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What's your honest opinion on the wife as the breadwinner?

Discussion in 'Married Couples' started by bluegreysky, Nov 28, 2017.

  1. bluegreysky

    bluegreysky Can't adult today.

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    Let's hear it.
     
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  2. JackRT

    JackRT Gargoyle at Oxford University Supporter

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    No problem. Women are equal partners in both creation and marriage. This is a decision that the equal partners must make for themselves.
     
  3. majj27

    majj27 Mr. Owl has had quite enough

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    If *either* partner makes enough money to support the family on their own, more power to 'em. As for whether it's morally/religiously correct for women to be the primary income of a family? It sure is.
     
  4. Gracia Singh

    Gracia Singh Newbie Supporter

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    It is not ideal; but if a husband is unable to work, or unable to find work, it's the next best option. That's my take.
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2017
  5. Hank77

    Hank77 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I agree. It is a personal decision between the couple and I don't see anything in the Bible that says God forbids it.
     
  6. faroukfarouk

    faroukfarouk Fading curmudgeon

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    If the man is healthy and able to work, then for him to bear a substantial burden is right.

    In the end, beyond one's personal circumstances at any given time is the wedding promise of faithfulness to one's spouse, which reflects God's eternal promise to those who believer in His Son (Romans 8.38-39).
     
  7. Yanni depp

    Yanni depp Est. 1986

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    I know people that are in that situation. And the husband takes care of the babies. A job for him wouldnt cover childcare, so it seems like the only thing to do really.

    On the otherhand if there are no infants and the husband is just being lazy... "...get a haircut....and get a real job."
     
  8. Hank77

    Hank77 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    So if there no pre-school kids why would the father be expected to work but not the mother in the same situation of no little ones?
     
  9. All4Christ

    All4Christ ✙ The Handmaid of God Laura ✙ Supporter CF Senior Ambassador

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    Morally, no problem. On a personal level, it is difficult in that I make more money, and I would love to stay home with kids when we have them - but financially my job is needed. That said - it’s fine for women to work. Flexibility with family for both the husband and wife is important though. Also, if both work full time, both should contribute equally with other chores.
     
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  10. mina

    mina Brown Eyed girl

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    There's nothing wrong with it; if that is what works for a couple. But, a husband or a wife shouldn't let the other over burden themselves with work obligations if they can help in any way.
     
  11. Paidiske

    Paidiske Bodily member Staff Member Supervisor Supporter

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    We do it that way in this household, and on the whole it works well.
     
  12. Jason0047

    Jason0047 Give in secret & you will be rewarded openly. Supporter

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    Eve was supposed to be a helper for Adam,

    "The LORD God said,
    "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." (Genesis 2:18) (NIV).​

    However, Scripture also says,

    "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel" (1 Timothy 5:8).​

    So Adam was not to let Eve do all the work. She was a helper and not a slave to a lazy master.
    They were supposed to be co-equal partners working together and sharing the load and burden.
    They were to be ONE flesh.

    "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." (Genesis 2:24).

    Side Note:

    When I say that a man is contribute, he should at least work a part time job or have a ministry and help out at home significantly. The man should be sharing the load in some way. For they are co-equal partners. If the man is injured in some way, then that changes the scenario and he needs to heal obviously.
     
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2017
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  13. Brokenhill

    Brokenhill Praise God, i'm satisifed.

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    I will try and minimize my personal opinion, but provide scripture (mostly) instead:

    The ideal primary responsibility of the wife is to:

    Titus 2:3-5
    "3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, 4 so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored."

    1 Timothy 5:14
    "14 Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, bear children, keep house, and give the enemy no occasion for reproach;"

    Proverbs 31:10-16 (etc.)
    "10An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.
    11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.
    12 She does him good and not evil, All the days of her life.
    13 She looks for wool and flax, And works with her hands in delight.
    14 She is like merchant ships; She brings her food from afar.
    15 She rises also while it is still night, And gives food to her household, And portions to her maidens.
    16 She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard."

    Considering those, if we return back to 1 Timothy 5, vs. 8 this time, it seems that the logical conclusion for the ideal primary responsibility of the man would be to:

    "8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."

    Especially as we reflect back to the garden of Eden and the curse:
    Genesis 3:17-19
    "17 Then to Adam He said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat from it’;
    Cursed is the ground because of you;
    In toil you will eat of it
    All the days of your life.
    18 “Both thorns and thistles it shall grow for you;
    And you will eat the plants of the field;
    19 By the sweat of your face
    You will eat bread
    ,"

    ^^These are not just "cultural" passages...these are either God's commandments or godly inspiration which applies today. There is no scripture explaining that such verses no longer apply in the 1st century.
    _____
    I do believe God's expectation, or the ideal scriptural positions to take would be that the man provides the majority of income, while the women uses that income to take care of the household and work well at home.

    Now, like others have mentioned, maybe there are men who are truly unable to work, or at least provide sufficient income. Or maybe it just helps to have the women also provide financially. I do not see that as a problem, as long as she is still taking care of her primary role. Based on scripture, I don't think it's right for a man and a woman to swap roles just because they feel like it.
    Understand that I agree that women and men are EQUAL. Equal, but different as far as the authority or responsibility that they have before God. In Christ, there "is no male nor female..." in terms of salvation--and in heaven we will just be spirits, no gender...but that doesn't mean that while we're still on Earth that we don't have to assume the gender roles clearly expressed by God.
     
  14. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Well-Known Member

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    We can debate the rights or wrongs, etc., but the reality is that if this situation is causing your love for him to suffer (causes withdrawals from your love account) that he needs to change his behavior before your love for him is gone.

    There are so many work from home options that I personally would have a hard time believing someone who is suffering from PTSD could not find a way to be productive at any level - assuming working out of the home triggered some distress. Even if he made and sold crafts.

    You wouldn't be here if this was working for you. Since it isn't, the two of you need to brainstorm until you come up with something that works for both of you.

    What do you think about this article?
    The Policy of Joint Agreement
     
  15. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Well-Known Member

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    Everyone has emotional needs, and when we marry, we promise to provide a relationship of extraordinary care and meet the other person's emotional needs (unless there is abuse of course).

    Here is an interesting article resulting in Dr. Harley's extensive research on what the typical emotional needs are that, if unmet, cause great distress in a marriage:

    The Most Important Emotional Needs

    Interestingly enough, some people have an emotional need for financial support:
    Financial Support

    In his research, if a woman has this emotional need and the man does not work, the woman will eventually fall out of love with her husband.

    I do have this emotional need for myself. While I don't expect my husband to earn more than 1/2 of the household expenses, if he were unemployed and I was holding down two jobs while we were struggling with bills and debts, love units would be streaming out of my account at a lighting pace.

    In your case there is a medical consideration but he was healthy enough to go to school so I would absolutely expect him to spend similar effort and competence at working.

    What does he do with his time during the day? Are you sure it is not feeding a porn addiction?
     
  16. Yanni depp

    Yanni depp Est. 1986

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    Two paychecks are better than one. Id expect the wife to as well, but i was just addressing the OP specifically.

    God bless :)
     
  17. Hank77

    Hank77 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Let's if I can explain my question better.
    I'm not talking about two paychecks. One is working outside the home and there are no preschool kids.
    Is there some reason that the husband should be the one to work outside the home rather than the woman?
     
  18. Hank77

    Hank77 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Pro 31:24 Linen garments she hath made, and selleth, And a girdle she hath given to the merchant.

    She is a business woman. In this day and age she may own her own clothing factory or clothing store. She may sell other types of merchandise which includes her skills with math, science, language, etc.
    She may own a large winery and sell the wine to merchants all over the world.

    Some of the most important things that I see about this intelligent and very capable woman is...

    Pro 31:25 Strength and honour are her clothing, And she rejoiceth at a latter day.
    Pro 31:26 Her mouth she hath opened in wisdom, And the law of kindness is on her tongue.

    As long as her children are cared for, whether it is by a handmaid, servant, (caregiver) or their father, and her home is kept and meals are prepared, whether it is by a handmaid, servant, or by housekeeper/cook, or her husband, I don't see a problem as long as everyone is at peace in their role.
     
  19. snoochface

    snoochface Meet the new boss -- same as the old boss.

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    I see no problem with it as long as it is what the couple has mutually agreed to. It's no different than a woman being a SAHW and taking care of other responsibilities - whatever that may be, groceries, bill paying, house maintenance, errands, scheduling, etc. while the husband earns money. If the opposite works for the couple, where she makes the money and he takes care of the other stuff, why should anyone care? If it works for them, good on them.

    I know several people where the wife works outside the home and the husband stays home to care for the kids or do the day to day of home management. What they do works for them, and doesn't affect me, so again, good on them.

    If you're asking for yourself because you don't want to be the only one working and you want your husband to step up so he can make the money and you can get your 9-5 back -- that's a completely separate issue from the general one of women being the breadwinner in the family.
     
  20. Tropical Wilds

    Tropical Wilds Lord, beer me strength...

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    I don’t see anything wrong with it. I don’t think there are hard and fast rules nor a “morally right” answer. I also don’t think that there’s a requirement for people to go Work once the kids are school aged since there’s still a lot that goes into parenting and a lot to negotiate.

    If the husband is unhappy his wife earns more, then that needs to be dealt with or made clear that it’s not an immasculating thing... It is what it is. One still serves a tremendous value as the SAH parent. If the issue is the wife resents earning more than her husband... Well... Why? If it’s because she wants to stay home and his earning less prevents her, I’d say she should adjust her thinking. Saying “make more because I want to stay home” is a “me first” attitude that serves nobody.
     
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