When do you tell?

[quietpraiyze]

Recently I went on a date with a man who looks like a potential new friend. This got me to thinking about when should I reveal to him that I'm bipolar? Well as usual I was upfront about it, but very limited. It got me wondering when do other people with bipolar share that? When you're interested in somebody or dating when do you tell them? How much do you disclose? If you start dating someone and you don't tell them about your illness is that lying or is that just your personal business to not share?

 

[madison1101]

I don't date at my stage of life. I am content being alone.

If I were to date, I would wait until he got serious, should it get there. i don't believe it hurts to wait until that point.

 

[quietpraiyze]

madison1101

Thank you for your response!

 

[drjean]

I agree to wait. It may just be a fleeting relationship and he won't need to know ever! There are many things "baggage" in everyone's life that would be disclosed before a wedding took place. Wait until you and a guy are serious and have begun disclosing before sharing, if I were you. We all deal with something, but most people (men and women) really don't think they can handle another person's issues (but if they fall in love, they can) and will leave a potential mate relationship out of fear.

 

[quietpraiyze]

drjean

Thank you for your response!

 

[Loven God]

I would wait too . If you start to have a relationship then I would tell them . It is only fair if they know at that point . If mania or depression would happen before that point for the sake of the friendship you may have to tell them . I know when I told people I was bipolar I lost friends but I all so made new friends . I am the type of person that does not mind telling people I am bipolar I am a kind of a spokeperson when it comes to bipolar . People need to be educated about bipolar .

 

[quietpraiyze]

Loven God

I don't know that people know what I'm talking about when I tell them because I always lose people when I have an episode. It's not like I didn't tell them but it's like something is missing in translation. To me it doesn't seem to matter when I tell. The results are always the same.

I also don't think I should have to "hide" my illness. I don't know...I just think I'm tired of feeling like I always have to pretend or always explain. Sometimes I'm having a bad day and it has nothing to do with the Bipolar other times it has everything to do with the Bipolar. I hope I'm making sense here....I just don't want to be ostracized either way.

 

[Loven God]

I do know what you mean , I get tried of explaing to everyone so that is why I just come out and tell them . It does not matter , if I do or don't tell them becouse if it scares them they will leave anyway . So I just think if I tell them face tot face at least if they have questions they can ask . But you are right we should not have to go around explaning ourselfs to everyone . Normal people don't have to say to other people by the way I am normal . But if we don't tell someone we are bipolar then they get up set becouse we did not tell them .

 

[Jer]

I have only been diagnosed since January, so have not had any time that I would tell anyone. But as a friend I'm pretty open about it, but I know that people will not understand. I certainly didn't before I had the bigger swings. Often it can help sharing stories of the stupidity, but that can be very hard, and potentially scare someone. Some people won't be scared, either because it's ok, or because they don't realise how bad it can be. So I've decided I will date for at least a year, most likely more, so that they can see a bigger cycle. I don't think it would be fair otherwise.

I think it's a good idea for people to get to know each other as friends, and that gives a good oppurtunity to talk about being bipolar, and explaining it more. Just be patient for relationships - it's good for learning self controll at the start - I know this more because I'm really bad at it, rather than I do it!

 

[Loven God]

It is good to wait and give it time before hopping into marriage . they do need the time to grt to know you and the illness . Becouse the illness is not who we are . They need to learn the diffrence between the two . They need to learn if this is something they can handle . I see marriage as a life long thing so it is not something to just jump right into without a lot of thought . Waiting is good and you will know from the relationship how long the wait needs to be .

 

[Jer]

I guess for me I look at the illness that it IS part of who I am. It's not a part I like, but it is part of me. I try and fight it, but we all have bad stuff that is part of us, not just the bipolar part. But it's basically the same as you think, but just worded differently I think.

 

[Loven God]

It is a part of us that is not going to go any where . It can get better but never leave .

 

[quietpraiyze]

When I finally came into acceptance of the illness (the "church" wasn't helpful here), things became infinitely better. I don't think it's good to scorn the illness because it is a part of you so that's like scorning yourself. It is what it is and this is just the way some of us are wired. We're not under a curse or something evil. Our brains are different - that's all.

 

[Loven God]

The church I use to go to did not help not in anyway only made it worse . The church I am in now is so helpful and they understand it is a part of me , they see a need for people with bipolar to have a place to go and share and learn from one another . So they started a Depression and Bipolar Group and have me leading it . It has been a God send to me . For the last 2 years I have learned so much and have been to share it with others and I have learned a lot from those in the group , we all are diffrent in our bipolar but tne main thing is that it is all a part of us and who we are .

 

[quietpraiyze]

WOW that is awesome! I love when God's people show up. It is just amazing. I never got that from the "church". I came to realize that people around me feared what they didn't understand and then they rejected me. It was a mess. I had to get away from all of it. It took me a good 10 years before I finally settled down and really started taking the meds, but that was only after I lost everything. It was years later that I found out that 10 years was pretty average. Who knew I was soooo textbook! LOL

 

[Loven God]

That is why people in the church are like that to becouse they are only humans too and what they don't know scares them . I took to my treatment right away , I could not take what the bipolar was going to me and I wanted releif , One of the first things i learned real fast is how imporant the meds and treatments were . Happy to know you are doing better . Keep the faith .

 

[quietpraiyze]

It took me so long because I was in a denomination where medication was frowned upon. I was told that I didn't need the medication and that God would heal me. At that time I had only been saved 7 months, so I believed them and got off the meds. Well of course I had an episode. It then moved into I didn't have enough faith and more episodes to there must be some sin and even more episodes. It was beyond painful but God is faithful. That is not something I would ever want to see anybody go through.

 

[Loven God]

I know some church belive that , but God gave us doctors and meds for a reason . Of coure he did not give it to us to be abused . But when needed it is there , thank God becouse it saved my life . But Christ should not be left out of it . Mant times in my darkest houres calling on the name of Jesus is what got me through the rough waters . It would get so bad at times all I could do was sit with my eyes closed and say the name of Jesus over and over again becouse I could not even think , only the name of Jesus was all I could get out .

 

[quietpraiyze]

Amen Sister! I access health care but my faith and trust is in the Lord.

 

[Loven God]

You are so right Put God first always and He will make sure the rest falls in place .