely the issue as you see it. This is where humility comes in.

The parable of the persistent widow at Lk 18 teaches us never to give up. But we have to be mindful that God is the only one who sees the whole picture. We are not before an unjust judge as is in the parable. This trust and submission allows the Lord to work on us and transform us, so at the right time He can bless us as He desires.

We have been given great and precious promises, and what almost seems like a blank check in prayer. But we have to remember that the Lord's purposes come first. Fear, reverence, of Him is the beginning of wisdom.

 

[Esther2286]

Hi, my friend,

I’m sorry that your prayers seem to be falling on deaf ears. It is difficult to keep trusting God to have our best in mind when the feelings we have are so strong about something that we think He should do for us, and it feels that He seems to be letting us down.

In my situation, I truly believed that God had this one particular man picked out for my life. I prayed about it, told my best friend, and waited and waited for God to fulfill those thoughts and desires. I waited for many years, and during that time I continued to focus on learning more about the Lord’s ways and trusting Him.

Well, it didn’t happen, that man did not become the one for me. I was embarrassed and wondered, “how did I get it wrong?” What I realized through this is that what I thought was the best for me, wasn’t. God had a much better plan and brought someone else into my life who has been such a blessing to me and my children. God chose for me someone who was much better suited for me. The other thing that He showed me was that sometimes what we desire, is not met because the other person is making a decision not to walk in that direction. God loves us enough to answer according to His plans for us and not ours, after all, He can see the entire picture of our lives and we only see a small portion at a time. Right?

I pray that you will continue to trust that God has the best plans for you and that you will be able to let go…and let Him direct your path. I am sure thinking of you and hope that my story helps you see that by letting go of what our thoughts are and by letting God control our steps that He will bless your life beyond measure.

 

[JordanL103]

You are definitely not the only one to go through something like this. There are lots of reasons why you may have not got it yet and probably only God knows for sure why. Perhaps you're right that is truly good for you, but perhaps it nevertheless interferes with something else that you need even more right now in God's perfect wisdom. Perhaps you have a situation like in Job chapters 1 and 2 where God is testing you and seeking to make a point before all of creation concerning you for His glory and your ultimate good. Job didn't know what was going on in heaven when he was afflicted- and Job chapters 3 to 37 are Job and four of his friends trying to figure it out (btw 3 of those friends were in error, but Elihu who spoke last in chapters 32 to 37 had it as right as he could have had it). Then God speaks to Job in chapters 38 to 41, yet He never told Job why he was afflicted. Job then repents basically of being demanding of God and of justifying himself more than God in chapter 42- and then God restores him. I would read or listen to Job chapters 32 to 42, multiple times if necessary, and take whatever lessons you can possibly get from these chapters. Their basic conclusion though is that God knows, God is good, God is faithful, God is just, God is all-powerful, and God's ways are perfect- and He doesn't owe us an account of His dealings beyond the lessons He has taught us about those things. Receive that much and you'll at least have the strength to go forward following the Lord and trusting Him in confidence whatever happens.

Edit: Along the lines of what is written above, the following Scripture fits in well:
Hebrews 11:6 "But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him."

Thank you for your reply and a thank you to everyone else who replies and tried to help me. And there were a lot of helpful resources in the replies. I’m wondering, do you think God will ever “repay” (I know this might not be the best word to use, but I can’t seem to find another word that has similar meaning) me, repay all of the precious moments that are wasted? And yes, since it never happened, it might not be precious at all. But again, since it never happened, I’m just STUCK in the mindset that those such precious and rare moments should’ve happened. You have no idea how terrible that feels. It feels suffocating. And time is running out, (I’m not dying or anything) but I don’t have much more time to wait for my wish to happen. No one can wait forever, already too much is wasted. And I know to trust God, I know he has his plans and it will only be better. I know everything has a reason. And what is meant to be will be, and what’s not will not. But it’s just so hard to see through this at this current moment, I’m so close to going out of my mind and force it to happen (although I don’t see how....) but you get to my point... I just wish there’s something better to hold onto. I just wish there’s a clear answer from God, explaining everything to me. I just don’t see where this is going to lead to. It’s so complicated, and most IMPORTANTLY, since the situation is such a mess right now, I honestly feel like it is caused by God not letting it to happen, if he did I probably wouldn’t be in this horrible mess. I know that might be a foolish thing to say, but like I said, it’s so hard to go without knowing about the reasons from God.
And thank you for telling me I’m not alone in this struggle, that makes me feel a bit better. You know I just want this problem to be solved, I just want CLOSURE.
You know there comes a point where we just need answers and solutions.
I even wish I had the psychic ability to directly talk to God
And your reply is very comforting, the way you talk and explain things, I thank you for that. I just hope someone understands my point of view.
I know that God will only give the best, as I have experienced many times in my life before, I would look back at things and say, wow, thank God what I wanted didn’t happen, what I have now is so much better etc. But this one, it’s just impossible for me to get through, so I really need someone’s help.
And it’s also because I have never suffered in an issue for so long, that’s this serious. So it really got to me. It makes me wanna scream sometimes.
And I know this might be a time to learn lessons that God is trying to teach me, a time for me to get closer with God, as many people have told me, but it’s just getting out of control for me

 

[ajcarey]

I really can identify with almost everything you are saying. You've said that you have past experience with God and you've seen Him work things out better than you would have if things had been up to you. You know this might be a time God is trying to teach you so you can get closer to Him. You're getting a harder exam that is of the same nature of what you've had before. You really just need to let go of any and all thinking that God owes you an answer beyond what He has already said in His Word; and be patient and trust that is He able to get you through this and bring you out from this cloud you're under someday. It will surely happen if you keep trusting Him and are steadfast to do the things you know you ought to do to walk by faith. Your trial will not go on forever even if it feels that way. Do keep asking the Lord what He wants you to learn from Him in terms of Him teaching you about His Word, refining your character, lessons about life, etc. He is a consuming fire and if He has to hedge us in with situations that make life nearly unbearable to get our attention and open our eyes to things that the cares and pleasures of life would otherwise blind us to, that is what He is going to do. He doesn't have to consult us about how He wants to chasten and train us. Consider how well things worked out in Scripture for those who endured His chastening and training faithfully; His loving hand was behind it, though He didn't author any of the evil others caused to them which might have contributed to their hard circumstances. He is faithful to not let us be tempted beyond what we're able and He is able faithful to bring us out of the fire when the refining He saw necessary to subject us to is complete- at least complete regarding the particular exam that we were toiling to get through and pass. Really, you're not alone and this isn't as strange as it seems. You may have simply ran your race well hitherto and as a result you might be facing challenges that many Christians (and I mean real Christians) in our day haven't arrived at yet. But this isn't strange regarding what ought to be the normal, striving Christian walk. You can let go of your doubts and trust the Lord so you can focus on the tasks He has for you. Leave the timing of the resolve you're looking for to Him; and be sure that someday, whether near or much in the distance yet, you're going to behold His righteousness.

 

[ajcarey]

Thank you for your reply and a thank you to everyone else who replies and tried to help me. And there were a lot of helpful resources in the replies. I’m wondering, do you think God will ever “repay” (I know this might not be the best word to use, but I can’t seem to find another word that has similar meaning) me, repay all of the precious moments that are wasted? And yes, since it never happened, it might not be precious at all. But again, since it never happened, I’m just STUCK in the mindset that those such precious and rare moments should’ve happened. You have no idea how terrible that feels. It feels suffocating. And time is running out, (I’m not dying or anything) but I don’t have much more time to wait for my wish to happen. No one can wait forever, already too much is wasted. And I know to trust God, I know he has his plans and it will only be better. I know everything has a reason. And what is meant to be will be, and what’s not will not. But it’s just so hard to see through this at this current moment, I’m so close to going out of my mind and force it to happen (although I don’t see how....) but you get to my point... I just wish there’s something better to hold onto. I just wish there’s a clear answer from God, explaining everything to me. I just don’t see where this is going to lead to. It’s so complicated, and most IMPORTANTLY, since the situation is such a mess right now, I honestly feel like it is caused by God not letting it to happen, if he did I probably wouldn’t be in this horrible mess. I know that might be a foolish thing to say, but like I said, it’s so hard to go without knowing about the reasons from God.
And thank you for telling me I’m not alone in this struggle, that makes me feel a bit better. You know I just want this problem to be solved, I just want CLOSURE.
You know there comes a point where we just need answers and solutions.
I even wish I had the psychic ability to directly talk to God
And your reply is very comforting, the way you talk and explain things, I thank you for that. I just hope someone understands my point of view.
I know that God will only give the best, as I have experienced many times in my life before, I would look back at things and say, wow, thank God what I wanted didn’t happen, what I have now is so much better etc. But this one, it’s just impossible for me to get through, so I really need someone’s help.
And it’s also because I have never suffered in an issue for so long, that’s this serious. So it really got to me. It makes me wanna scream sometimes.
And I know this might be a time to learn lessons that God is trying to teach me, a time for me to get closer with God, as many people have told me, but it’s just getting out of control for me

These are some Scriptures which have especially helped me in my times of great perplexity and/or difficulty when I thought that going on with the Lord was virtually impossible. Not so when we utilize the Word like God intended.

Isaiah 40:26-31, Isaiah 49:24, Hebrews 5:7-10, 1 Peter 5:5-11, Psalm 23, Psalm 27, Job 32:7-19, Job 35:14, Job 37:14-24

 

[JordanL103]

Thank you AJ (sorry if that’s not your name) I really appreciate your responses and help so much. In times like this I just really need people like you, I wrote this post when I was close to breaking, but I just need a reminder sometimes. This is why this forum is my favorite, people on here always get me out the the dark. Maybe someday I will be like this again (hopefully not for long )but I will remember the words you have said in times of despair. Thank you for getting me out of my head. I was close to going crazy. Thank you for reminding me to continue trusting God. God bless you my dear friend and I wish you the best. You are a true Christian for helping people like this. Most importantly, you have helped strengthen my relationship with God

I really can identify with almost everything you are saying. You've said that you have past experience with God and you've seen Him work things out better than you would have if things had been up to you. You know this might be a time God is trying to teach you so you can get closer to Him. You're getting a harder exam that is of the same nature of what you've had before. You really just need to let go of any and all thinking that God owes you an answer beyond what He has already said in His Word; and be patient and trust that is He able to get you through this and bring you out from this cloud you're under someday. It will surely happen if you keep trusting Him and are steadfast to do the things you know you ought to do to walk by faith. Your trial will not go on forever even if it feels that way. Do keep asking the Lord what He wants you to learn from Him in terms of Him teaching you about His Word, refining your character, lessons about life, etc. He is a consuming fire and if He has to hedge us in with situations that make life nearly unbearable to get our attention and open our eyes to things that the cares and pleasures of life would otherwise blind us to, that is what He is going to do. He doesn't have to consult us about how He wants to chasten and train us. Consider how well things worked out in Scripture for those who endured His chastening and training faithfully; His loving hand was behind it, though He didn't author any of the evil others caused to them which might have contributed to their hard circumstances. He is faithful to not let us be tempted beyond what we're able and He is able faithful to bring us out of the fire when the refining He saw necessary to subject us to is complete- at least complete regarding the particular exam that we were toiling to get through and pass. Really, you're not alone and this isn't as strange as it seems. You may have simply ran your race well hitherto and as a result you might be facing challenges that many Christians (and I mean real Christians) in our day haven't arrived at yet. But this isn't strange regarding what ought to be the normal, striving Christian walk. You can let go of your doubts and trust the Lord so you can focus on the tasks He has for you. Leave the timing of the resolve you're looking for to Him; and be sure that someday, whether near or much in the distance yet, you're going to behold His righteousness.

 

[Amittai]

The moments we haven't had are rarer than even we thought.

And so shall be the moments we'll have, we don't know when.

All God's plans with & for us are Plan A's. We thought it would be Plan A1 and it will turn out to be Plan A99.